So little time.... So much to do...
Many have asked for information but I just haven't had time to sit down and write... this entry will simply be to answer questions...
When is your surgery?
The date for surgery has been set, Monday, April 19, 2009!
What hospital will you be in and how can we get information?
I will be posting the hospital information in the next week or so. I haven't yet figured out how the recovery information will be distributed, but once I know I will share that with you.
Why do you have a plate in your neck?
The doctors have recently determined that the cause for a few of my ailments have most likely been a side effect to 'The Cough', which is a symptom of Bronchial COPD. This cough that I refer to isn't a normal cough... it is an extreme cough, a very harsh cough, one that is strong enough that it has caused several health problems in and throughout my body. The ailments blamed on COPD (and the cough) are: Degenerative Disk Disease ~ Hiatel Hernia ~ Deviated Septum ~ Fissures. The very first symptoms go back about nine years ago when I had a cough that didn't go away; little did I know then that it would last for what appears to be the rest of my life.
Is this surgery risky?
All surgeries are risky but this surgery has a bit more of a risk then it did last time I had it done. There is very good chance that I will come thru this surgery unaffected and walk away 100% better then I currently am. However, there is just as great a chance that many things can go wrong and that I may not walk away.
A wonderful man at our church is going thru some medical problems himself and he once said that no matter what happens... It's a win, win situation! That's exactly how I feel!
If I make it thru this surgery then I win.... it was worth it all ~ I get to spend more time with friends and family!
If I don't make it thru this surgery then I win that way as well... I will wake up in the presence of my Lord and spend eternity worshiping Him... that is also worth it all!
Why are you having the surgery if it is so risky?
As you continue to read please know that I am counting the days and the hours before I go into surgery... that regardless of the results, I will be rejoicing!
The reason I am having the surgery done, even with the high risks are because of the location of the screw (if you aren't familiar with this then read my previous entry). With it's placement in the root canal, it can cause irreparable damage or worse... if I have another harsh cough it could once again move around with no certainty of where it will finally rest. Additionally, and this reason is more important to me... I can no longer tolerate the pain I am in.
What do you do to ease the pain?
Besides being sedated with pain pills (which I really can't stand - I can't accomplish anything once I've taken one of these pills). The only way to control the pain I'm in is to sit with my head supported in one position... this while having both arms being able to hang in place at my sides. By having a 'loose' screw embedded in the wrong location, any move I make causes extreme inflammation and swelling. I can be active for about 15 minutes (active means slicing a tomato) and then I sit with ice bags around my neck and on the top of my head for about 30 minutes and the cycle continues by repeating itself throughout the day. If I don't catch the inflammation and swelling early enough then I end up in bed for a few days, and finally at the doctors office for a shot or two in hopes that the pain will subside.
What are the risks with this surgery?
Again, as you continue to read, the one thing you should know is that my God, my Lord, Jesus Christ remains in control regardless of what the outcome is.
There are two risks to this surgery for me...
First, I'm diabetic... I take pills and shots on a daily basis... If you know anything about diabetes you will know that it doesn't take much to send your sugars sky-rocketing. As for me, I can go to bed with my sugars being 112 and wake up with them being 280. When one has uncontrolled diabetes (such as mine) the risks that surgery bring are: Uncontrolled infection ~ Dangerous and prolonged healing process ~ Possibility of the wound going unhealed and remaining open to infection.
I'm on antibiotics at least once a month... this is for the bronchial infections. Because I've been on so many antibiotics there is a greater risk that if an infection develops in the incision it may be resistant to any antibiotics used to fight this infection.
Second, I have Bronchial COPD with Asthma... I currently use three inhalers, sleep with a cool mist vaporizer and oxygen. I use a nasal rinse on a daily basis, and take four pills each day in an attempt to control the symptoms associated with this disease. And, as I just mentioned I'm on antibiotics about once a month. The risk with having this disease... it will most likely be difficult to take me off the ventilator at the completion of surgery.
The problem is not the surgery itself, it's the length of the surgery... I will be under anesthesia for 6 - 9 hours. That's long enough for my lungs to become accustom to and rely upon the ventilator to do the breathing for me.
Just as some of us do in life, my lungs just may want to stay comfortable and rely on something else to do the work for them... hehehe
How big will the incision be?
The incision will be a large one; they will start in the middle of my head and open me up to just above my shoulder blades... the incision will go down to my spine where they will remove the one dislodged screw along with the three other screws and the plate. It will be determined at that time whether or not a new plate needs to be put in or whether the bones are strong enough to stand on their own.
When are your parents coming out?
My parents are flying out to care for me after the surgery... I've been asked why they aren't coming in for the surgery... That's a simple answer, I will require 24 hour care once I come home... I'm not sure how long I will need that kind of care but they are planning on staying for a few weeks.
When I say 24 hour care, I mean that my mother will be sleeping in my room with me and my father will be taking care of both my mother and me so that she can remain by my side.
I'm looking forward to spending this time with my parents... this should be a wonderful time of healing and fun!
When I spend time speaking with my Lord (this is several times a day) I ask Him to please allow this surgery and recovery to go smoothly... So smoothly in fact, that once my parents are here we can just enjoy each others company and have a huge celebration for my grandsons 1st birthday!
Why have you delayed having surgery until April?
There are a few reasons why I delayed having this surgery until mid-April...
Jennifer's birthday ~ March 31st
My birthday & Easter ~ April 4th
Erich's (Rick) birthday ~ April 16th
And then... there's all this stuff I'm trying to get done before I go in... ya know, like getting my house in order.
How did all this happen?
In a brief synopsis of the last nine years....
A small number of you knew me before I became ill... but most of you have only known me since I've been ill.
I have several ailments (the list is too long for this entry - I will list them in my next entry); these ailments have slowly stripped my of life as I once knew it to be.
Nine years ago I was a healthy, single mother of two, homeschooling my youngest while holding down a full time job. I had just purchased my first home and was completely out of debt (beside the house payment) for the first time in my life.
Now, I am a single mother of two, a mother-in-law of one, and a grandmother of two. I am a woman permanently confined to home and in constant pain. My abilities to move are limited and what energy I have is spent carefully, with putting much thought into how I want to use that energy everyday.
My life, as it is today, demands that I rely completely upon others for everything I need and do.
This umbrella of dependency covers everything: finances ~ making sure I'm still alive in the morning ~ telling me when I need to shave my facial hair (from steroid use) ~ providing me with a well stocked supply of diapers ~ making sure there is food in the house ~ ensuring there is enough ice for my neck/head ~ plus everything in between.
Who does all of this for you?
As most of you know, my primary caregiver is Jeralynn... remember to thank her if you have a chance. And don't forget Stephen, Jeralynns husband... he supports her efforts in taking care of me 100%.
More questions?
I know this hasn't answered all your questions; so if I have forgotten your question or you have additional questions then please send them to me and I will answer them.
Meanwhile, love to you all!
Diana
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
February 9, 2010 ~ Weekly Update #58
This is one update you will want to read as I have both exciting and surprising news to share!
Before I begin to share I want to give thanks to my Lord for His goodness to me.
Psalm 9:1,2
1 I will praise You, O LORD, with my whole heart; I will tell of all Your marvelous works.
2 I will be glad and rejoice in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High.
Healing comes in many forms and I believe that what is about to happen will be a healing from some of the pain I'm in. Although this healing will come at the hands of my doctor; I fully give the credit of this potential healing to my Lord.
If you remember back a few months, you will remember that I had a violent coughing event (read more). It caused a great amount of unexplained pain in my neck, and then just a few days later I once again experienced a violent coughing event that caused the pain to go away as quickly as it came. It was also around that same time that the doctor order a CT Scan as a precaution (read more).
This past Friday I went into see my neurosurgeon to get the results of the scan and to beg him to do something, anything, that would reduce the amount of pain I have been in with my neck and left arm.
When he came into the room he said that he had both good news and bad news... the good news being the scan showed that the hardware in my neck was intact. The bad news... there was no explanation for the pain I was in. I begged him, please figure out what is wrong, as each day has passed the pain has become more severe then it has ever been before.
After spending about 3o minutes between reviewing the scan, moving my head around, and asking me to move my hands and arms around, he discovered an answer that I know surprised me and I'm thinking will surprise you as well.
The following is the only conclusion the doctor was able to come to.... when I had the original coughing event back in November the cough was so harsh that it blew the bottom left screw out of the cervical spine (my neck) that it was screwed into (this causing the intense pain).
Later, when I experienced the second coughing event, the screw was forced into, and is now wedged into what is called a 'root canal'. From what I understand, this is an opening in my spinal cord in which nerves run in and out of. Every time I move the pain radiates throughout my arm and neck; this, not to mention the inflammation (and the pain caused from the inflammation) which is being caused by this screw being stuck where it doesn't belong.
Something to remember, discovering this was like locating a needle in a haystack... the x-rays, MRI's, and CT Scans that have been done all showed that the hardware is in place and that nothing was wrong.
I had not shared with any of you that I was at the point of begging God to allow the doctor to see what the problem was... I knew that this pain was reaching a point that was becoming nearly impossible to deal with.
