First let me say that with everything happening in Haiti what I am about to share in no way compares to the pain and suffering they are going thru. If for any reason you have been living under a rock for the last week then you need to know that these people desperately need your assistance.
The great organization that continues to help provide me with food and other necessities is helping those in Haiti as well... Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. Something important that I want you to know is that .99 cents of every dollar donated is used to feed and care for the needy. If you donate specifically to the Haiti Earthquake Response that is exactly where the .99 cents out of every dollar you donate will go; even if all you can give is $5.00, that will be $4.95 that will go to help the Haitians in need.
As for me, the last several weeks have been ones filled with anxiety, depression, and great angst.
As I have said before, the God I serve has filled my life with the greatest joy and peace that is beyond what a simple human like myself can imagine.
That said, the reason my life turned upside down was that I stopped looking to my Lord for help. I am human and I simply wanted to crawl under a blanket and not talk to anyone... I wanted to stay there and hide.
After spending a few days like this I decided to reach out to a few that I knew would go to their knees in prayer for me. Those who would send me scripture and those who would begin to remind me to boldly go to the throne of my Lord and seek after Him.
Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
I immediately began to receive responses and felt the prayers of those who were praying for me non-stop. My face was once again turned toward the face of God seeking the hope, joy, and peace that I had put aside. And then, during the moments that I was in too much pain, sleeping, or just plain distraught, I could feel myself being lifted on the prayers of those who were crying out to our Lord on my behalf.
Psalms 141:2 Let my prayer be set before You as incense, the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.
What was all this about... if you will remember back to the last entry made; I referenced the endoscopy and stomach biopsies that were done just before Christmas. The doctor told me that I needed to make an appointment for January 7th to get the results. He informed me that it was very important that I see him on the 7th as he suspected the biopsy would show stomach cancer.
I ignored his instructions as I wanted to forget about everything including what the biopsies might or might not show. Celebrating Christmas and the New Year with my children and grandchildren was a wonderful time; it allowed for the time to pass very quickly. After the first of the year I made a conscious decision not to call the doctor as I didn't think that I wanted to know the results.
January 4th was a particularly bad day for my in regards to stomach pain including more then usual vomiting. It was then that I decided to make the appointment... because the doctor is only in the office on Thursdays I wasn't able to see him until January 14th. When on the phone with the doctors assistant she told me to hold on while she got the results for me... when she came back to the phone she informed me that it would be better if the doctor gave me the results so that he could discuss what the next step moving forward would be. Well, that didn't do me a bit of good, I was certain the news was going to be malignant... but knew the delay was my own fault.
At the same time my neck seemed to be getting worse... I've once again lost the strength and feeling in my left arm. It feels as if the bones in my arm and hand are on fire... at the same time the flesh feels as it is trying to wake up from a deep sleep. The nails of my ring and middle fingers hurt so bad the I am continually trying to put things under my nails to distract from the pain. The nerves in my hand itch so bad that I am nearly scratching my hand raw at times... but the itch doesn't go away.
This problem can be resolved by having yet another cervical spinal surgery but as I mentioned before the doctor doesn't believe that I am stable enough to have this surgery.
Moving ahead to the doctor appointment on January 14th... my friend Lisa took me (once again, I am very thankful for the wonderful friends God has surrounded me with).
The results show that both the masses and areas of inflammation are precancerous. The cause for this is a direct result of both the type and amount of medications I require (in case you are unaware, I am on about 30 different prescribed medications daily).
Neither the masses or areas of inflammation will be removed.... if these areas were removed the problem would come right back. The only way to begin reversal of this is to stop the medications; unfortunately, this is not an option.
The postoperative diagnoses also showed a hiatal hernia (I already knew about this), esophagitis, gastritis, and duodenitis. These are simply inflammation of the esophagus, stomach, and intestines. This is not IBS, this is separate and in addition to the IBS problems I have.
The symptoms for the new diagnosis include:
Heartburn
Trouble swallowing food or liquids
Chest pain
Nausea or recurrent upset stomach
Abdominal bloating
Abdominal pain
Gas
Vomiting
Indigestion
Burning or gnawing feeling in the stomach between meals or at night
Hiccups
Loss of appetite
Vomiting blood or coffee ground-like material
Black, tarry stools
I'm already experiencing most of the above symptoms and that is the reason that I had the endoscopy to begin with. The doctor explained to me that the areas of irritation and masses will continue to grow and increase; additionally, the symptoms will continue to increase in severity as time goes on... unfortunately, unless I completely stop taking the meds there is nothing else to be done.
I'm grateful for the diagnosis as I can now move forward... I'm aware of what to look for and am able to prepare myself for what to expect.
As always, I'm grateful that the Lord I serve never leaves me.... I may choose to momentarily turn my back and not want to talk. But my Lord and Savior never leaves me nor forsakes me... He will forever be with me to walk thru this passage.
Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”
Psalm 138:8 The LORD will perfect that which concerns me; your mercy, O LORD, endures forever; do not forsake the works of Your hands.
With love,
Diana
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Friday, December 18, 2009
December 18, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #56
Merry Christmas!
Once again God is blessing me in ways that I'm not deserving of...
I'm relatively well this holiday season.... I'm not using that term with the intent of substituting it for Christmas. For me the holiday season begins on Thanksgiving and ends on January 2nd. I'm excited as I was able to spend time with my children and grandsons celebrating Thanksgiving and looking forward to celebrating Christ's birth in just a few days. The Christmas tree is not up yet, but there is still hope... my plan is that Nicholas will come over tomorrow and help me put it up.
I'm also praying that God will allow me to attend Christmas Sunday morning at church and then to attend our annual 'Soup and Sing' Sunday evening. This is a time when my church family comes together with homemade soups & cookies, we are able to celebrate the birth of Christ, and finally some will entertain with skits, songs, and such.... If I can make it thru Sunday that will be my Lord's gift to me this year, it's been several weeks since I have been able to make it to church.
This year I was blessed by some (I'm not sure who you are) who dropped Christmas cards and stamps off at my front door. All I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you... I love sending cards! It all happened on the same day; every time I opened the front door there was another bag of cards sitting on my porch. I tried to send cards out to everyone, that is everyone of whom I have an address for, or should I say could find an address for. My New Years resolution is to get organized this year!
I received another wonderful delivery from Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. If you haven't ever looked at their site then please take a look. If you are not involved in feeding the hungry then please consider donating to this wonderful ministry. If not for them there would have been many times that I would have gone without.
And then today I received a gift card from some dear friends that I haven't spoke to in years but they found me on Facebook.... thank you so very much... you really have no idea how much that is going to help.
By the way, if you aren't on Facebook then what are you waiting for???? Sign-up! It's a fun way to stay in touch...
As most of you know I caught the flu on November 1st this year. I had some tests that had been scheduled during November but due to the combination of catching the flu and having COPD these tests had to be rescheduled until my lungs were healthier.
I'm finally healthy enough that I was able to have these tests done... drum-roll please...
I went in to see my neurosurgeon regarding the relation between the plates in my neck and my headaches. Before I forget, the doctor cannot see anything from when my neck 'popped out', for this I am thanking God. The doctor believes that there is a direct connection between the plates and headaches but doesn't feel surgery would be safe at this point. He wants me to better learn my limitations with lifting and moving items. Meanwhile, just as a precaution, he has ordered a CT Scan of the neck and brain... (go ahead, send me the jokes about the missing brain... I think I've heard all of them already, but go ahead).
Next, the ovarian ultrasound... the technician said that she believes the doctor will strongly suggest removing them. I haven't seen the doctor yet because there is one more test that needed to be done so that there can be an order of priority when treating these ailments.
Finally, the endoscomy... this test was done this morning. I awoke to my doctor telling me that he had to take several biopsys... he continued telling me that he found a few mases and areas of inflamtion... each one of these areas were biopsied. He told me that he won't have any answers until after January 7th and so we wait.
Meanwhile, I'm off to have one of the best Christmas's ever!
I'm thanking God that He sent His only Son to this wretched earth for me. My family will celebrate His birth just as we celebrated the birth of Nathaniel this past May.
I plan on fully taking advantage of every day that God gives me as an opportunity of getting to know Him more and more.
I'm really looking forward to every minute I get to spend with my children and their families during the next couple weeks.
And finally, I'm going to enjoy as much time as possible with friends, whether on the phone, in person, or on Facebook!
Merry Christmas to you all!
Once again God is blessing me in ways that I'm not deserving of...
I'm relatively well this holiday season.... I'm not using that term with the intent of substituting it for Christmas. For me the holiday season begins on Thanksgiving and ends on January 2nd. I'm excited as I was able to spend time with my children and grandsons celebrating Thanksgiving and looking forward to celebrating Christ's birth in just a few days. The Christmas tree is not up yet, but there is still hope... my plan is that Nicholas will come over tomorrow and help me put it up.
I'm also praying that God will allow me to attend Christmas Sunday morning at church and then to attend our annual 'Soup and Sing' Sunday evening. This is a time when my church family comes together with homemade soups & cookies, we are able to celebrate the birth of Christ, and finally some will entertain with skits, songs, and such.... If I can make it thru Sunday that will be my Lord's gift to me this year, it's been several weeks since I have been able to make it to church.
This year I was blessed by some (I'm not sure who you are) who dropped Christmas cards and stamps off at my front door. All I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you... I love sending cards! It all happened on the same day; every time I opened the front door there was another bag of cards sitting on my porch. I tried to send cards out to everyone, that is everyone of whom I have an address for, or should I say could find an address for. My New Years resolution is to get organized this year!
I received another wonderful delivery from Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. If you haven't ever looked at their site then please take a look. If you are not involved in feeding the hungry then please consider donating to this wonderful ministry. If not for them there would have been many times that I would have gone without.
And then today I received a gift card from some dear friends that I haven't spoke to in years but they found me on Facebook.... thank you so very much... you really have no idea how much that is going to help.
By the way, if you aren't on Facebook then what are you waiting for???? Sign-up! It's a fun way to stay in touch...