Some of you shared with me that you had been in a great deal of prayer for me leading up to this appointment, but had no idea what was going on. God answered my prayers along with the prayers of those who have been praying for me by allowing the doctor to locate the origin of this pain.
Now for the answer as to how to resolve this problem.... surgery!
As I have mentioned before, since I am not in great health, surgery isn't the preferable option. However, in this case it is the only option... I have been in contact with my general practitioner and she will approve the surgery. My responsibility will be to get my sugars down as low as possible and to get as much weight off as possible before then (I've been able to shed 15 pounds over the past few months so far).
When will the surgery be? Although it will still be a few weeks away (probably March or April) it will take place as soon as possible. I'm currently waiting for insurance approval (sometime this week), and then for an opening in both the surgeons and hospitals schedule. The surgery itself will be a 6 - 10 hour surgery and hospitalization is estimated to be 5 - 10 days.
The really exciting news for me is that this has made it so that the back plate and all four screws need to be removed.... the bones have fused enough from the initial surgery that I had in 2004 that this can be done. This means the pressure in the back of my neck should end... in other words... this should be the end to my headaches.
I will be counting on my children and friends to see me through the surgery and hospital stay... then my parents will be flying out to stay with me for the at home, round-the-clock recovery.
The only other thing (or should I say person) that will be holding me back from a surgery date is a friend of mine. She shall remain nameless... this lady needs shoulder surgery and I was trying to accommodate her in not having my surgery at the same time as her. I was hoping that we could take turns in the spotlight and not have to share it, but nooooo... she decided to cancel her surgery so she could fly off to Chicago and have some fun. Those of you who know her might want to help me put some pressure on her to pick a date and stick to it so that when I need to choose a date I'll know what my options are! Just kidding.... love you girl and have one last hooray in the windy city before you go under the knife....
And finally, when you think about it please say a prayer that all schedules will come into place, my sugar, cholesterol, and weight will continue to fall in preparing for this surgery. Pray also that I don't have a COPD exacerbation or lung infection of any sort that would induce intense coughing, or delay this surgery. And most important, that God will remain in control before, during, and with the result of this surgery, whatever it may be.
Love to all,
Diana
Before I begin to share I want to give thanks to my Lord for His goodness to me.
Psalm 9:1,2
1 I will praise You, O LORD, with my whole heart; I will tell of all Your marvelous works.
2 I will be glad and rejoice in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High.
Healing comes in many forms and I believe that what is about to happen will be a healing from some of the pain I'm in. Although this healing will come at the hands of my doctor; I fully give the credit of this potential healing to my Lord.
If you remember back a few months, you will remember that I had a violent coughing event (read more). It caused a great amount of unexplained pain in my neck, and then just a few days later I once again experienced a violent coughing event that caused the pain to go away as quickly as it came. It was also around that same time that the doctor order a CT Scan as a precaution (read more).
This past Friday I went into see my neurosurgeon to get the results of the scan and to beg him to do something, anything, that would reduce the amount of pain I have been in with my neck and left arm.
When he came into the room he said that he had both good news and bad news... the good news being the scan showed that the hardware in my neck was intact. The bad news... there was no explanation for the pain I was in. I begged him, please figure out what is wrong, as each day has passed the pain has become more severe then it has ever been before.
After spending about 3o minutes between reviewing the scan, moving my head around, and asking me to move my hands and arms around, he discovered an answer that I know surprised me and I'm thinking will surprise you as well.
The following is the only conclusion the doctor was able to come to.... when I had the original coughing event back in November the cough was so harsh that it blew the bottom left screw out of the cervical spine (my neck) that it was screwed into (this causing the intense pain).
Later, when I experienced the second coughing event, the screw was forced into, and is now wedged into what is called a 'root canal'. From what I understand, this is an opening in my spinal cord in which nerves run in and out of. Every time I move the pain radiates throughout my arm and neck; this, not to mention the inflammation (and the pain caused from the inflammation) which is being caused by this screw being stuck where it doesn't belong.
Something to remember, discovering this was like locating a needle in a haystack... the x-rays, MRI's, and CT Scans that have been done all showed that the hardware is in place and that nothing was wrong.
I had not shared with any of you that I was at the point of begging God to allow the doctor to see what the problem was... I knew that this pain was reaching a point that was becoming nearly impossible to deal with.
Some of you shared with me that you had been in a great deal of prayer for me leading up to this appointment, but had no idea what was going on. God answered my prayers along with the prayers of those who have been praying for me by allowing the doctor to locate the origin of this pain.
Now for the answer as to how to resolve this problem.... surgery!
As I have mentioned before, since I am not in great health, surgery isn't the preferable option. However, in this case it is the only option... I have been in contact with my general practitioner and she will approve the surgery. My responsibility will be to get my sugars down as low as possible and to get as much weight off as possible before then (I've been able to shed 15 pounds over the past few months so far).
When will the surgery be? Although it will still be a few weeks away (probably March or April) it will take place as soon as possible. I'm currently waiting for insurance approval (sometime this week), and then for an opening in both the surgeons and hospitals schedule. The surgery itself will be a 6 - 10 hour surgery and hospitalization is estimated to be 5 - 10 days.
The really exciting news for me is that this has made it so that the back plate and all four screws need to be removed.... the bones have fused enough from the initial surgery that I had in 2004 that this can be done. This means the pressure in the back of my neck should end... in other words... this should be the end to my headaches.
I will be counting on my children and friends to see me through the surgery and hospital stay... then my parents will be flying out to stay with me for the at home, round-the-clock recovery.
The only other thing (or should I say person) that will be holding me back from a surgery date is a friend of mine. She shall remain nameless... this lady needs shoulder surgery and I was trying to accommodate her in not having my surgery at the same time as her. I was hoping that we could take turns in the spotlight and not have to share it, but nooooo... she decided to cancel her surgery so she could fly off to Chicago and have some fun. Those of you who know her might want to help me put some pressure on her to pick a date and stick to it so that when I need to choose a date I'll know what my options are! Just kidding.... love you girl and have one last hooray in the windy city before you go under the knife....
And finally, when you think about it please say a prayer that all schedules will come into place, my sugar, cholesterol, and weight will continue to fall in preparing for this surgery. Pray also that I don't have a COPD exacerbation or lung infection of any sort that would induce intense coughing, or delay this surgery. And most important, that God will remain in control before, during, and with the result of this surgery, whatever it may be.
Love to all,
Diana
Saturday, January 16, 2010
January 16, 2010 ~ Weekly Update #57
First let me say that with everything happening in Haiti what I am about to share in no way compares to the pain and suffering they are going thru. If for any reason you have been living under a rock for the last week then you need to know that these people desperately need your assistance.
The great organization that continues to help provide me with food and other necessities is helping those in Haiti as well... Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. Something important that I want you to know is that .99 cents of every dollar donated is used to feed and care for the needy. If you donate specifically to the Haiti Earthquake Response that is exactly where the .99 cents out of every dollar you donate will go; even if all you can give is $5.00, that will be $4.95 that will go to help the Haitians in need.
As for me, the last several weeks have been ones filled with anxiety, depression, and great angst.
As I have said before, the God I serve has filled my life with the greatest joy and peace that is beyond what a simple human like myself can imagine.
That said, the reason my life turned upside down was that I stopped looking to my Lord for help. I am human and I simply wanted to crawl under a blanket and not talk to anyone... I wanted to stay there and hide.
After spending a few days like this I decided to reach out to a few that I knew would go to their knees in prayer for me. Those who would send me scripture and those who would begin to remind me to boldly go to the throne of my Lord and seek after Him.
Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
I immediately began to receive responses and felt the prayers of those who were praying for me non-stop. My face was once again turned toward the face of God seeking the hope, joy, and peace that I had put aside. And then, during the moments that I was in too much pain, sleeping, or just plain distraught, I could feel myself being lifted on the prayers of those who were crying out to our Lord on my behalf.
Psalms 141:2 Let my prayer be set before You as incense, the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.
What was all this about... if you will remember back to the last entry made; I referenced the endoscopy and stomach biopsies that were done just before Christmas. The doctor told me that I needed to make an appointment for January 7th to get the results. He informed me that it was very important that I see him on the 7th as he suspected the biopsy would show stomach cancer.
I ignored his instructions as I wanted to forget about everything including what the biopsies might or might not show. Celebrating Christmas and the New Year with my children and grandchildren was a wonderful time; it allowed for the time to pass very quickly. After the first of the year I made a conscious decision not to call the doctor as I didn't think that I wanted to know the results.
January 4th was a particularly bad day for my in regards to stomach pain including more then usual vomiting. It was then that I decided to make the appointment... because the doctor is only in the office on Thursdays I wasn't able to see him until January 14th. When on the phone with the doctors assistant she told me to hold on while she got the results for me... when she came back to the phone she informed me that it would be better if the doctor gave me the results so that he could discuss what the next step moving forward would be. Well, that didn't do me a bit of good, I was certain the news was going to be malignant... but knew the delay was my own fault.