As most of you know I caught the flu on November 1st this year. I had some tests that had been scheduled during November but due to the combination of catching the flu and having COPD these tests had to be rescheduled until my lungs were healthier.
I'm finally healthy enough that I was able to have these tests done... drum-roll please...
I went in to see my neurosurgeon regarding the relation between the plates in my neck and my headaches. Before I forget, the doctor cannot see anything from when my neck 'popped out', for this I am thanking God. The doctor believes that there is a direct connection between the plates and headaches but doesn't feel surgery would be safe at this point. He wants me to better learn my limitations with lifting and moving items. Meanwhile, just as a precaution, he has ordered a CT Scan of the neck and brain... (go ahead, send me the jokes about the missing brain... I think I've heard all of them already, but go ahead).
Next, the ovarian ultrasound... the technician said that she believes the doctor will strongly suggest removing them. I haven't seen the doctor yet because there is one more test that needed to be done so that there can be an order of priority when treating these ailments.
Finally, the endoscomy... this test was done this morning. I awoke to my doctor telling me that he had to take several biopsys... he continued telling me that he found a few mases and areas of inflamtion... each one of these areas were biopsied. He told me that he won't have any answers until after January 7th and so we wait.
Meanwhile, I'm off to have one of the best Christmas's ever!
I'm thanking God that He sent His only Son to this wretched earth for me. My family will celebrate His birth just as we celebrated the birth of Nathaniel this past May.
I plan on fully taking advantage of every day that God gives me as an opportunity of getting to know Him more and more.
I'm really looking forward to every minute I get to spend with my children and their families during the next couple weeks.
And finally, I'm going to enjoy as much time as possible with friends, whether on the phone, in person, or on Facebook!
Merry Christmas to you all!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
November 25, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #55
Expressions Of Gratitude
There is so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day!
A quick update on life and then onto the many things that I have to be thankful for!
First, Happy Birthday Dad! Another year older or wiser... I'll let those of you who know him make that decision.
It's been several weeks since I've been up and around... it started with a good case of the flu that turned into a COPD exacerbation which I'm still experiencing. Because of the on-going lung inflammation I've not been able to have the needed endoscopic done. I've just finished my second round of antibiotics and am still on heavy steroids. I'm currently doing one nebulizer treatment every 1 - 4 hours and using other inhalers between neb treatments.
I'm also awaiting an ovarian ultrasound; that too has been delayed as every time I cough, I leak. Since you all know that I have no secrets, I'm going thru about 1 diaper (Depends) an hour... here's an investment tip... purchase stock in Kimberly Clark...hehehe. Anyway, because one has to drink 32 ounces of water for this ultrasound, I am unable to have this done due to the 'leakage' problem. The delay will continue until this exacerbation is under control and the coughing has stopped.
What many of you don't know... a couple of weeks ago while coughing something happened in my neck. As a reminder I've had two neck surgeries and have plates in both the front and the back of my neck. It was in the middle of the night... I coughed and I felt something happen... there was so much pain that it brought me to tears. It's not often that pain will bring me to tears, as a matter of fact I can't recall the last time I cried because of pain. All I knew was that every time I coughed after that, the back of my neck felt as though it was going to explode. I was able to get into the doctor later that day and was given a shot for the pain and put on pain meds. My doctor sent me for an x-ray and it showed that the hardware appears to have remained intact, this is very good news. I have an appointment to see my neurosurgeon on December 10th and am anxiously awaiting the outcome to this appointment.
Enough about me... my son has a job! Rick started at HealtNet two weeks ago... he's been in training for the last two weeks and has passed all three tests with flying colors. He's working in a great job and I couldn't be prouder!
Jennie... well I've bragged on my daughter and her job to many of you for a very long time, if you don't know, she works for the Fed's. I can't go into details, but if you know Jennie you would agree with me that she is the last person who would lose her job. This last week they informed her that were not going to renew her contract when it comes due. I must say that I appreciate the fact that they are allowing her to work thru the end of December especially when she was originally set to be let go on November 30th. The thing that shocks me even more is that they are sending her on a business trip on Monday... go figure (that's our government for you)!
My grandsons remai
n the two cutest grandchildren in the world and here is the proof!
12. His continued provisions for me for the things I need... notice I didn't say the things I want. But also for the wisdom to learn the difference between things we need in life and the things we want in life. For daily reminding me that in reality there are very few things that one needs in life.
13. I was able to make it to our Thanksgiving and communion service in which we spent time thanking our Lord for His goodness throughout this past year. If you notice the time, then those of you who were there can say you told me so... I over did it and am not able to sleep due to this cough.
There is so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day!
A quick update on life and then onto the many things that I have to be thankful for!
First, Happy Birthday Dad! Another year older or wiser... I'll let those of you who know him make that decision.
It's been several weeks since I've been up and around... it started with a good case of the flu that turned into a COPD exacerbation which I'm still experiencing. Because of the on-going lung inflammation I've not been able to have the needed endoscopic done. I've just finished my second round of antibiotics and am still on heavy steroids. I'm currently doing one nebulizer treatment every 1 - 4 hours and using other inhalers between neb treatments.
I'm also awaiting an ovarian ultrasound; that too has been delayed as every time I cough, I leak. Since you all know that I have no secrets, I'm going thru about 1 diaper (Depends) an hour... here's an investment tip... purchase stock in Kimberly Clark...hehehe. Anyway, because one has to drink 32 ounces of water for this ultrasound, I am unable to have this done due to the 'leakage' problem. The delay will continue until this exacerbation is under control and the coughing has stopped.
What many of you don't know... a couple of weeks ago while coughing something happened in my neck. As a reminder I've had two neck surgeries and have plates in both the front and the back of my neck. It was in the middle of the night... I coughed and I felt something happen... there was so much pain that it brought me to tears. It's not often that pain will bring me to tears, as a matter of fact I can't recall the last time I cried because of pain. All I knew was that every time I coughed after that, the back of my neck felt as though it was going to explode. I was able to get into the doctor later that day and was given a shot for the pain and put on pain meds. My doctor sent me for an x-ray and it showed that the hardware appears to have remained intact, this is very good news. I have an appointment to see my neurosurgeon on December 10th and am anxiously awaiting the outcome to this appointment.
Enough about me... my son has a job! Rick started at HealtNet two weeks ago... he's been in training for the last two weeks and has passed all three tests with flying colors. He's working in a great job and I couldn't be prouder!
Jennie... well I've bragged on my daughter and her job to many of you for a very long time, if you don't know, she works for the Fed's. I can't go into details, but if you know Jennie you would agree with me that she is the last person who would lose her job. This last week they informed her that were not going to renew her contract when it comes due. I must say that I appreciate the fact that they are allowing her to work thru the end of December especially when she was originally set to be let go on November 30th. The thing that shocks me even more is that they are sending her on a business trip on Monday... go figure (that's our government for you)!
My grandsons remai
n the two cutest grandchildren in the world and here is the proof!
Now... for the many things I have to be thankful for!
1. A loving God who cares for me more then I ever deserved!
2. Two of the greatest children a mother could have, a son-in-law that is more wonderful than I could have imagined, and two of the most loving grandsons a grandmother could ask for.
3. My wonderful parents and sister who have taught me so much about having faith in the Lord, life, love, and right from wrong.
4. My church family... by the way this is a church family that is unlike any church I have attended, there are no words to describe the love for Christ as well as each other that is found in this church. If you are looking for a church then please come and visit.... http://granadahillscc.org/
5. The friendship, kindness, and generosity from the Langton family (and it's in that order). I can not begin to elaborate on the many things and amount of time they have dedicated to my life, that of my children, and grandchildren.
6. My friends... I would name you all by name but I'm afraid I would leave someone out.... So thank you to those of you who have driven me around, those who continue to send me money either occasionally or on a regular basis. Those who have contributed their treasures for my yard sales and / or eBay store, the continued food brought over by both individuals and Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. The gift certificates that have been given this year, including a recent one so that I could buy something for each of the boys for Christmas. I'm also thankful to LA's finest, the Los Angeles Police Department who sent us a gift card to provide our Thanksgiving meal.
7. The prayers of so many who hold me up even when I am too sick to open my eyes (which lately has been more often then not).
8. The grace and forgiveness of my loving Lord even when I fail Him time and time again.
9. The fact that my Lord has never walked away from me...
1. A loving God who cares for me more then I ever deserved!
2. Two of the greatest children a mother could have, a son-in-law that is more wonderful than I could have imagined, and two of the most loving grandsons a grandmother could ask for.
3. My wonderful parents and sister who have taught me so much about having faith in the Lord, life, love, and right from wrong.
4. My church family... by the way this is a church family that is unlike any church I have attended, there are no words to describe the love for Christ as well as each other that is found in this church. If you are looking for a church then please come and visit.... http://granadahillscc.org/
5. The friendship, kindness, and generosity from the Langton family (and it's in that order). I can not begin to elaborate on the many things and amount of time they have dedicated to my life, that of my children, and grandchildren.
6. My friends... I would name you all by name but I'm afraid I would leave someone out.... So thank you to those of you who have driven me around, those who continue to send me money either occasionally or on a regular basis. Those who have contributed their treasures for my yard sales and / or eBay store, the continued food brought over by both individuals and Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. The gift certificates that have been given this year, including a recent one so that I could buy something for each of the boys for Christmas. I'm also thankful to LA's finest, the Los Angeles Police Department who sent us a gift card to provide our Thanksgiving meal.
7. The prayers of so many who hold me up even when I am too sick to open my eyes (which lately has been more often then not).
8. The grace and forgiveness of my loving Lord even when I fail Him time and time again.
9. The fact that my Lord has never walked away from me...
10. For the freedoms we have living in this United States of America...
11. Quoting a gentlemen from church... I'm thankful that I am living a life that is a win/win. If God allows my life to continue for years to come I am blessed because Jesus Christ continues to be the sole focus of my life. If my Lord were to take me home tonight... then I've won the greatest race of all... spending eternity worshiping Him.