At the same time my neck seemed to be getting worse... I've once again lost the strength and feeling in my left arm. It feels as if the bones in my arm and hand are on fire... at the same time the flesh feels as it is trying to wake up from a deep sleep. The nails of my ring and middle fingers hurt so bad the I am continually trying to put things under my nails to distract from the pain. The nerves in my hand itch so bad that I am nearly scratching my hand raw at times... but the itch doesn't go away.
This problem can be resolved by having yet another cervical spinal surgery but as I mentioned before the doctor doesn't believe that I am stable enough to have this surgery.
Moving ahead to the doctor appointment on January 14th... my friend Lisa took me (once again, I am very thankful for the wonderful friends God has surrounded me with).
The results show that both the masses and areas of inflammation are precancerous. The cause for this is a direct result of both the type and amount of medications I require (in case you are unaware, I am on about 30 different prescribed medications daily).
Neither the masses or areas of inflammation will be removed.... if these areas were removed the problem would come right back. The only way to begin reversal of this is to stop the medications; unfortunately, this is not an option.
The postoperative diagnoses also showed a hiatal hernia (I already knew about this), esophagitis, gastritis, and duodenitis. These are simply inflammation of the esophagus, stomach, and intestines. This is not IBS, this is separate and in addition to the IBS problems I have.
The symptoms for the new diagnosis include:
Heartburn
Trouble swallowing food or liquids
Chest pain
Nausea or recurrent upset stomach
Abdominal bloating
Abdominal pain
Gas
Vomiting
Indigestion
Burning or gnawing feeling in the stomach between meals or at night
Hiccups
Loss of appetite
Vomiting blood or coffee ground-like material
Black, tarry stools
I'm already experiencing most of the above symptoms and that is the reason that I had the endoscopy to begin with. The doctor explained to me that the areas of irritation and masses will continue to grow and increase; additionally, the symptoms will continue to increase in severity as time goes on... unfortunately, unless I completely stop taking the meds there is nothing else to be done.
I'm grateful for the diagnosis as I can now move forward... I'm aware of what to look for and am able to prepare myself for what to expect.
As always, I'm grateful that the Lord I serve never leaves me.... I may choose to momentarily turn my back and not want to talk. But my Lord and Savior never leaves me nor forsakes me... He will forever be with me to walk thru this passage.
Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”
Psalm 138:8 The LORD will perfect that which concerns me; your mercy, O LORD, endures forever; do not forsake the works of Your hands.
With love,
Diana
The great organization that continues to help provide me with food and other necessities is helping those in Haiti as well... Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. Something important that I want you to know is that .99 cents of every dollar donated is used to feed and care for the needy. If you donate specifically to the Haiti Earthquake Response that is exactly where the .99 cents out of every dollar you donate will go; even if all you can give is $5.00, that will be $4.95 that will go to help the Haitians in need.
As for me, the last several weeks have been ones filled with anxiety, depression, and great angst.
As I have said before, the God I serve has filled my life with the greatest joy and peace that is beyond what a simple human like myself can imagine.
That said, the reason my life turned upside down was that I stopped looking to my Lord for help. I am human and I simply wanted to crawl under a blanket and not talk to anyone... I wanted to stay there and hide.
After spending a few days like this I decided to reach out to a few that I knew would go to their knees in prayer for me. Those who would send me scripture and those who would begin to remind me to boldly go to the throne of my Lord and seek after Him.
Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
I immediately began to receive responses and felt the prayers of those who were praying for me non-stop. My face was once again turned toward the face of God seeking the hope, joy, and peace that I had put aside. And then, during the moments that I was in too much pain, sleeping, or just plain distraught, I could feel myself being lifted on the prayers of those who were crying out to our Lord on my behalf.
Psalms 141:2 Let my prayer be set before You as incense, the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.
What was all this about... if you will remember back to the last entry made; I referenced the endoscopy and stomach biopsies that were done just before Christmas. The doctor told me that I needed to make an appointment for January 7th to get the results. He informed me that it was very important that I see him on the 7th as he suspected the biopsy would show stomach cancer.
I ignored his instructions as I wanted to forget about everything including what the biopsies might or might not show. Celebrating Christmas and the New Year with my children and grandchildren was a wonderful time; it allowed for the time to pass very quickly. After the first of the year I made a conscious decision not to call the doctor as I didn't think that I wanted to know the results.
January 4th was a particularly bad day for my in regards to stomach pain including more then usual vomiting. It was then that I decided to make the appointment... because the doctor is only in the office on Thursdays I wasn't able to see him until January 14th. When on the phone with the doctors assistant she told me to hold on while she got the results for me... when she came back to the phone she informed me that it would be better if the doctor gave me the results so that he could discuss what the next step moving forward would be. Well, that didn't do me a bit of good, I was certain the news was going to be malignant... but knew the delay was my own fault.
At the same time my neck seemed to be getting worse... I've once again lost the strength and feeling in my left arm. It feels as if the bones in my arm and hand are on fire... at the same time the flesh feels as it is trying to wake up from a deep sleep. The nails of my ring and middle fingers hurt so bad the I am continually trying to put things under my nails to distract from the pain. The nerves in my hand itch so bad that I am nearly scratching my hand raw at times... but the itch doesn't go away.
This problem can be resolved by having yet another cervical spinal surgery but as I mentioned before the doctor doesn't believe that I am stable enough to have this surgery.
Moving ahead to the doctor appointment on January 14th... my friend Lisa took me (once again, I am very thankful for the wonderful friends God has surrounded me with).
The results show that both the masses and areas of inflammation are precancerous. The cause for this is a direct result of both the type and amount of medications I require (in case you are unaware, I am on about 30 different prescribed medications daily).
Neither the masses or areas of inflammation will be removed.... if these areas were removed the problem would come right back. The only way to begin reversal of this is to stop the medications; unfortunately, this is not an option.
The postoperative diagnoses also showed a hiatal hernia (I already knew about this), esophagitis, gastritis, and duodenitis. These are simply inflammation of the esophagus, stomach, and intestines. This is not IBS, this is separate and in addition to the IBS problems I have.
The symptoms for the new diagnosis include:
Heartburn
Trouble swallowing food or liquids
Chest pain
Nausea or recurrent upset stomach
Abdominal bloating
Abdominal pain
Gas
Vomiting
Indigestion
Burning or gnawing feeling in the stomach between meals or at night
Hiccups
Loss of appetite
Vomiting blood or coffee ground-like material
Black, tarry stools
I'm already experiencing most of the above symptoms and that is the reason that I had the endoscopy to begin with. The doctor explained to me that the areas of irritation and masses will continue to grow and increase; additionally, the symptoms will continue to increase in severity as time goes on... unfortunately, unless I completely stop taking the meds there is nothing else to be done.
I'm grateful for the diagnosis as I can now move forward... I'm aware of what to look for and am able to prepare myself for what to expect.
As always, I'm grateful that the Lord I serve never leaves me.... I may choose to momentarily turn my back and not want to talk. But my Lord and Savior never leaves me nor forsakes me... He will forever be with me to walk thru this passage.
Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”
Psalm 138:8 The LORD will perfect that which concerns me; your mercy, O LORD, endures forever; do not forsake the works of Your hands.
With love,
Diana
Friday, December 18, 2009
December 18, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #56
Merry Christmas!
Once again God is blessing me in ways that I'm not deserving of...
I'm relatively well this holiday season.... I'm not using that term with the intent of substituting it for Christmas. For me the holiday season begins on Thanksgiving and ends on January 2nd. I'm excited as I was able to spend time with my children and grandsons celebrating Thanksgiving and looking forward to celebrating Christ's birth in just a few days. The Christmas tree is not up yet, but there is still hope... my plan is that Nicholas will come over tomorrow and help me put it up.
I'm also praying that God will allow me to attend Christmas Sunday morning at church and then to attend our annual 'Soup and Sing' Sunday evening. This is a time when my church family comes together with homemade soups & cookies, we are able to celebrate the birth of Christ, and finally some will entertain with skits, songs, and such.... If I can make it thru Sunday that will be my Lord's gift to me this year, it's been several weeks since I have been able to make it to church.
This year I was blessed by some (I'm not sure who you are) who dropped Christmas cards and stamps off at my front door. All I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you... I love sending cards! It all happened on the same day; every time I opened the front door there was another bag of cards sitting on my porch. I tried to send cards out to everyone, that is everyone of whom I have an address for, or should I say could find an address for. My New Years resolution is to get organized this year!
I received another wonderful delivery from Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. If you haven't ever looked at their site then please take a look. If you are not involved in feeding the hungry then please consider donating to this wonderful ministry. If not for them there would have been many times that I would have gone without.
And then today I received a gift card from some dear friends that I haven't spoke to in years but they found me on Facebook.... thank you so very much... you really have no idea how much that is going to help.
By the way, if you aren't on Facebook then what are you waiting for???? Sign-up! It's a fun way to stay in touch...
As most of you know I caught the flu on November 1st this year. I had some tests that had been scheduled during November but due to the combination of catching the flu and having COPD these tests had to be rescheduled until my lungs were healthier.
I'm finally healthy enough that I was able to have these tests done... drum-roll please...
I went in to see my neurosurgeon regarding the relation between the plates in my neck and my headaches. Before I forget, the doctor cannot see anything from when my neck 'popped out', for this I am thanking God. The doctor believes that there is a direct connection between the plates and headaches but doesn't feel surgery would be safe at this point. He wants me to better learn my limitations with lifting and moving items. Meanwhile, just as a precaution, he has ordered a CT Scan of the neck and brain... (go ahead, send me the jokes about the missing brain... I think I've heard all of them already, but go ahead).
Next, the ovarian ultrasound... the technician said that she believes the doctor will strongly suggest removing them. I haven't seen the doctor yet because there is one more test that needed to be done so that there can be an order of priority when treating these ailments.
Finally, the endoscomy... this test was done this morning. I awoke to my doctor telling me that he had to take several biopsys... he continued telling me that he found a few mases and areas of inflamtion... each one of these areas were biopsied. He told me that he won't have any answers until after January 7th and so we wait.
Meanwhile, I'm off to have one of the best Christmas's ever!
I'm thanking God that He sent His only Son to this wretched earth for me. My family will celebrate His birth just as we celebrated the birth of Nathaniel this past May.
I plan on fully taking advantage of every day that God gives me as an opportunity of getting to know Him more and more.
I'm really looking forward to every minute I get to spend with my children and their families during the next couple weeks.
And finally, I'm going to enjoy as much time as possible with friends, whether on the phone, in person, or on Facebook!
Merry Christmas to you all!
Once again God is blessing me in ways that I'm not deserving of...
I'm relatively well this holiday season.... I'm not using that term with the intent of substituting it for Christmas. For me the holiday season begins on Thanksgiving and ends on January 2nd. I'm excited as I was able to spend time with my children and grandsons celebrating Thanksgiving and looking forward to celebrating Christ's birth in just a few days. The Christmas tree is not up yet, but there is still hope... my plan is that Nicholas will come over tomorrow and help me put it up.
I'm also praying that God will allow me to attend Christmas Sunday morning at church and then to attend our annual 'Soup and Sing' Sunday evening. This is a time when my church family comes together with homemade soups & cookies, we are able to celebrate the birth of Christ, and finally some will entertain with skits, songs, and such.... If I can make it thru Sunday that will be my Lord's gift to me this year, it's been several weeks since I have been able to make it to church.
This year I was blessed by some (I'm not sure who you are) who dropped Christmas cards and stamps off at my front door. All I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you... I love sending cards! It all happened on the same day; every time I opened the front door there was another bag of cards sitting on my porch. I tried to send cards out to everyone, that is everyone of whom I have an address for, or should I say could find an address for. My New Years resolution is to get organized this year!
I received another wonderful delivery from Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. If you haven't ever looked at their site then please take a look. If you are not involved in feeding the hungry then please consider donating to this wonderful ministry. If not for them there would have been many times that I would have gone without.
And then today I received a gift card from some dear friends that I haven't spoke to in years but they found me on Facebook.... thank you so very much... you really have no idea how much that is going to help.
By the way, if you aren't on Facebook then what are you waiting for???? Sign-up! It's a fun way to stay in touch...
As most of you know I caught the flu on November 1st this year. I had some tests that had been scheduled during November but due to the combination of catching the flu and having COPD these tests had to be rescheduled until my lungs were healthier.
I'm finally healthy enough that I was able to have these tests done... drum-roll please...
I went in to see my neurosurgeon regarding the relation between the plates in my neck and my headaches. Before I forget, the doctor cannot see anything from when my neck 'popped out', for this I am thanking God. The doctor believes that there is a direct connection between the plates and headaches but doesn't feel surgery would be safe at this point. He wants me to better learn my limitations with lifting and moving items. Meanwhile, just as a precaution, he has ordered a CT Scan of the neck and brain... (go ahead, send me the jokes about the missing brain... I think I've heard all of them already, but go ahead).
Next, the ovarian ultrasound... the technician said that she believes the doctor will strongly suggest removing them. I haven't seen the doctor yet because there is one more test that needed to be done so that there can be an order of priority when treating these ailments.
Finally, the endoscomy... this test was done this morning. I awoke to my doctor telling me that he had to take several biopsys... he continued telling me that he found a few mases and areas of inflamtion... each one of these areas were biopsied. He told me that he won't have any answers until after January 7th and so we wait.
Meanwhile, I'm off to have one of the best Christmas's ever!
I'm thanking God that He sent His only Son to this wretched earth for me. My family will celebrate His birth just as we celebrated the birth of Nathaniel this past May.
I plan on fully taking advantage of every day that God gives me as an opportunity of getting to know Him more and more.
I'm really looking forward to every minute I get to spend with my children and their families during the next couple weeks.
And finally, I'm going to enjoy as much time as possible with friends, whether on the phone, in person, or on Facebook!
Merry Christmas to you all!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
November 25, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #55
Expressions Of Gratitude
There is so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day!
A quick update on life and then onto the many things that I have to be thankful for!
First, Happy Birthday Dad! Another year older or wiser... I'll let those of you who know him make that decision.
It's been several weeks since I've been up and around... it started with a good case of the flu that turned into a COPD exacerbation which I'm still experiencing. Because of the on-going lung inflammation I've not been able to have the needed endoscopic done. I've just finished my second round of antibiotics and am still on heavy steroids. I'm currently doing one nebulizer treatment every 1 - 4 hours and using other inhalers between neb treatments.
I'm also awaiting an ovarian ultrasound; that too has been delayed as every time I cough, I leak. Since you all know that I have no secrets, I'm going thru about 1 diaper (Depends) an hour... here's an investment tip... purchase stock in Kimberly Clark...hehehe. Anyway, because one has to drink 32 ounces of water for this ultrasound, I am unable to have this done due to the 'leakage' problem. The delay will continue until this exacerbation is under control and the coughing has stopped.
What many of you don't know... a couple of weeks ago while coughing something happened in my neck. As a reminder I've had two neck surgeries and have plates in both the front and the back of my neck. It was in the middle of the night... I coughed and I felt something happen... there was so much pain that it brought me to tears. It's not often that pain will bring me to tears, as a matter of fact I can't recall the last time I cried because of pain. All I knew was that every time I coughed after that, the back of my neck felt as though it was going to explode. I was able to get into the doctor later that day and was given a shot for the pain and put on pain meds. My doctor sent me for an x-ray and it showed that the hardware appears to have remained intact, this is very good news. I have an appointment to see my neurosurgeon on December 10th and am anxiously awaiting the outcome to this appointment.
Enough about me... my son has a job! Rick started at HealtNet two weeks ago... he's been in training for the last two weeks and has passed all three tests with flying colors. He's working in a great job and I couldn't be prouder!
Jennie... well I've bragged on my daughter and her job to many of you for a very long time, if you don't know, she works for the Fed's. I can't go into details, but if you know Jennie you would agree with me that she is the last person who would lose her job. This last week they informed her that were not going to renew her contract when it comes due. I must say that I appreciate the fact that they are allowing her to work thru the end of December especially when she was originally set to be let go on November 30th. The thing that shocks me even more is that they are sending her on a business trip on Monday... go figure (that's our government for you)!
My grandsons remai
n the two cutest grandchildren in the world and here is the proof!
12. His continued provisions for me for the things I need... notice I didn't say the things I want. But also for the wisdom to learn the difference between things we need in life and the things we want in life. For daily reminding me that in reality there are very few things that one needs in life.
13. I was able to make it to our Thanksgiving and communion service in which we spent time thanking our Lord for His goodness throughout this past year. If you notice the time, then those of you who were there can say you told me so... I over did it and am not able to sleep due to this cough.
There is so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day!
A quick update on life and then onto the many things that I have to be thankful for!
First, Happy Birthday Dad! Another year older or wiser... I'll let those of you who know him make that decision.
It's been several weeks since I've been up and around... it started with a good case of the flu that turned into a COPD exacerbation which I'm still experiencing. Because of the on-going lung inflammation I've not been able to have the needed endoscopic done. I've just finished my second round of antibiotics and am still on heavy steroids. I'm currently doing one nebulizer treatment every 1 - 4 hours and using other inhalers between neb treatments.
I'm also awaiting an ovarian ultrasound; that too has been delayed as every time I cough, I leak. Since you all know that I have no secrets, I'm going thru about 1 diaper (Depends) an hour... here's an investment tip... purchase stock in Kimberly Clark...hehehe. Anyway, because one has to drink 32 ounces of water for this ultrasound, I am unable to have this done due to the 'leakage' problem. The delay will continue until this exacerbation is under control and the coughing has stopped.
What many of you don't know... a couple of weeks ago while coughing something happened in my neck. As a reminder I've had two neck surgeries and have plates in both the front and the back of my neck. It was in the middle of the night... I coughed and I felt something happen... there was so much pain that it brought me to tears. It's not often that pain will bring me to tears, as a matter of fact I can't recall the last time I cried because of pain. All I knew was that every time I coughed after that, the back of my neck felt as though it was going to explode. I was able to get into the doctor later that day and was given a shot for the pain and put on pain meds. My doctor sent me for an x-ray and it showed that the hardware appears to have remained intact, this is very good news. I have an appointment to see my neurosurgeon on December 10th and am anxiously awaiting the outcome to this appointment.