12. His continued provisions for me for the things I need... notice I didn't say the things I want. But also for the wisdom to learn the difference between things we need in life and the things we want in life. For daily reminding me that in reality there are very few things that one needs in life.
13. I was able to make it to our Thanksgiving and communion service in which we spent time thanking our Lord for His goodness throughout this past year. If you notice the time, then those of you who were there can say you told me so... I over did it and am not able to sleep due to this cough.
14. And finally, for something that I should have mentioned earlier but wanted to save the best for last. Early Monday morning I was awake as I was coughing soooo much! It was around 4:00am and here it came... a cough that was so strong it felt as though something had hit me. My neck snapped forward and then flung back... I heard it and felt it all at the same time. And then, just then, I could move my neck with no pain!
You may believe in the God I serve, you may silently mock me as you read what I write. But I sit here writing about this to tell you that as I sat there early Monday morning, my Lord heard and answered my cry. He reach down and set my neck and the hardware that lies within it into place.
Whether this is a temporary relief to the incredible amount of pain that I have been in or whether he healed my neck I am so thankful to my Lord for His visit with me at 4:00am on Monday, November 23, 2009. I won't know which of these is the case until I get to my surgeon, all I know is that I haven't had to take a pain pill since.
Psalm 26:7
7 That I may publish with the voice of thanksgiving, and tell of all thy wondrous works.
Psalm 100:4
4 Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.
Psalm 107:1
1 O give thanks unto the LORD, for he is good: for his mercy endures for ever. (By the way this text appears three times in the Bible... so, Give thanks unto the Lord.... He is good... and His mercies do endure forever!)
So there you have it.... from my family to yours Happy Thanksgiving!
Diana
P.S. Stephen and Jeralynn (the Langtons) son, Ryan, is scheduled to appear on Larry King tonight (CNN), Wednesday, November 25th. If you have the time then make sure you watch, this way you might get a little peak inside the lives of the Langton's.
You may believe in the God I serve, you may silently mock me as you read what I write. But I sit here writing about this to tell you that as I sat there early Monday morning, my Lord heard and answered my cry. He reach down and set my neck and the hardware that lies within it into place.
Whether this is a temporary relief to the incredible amount of pain that I have been in or whether he healed my neck I am so thankful to my Lord for His visit with me at 4:00am on Monday, November 23, 2009. I won't know which of these is the case until I get to my surgeon, all I know is that I haven't had to take a pain pill since.
Psalm 26:7
7 That I may publish with the voice of thanksgiving, and tell of all thy wondrous works.
Psalm 100:4
4 Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.
Psalm 107:1
1 O give thanks unto the LORD, for he is good: for his mercy endures for ever. (By the way this text appears three times in the Bible... so, Give thanks unto the Lord.... He is good... and His mercies do endure forever!)
So there you have it.... from my family to yours Happy Thanksgiving!
Diana
P.S. Stephen and Jeralynn (the Langtons) son, Ryan, is scheduled to appear on Larry King tonight (CNN), Wednesday, November 25th. If you have the time then make sure you watch, this way you might get a little peak inside the lives of the Langton's.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
October 21, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #54
Where do I begin?
In the last entry I made mention of my stomach and digestive problems. These problems have continued to cause me a great deal of pain. Some days are much worse then others... some days there is very little pain at all.
The benefit in all this is that I have a continued weight loss thru this (albeit slow)... if the weight loss keeps up at this rate I'm hoping to see a difference by Christmas... hehehe.
For reasons that I will go into later, I put off calling the doctor for a few days. I finally called on Wednesday (Sept 30th) and was told to be in her office by 8:30 the next morning. By Friday afternoon I was having an abdominal CT Scan and was told that if I didn't receive a call by that evening then I was to call in on Monday for the results.
Again, I put off the phoning the doctor, I wasn't sure that I wanted to know what the results were and if they weren't calling me then I didn't need to deal with whatever the news was. The doctor called me on Tuesday with the test results, the scan did show somethings that need to be addressed but nothing that would cause the problems that I am having.
The test results showed that I have a 'Fatty Liver', I'm not exactly sure what a fatty liver is but have been told it's something that needs to be watched.
The second result surprised me... you see I had a complete hysterectomy in 2002. I'm not going into details about the hysterectomy (send me an email if you have questions). Anyway, this scan showed that my ovaries are covered in cysts... this discovery requires just a a bit of urgency as some of the cysts have been labeled suspicious.
Regardless, neither of these is the reason for my abdominal / digestive problems. My doctor told me that she wanted me to see a gastranologsit immediately... since my gastranologist is booked about 2 months in advanced she wanted me to make an appointment with someone who can see me right away. Bottom line it appears that I will be having another colonoscopy / endoscopy.
If you have been reading my blog over the years the you will remember back to the last colonoscopy I had about a 20 months ago and all the unexpected surprises that came with it (read more).
Tuesday (Oct 20th), was an appointment with my general practitioner... it was just a follow up appointment but I was thankful for it as I had a number issues to discuss.
My bones have been hurting for the last several weeks... at one time I could take 600mg of Motrin and the pain would dissipate... that doesn't work anymore.
I've been experiencing mild vertigo over the past several weeks; additionally, I've had a headache for the last couple weeks. This headache has been getting worse and worse as the days go by and is exactly as the ones I've had in the past.
On that same visit my blood pressure had shot up to 190/94, my sugars have been between 250 and 360 over the last 10 days or so... and finally, I've been sleeping an average of 12 - 18 hours a day for the last 7 - 10 days.
While at the doctor office I was given a shot for the headache... it is now down to low roar of 3 - 4 on the pain scale. Blood was taken, a referral to my neurosurgeon was written (this to consider removing the plate in the back of my neck).
Next week I am seeing several doctors... as I see them I will be updating you as to what the next step is and will also be informing you as I begin to receive the test results.
As a side note... I have been making a point of being faithful with my medication. As ridiculous as this may sound, my biggest reason for being faithful with the med's is because I really, really want the plate in my neck taken out. I believe this will relieve some if not all of my headaches.
The surgery will not be approved unless my blood numbers come way down. So, I am being ridiculously faithful with all 28 medications.
Now... back to the beginning of this entry and why I put off calling the doctor and then the delay in following up with the doctor. It's a little thing called DEPRESSION.... For those who don't know, I am on medication for depression / anxiety...
There will be at least two sides to my announcing that I suffer from depression...
Some of you will say.... of course you're depressed... look at all that you have been thru.
And then some of you will take a 'holier then thou' attitude and say.....
~ There must be something wrong with your spiritual life
~ Repent and ask forgiveness for your sin
~ Real Christians don't get depressed
~ You need to have more faith / have faith in God
~ Taking antidepressants is playing God, He can heal you
~ Scripture says everything that happens is for your own good
~ Depression is a self discipline problem
~ You should be praying about this
~ You just need to rebuke that spirit of depression and tell it to leave you
What I want you all to know is that depression and or anxiety can happen to anyone. It is medical problem just as diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, or any other physical disability is a medical problem.
There are reasons for depression and / or anxiety and sometimes it's as simple as a single event in one's life that will trigger a downward spiral into depression. If you are suffering from depression then seek help, you may only need help for a month or two... you may require medical treatment for several years, or even the rest of your life. If you have this problem and don't know where to start or who to contact then please send me a note and I will help you find the help you need.
The last time I went to Urgent Care (read more) the doctor who saw me told me that my abdominal problems were a direct result of depression... that if I would just deal with my problems I wouldn't feel sick.
Fast forward to yesterday when I saw my General Practitioner; I flat out asked her if any of my new medical problems were a direct result of depression / anxiety. If they are caused by something that is a direct result of depression then I wanted to know so that I can learn how to deal with this both thru counseling and medication.
My doctor informed that she is positive, beyond a shadow of a doubt that my health issues are not from depression / anxiety. I reminded her that over the last 5 years I've had 3 doctors tell me that everything from COPD to vertigo to abdominal problems are from depression / anxiety.
My doctor informed me that part of the reason they may have said this was because on my good days, the first impression I leave is that I look too healthy to be so sick.
By the way... each of the three above mentioned illness (COPD, vertigo, abdominal) were later proven to be true medical problems.
Recently, I have not wanted to get out of bed... all I have wanted to do is sleep. Is it because I'm depressed??? Is it because my sugars are so high??? Because I'm in so much pain that I don't want to move??? Because my head hurts so bad I don't want to stand up???
To be honest I'm very discouraged, very upset... I don't understand why things seem to be getting worse. I don't care what the diagnosis is, I'm upset because I'm unable to function.
If it weren't for Jeralynn coming in every morning and making me get up for appointments, making me accomplish things that must be accomplished, then I wouldn't be doing anything at all. She has literally been pushing me thru each second, minute, and hour at a time and for that I am so grateful.
There were some mornings that I just got angry with her... she had to discipline me as a mother would do with her toddler. I wanted to just curl up and die some days... life doesn't always seem likes it's worth getting out of bed for. And yet Jeralynn has been there each and every day forcing me to move forward.
Just as Jeralynn is there each and every day... my Lord is there even that much more for me. There are days that I have found myself so low that I couldn't even bring myself to read the Word of God (Bible) or to carry on a conversation with my Lord (going to prayer).
I know there have been days when God has put one of you on my heart. I will sometimes be in prayer for hours, sometimes days for a specific person or situation. I will continue in prayer until God lets me know what ever the situation is has been resolved.
The last few weeks, when I have been down so low, I have rested on the fact that I know God has put me on the hearts of many of you. I know this because I have received cards and emails letting me know that you have been praying for me.
I believe that our prayers rise to heaven like incense...
Psalm 141:2 Let my prayer be set forth before thee as incense; and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.
In my deepest, darkest hours I feel as though my Lord has many of you praying for me. In my heart and in my mind I can see myself being carried by your prayers on the smoke from the incense being lifted up to our Lord. The complete peace and comfort that I'm able to feel is something that I wish you all could experience at some time in your life.
A very dear friend sent something to me recently... it touched my heart and gave me a new perspective on life...