Enough about me... my son has a job! Rick started at HealtNet two weeks ago... he's been in training for the last two weeks and has passed all three tests with flying colors. He's working in a great job and I couldn't be prouder!
Jennie... well I've bragged on my daughter and her job to many of you for a very long time, if you don't know, she works for the Fed's. I can't go into details, but if you know Jennie you would agree with me that she is the last person who would lose her job. This last week they informed her that were not going to renew her contract when it comes due. I must say that I appreciate the fact that they are allowing her to work thru the end of December especially when she was originally set to be let go on November 30th. The thing that shocks me even more is that they are sending her on a business trip on Monday... go figure (that's our government for you)!
My grandsons remai
n the two cutest grandchildren in the world and here is the proof!
Now... for the many things I have to be thankful for!
1. A loving God who cares for me more then I ever deserved!
2. Two of the greatest children a mother could have, a son-in-law that is more wonderful than I could have imagined, and two of the most loving grandsons a grandmother could ask for.
3. My wonderful parents and sister who have taught me so much about having faith in the Lord, life, love, and right from wrong.
4. My church family... by the way this is a church family that is unlike any church I have attended, there are no words to describe the love for Christ as well as each other that is found in this church. If you are looking for a church then please come and visit.... http://granadahillscc.org/
5. The friendship, kindness, and generosity from the Langton family (and it's in that order). I can not begin to elaborate on the many things and amount of time they have dedicated to my life, that of my children, and grandchildren.
6. My friends... I would name you all by name but I'm afraid I would leave someone out.... So thank you to those of you who have driven me around, those who continue to send me money either occasionally or on a regular basis. Those who have contributed their treasures for my yard sales and / or eBay store, the continued food brought over by both individuals and Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. The gift certificates that have been given this year, including a recent one so that I could buy something for each of the boys for Christmas. I'm also thankful to LA's finest, the Los Angeles Police Department who sent us a gift card to provide our Thanksgiving meal.
7. The prayers of so many who hold me up even when I am too sick to open my eyes (which lately has been more often then not).
8. The grace and forgiveness of my loving Lord even when I fail Him time and time again.
9. The fact that my Lord has never walked away from me...
1. A loving God who cares for me more then I ever deserved!
2. Two of the greatest children a mother could have, a son-in-law that is more wonderful than I could have imagined, and two of the most loving grandsons a grandmother could ask for.
3. My wonderful parents and sister who have taught me so much about having faith in the Lord, life, love, and right from wrong.
4. My church family... by the way this is a church family that is unlike any church I have attended, there are no words to describe the love for Christ as well as each other that is found in this church. If you are looking for a church then please come and visit.... http://granadahillscc.org/
5. The friendship, kindness, and generosity from the Langton family (and it's in that order). I can not begin to elaborate on the many things and amount of time they have dedicated to my life, that of my children, and grandchildren.
6. My friends... I would name you all by name but I'm afraid I would leave someone out.... So thank you to those of you who have driven me around, those who continue to send me money either occasionally or on a regular basis. Those who have contributed their treasures for my yard sales and / or eBay store, the continued food brought over by both individuals and Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. The gift certificates that have been given this year, including a recent one so that I could buy something for each of the boys for Christmas. I'm also thankful to LA's finest, the Los Angeles Police Department who sent us a gift card to provide our Thanksgiving meal.
7. The prayers of so many who hold me up even when I am too sick to open my eyes (which lately has been more often then not).
8. The grace and forgiveness of my loving Lord even when I fail Him time and time again.
9. The fact that my Lord has never walked away from me...
10. For the freedoms we have living in this United States of America...
11. Quoting a gentlemen from church... I'm thankful that I am living a life that is a win/win. If God allows my life to continue for years to come I am blessed because Jesus Christ continues to be the sole focus of my life. If my Lord were to take me home tonight... then I've won the greatest race of all... spending eternity worshiping Him.
12. His continued provisions for me for the things I need... notice I didn't say the things I want. But also for the wisdom to learn the difference between things we need in life and the things we want in life. For daily reminding me that in reality there are very few things that one needs in life.
13. I was able to make it to our Thanksgiving and communion service in which we spent time thanking our Lord for His goodness throughout this past year. If you notice the time, then those of you who were there can say you told me so... I over did it and am not able to sleep due to this cough.
14. And finally, for something that I should have mentioned earlier but wanted to save the best for last. Early Monday morning I was awake as I was coughing soooo much! It was around 4:00am and here it came... a cough that was so strong it felt as though something had hit me. My neck snapped forward and then flung back... I heard it and felt it all at the same time. And then, just then, I could move my neck with no pain!
You may believe in the God I serve, you may silently mock me as you read what I write. But I sit here writing about this to tell you that as I sat there early Monday morning, my Lord heard and answered my cry. He reach down and set my neck and the hardware that lies within it into place.
Whether this is a temporary relief to the incredible amount of pain that I have been in or whether he healed my neck I am so thankful to my Lord for His visit with me at 4:00am on Monday, November 23, 2009. I won't know which of these is the case until I get to my surgeon, all I know is that I haven't had to take a pain pill since.
Psalm 26:7
7 That I may publish with the voice of thanksgiving, and tell of all thy wondrous works.
Psalm 100:4
4 Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.
Psalm 107:1
1 O give thanks unto the LORD, for he is good: for his mercy endures for ever. (By the way this text appears three times in the Bible... so, Give thanks unto the Lord.... He is good... and His mercies do endure forever!)
So there you have it.... from my family to yours Happy Thanksgiving!
Diana
P.S. Stephen and Jeralynn (the Langtons) son, Ryan, is scheduled to appear on Larry King tonight (CNN), Wednesday, November 25th. If you have the time then make sure you watch, this way you might get a little peak inside the lives of the Langton's.
You may believe in the God I serve, you may silently mock me as you read what I write. But I sit here writing about this to tell you that as I sat there early Monday morning, my Lord heard and answered my cry. He reach down and set my neck and the hardware that lies within it into place.
Whether this is a temporary relief to the incredible amount of pain that I have been in or whether he healed my neck I am so thankful to my Lord for His visit with me at 4:00am on Monday, November 23, 2009. I won't know which of these is the case until I get to my surgeon, all I know is that I haven't had to take a pain pill since.
Psalm 26:7
7 That I may publish with the voice of thanksgiving, and tell of all thy wondrous works.
Psalm 100:4
4 Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.
Psalm 107:1
1 O give thanks unto the LORD, for he is good: for his mercy endures for ever. (By the way this text appears three times in the Bible... so, Give thanks unto the Lord.... He is good... and His mercies do endure forever!)
So there you have it.... from my family to yours Happy Thanksgiving!
Diana
P.S. Stephen and Jeralynn (the Langtons) son, Ryan, is scheduled to appear on Larry King tonight (CNN), Wednesday, November 25th. If you have the time then make sure you watch, this way you might get a little peak inside the lives of the Langton's.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
October 21, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #54
Where do I begin?
In the last entry I made mention of my stomach and digestive problems. These problems have continued to cause me a great deal of pain. Some days are much worse then others... some days there is very little pain at all.
The benefit in all this is that I have a continued weight loss thru this (albeit slow)... if the weight loss keeps up at this rate I'm hoping to see a difference by Christmas... hehehe.
For reasons that I will go into later, I put off calling the doctor for a few days. I finally called on Wednesday (Sept 30th) and was told to be in her office by 8:30 the next morning. By Friday afternoon I was having an abdominal CT Scan and was told that if I didn't receive a call by that evening then I was to call in on Monday for the results.
Again, I put off the phoning the doctor, I wasn't sure that I wanted to know what the results were and if they weren't calling me then I didn't need to deal with whatever the news was. The doctor called me on Tuesday with the test results, the scan did show somethings that need to be addressed but nothing that would cause the problems that I am having.
The test results showed that I have a 'Fatty Liver', I'm not exactly sure what a fatty liver is but have been told it's something that needs to be watched.
The second result surprised me... you see I had a complete hysterectomy in 2002. I'm not going into details about the hysterectomy (send me an email if you have questions). Anyway, this scan showed that my ovaries are covered in cysts... this discovery requires just a a bit of urgency as some of the cysts have been labeled suspicious.
Regardless, neither of these is the reason for my abdominal / digestive problems. My doctor told me that she wanted me to see a gastranologsit immediately... since my gastranologist is booked about 2 months in advanced she wanted me to make an appointment with someone who can see me right away. Bottom line it appears that I will be having another colonoscopy / endoscopy.
If you have been reading my blog over the years the you will remember back to the last colonoscopy I had about a 20 months ago and all the unexpected surprises that came with it (read more).
Tuesday (Oct 20th), was an appointment with my general practitioner... it was just a follow up appointment but I was thankful for it as I had a number issues to discuss.