We were created for God's pleasure. In these closing moments of this age, the Lord will have a people whose purpose for living is to please God with their lives. In them, God finds His own reward for creating man. They are His worshipers. They are on earth only to please God, and when He is pleased, they also are pleased. The Lord takes them farther and through more pain and conflicts than other men. Outwardly, they often seem "smitten of God, and afflicted". Yet to God, they are His beloved. When they are crushed, like the petals of a flower, they exude a worship, the fragrance of which is so beautiful and rare that angels weep in quiet awe at their surrender. They are the Lord's purpose for creation."
Isaiah 53:4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
And in closing...
Happy Birthday to a very dear friend who I forgot to call... Happy Belated Birthday Mary!
In Memorium....
Judy Olivetti Jacobs... You lost your father unexpectedly and way too soon... my prayers are with you and your family!
The Miano family... Praying for you guys as you say goodbye to Grandma Ruby.
In the last entry I made mention of my stomach and digestive problems. These problems have continued to cause me a great deal of pain. Some days are much worse then others... some days there is very little pain at all.
The benefit in all this is that I have a continued weight loss thru this (albeit slow)... if the weight loss keeps up at this rate I'm hoping to see a difference by Christmas... hehehe.
For reasons that I will go into later, I put off calling the doctor for a few days. I finally called on Wednesday (Sept 30th) and was told to be in her office by 8:30 the next morning. By Friday afternoon I was having an abdominal CT Scan and was told that if I didn't receive a call by that evening then I was to call in on Monday for the results.
Again, I put off the phoning the doctor, I wasn't sure that I wanted to know what the results were and if they weren't calling me then I didn't need to deal with whatever the news was. The doctor called me on Tuesday with the test results, the scan did show somethings that need to be addressed but nothing that would cause the problems that I am having.
The test results showed that I have a 'Fatty Liver', I'm not exactly sure what a fatty liver is but have been told it's something that needs to be watched.
The second result surprised me... you see I had a complete hysterectomy in 2002. I'm not going into details about the hysterectomy (send me an email if you have questions). Anyway, this scan showed that my ovaries are covered in cysts... this discovery requires just a a bit of urgency as some of the cysts have been labeled suspicious.
Regardless, neither of these is the reason for my abdominal / digestive problems. My doctor told me that she wanted me to see a gastranologsit immediately... since my gastranologist is booked about 2 months in advanced she wanted me to make an appointment with someone who can see me right away. Bottom line it appears that I will be having another colonoscopy / endoscopy.
If you have been reading my blog over the years the you will remember back to the last colonoscopy I had about a 20 months ago and all the unexpected surprises that came with it (read more).
Tuesday (Oct 20th), was an appointment with my general practitioner... it was just a follow up appointment but I was thankful for it as I had a number issues to discuss.
My bones have been hurting for the last several weeks... at one time I could take 600mg of Motrin and the pain would dissipate... that doesn't work anymore.
I've been experiencing mild vertigo over the past several weeks; additionally, I've had a headache for the last couple weeks. This headache has been getting worse and worse as the days go by and is exactly as the ones I've had in the past.
On that same visit my blood pressure had shot up to 190/94, my sugars have been between 250 and 360 over the last 10 days or so... and finally, I've been sleeping an average of 12 - 18 hours a day for the last 7 - 10 days.
While at the doctor office I was given a shot for the headache... it is now down to low roar of 3 - 4 on the pain scale. Blood was taken, a referral to my neurosurgeon was written (this to consider removing the plate in the back of my neck).
Next week I am seeing several doctors... as I see them I will be updating you as to what the next step is and will also be informing you as I begin to receive the test results.
As a side note... I have been making a point of being faithful with my medication. As ridiculous as this may sound, my biggest reason for being faithful with the med's is because I really, really want the plate in my neck taken out. I believe this will relieve some if not all of my headaches.
The surgery will not be approved unless my blood numbers come way down. So, I am being ridiculously faithful with all 28 medications.
Now... back to the beginning of this entry and why I put off calling the doctor and then the delay in following up with the doctor. It's a little thing called DEPRESSION.... For those who don't know, I am on medication for depression / anxiety...
There will be at least two sides to my announcing that I suffer from depression...
Some of you will say.... of course you're depressed... look at all that you have been thru.
And then some of you will take a 'holier then thou' attitude and say.....
~ There must be something wrong with your spiritual life
~ Repent and ask forgiveness for your sin
~ Real Christians don't get depressed
~ You need to have more faith / have faith in God
~ Taking antidepressants is playing God, He can heal you
~ Scripture says everything that happens is for your own good
~ Depression is a self discipline problem
~ You should be praying about this
~ You just need to rebuke that spirit of depression and tell it to leave you
What I want you all to know is that depression and or anxiety can happen to anyone. It is medical problem just as diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, or any other physical disability is a medical problem.
There are reasons for depression and / or anxiety and sometimes it's as simple as a single event in one's life that will trigger a downward spiral into depression. If you are suffering from depression then seek help, you may only need help for a month or two... you may require medical treatment for several years, or even the rest of your life. If you have this problem and don't know where to start or who to contact then please send me a note and I will help you find the help you need.
The last time I went to Urgent Care (read more) the doctor who saw me told me that my abdominal problems were a direct result of depression... that if I would just deal with my problems I wouldn't feel sick.
Fast forward to yesterday when I saw my General Practitioner; I flat out asked her if any of my new medical problems were a direct result of depression / anxiety. If they are caused by something that is a direct result of depression then I wanted to know so that I can learn how to deal with this both thru counseling and medication.
My doctor informed that she is positive, beyond a shadow of a doubt that my health issues are not from depression / anxiety. I reminded her that over the last 5 years I've had 3 doctors tell me that everything from COPD to vertigo to abdominal problems are from depression / anxiety.
My doctor informed me that part of the reason they may have said this was because on my good days, the first impression I leave is that I look too healthy to be so sick.
By the way... each of the three above mentioned illness (COPD, vertigo, abdominal) were later proven to be true medical problems.
Recently, I have not wanted to get out of bed... all I have wanted to do is sleep. Is it because I'm depressed??? Is it because my sugars are so high??? Because I'm in so much pain that I don't want to move??? Because my head hurts so bad I don't want to stand up???
To be honest I'm very discouraged, very upset... I don't understand why things seem to be getting worse. I don't care what the diagnosis is, I'm upset because I'm unable to function.
If it weren't for Jeralynn coming in every morning and making me get up for appointments, making me accomplish things that must be accomplished, then I wouldn't be doing anything at all. She has literally been pushing me thru each second, minute, and hour at a time and for that I am so grateful.
There were some mornings that I just got angry with her... she had to discipline me as a mother would do with her toddler. I wanted to just curl up and die some days... life doesn't always seem likes it's worth getting out of bed for. And yet Jeralynn has been there each and every day forcing me to move forward.
Just as Jeralynn is there each and every day... my Lord is there even that much more for me. There are days that I have found myself so low that I couldn't even bring myself to read the Word of God (Bible) or to carry on a conversation with my Lord (going to prayer).
I know there have been days when God has put one of you on my heart. I will sometimes be in prayer for hours, sometimes days for a specific person or situation. I will continue in prayer until God lets me know what ever the situation is has been resolved.
The last few weeks, when I have been down so low, I have rested on the fact that I know God has put me on the hearts of many of you. I know this because I have received cards and emails letting me know that you have been praying for me.
I believe that our prayers rise to heaven like incense...
Psalm 141:2 Let my prayer be set forth before thee as incense; and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.
In my deepest, darkest hours I feel as though my Lord has many of you praying for me. In my heart and in my mind I can see myself being carried by your prayers on the smoke from the incense being lifted up to our Lord. The complete peace and comfort that I'm able to feel is something that I wish you all could experience at some time in your life.
A very dear friend sent something to me recently... it touched my heart and gave me a new perspective on life...
We were created for God's pleasure. In these closing moments of this age, the Lord will have a people whose purpose for living is to please God with their lives. In them, God finds His own reward for creating man. They are His worshipers. They are on earth only to please God, and when He is pleased, they also are pleased. The Lord takes them farther and through more pain and conflicts than other men. Outwardly, they often seem "smitten of God, and afflicted". Yet to God, they are His beloved. When they are crushed, like the petals of a flower, they exude a worship, the fragrance of which is so beautiful and rare that angels weep in quiet awe at their surrender. They are the Lord's purpose for creation."
Isaiah 53:4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
And in closing...
Happy Birthday to a very dear friend who I forgot to call... Happy Belated Birthday Mary!
In Memorium....
Judy Olivetti Jacobs... You lost your father unexpectedly and way too soon... my prayers are with you and your family!
The Miano family... Praying for you guys as you say goodbye to Grandma Ruby.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
September 26, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #53
I am blessed!
Regardless, the fact that I am still broke is probably not news to anyone. I was doing better financially for awhile, then Rick (23) lost his job and Jennie (26) went on maternity leave. In case you have forgotten why this is applicable to me, it's because both of my children have been aiding me financially for the past couple years. I have the best kids in the world!
There is some light at the end of this tunnel... Jennie started back to work and Rick has the promise of another temp job. Rick has jury duty starting Monday and then his job starts in two weeks. Unfortunately there is a minor downside to this temp job, it's only for three weeks. Once that assignment is completed Rick will go back to being just like all the other 'Unemployed Americans' and will continue his job search until someone say's “You've got the job”.
Meanwhile, back at home the cupboards and refrigerator had dwindled down to bare bones... one of my 'angels' (Jeralynn) had contacted some friends at church who work for an organization called Children's Hunger Fund. They have blessed me multiple times with incredible deliveries; it seems as though every time I am down to almost no food CHF shows up with an abundance of food.
I was so excited when this delivery arrived... as always, it's more then I could have ever wished for. So, thank you to my Lord, thank you Pat & Barbara, thank you Jeralynn, and finally a great big thanks to all the great folks at CHF.
If you are looking for a place to make a year end donation or if you are looking for a place that helps the less fortunate year round as well as at Thanksgiving and / or Christmas, please consider donating to CHF. If nothing else please take a moment to visit their site to see what they are all about. http://www.chfus.org/
These pictures are only about half of what this delivery contained, look at all the fruits and veggies... what a treat!
My home is full of eBay stuff... (do any of you remember the 1970's television show Sanford & Son?)
I have been and continue to be blessed with all kinds of donations over the last couple years. This is the time of the year when I try to remain focused with getting things listed on eBay. Most of my time and energy over the next three months will be spent listing and selling as much as possible... I'm hoping to make enough to once again start repaying my debtors.
That said, please keep me in your prayers now thru the first of the year... that God will allow me the health and strength to get this done. It was last year at this time that my health began to reach a new low... my personal preference is that this year has a different ending then last year did.
Before you read on I need you to keep in mind that my house if full of eBay stuff...
Jennie recently informed me that her and Alex want to have a birthday party for Nicholas on October 3rd. Although Nicholas won't be turning 7 until December 10th, Jen has determined that it's easier to have a party now instead of then.
My contribution for this party... to provide a clean house... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Okay, I had to get up off the floor and stop laughing... but there is hope, as Nicholas put it “Grandma, I know you can get the house cleaned up, you've done it before, you've even made it sparkle before. You can do it grandma, just try really hard and do the best job you can”.
The cleaning (or shall I say, the attempt at cleaning) has begun... pictures will follow next week! (As a side note... about two hours ago my air conditioner went down in a big way... ouch!!! It will be a day or two before anyone can even come to look at it. The party is still on but I'm not sure how clean the house will be. Right now it's over 100 degrees outside and hoovering around 85 inside)
Now, for a health update...
As of just a couple hours ago I began to feel the effects of this heat on my health, coughing more and it's getting harder to breath. I'm putting the oxygen on even as I write this... boo, hoo, hoo... Oh well, this too shall pass, but meanwhile can you hear me lathering on the self pity?... hehehehe
The last three months or so have been getting more and more uncomfortable for me. I thought it might have something to do with being on and off my medications (according to when I could afford them).
My thoughts were that before running into the doctor I would be faithful with taking my medications, this meant making them a priority with my finances. This was accomplished and I've been faithful with all 27 (give or take) medications for about three months now, but the problem has only gotten worse.
I am in constant abdominal discomfort... about an hour after eating anything I start getting really sick, the stomach pain is almost more then I can tolerate at times. Sometimes it will go thru me within a couple hours, sometimes not at all... then the pain travels to around my back and up into my chest, sometimes I will turn white as a sheet and usually break out in cold sweats. After another couple hours pass I'm back to the regular abdominal discomfort.
Some of you might remember seeing me at church several weeks ago when I had to get up and walk out... this was one of those episodes.
A little over a year ago I had been diagnosed with IBS issues... I thought maybe I was getting worse because of the irregularity in taking the meds... but that turned out not to be the case.
I called the doctor on Monday and she told me to go to Urgent Care... and who do I get when I'm there but the doctor who I don't particularly care for (you will see why as you read on).
After sitting there with him for quite a while he states that he knows what the problem is... “You have IBS”, “Yes, I'm aware of that” I told him. I continued on telling him that I was diagnosed with that some time ago.
Keep in mind that my medical group has electronic records, no matter where I go within that group they can see my records (it's very nice).
This doctor went on to tell me that the IBS diagnoses that was I given before was incorrect and that he is correctly diagnosing me now, he is officially telling me that I have IBS. I asked him why it is that I've been prescribed IBS medications for the past year if it was a wrong diagnosis. Why had those IBS medications helped me until now when things appear to be getting worse?
He wasn't sure, but he did know that if I was to pick up the prescription he was writing me and take it every 4 – 6 hours, I would feel much better. He did say that there was one side-effect, this prescription for IBS would knock me out and I would have to go to bed.
Hmm... let me get this straight... I repeated his instructions to him and informed him that if I did what he suggested that I would be in bed 24 / 7. He agreed, but reminded me of how much better I would feel.
Okay, at this point all I wanted was to be out of pain... Jeralynn took me back home and I waited for the pharmacy to call for pick up. They called, but it wasn't to tell me the prescription was ready for pick up... it was to tell me that pharmaceutical companies stopped making this medication years ago. UGH......
The next day I was given a new prescription and have been taking it faithfully ever since. There really hasn't been much of a difference, I'm eating less but only because the consequences of eating are too painful. I really wanted to give this medication a chance before calling the doctor again, if there isn't a noticeable improvement by Monday I will give her a call to see if there is another medication I can try.
God and I have already discussed this new problem... I've informed Him that this is not a good time for me to develop a new physical ailment. I've also told Him that if He would be so kind as to let me get thru the holidays feeling better than I do right now that I would greatly appreciate it.
I then reminded Him that I wasn't exactly thrilled with how I spent Christmas last year. I was very sick and eventually spent eleven days in the hospital.
God gently reminded me that He will remain in control whether that means permanently adding a prescription or two, being diagnosed with something new, or facing whatever else it is that's waiting for me around the corner.
I can honestly say that the life I have lead over the last 4 ½ years have been the best years of my life and I can't wait to see what He has planned for this next chapter in my life.
And finally...
In loving memory ~ Larry Garnand... a wonderful man who left this earth too early in life. Candy, I can't begin to try and understand what you are going thru, please know that my thoughts and prayers remain with you as well as Danielle, Jarrod, Nathan, and the rest of the family.
Diana
Regardless, the fact that I am still broke is probably not news to anyone. I was doing better financially for awhile, then Rick (23) lost his job and Jennie (26) went on maternity leave. In case you have forgotten why this is applicable to me, it's because both of my children have been aiding me financially for the past couple years. I have the best kids in the world!
There is some light at the end of this tunnel... Jennie started back to work and Rick has the promise of another temp job. Rick has jury duty starting Monday and then his job starts in two weeks. Unfortunately there is a minor downside to this temp job, it's only for three weeks. Once that assignment is completed Rick will go back to being just like all the other 'Unemployed Americans' and will continue his job search until someone say's “You've got the job”.
Meanwhile, back at home the cupboards and refrigerator had dwindled down to bare bones... one of my 'angels' (Jeralynn) had contacted some friends at church who work for an organization called Children's Hunger Fund. They have blessed me multiple times with incredible deliveries; it seems as though every time I am down to almost no food CHF shows up with an abundance of food.
I was so excited when this delivery arrived... as always, it's more then I could have ever wished for. So, thank you to my Lord, thank you Pat & Barbara, thank you Jeralynn, and finally a great big thanks to all the great folks at CHF.
If you are looking for a place to make a year end donation or if you are looking for a place that helps the less fortunate year round as well as at Thanksgiving and / or Christmas, please consider donating to CHF. If nothing else please take a moment to visit their site to see what they are all about. http://www.chfus.org/
These pictures are only about half of what this delivery contained, look at all the fruits and veggies... what a treat!
My home is full of eBay stuff... (do any of you remember the 1970's television show Sanford & Son?)
I have been and continue to be blessed with all kinds of donations over the last couple years. This is the time of the year when I try to remain focused with getting things listed on eBay. Most of my time and energy over the next three months will be spent listing and selling as much as possible... I'm hoping to make enough to once again start repaying my debtors.
That said, please keep me in your prayers now thru the first of the year... that God will allow me the health and strength to get this done. It was last year at this time that my health began to reach a new low... my personal preference is that this year has a different ending then last year did.
Before you read on I need you to keep in mind that my house if full of eBay stuff...
Jennie recently informed me that her and Alex want to have a birthday party for Nicholas on October 3rd. Although Nicholas won't be turning 7 until December 10th, Jen has determined that it's easier to have a party now instead of then.
My contribution for this party... to provide a clean house... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Okay, I had to get up off the floor and stop laughing... but there is hope, as Nicholas put it “Grandma, I know you can get the house cleaned up, you've done it before, you've even made it sparkle before. You can do it grandma, just try really hard and do the best job you can”.
The cleaning (or shall I say, the attempt at cleaning) has begun... pictures will follow next week! (As a side note... about two hours ago my air conditioner went down in a big way... ouch!!! It will be a day or two before anyone can even come to look at it. The party is still on but I'm not sure how clean the house will be. Right now it's over 100 degrees outside and hoovering around 85 inside)
Now, for a health update...
As of just a couple hours ago I began to feel the effects of this heat on my health, coughing more and it's getting harder to breath. I'm putting the oxygen on even as I write this... boo, hoo, hoo... Oh well, this too shall pass, but meanwhile can you hear me lathering on the self pity?... hehehehe
The last three months or so have been getting more and more uncomfortable for me. I thought it might have something to do with being on and off my medications (according to when I could afford them).
My thoughts were that before running into the doctor I would be faithful with taking my medications, this meant making them a priority with my finances. This was accomplished and I've been faithful with all 27 (give or take) medications for about three months now, but the problem has only gotten worse.
I am in constant abdominal discomfort... about an hour after eating anything I start getting really sick, the stomach pain is almost more then I can tolerate at times. Sometimes it will go thru me within a couple hours, sometimes not at all... then the pain travels to around my back and up into my chest, sometimes I will turn white as a sheet and usually break out in cold sweats. After another couple hours pass I'm back to the regular abdominal discomfort.
Some of you might remember seeing me at church several weeks ago when I had to get up and walk out... this was one of those episodes.
A little over a year ago I had been diagnosed with IBS issues... I thought maybe I was getting worse because of the irregularity in taking the meds... but that turned out not to be the case.
I called the doctor on Monday and she told me to go to Urgent Care... and who do I get when I'm there but the doctor who I don't particularly care for (you will see why as you read on).
After sitting there with him for quite a while he states that he knows what the problem is... “You have IBS”, “Yes, I'm aware of that” I told him. I continued on telling him that I was diagnosed with that some time ago.
Keep in mind that my medical group has electronic records, no matter where I go within that group they can see my records (it's very nice).