My bones have been hurting for the last several weeks... at one time I could take 600mg of Motrin and the pain would dissipate... that doesn't work anymore.
I've been experiencing mild vertigo over the past several weeks; additionally, I've had a headache for the last couple weeks. This headache has been getting worse and worse as the days go by and is exactly as the ones I've had in the past.
On that same visit my blood pressure had shot up to 190/94, my sugars have been between 250 and 360 over the last 10 days or so... and finally, I've been sleeping an average of 12 - 18 hours a day for the last 7 - 10 days.
While at the doctor office I was given a shot for the headache... it is now down to low roar of 3 - 4 on the pain scale. Blood was taken, a referral to my neurosurgeon was written (this to consider removing the plate in the back of my neck).
Next week I am seeing several doctors... as I see them I will be updating you as to what the next step is and will also be informing you as I begin to receive the test results.
As a side note... I have been making a point of being faithful with my medication. As ridiculous as this may sound, my biggest reason for being faithful with the med's is because I really, really want the plate in my neck taken out. I believe this will relieve some if not all of my headaches.
The surgery will not be approved unless my blood numbers come way down. So, I am being ridiculously faithful with all 28 medications.
Now... back to the beginning of this entry and why I put off calling the doctor and then the delay in following up with the doctor. It's a little thing called DEPRESSION.... For those who don't know, I am on medication for depression / anxiety...
There will be at least two sides to my announcing that I suffer from depression...
Some of you will say.... of course you're depressed... look at all that you have been thru.
And then some of you will take a 'holier then thou' attitude and say.....
~ There must be something wrong with your spiritual life
~ Repent and ask forgiveness for your sin
~ Real Christians don't get depressed
~ You need to have more faith / have faith in God
~ Taking antidepressants is playing God, He can heal you
~ Scripture says everything that happens is for your own good
~ Depression is a self discipline problem
~ You should be praying about this
~ You just need to rebuke that spirit of depression and tell it to leave you
What I want you all to know is that depression and or anxiety can happen to anyone. It is medical problem just as diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, or any other physical disability is a medical problem.
There are reasons for depression and / or anxiety and sometimes it's as simple as a single event in one's life that will trigger a downward spiral into depression. If you are suffering from depression then seek help, you may only need help for a month or two... you may require medical treatment for several years, or even the rest of your life. If you have this problem and don't know where to start or who to contact then please send me a note and I will help you find the help you need.
The last time I went to Urgent Care (read more) the doctor who saw me told me that my abdominal problems were a direct result of depression... that if I would just deal with my problems I wouldn't feel sick.
Fast forward to yesterday when I saw my General Practitioner; I flat out asked her if any of my new medical problems were a direct result of depression / anxiety. If they are caused by something that is a direct result of depression then I wanted to know so that I can learn how to deal with this both thru counseling and medication.
My doctor informed that she is positive, beyond a shadow of a doubt that my health issues are not from depression / anxiety. I reminded her that over the last 5 years I've had 3 doctors tell me that everything from COPD to vertigo to abdominal problems are from depression / anxiety.
My doctor informed me that part of the reason they may have said this was because on my good days, the first impression I leave is that I look too healthy to be so sick.
By the way... each of the three above mentioned illness (COPD, vertigo, abdominal) were later proven to be true medical problems.
Recently, I have not wanted to get out of bed... all I have wanted to do is sleep. Is it because I'm depressed??? Is it because my sugars are so high??? Because I'm in so much pain that I don't want to move??? Because my head hurts so bad I don't want to stand up???
To be honest I'm very discouraged, very upset... I don't understand why things seem to be getting worse. I don't care what the diagnosis is, I'm upset because I'm unable to function.
If it weren't for Jeralynn coming in every morning and making me get up for appointments, making me accomplish things that must be accomplished, then I wouldn't be doing anything at all. She has literally been pushing me thru each second, minute, and hour at a time and for that I am so grateful.
There were some mornings that I just got angry with her... she had to discipline me as a mother would do with her toddler. I wanted to just curl up and die some days... life doesn't always seem likes it's worth getting out of bed for. And yet Jeralynn has been there each and every day forcing me to move forward.
Just as Jeralynn is there each and every day... my Lord is there even that much more for me. There are days that I have found myself so low that I couldn't even bring myself to read the Word of God (Bible) or to carry on a conversation with my Lord (going to prayer).
I know there have been days when God has put one of you on my heart. I will sometimes be in prayer for hours, sometimes days for a specific person or situation. I will continue in prayer until God lets me know what ever the situation is has been resolved.
The last few weeks, when I have been down so low, I have rested on the fact that I know God has put me on the hearts of many of you. I know this because I have received cards and emails letting me know that you have been praying for me.
I believe that our prayers rise to heaven like incense...
Psalm 141:2 Let my prayer be set forth before thee as incense; and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.
In my deepest, darkest hours I feel as though my Lord has many of you praying for me. In my heart and in my mind I can see myself being carried by your prayers on the smoke from the incense being lifted up to our Lord. The complete peace and comfort that I'm able to feel is something that I wish you all could experience at some time in your life.
A very dear friend sent something to me recently... it touched my heart and gave me a new perspective on life...
We were created for God's pleasure. In these closing moments of this age, the Lord will have a people whose purpose for living is to please God with their lives. In them, God finds His own reward for creating man. They are His worshipers. They are on earth only to please God, and when He is pleased, they also are pleased. The Lord takes them farther and through more pain and conflicts than other men. Outwardly, they often seem "smitten of God, and afflicted". Yet to God, they are His beloved. When they are crushed, like the petals of a flower, they exude a worship, the fragrance of which is so beautiful and rare that angels weep in quiet awe at their surrender. They are the Lord's purpose for creation."
Isaiah 53:4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
And in closing...
Happy Birthday to a very dear friend who I forgot to call... Happy Belated Birthday Mary!
In Memorium....
Judy Olivetti Jacobs... You lost your father unexpectedly and way too soon... my prayers are with you and your family!
The Miano family... Praying for you guys as you say goodbye to Grandma Ruby.
In the last entry I made mention of my stomach and digestive problems. These problems have continued to cause me a great deal of pain. Some days are much worse then others... some days there is very little pain at all.
The benefit in all this is that I have a continued weight loss thru this (albeit slow)... if the weight loss keeps up at this rate I'm hoping to see a difference by Christmas... hehehe.
For reasons that I will go into later, I put off calling the doctor for a few days. I finally called on Wednesday (Sept 30th) and was told to be in her office by 8:30 the next morning. By Friday afternoon I was having an abdominal CT Scan and was told that if I didn't receive a call by that evening then I was to call in on Monday for the results.
Again, I put off the phoning the doctor, I wasn't sure that I wanted to know what the results were and if they weren't calling me then I didn't need to deal with whatever the news was. The doctor called me on Tuesday with the test results, the scan did show somethings that need to be addressed but nothing that would cause the problems that I am having.
The test results showed that I have a 'Fatty Liver', I'm not exactly sure what a fatty liver is but have been told it's something that needs to be watched.
The second result surprised me... you see I had a complete hysterectomy in 2002. I'm not going into details about the hysterectomy (send me an email if you have questions). Anyway, this scan showed that my ovaries are covered in cysts... this discovery requires just a a bit of urgency as some of the cysts have been labeled suspicious.
Regardless, neither of these is the reason for my abdominal / digestive problems. My doctor told me that she wanted me to see a gastranologsit immediately... since my gastranologist is booked about 2 months in advanced she wanted me to make an appointment with someone who can see me right away. Bottom line it appears that I will be having another colonoscopy / endoscopy.
If you have been reading my blog over the years the you will remember back to the last colonoscopy I had about a 20 months ago and all the unexpected surprises that came with it (read more).
Tuesday (Oct 20th), was an appointment with my general practitioner... it was just a follow up appointment but I was thankful for it as I had a number issues to discuss.
My bones have been hurting for the last several weeks... at one time I could take 600mg of Motrin and the pain would dissipate... that doesn't work anymore.
I've been experiencing mild vertigo over the past several weeks; additionally, I've had a headache for the last couple weeks. This headache has been getting worse and worse as the days go by and is exactly as the ones I've had in the past.
On that same visit my blood pressure had shot up to 190/94, my sugars have been between 250 and 360 over the last 10 days or so... and finally, I've been sleeping an average of 12 - 18 hours a day for the last 7 - 10 days.
While at the doctor office I was given a shot for the headache... it is now down to low roar of 3 - 4 on the pain scale. Blood was taken, a referral to my neurosurgeon was written (this to consider removing the plate in the back of my neck).
Next week I am seeing several doctors... as I see them I will be updating you as to what the next step is and will also be informing you as I begin to receive the test results.
As a side note... I have been making a point of being faithful with my medication. As ridiculous as this may sound, my biggest reason for being faithful with the med's is because I really, really want the plate in my neck taken out. I believe this will relieve some if not all of my headaches.
The surgery will not be approved unless my blood numbers come way down. So, I am being ridiculously faithful with all 28 medications.
Now... back to the beginning of this entry and why I put off calling the doctor and then the delay in following up with the doctor. It's a little thing called DEPRESSION.... For those who don't know, I am on medication for depression / anxiety...