This doctor went on to tell me that the IBS diagnoses that was I given before was incorrect and that he is correctly diagnosing me now, he is officially telling me that I have IBS. I asked him why it is that I've been prescribed IBS medications for the past year if it was a wrong diagnosis. Why had those IBS medications helped me until now when things appear to be getting worse?
He wasn't sure, but he did know that if I was to pick up the prescription he was writing me and take it every 4 – 6 hours, I would feel much better. He did say that there was one side-effect, this prescription for IBS would knock me out and I would have to go to bed.
Hmm... let me get this straight... I repeated his instructions to him and informed him that if I did what he suggested that I would be in bed 24 / 7. He agreed, but reminded me of how much better I would feel.
Okay, at this point all I wanted was to be out of pain... Jeralynn took me back home and I waited for the pharmacy to call for pick up. They called, but it wasn't to tell me the prescription was ready for pick up... it was to tell me that pharmaceutical companies stopped making this medication years ago. UGH......
The next day I was given a new prescription and have been taking it faithfully ever since. There really hasn't been much of a difference, I'm eating less but only because the consequences of eating are too painful. I really wanted to give this medication a chance before calling the doctor again, if there isn't a noticeable improvement by Monday I will give her a call to see if there is another medication I can try.
God and I have already discussed this new problem... I've informed Him that this is not a good time for me to develop a new physical ailment. I've also told Him that if He would be so kind as to let me get thru the holidays feeling better than I do right now that I would greatly appreciate it.
I then reminded Him that I wasn't exactly thrilled with how I spent Christmas last year. I was very sick and eventually spent eleven days in the hospital.
God gently reminded me that He will remain in control whether that means permanently adding a prescription or two, being diagnosed with something new, or facing whatever else it is that's waiting for me around the corner.
I can honestly say that the life I have lead over the last 4 ½ years have been the best years of my life and I can't wait to see what He has planned for this next chapter in my life.
And finally...
In loving memory ~ Larry Garnand... a wonderful man who left this earth too early in life. Candy, I can't begin to try and understand what you are going thru, please know that my thoughts and prayers remain with you as well as Danielle, Jarrod, Nathan, and the rest of the family.
Diana
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
August 25, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #52
God is good and His mercies are new every day...
First pictures of the beautiful bride and her handsome groom... wedding date August 16, 2009... I think that after realizing how expensive weddings can be they have decided to do away with a formal ceremony and are focusing on a reception only...
As you can see in the pictures they were listening intensely while the Justice of the Peace was doing the ceremony! I will have pictures with them smiling in a few more weeks.
Meanwhile, may I introduce to you my daughter & son-in-law, Mr & Mrs. Alejandro Morales.
The last several days have been filled with energy and relatively speaking, I've been experiencing good health. I'm extremely grateful to my Lord for the 'good' days and find it hard not over-doing it when feeling this good.
I've got some big plans for this week... let's see how much actually comes to be...
Last night I was able to spend some time with my two favorite boys, Nicholas and Nathaniel... I've learned that whenever my grandsons are over, or if Jennifer or Rick is willing to talk then I need to stop what I am doing... regardless of what it is. Life is too short to for 'things' to take priority over them!
The proud grandma & Nathaniel
<- Nathaniel looking up at Nicholas
Tonight (Tuesday) I am looking forward to having dinner, spending some time in prayer and having a chance to catch up with a very good friend (she also happens to be our church secretary).
Starting tomorrow (Wednesday) I will begin going thru the garage which is packed to the ceiling; the yard sale 'stuff' needs to be weeded out from the eBay 'stuff'. It's time to begin preparation for the big sale over Labor Day weekend! I need to start now because 30 – 45 minutes a day is pushing it for me... but that is my goal.
Several have asked if I am still accepting donations for 'stuff' to sell in yard sales, on Craigslist, and thru eBay... the answer is a big YES!
The next question is how can I do it alone... I can't, I depend on family and friends helping me out... so if anyone wants to volunteer to help on the Saturday of Labor Day Weekend let me know.
I'm still living penny to penny and appreciate all the treasures that have been sent my way over the past few years as well as the treasures that are currently being donated. In case you are wondering, the money that comes in from the yard sales, eBay, Craiglist, etc... has gone and continues to goes solely toward paying for rent, utilities, medication and medical bills.
The next big event for this week comes Saturday when I will be having a surprise guest... well it's not a surprise to me... but it will be to those of you who know this person. Sadly, I need to be told about surprises in advance; that way I can rest enough to have the needed energy to participate in said surprises.
And we are back at Sunday... going to church and worshiping with my church family is so very important to me... and then it's home to hopefully spend lunch and the rest of the afternoon with my children and grandchildren.
Like I said, I have big plans for this week... we will see how much actually gets accomplished. There is always an open invitation for me at Holy Cross Hospital if things get out of control... the problem is every time I think I'm going for a short visit to reunite with the ER staff I end up staying for a few days.
Now for a health update... I'm trying a new approach in regards to my health.... I finally made the switch to a new doctor who is just a short distance from home... it makes it easier for those who transport me to/from appointments. She is across the street from Holy Cross Hospital which is an added benefit to allow for easy access if I need immediate testing done.
I'm trying to get control of little areas of my health and then slowly expand until every area of my health is under control... right now I'm working hard at exercising every day. Now you need to understand that exercise for me consists of using an upper / lower body cycle... I'm trying to dedicate 15 - 30 minutes a day using this machine... this means using it whether I'm having a 'good' health day or not.
It appears as though I may be gaining some control in the area of diabetes ... for the first time in a long time my sugars are decent. I was doing so good for so long and then last year there was a period of time that I could no longer afford the medication and I had to stop taking it... that really messed me up.
I'm so thankful that I now have a supply of test strips, syringes, insulin, and pills to treat the diabetes part of my health.
It's still a struggle to always eat right... sometimes because I just don't want to... sometimes for lack of the right kind of food... but I've definitely made this a priority and it's constantly a work in progress.
When I was hospitalized a couple months ago it was for a couple reasons; because of a COPD flare-up, but more importantly it was due to a rapid heart rate. I had been experiencing a rapid heart rate for quit a while but it never showed up while I was at the doctor. I was grateful that my heart decided to act up while I was in the ER...
The doctors believe the problem appears to be the result of an electrolyte imbalance; well, that along with a magnesium and vitamin D deficiency. The vitamin D deficiency is also believed to be the cause for my aches and pains (muscle and bone).
In addition to diabetic medication I'm also making sure I have a supply of medication to treat COPD along with the mineral and vitamin deficiencies.
The other areas of health that I am working on but haven't yet conquered are high blood pressure, high and low cholesterol (the bad is too high and the good is too low), high triglycerides, migraines, vertigo, diabetic neuropathy, kidney disease, needing to be on oxygen... and the list goes on.
Yes, I realize the importance of dealing with each of these diseases, but it's walking a fine line of having the money, making the time and putting forth the energy into this fight for life.
There was a time that I wasn't sure it was worth the fight... for those of you who might care, I've decided to move forward with this fight for life!
If you read my previous postings then you may recall my writing that God is getting ready to do great and mighty things in my life. With each new day He continues to reveal Himself to me in ways that I can't explain.
Sunday at church was a milestone in my walk with my Lord... He removed yet another layer from my eyes.. I was able to see Him clearer then I had ever seen Him before... I didn't think that I could get any closer to my Savior then I had been... but WOW! I'm so excited about whatever it is that He has planned for my life.
Those of you who have known me for a long time may have known me when I "thought" I was a Christian... I thought I was going to heaven... I did all the right things and I even knew what to say.
I now believe that if I truly had a relationship with my Lord and Savior I would have never lived the life that I led... a life that I now look back on that was full of sin and regret.
God gives us warnings in the scriptures as to what our punishment will be for sinning... if you die without turning from your sin and receiving God's gift of salvation then you will be punished for your sin. Without question... you will spend eternity in hell.
It's not all bad news, He has given us a way out... by confessing and renouncing our sin we can turn to Him for deliverance.
God is always faithful to His people; He is a merciful God. To those of you who say that you are saved... take a look at your life. Is there a consistent work of refining and polishing going on in your life? As my Lord continues to make apparent those areas in my life that are not reflective of His work in my life it is up to me to pray and seek forgiveness, to ask for deliverance for whatever it is that He has revealed to me.
If you are claiming to be a follower of Jesus Christ and yet you continue down a path of destruction such as using the name of my Lord or listening to the name of my Lord being said in any way except for glorification and edification of His name then you will face the consequences of rebelling against God.
The Lord I serve is a merciful God... I am so grateful for the mercies He has shown on me. There are consequences for every action we take on this earth... be it good or bad... from a greater degree to a lessor degree... there are consequences when one chooses to live in sin.
The life I have now with my Lord and Savior is better then I could have ever imagined... Only God can deliver us (me) from sin. Without Him I would have no comfort or hope... because Christ died on the cross for us (me), I have a bright hope for tomorrow.
Love to all,
Diana
Lamentations 3:19-66
19Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness.
20Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me.
21 This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.
22 The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.
24 "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him."
25 The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.
26 It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the LORD.
27 It is good for a man that he should bear the yoke in his youth.
28 Let him sit alone and be silent since He has laid it on him.
29 Let him put his mouth in the dust, perhaps there is hope.
30 Let him give his cheek to the smiter, let him be filled with reproach.
31 For the Lord will not reject forever,
32 For if He causes grief, then He will have compassion according to His abundant lovingkindness.
33 For He does not afflict willingly or grieve the sons of men.
34 To crush under His feet all the prisoners of the land,
35 To deprive a man of justice in the presence of the Most High,
36 To defraud a man in his lawsuit -- Of these things the Lord does not approve.
37 Who is there who speaks and it comes to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it?
38 Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both good and ill go forth?
39 Why should any living mortal, or any man, offer complaint in view of his sins?
40 Let us examine and probe our ways, and let us return to the LORD.
41 We lift up our heart and hands toward God in heaven;
42 We have transgressed and rebelled, you have not pardoned.
43 You have covered Yourself with anger and pursued us; You have slain and have not spared.
44 You have covered Yourself with a cloud so that no prayer can pass through.
45 You have made us mere offscouring and refuse in the midst of the peoples.
46 All our enemies have opened their mouths against us.
47 Panic and pitfall have befallen us, devastation and destruction;
48 My eyes run down with streams of water because of the destruction of the daughter of my people.
49 My eyes pour down unceasingly, without stopping,
50Until the Lord looks down and sees from heaven.