There will be at least two sides to my announcing that I suffer from depression...
Some of you will say.... of course you're depressed... look at all that you have been thru.
And then some of you will take a 'holier then thou' attitude and say.....
~ There must be something wrong with your spiritual life
~ Repent and ask forgiveness for your sin
~ Real Christians don't get depressed
~ You need to have more faith / have faith in God
~ Taking antidepressants is playing God, He can heal you
~ Scripture says everything that happens is for your own good
~ Depression is a self discipline problem
~ You should be praying about this
~ You just need to rebuke that spirit of depression and tell it to leave you
What I want you all to know is that depression and or anxiety can happen to anyone. It is medical problem just as diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, or any other physical disability is a medical problem.
There are reasons for depression and / or anxiety and sometimes it's as simple as a single event in one's life that will trigger a downward spiral into depression. If you are suffering from depression then seek help, you may only need help for a month or two... you may require medical treatment for several years, or even the rest of your life. If you have this problem and don't know where to start or who to contact then please send me a note and I will help you find the help you need.
The last time I went to Urgent Care (read more) the doctor who saw me told me that my abdominal problems were a direct result of depression... that if I would just deal with my problems I wouldn't feel sick.
Fast forward to yesterday when I saw my General Practitioner; I flat out asked her if any of my new medical problems were a direct result of depression / anxiety. If they are caused by something that is a direct result of depression then I wanted to know so that I can learn how to deal with this both thru counseling and medication.
My doctor informed that she is positive, beyond a shadow of a doubt that my health issues are not from depression / anxiety. I reminded her that over the last 5 years I've had 3 doctors tell me that everything from COPD to vertigo to abdominal problems are from depression / anxiety.
My doctor informed me that part of the reason they may have said this was because on my good days, the first impression I leave is that I look too healthy to be so sick.
By the way... each of the three above mentioned illness (COPD, vertigo, abdominal) were later proven to be true medical problems.
Recently, I have not wanted to get out of bed... all I have wanted to do is sleep. Is it because I'm depressed??? Is it because my sugars are so high??? Because I'm in so much pain that I don't want to move??? Because my head hurts so bad I don't want to stand up???
To be honest I'm very discouraged, very upset... I don't understand why things seem to be getting worse. I don't care what the diagnosis is, I'm upset because I'm unable to function.
If it weren't for Jeralynn coming in every morning and making me get up for appointments, making me accomplish things that must be accomplished, then I wouldn't be doing anything at all. She has literally been pushing me thru each second, minute, and hour at a time and for that I am so grateful.
There were some mornings that I just got angry with her... she had to discipline me as a mother would do with her toddler. I wanted to just curl up and die some days... life doesn't always seem likes it's worth getting out of bed for. And yet Jeralynn has been there each and every day forcing me to move forward.
Just as Jeralynn is there each and every day... my Lord is there even that much more for me. There are days that I have found myself so low that I couldn't even bring myself to read the Word of God (Bible) or to carry on a conversation with my Lord (going to prayer).
I know there have been days when God has put one of you on my heart. I will sometimes be in prayer for hours, sometimes days for a specific person or situation. I will continue in prayer until God lets me know what ever the situation is has been resolved.
The last few weeks, when I have been down so low, I have rested on the fact that I know God has put me on the hearts of many of you. I know this because I have received cards and emails letting me know that you have been praying for me.
I believe that our prayers rise to heaven like incense...
Psalm 141:2 Let my prayer be set forth before thee as incense; and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.
In my deepest, darkest hours I feel as though my Lord has many of you praying for me. In my heart and in my mind I can see myself being carried by your prayers on the smoke from the incense being lifted up to our Lord. The complete peace and comfort that I'm able to feel is something that I wish you all could experience at some time in your life.
A very dear friend sent something to me recently... it touched my heart and gave me a new perspective on life...
We were created for God's pleasure. In these closing moments of this age, the Lord will have a people whose purpose for living is to please God with their lives. In them, God finds His own reward for creating man. They are His worshipers. They are on earth only to please God, and when He is pleased, they also are pleased. The Lord takes them farther and through more pain and conflicts than other men. Outwardly, they often seem "smitten of God, and afflicted". Yet to God, they are His beloved. When they are crushed, like the petals of a flower, they exude a worship, the fragrance of which is so beautiful and rare that angels weep in quiet awe at their surrender. They are the Lord's purpose for creation."
Isaiah 53:4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
And in closing...
Happy Birthday to a very dear friend who I forgot to call... Happy Belated Birthday Mary!
In Memorium....
Judy Olivetti Jacobs... You lost your father unexpectedly and way too soon... my prayers are with you and your family!
The Miano family... Praying for you guys as you say goodbye to Grandma Ruby.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
September 26, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #53
I am blessed!
Regardless, the fact that I am still broke is probably not news to anyone. I was doing better financially for awhile, then Rick (23) lost his job and Jennie (26) went on maternity leave. In case you have forgotten why this is applicable to me, it's because both of my children have been aiding me financially for the past couple years. I have the best kids in the world!
There is some light at the end of this tunnel... Jennie started back to work and Rick has the promise of another temp job. Rick has jury duty starting Monday and then his job starts in two weeks. Unfortunately there is a minor downside to this temp job, it's only for three weeks. Once that assignment is completed Rick will go back to being just like all the other 'Unemployed Americans' and will continue his job search until someone say's “You've got the job”.
Meanwhile, back at home the cupboards and refrigerator had dwindled down to bare bones... one of my 'angels' (Jeralynn) had contacted some friends at church who work for an organization called Children's Hunger Fund. They have blessed me multiple times with incredible deliveries; it seems as though every time I am down to almost no food CHF shows up with an abundance of food.
I was so excited when this delivery arrived... as always, it's more then I could have ever wished for. So, thank you to my Lord, thank you Pat & Barbara, thank you Jeralynn, and finally a great big thanks to all the great folks at CHF.
If you are looking for a place to make a year end donation or if you are looking for a place that helps the less fortunate year round as well as at Thanksgiving and / or Christmas, please consider donating to CHF. If nothing else please take a moment to visit their site to see what they are all about. http://www.chfus.org/
These pictures are only about half of what this delivery contained, look at all the fruits and veggies... what a treat!
My home is full of eBay stuff... (do any of you remember the 1970's television show Sanford & Son?)
I have been and continue to be blessed with all kinds of donations over the last couple years. This is the time of the year when I try to remain focused with getting things listed on eBay. Most of my time and energy over the next three months will be spent listing and selling as much as possible... I'm hoping to make enough to once again start repaying my debtors.
That said, please keep me in your prayers now thru the first of the year... that God will allow me the health and strength to get this done. It was last year at this time that my health began to reach a new low... my personal preference is that this year has a different ending then last year did.
Before you read on I need you to keep in mind that my house if full of eBay stuff...
Jennie recently informed me that her and Alex want to have a birthday party for Nicholas on October 3rd. Although Nicholas won't be turning 7 until December 10th, Jen has determined that it's easier to have a party now instead of then.
My contribution for this party... to provide a clean house... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Okay, I had to get up off the floor and stop laughing... but there is hope, as Nicholas put it “Grandma, I know you can get the house cleaned up, you've done it before, you've even made it sparkle before. You can do it grandma, just try really hard and do the best job you can”.
The cleaning (or shall I say, the attempt at cleaning) has begun... pictures will follow next week! (As a side note... about two hours ago my air conditioner went down in a big way... ouch!!! It will be a day or two before anyone can even come to look at it. The party is still on but I'm not sure how clean the house will be. Right now it's over 100 degrees outside and hoovering around 85 inside)
Now, for a health update...
As of just a couple hours ago I began to feel the effects of this heat on my health, coughing more and it's getting harder to breath. I'm putting the oxygen on even as I write this... boo, hoo, hoo... Oh well, this too shall pass, but meanwhile can you hear me lathering on the self pity?... hehehehe
The last three months or so have been getting more and more uncomfortable for me. I thought it might have something to do with being on and off my medications (according to when I could afford them).
My thoughts were that before running into the doctor I would be faithful with taking my medications, this meant making them a priority with my finances. This was accomplished and I've been faithful with all 27 (give or take) medications for about three months now, but the problem has only gotten worse.
I am in constant abdominal discomfort... about an hour after eating anything I start getting really sick, the stomach pain is almost more then I can tolerate at times. Sometimes it will go thru me within a couple hours, sometimes not at all... then the pain travels to around my back and up into my chest, sometimes I will turn white as a sheet and usually break out in cold sweats. After another couple hours pass I'm back to the regular abdominal discomfort.
Some of you might remember seeing me at church several weeks ago when I had to get up and walk out... this was one of those episodes.
A little over a year ago I had been diagnosed with IBS issues... I thought maybe I was getting worse because of the irregularity in taking the meds... but that turned out not to be the case.
I called the doctor on Monday and she told me to go to Urgent Care... and who do I get when I'm there but the doctor who I don't particularly care for (you will see why as you read on).