51 My eyes bring pain to my soul because of all the daughters of my city.
52 My enemies without cause hunted me down like a bird;
53 They have silenced me in the pit and have placed a stone on me.
54 Waters flowed over my head; I said, "I am cut off!"
55 I called on Your name, O Lord, out of the lowest pit.
56 You have heard my voice, "Do not hide Your ear from my prayer for relief, from my cry for help."
57 You drew near when I called on You; You said, "Do not fear!"
58 O Lord, You have pleaded my soul's cause; You have redeemed my life.
59 O Lord, You have seen my oppression; Judge my case.
60 You have seen all their vengeance, all their schemes against me.
61 You have heard their reproach, O Lord, all their schemes against me.
62 The lips of my assailants and their whispering are against me all day long.
63 Look on their sitting and their rising; I am their mocking song.
64 You will recompense them, O Lord, according to the work of their hands.
65 You will give them hardness of heart, Your curse will be on them.
66 You will pursue them in anger and destroy them from under the heavens of the Lord!
First pictures of the beautiful bride and her handsome groom... wedding date August 16, 2009... I think that after realizing how expensive weddings can be they have decided to do away with a formal ceremony and are focusing on a reception only...
As you can see in the pictures they were listening intensely while the Justice of the Peace was doing the ceremony! I will have pictures with them smiling in a few more weeks.
Meanwhile, may I introduce to you my daughter & son-in-law, Mr & Mrs. Alejandro Morales.
The last several days have been filled with energy and relatively speaking, I've been experiencing good health. I'm extremely grateful to my Lord for the 'good' days and find it hard not over-doing it when feeling this good.
I've got some big plans for this week... let's see how much actually comes to be...
Last night I was able to spend some time with my two favorite boys, Nicholas and Nathaniel... I've learned that whenever my grandsons are over, or if Jennifer or Rick is willing to talk then I need to stop what I am doing... regardless of what it is. Life is too short to for 'things' to take priority over them!
The proud grandma & Nathaniel
<- Nathaniel looking up at Nicholas
Tonight (Tuesday) I am looking forward to having dinner, spending some time in prayer and having a chance to catch up with a very good friend (she also happens to be our church secretary).
Starting tomorrow (Wednesday) I will begin going thru the garage which is packed to the ceiling; the yard sale 'stuff' needs to be weeded out from the eBay 'stuff'. It's time to begin preparation for the big sale over Labor Day weekend! I need to start now because 30 – 45 minutes a day is pushing it for me... but that is my goal.
Several have asked if I am still accepting donations for 'stuff' to sell in yard sales, on Craigslist, and thru eBay... the answer is a big YES!
The next question is how can I do it alone... I can't, I depend on family and friends helping me out... so if anyone wants to volunteer to help on the Saturday of Labor Day Weekend let me know.
I'm still living penny to penny and appreciate all the treasures that have been sent my way over the past few years as well as the treasures that are currently being donated. In case you are wondering, the money that comes in from the yard sales, eBay, Craiglist, etc... has gone and continues to goes solely toward paying for rent, utilities, medication and medical bills.
The next big event for this week comes Saturday when I will be having a surprise guest... well it's not a surprise to me... but it will be to those of you who know this person. Sadly, I need to be told about surprises in advance; that way I can rest enough to have the needed energy to participate in said surprises.
And we are back at Sunday... going to church and worshiping with my church family is so very important to me... and then it's home to hopefully spend lunch and the rest of the afternoon with my children and grandchildren.
Like I said, I have big plans for this week... we will see how much actually gets accomplished. There is always an open invitation for me at Holy Cross Hospital if things get out of control... the problem is every time I think I'm going for a short visit to reunite with the ER staff I end up staying for a few days.
Now for a health update... I'm trying a new approach in regards to my health.... I finally made the switch to a new doctor who is just a short distance from home... it makes it easier for those who transport me to/from appointments. She is across the street from Holy Cross Hospital which is an added benefit to allow for easy access if I need immediate testing done.
I'm trying to get control of little areas of my health and then slowly expand until every area of my health is under control... right now I'm working hard at exercising every day. Now you need to understand that exercise for me consists of using an upper / lower body cycle... I'm trying to dedicate 15 - 30 minutes a day using this machine... this means using it whether I'm having a 'good' health day or not.
It appears as though I may be gaining some control in the area of diabetes ... for the first time in a long time my sugars are decent. I was doing so good for so long and then last year there was a period of time that I could no longer afford the medication and I had to stop taking it... that really messed me up.
I'm so thankful that I now have a supply of test strips, syringes, insulin, and pills to treat the diabetes part of my health.
It's still a struggle to always eat right... sometimes because I just don't want to... sometimes for lack of the right kind of food... but I've definitely made this a priority and it's constantly a work in progress.
When I was hospitalized a couple months ago it was for a couple reasons; because of a COPD flare-up, but more importantly it was due to a rapid heart rate. I had been experiencing a rapid heart rate for quit a while but it never showed up while I was at the doctor. I was grateful that my heart decided to act up while I was in the ER...
The doctors believe the problem appears to be the result of an electrolyte imbalance; well, that along with a magnesium and vitamin D deficiency. The vitamin D deficiency is also believed to be the cause for my aches and pains (muscle and bone).
In addition to diabetic medication I'm also making sure I have a supply of medication to treat COPD along with the mineral and vitamin deficiencies.
The other areas of health that I am working on but haven't yet conquered are high blood pressure, high and low cholesterol (the bad is too high and the good is too low), high triglycerides, migraines, vertigo, diabetic neuropathy, kidney disease, needing to be on oxygen... and the list goes on.
Yes, I realize the importance of dealing with each of these diseases, but it's walking a fine line of having the money, making the time and putting forth the energy into this fight for life.
There was a time that I wasn't sure it was worth the fight... for those of you who might care, I've decided to move forward with this fight for life!
If you read my previous postings then you may recall my writing that God is getting ready to do great and mighty things in my life. With each new day He continues to reveal Himself to me in ways that I can't explain.
Sunday at church was a milestone in my walk with my Lord... He removed yet another layer from my eyes.. I was able to see Him clearer then I had ever seen Him before... I didn't think that I could get any closer to my Savior then I had been... but WOW! I'm so excited about whatever it is that He has planned for my life.
Those of you who have known me for a long time may have known me when I "thought" I was a Christian... I thought I was going to heaven... I did all the right things and I even knew what to say.
I now believe that if I truly had a relationship with my Lord and Savior I would have never lived the life that I led... a life that I now look back on that was full of sin and regret.
God gives us warnings in the scriptures as to what our punishment will be for sinning... if you die without turning from your sin and receiving God's gift of salvation then you will be punished for your sin. Without question... you will spend eternity in hell.
It's not all bad news, He has given us a way out... by confessing and renouncing our sin we can turn to Him for deliverance.
God is always faithful to His people; He is a merciful God. To those of you who say that you are saved... take a look at your life. Is there a consistent work of refining and polishing going on in your life? As my Lord continues to make apparent those areas in my life that are not reflective of His work in my life it is up to me to pray and seek forgiveness, to ask for deliverance for whatever it is that He has revealed to me.
If you are claiming to be a follower of Jesus Christ and yet you continue down a path of destruction such as using the name of my Lord or listening to the name of my Lord being said in any way except for glorification and edification of His name then you will face the consequences of rebelling against God.
The Lord I serve is a merciful God... I am so grateful for the mercies He has shown on me. There are consequences for every action we take on this earth... be it good or bad... from a greater degree to a lessor degree... there are consequences when one chooses to live in sin.
The life I have now with my Lord and Savior is better then I could have ever imagined... Only God can deliver us (me) from sin. Without Him I would have no comfort or hope... because Christ died on the cross for us (me), I have a bright hope for tomorrow.
Love to all,
Diana
Lamentations 3:19-66
19Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness.
20Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me.
21 This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.
22 The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.
24 "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him."
25 The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.
26 It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the LORD.
27 It is good for a man that he should bear the yoke in his youth.
28 Let him sit alone and be silent since He has laid it on him.
29 Let him put his mouth in the dust, perhaps there is hope.
30 Let him give his cheek to the smiter, let him be filled with reproach.
31 For the Lord will not reject forever,
32 For if He causes grief, then He will have compassion according to His abundant lovingkindness.
33 For He does not afflict willingly or grieve the sons of men.
34 To crush under His feet all the prisoners of the land,
35 To deprive a man of justice in the presence of the Most High,
36 To defraud a man in his lawsuit -- Of these things the Lord does not approve.
37 Who is there who speaks and it comes to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it?
38 Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both good and ill go forth?
39 Why should any living mortal, or any man, offer complaint in view of his sins?
40 Let us examine and probe our ways, and let us return to the LORD.
41 We lift up our heart and hands toward God in heaven;
42 We have transgressed and rebelled, you have not pardoned.
43 You have covered Yourself with anger and pursued us; You have slain and have not spared.
44 You have covered Yourself with a cloud so that no prayer can pass through.
45 You have made us mere offscouring and refuse in the midst of the peoples.
46 All our enemies have opened their mouths against us.
47 Panic and pitfall have befallen us, devastation and destruction;
48 My eyes run down with streams of water because of the destruction of the daughter of my people.
49 My eyes pour down unceasingly, without stopping,
50Until the Lord looks down and sees from heaven.