After sitting there with him for quite a while he states that he knows what the problem is... “You have IBS”, “Yes, I'm aware of that” I told him. I continued on telling him that I was diagnosed with that some time ago.
Keep in mind that my medical group has electronic records, no matter where I go within that group they can see my records (it's very nice).
This doctor went on to tell me that the IBS diagnoses that was I given before was incorrect and that he is correctly diagnosing me now, he is officially telling me that I have IBS. I asked him why it is that I've been prescribed IBS medications for the past year if it was a wrong diagnosis. Why had those IBS medications helped me until now when things appear to be getting worse?
He wasn't sure, but he did know that if I was to pick up the prescription he was writing me and take it every 4 – 6 hours, I would feel much better. He did say that there was one side-effect, this prescription for IBS would knock me out and I would have to go to bed.
Hmm... let me get this straight... I repeated his instructions to him and informed him that if I did what he suggested that I would be in bed 24 / 7. He agreed, but reminded me of how much better I would feel.
Okay, at this point all I wanted was to be out of pain... Jeralynn took me back home and I waited for the pharmacy to call for pick up. They called, but it wasn't to tell me the prescription was ready for pick up... it was to tell me that pharmaceutical companies stopped making this medication years ago. UGH......
The next day I was given a new prescription and have been taking it faithfully ever since. There really hasn't been much of a difference, I'm eating less but only because the consequences of eating are too painful. I really wanted to give this medication a chance before calling the doctor again, if there isn't a noticeable improvement by Monday I will give her a call to see if there is another medication I can try.
God and I have already discussed this new problem... I've informed Him that this is not a good time for me to develop a new physical ailment. I've also told Him that if He would be so kind as to let me get thru the holidays feeling better than I do right now that I would greatly appreciate it.
I then reminded Him that I wasn't exactly thrilled with how I spent Christmas last year. I was very sick and eventually spent eleven days in the hospital.
God gently reminded me that He will remain in control whether that means permanently adding a prescription or two, being diagnosed with something new, or facing whatever else it is that's waiting for me around the corner.
I can honestly say that the life I have lead over the last 4 ½ years have been the best years of my life and I can't wait to see what He has planned for this next chapter in my life.
And finally...
In loving memory ~ Larry Garnand... a wonderful man who left this earth too early in life. Candy, I can't begin to try and understand what you are going thru, please know that my thoughts and prayers remain with you as well as Danielle, Jarrod, Nathan, and the rest of the family.
Diana
Regardless, the fact that I am still broke is probably not news to anyone. I was doing better financially for awhile, then Rick (23) lost his job and Jennie (26) went on maternity leave. In case you have forgotten why this is applicable to me, it's because both of my children have been aiding me financially for the past couple years. I have the best kids in the world!
There is some light at the end of this tunnel... Jennie started back to work and Rick has the promise of another temp job. Rick has jury duty starting Monday and then his job starts in two weeks. Unfortunately there is a minor downside to this temp job, it's only for three weeks. Once that assignment is completed Rick will go back to being just like all the other 'Unemployed Americans' and will continue his job search until someone say's “You've got the job”.
Meanwhile, back at home the cupboards and refrigerator had dwindled down to bare bones... one of my 'angels' (Jeralynn) had contacted some friends at church who work for an organization called Children's Hunger Fund. They have blessed me multiple times with incredible deliveries; it seems as though every time I am down to almost no food CHF shows up with an abundance of food.
I was so excited when this delivery arrived... as always, it's more then I could have ever wished for. So, thank you to my Lord, thank you Pat & Barbara, thank you Jeralynn, and finally a great big thanks to all the great folks at CHF.
If you are looking for a place to make a year end donation or if you are looking for a place that helps the less fortunate year round as well as at Thanksgiving and / or Christmas, please consider donating to CHF. If nothing else please take a moment to visit their site to see what they are all about. http://www.chfus.org/
These pictures are only about half of what this delivery contained, look at all the fruits and veggies... what a treat!
My home is full of eBay stuff... (do any of you remember the 1970's television show Sanford & Son?)
I have been and continue to be blessed with all kinds of donations over the last couple years. This is the time of the year when I try to remain focused with getting things listed on eBay. Most of my time and energy over the next three months will be spent listing and selling as much as possible... I'm hoping to make enough to once again start repaying my debtors.
That said, please keep me in your prayers now thru the first of the year... that God will allow me the health and strength to get this done. It was last year at this time that my health began to reach a new low... my personal preference is that this year has a different ending then last year did.
Before you read on I need you to keep in mind that my house if full of eBay stuff...
Jennie recently informed me that her and Alex want to have a birthday party for Nicholas on October 3rd. Although Nicholas won't be turning 7 until December 10th, Jen has determined that it's easier to have a party now instead of then.
My contribution for this party... to provide a clean house... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Okay, I had to get up off the floor and stop laughing... but there is hope, as Nicholas put it “Grandma, I know you can get the house cleaned up, you've done it before, you've even made it sparkle before. You can do it grandma, just try really hard and do the best job you can”.
The cleaning (or shall I say, the attempt at cleaning) has begun... pictures will follow next week! (As a side note... about two hours ago my air conditioner went down in a big way... ouch!!! It will be a day or two before anyone can even come to look at it. The party is still on but I'm not sure how clean the house will be. Right now it's over 100 degrees outside and hoovering around 85 inside)
Now, for a health update...
As of just a couple hours ago I began to feel the effects of this heat on my health, coughing more and it's getting harder to breath. I'm putting the oxygen on even as I write this... boo, hoo, hoo... Oh well, this too shall pass, but meanwhile can you hear me lathering on the self pity?... hehehehe
The last three months or so have been getting more and more uncomfortable for me. I thought it might have something to do with being on and off my medications (according to when I could afford them).
My thoughts were that before running into the doctor I would be faithful with taking my medications, this meant making them a priority with my finances. This was accomplished and I've been faithful with all 27 (give or take) medications for about three months now, but the problem has only gotten worse.
I am in constant abdominal discomfort... about an hour after eating anything I start getting really sick, the stomach pain is almost more then I can tolerate at times. Sometimes it will go thru me within a couple hours, sometimes not at all... then the pain travels to around my back and up into my chest, sometimes I will turn white as a sheet and usually break out in cold sweats. After another couple hours pass I'm back to the regular abdominal discomfort.
Some of you might remember seeing me at church several weeks ago when I had to get up and walk out... this was one of those episodes.
A little over a year ago I had been diagnosed with IBS issues... I thought maybe I was getting worse because of the irregularity in taking the meds... but that turned out not to be the case.
I called the doctor on Monday and she told me to go to Urgent Care... and who do I get when I'm there but the doctor who I don't particularly care for (you will see why as you read on).
After sitting there with him for quite a while he states that he knows what the problem is... “You have IBS”, “Yes, I'm aware of that” I told him. I continued on telling him that I was diagnosed with that some time ago.
Keep in mind that my medical group has electronic records, no matter where I go within that group they can see my records (it's very nice).
This doctor went on to tell me that the IBS diagnoses that was I given before was incorrect and that he is correctly diagnosing me now, he is officially telling me that I have IBS. I asked him why it is that I've been prescribed IBS medications for the past year if it was a wrong diagnosis. Why had those IBS medications helped me until now when things appear to be getting worse?
He wasn't sure, but he did know that if I was to pick up the prescription he was writing me and take it every 4 – 6 hours, I would feel much better. He did say that there was one side-effect, this prescription for IBS would knock me out and I would have to go to bed.
Hmm... let me get this straight... I repeated his instructions to him and informed him that if I did what he suggested that I would be in bed 24 / 7. He agreed, but reminded me of how much better I would feel.
Okay, at this point all I wanted was to be out of pain... Jeralynn took me back home and I waited for the pharmacy to call for pick up. They called, but it wasn't to tell me the prescription was ready for pick up... it was to tell me that pharmaceutical companies stopped making this medication years ago. UGH......
The next day I was given a new prescription and have been taking it faithfully ever since. There really hasn't been much of a difference, I'm eating less but only because the consequences of eating are too painful. I really wanted to give this medication a chance before calling the doctor again, if there isn't a noticeable improvement by Monday I will give her a call to see if there is another medication I can try.
God and I have already discussed this new problem... I've informed Him that this is not a good time for me to develop a new physical ailment. I've also told Him that if He would be so kind as to let me get thru the holidays feeling better than I do right now that I would greatly appreciate it.
I then reminded Him that I wasn't exactly thrilled with how I spent Christmas last year. I was very sick and eventually spent eleven days in the hospital.
God gently reminded me that He will remain in control whether that means permanently adding a prescription or two, being diagnosed with something new, or facing whatever else it is that's waiting for me around the corner.
I can honestly say that the life I have lead over the last 4 ½ years have been the best years of my life and I can't wait to see what He has planned for this next chapter in my life.
And finally...
In loving memory ~ Larry Garnand... a wonderful man who left this earth too early in life. Candy, I can't begin to try and understand what you are going thru, please know that my thoughts and prayers remain with you as well as Danielle, Jarrod, Nathan, and the rest of the family.
Diana
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