51 My eyes bring pain to my soul because of all the daughters of my city.
52 My enemies without cause hunted me down like a bird;
53 They have silenced me in the pit and have placed a stone on me.
54 Waters flowed over my head; I said, "I am cut off!"
55 I called on Your name, O Lord, out of the lowest pit.
56 You have heard my voice, "Do not hide Your ear from my prayer for relief, from my cry for help."
57 You drew near when I called on You; You said, "Do not fear!"
58 O Lord, You have pleaded my soul's cause; You have redeemed my life.
59 O Lord, You have seen my oppression; Judge my case.
60 You have seen all their vengeance, all their schemes against me.
61 You have heard their reproach, O Lord, all their schemes against me.
62 The lips of my assailants and their whispering are against me all day long.
63 Look on their sitting and their rising; I am their mocking song.
64 You will recompense them, O Lord, according to the work of their hands.
65 You will give them hardness of heart, Your curse will be on them.
66 You will pursue them in anger and destroy them from under the heavens of the Lord!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
August 11, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #53
When will you learn???
That was the header of an email that I received from a friend after hearing of my exploits a couple of weeks ago.
I know this will come as a surprise to many of you but I can be extremely stubborn... sometimes just down right strong willed.
As my Savior walks hand in hand with me thru life I believe there are times when He just steps aside and waits to see what mess I'm going to get myself into next; then I picture Him just shaking His head...
The plan was to have a yard sale the weekend before last... with that Saturday having been the first of the month, the yard sale was planned to help pay the rent. I was extremely excited as Jen and Rick had been helping me pull this together, friends had been dropping things off for me to sell and I was anxiously waiting to see what would come of this event and how much money we could get together for rent.
Friday afternoon I was full of energy and very much looking forward to what Saturday was going to bring... I decided that I wanted to rearrange the furniture which was for sale as well as the tables that were to be used for set up.
Amongst everything else there was a sofa-bed (couch) that I wanted moved to the other side of the yard... I told Rick that I would grab one end and that he could grab the other. Before he could say or do anything I had lifted up my end of the couch and let out a yell! I did something... not sure what, but I knew instantly that the yard sale was off.
A few hours later we had returned from urgent care with three different prescriptions... one for the swelling, one for the pain, and a muscle relaxer... it's now a couple weeks later and I'm still slow in moving. I'm trying not to take the med's because I can't function when I do; I end up in bed and stay there until I've slept them off.
The yard sale was rescheduled for this past Saturday... with not having set up very much to sell my expectations weren't very high, in the end I didn't do too bad though... $200 was made and that's going directly toward my electric bill.
The next yard sale is set for the Saturday of Labor Day Weekend. If anyone is willing to help with either sorting thru the garage, setting up, or hanging out with me that day let me know... I'm planning for this yard sale to be huge!
As I mentioned above, I believe my Lord must sometimes just stand there shaking His head as He watches me make some of the choices that I do. Just like we as parents do when we watch our children make poor choices, He must want to run to us and say “If you would only listen to me you wouldn't make the wrong choice and then have to face the consequences of your decisions”.
In my last blog I mentioned that some decisions needed to be make.
God has shown me so much over the past few weeks. The decisions still need to be made and there are still no answers. But I did want to tell you what God has shared with me... to start with, God has given me peace... a peace so great that I can actually be at rest.
Psalm 4:8
I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.
He's given me a peace that doesn't make sense in the natural mind.
Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
I've spent much of the last few weeks crying out before God, praying and asking Him what, when, how, and where is He going to send me. The only answer that I have received thus far is that He (my Lord) is preparing me for something mighty, something great, something that I can't understand at this moment.
If you don't have a relationship with my Jesus then the above statement might sound odd to you. You have witnessed how God has brought me thru so much over the last few years... He's brought me thru situations that don't make sense and you have watched Him make a way when there's been no way.
All I can say for now is watch out because I know that my Lord is preparing me in every way possible for something fantastic.
As for now I don't know where I will end up... My Lord has shown me that He may move me out of California, I may need to rent a room, the possibility remains that I may need to move into a room & board facility, and He has also shown me that He may just allow me to stay right where I am.
One thing I know for certain and that is my worries are no more... my Lord has begun a work in me and it started with His promise to me that I will be filled with excitement, joy, and peace wherever I end up. I can't put into words the excitement I'm feeling towards the next phase of my life. It's like I've won 1st place but I don't know what the reward is yet... I just know it will be better than I could have ever expected.
I've said it before and I will say it again, being a Christian doesn't solve all of your problems, in fact it often makes life a bit more complicated. However, if you are truly walking with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords then He will provide all that you need physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, and in any other way that you are in need. He continues to fill the needs in my life, the one thing that I continue to focus on is that what He see's as a need in my life isn't necessarily what I see as a need in my life.
And now for some even more exciting news... This Saturday, Jennie and Alex are getting married! This was a very last minute decision... in fact the decision was made Saturday morning while Jennifer and I were working the yard sale.
She informed me that she and Alex were going to Vegas to celebrate a friends birthday this coming weekend! I told her that it would make me very happy if they would get married while they were there. It took a few minutes of prompting but the two of them agreed. I think the agreeing was in part to respect my wishes.
They wanted to wait until they had enough money to have a wonderful ceremony and reception... while this will still happen, probably later this year or some time next year... it was still my desire that they say 'I Do' now.
Anyway, the excitement is in the air... rings, a dress, she's getting her hair and nails done... the works! As for the mother of the bride, I couldn't be happier!
I won't be in attendance, but you can be certain that just as soon as I get my hands on a few pictures I will forward them on.
Just think how exciting this is for all of you... not only do you get to look forward to seeing more pictures of the cutest grandchildren in the world but you will also see some pictures of a beautiful bride and her new husband in the near future!
That was the header of an email that I received from a friend after hearing of my exploits a couple of weeks ago.
I know this will come as a surprise to many of you but I can be extremely stubborn... sometimes just down right strong willed.
As my Savior walks hand in hand with me thru life I believe there are times when He just steps aside and waits to see what mess I'm going to get myself into next; then I picture Him just shaking His head...
The plan was to have a yard sale the weekend before last... with that Saturday having been the first of the month, the yard sale was planned to help pay the rent. I was extremely excited as Jen and Rick had been helping me pull this together, friends had been dropping things off for me to sell and I was anxiously waiting to see what would come of this event and how much money we could get together for rent.
Friday afternoon I was full of energy and very much looking forward to what Saturday was going to bring... I decided that I wanted to rearrange the furniture which was for sale as well as the tables that were to be used for set up.
Amongst everything else there was a sofa-bed (couch) that I wanted moved to the other side of the yard... I told Rick that I would grab one end and that he could grab the other. Before he could say or do anything I had lifted up my end of the couch and let out a yell! I did something... not sure what, but I knew instantly that the yard sale was off.
A few hours later we had returned from urgent care with three different prescriptions... one for the swelling, one for the pain, and a muscle relaxer... it's now a couple weeks later and I'm still slow in moving. I'm trying not to take the med's because I can't function when I do; I end up in bed and stay there until I've slept them off.
The yard sale was rescheduled for this past Saturday... with not having set up very much to sell my expectations weren't very high, in the end I didn't do too bad though... $200 was made and that's going directly toward my electric bill.
The next yard sale is set for the Saturday of Labor Day Weekend. If anyone is willing to help with either sorting thru the garage, setting up, or hanging out with me that day let me know... I'm planning for this yard sale to be huge!
As I mentioned above, I believe my Lord must sometimes just stand there shaking His head as He watches me make some of the choices that I do. Just like we as parents do when we watch our children make poor choices, He must want to run to us and say “If you would only listen to me you wouldn't make the wrong choice and then have to face the consequences of your decisions”.
In my last blog I mentioned that some decisions needed to be make.
God has shown me so much over the past few weeks. The decisions still need to be made and there are still no answers. But I did want to tell you what God has shared with me... to start with, God has given me peace... a peace so great that I can actually be at rest.
Psalm 4:8
I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.
He's given me a peace that doesn't make sense in the natural mind.
Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
I've spent much of the last few weeks crying out before God, praying and asking Him what, when, how, and where is He going to send me. The only answer that I have received thus far is that He (my Lord) is preparing me for something mighty, something great, something that I can't understand at this moment.
If you don't have a relationship with my Jesus then the above statement might sound odd to you. You have witnessed how God has brought me thru so much over the last few years... He's brought me thru situations that don't make sense and you have watched Him make a way when there's been no way.
All I can say for now is watch out because I know that my Lord is preparing me in every way possible for something fantastic.
As for now I don't know where I will end up... My Lord has shown me that He may move me out of California, I may need to rent a room, the possibility remains that I may need to move into a room & board facility, and He has also shown me that He may just allow me to stay right where I am.
One thing I know for certain and that is my worries are no more... my Lord has begun a work in me and it started with His promise to me that I will be filled with excitement, joy, and peace wherever I end up. I can't put into words the excitement I'm feeling towards the next phase of my life. It's like I've won 1st place but I don't know what the reward is yet... I just know it will be better than I could have ever expected.
I've said it before and I will say it again, being a Christian doesn't solve all of your problems, in fact it often makes life a bit more complicated. However, if you are truly walking with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords then He will provide all that you need physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, and in any other way that you are in need. He continues to fill the needs in my life, the one thing that I continue to focus on is that what He see's as a need in my life isn't necessarily what I see as a need in my life.
And now for some even more exciting news... This Saturday, Jennie and Alex are getting married! This was a very last minute decision... in fact the decision was made Saturday morning while Jennifer and I were working the yard sale.
She informed me that she and Alex were going to Vegas to celebrate a friends birthday this coming weekend! I told her that it would make me very happy if they would get married while they were there. It took a few minutes of prompting but the two of them agreed. I think the agreeing was in part to respect my wishes.
They wanted to wait until they had enough money to have a wonderful ceremony and reception... while this will still happen, probably later this year or some time next year... it was still my desire that they say 'I Do' now.
Anyway, the excitement is in the air... rings, a dress, she's getting her hair and nails done... the works! As for the mother of the bride, I couldn't be happier!
I won't be in attendance, but you can be certain that just as soon as I get my hands on a few pictures I will forward them on.
Just think how exciting this is for all of you... not only do you get to look forward to seeing more pictures of the cutest grandchildren in the world but you will also see some pictures of a beautiful bride and her new husband in the near future!
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