I was able to get both root canals done on Wednesday… yeah! I have another appointment with the dentist for February 4th at which time we will begin working on the other teeth. By the way… I hate dental work!
God continues to bless me with the most wonderful doctors. My pulmonologist is a doctor who was assigned to me while in the hospital; so far he seems to be another outstanding doctor.
At the time of being discharged from the hospital he had told me that he wanted to see me every three weeks. While at the appointment on Wednesday he changed his mind and stated that he wants me in his office every two weeks. My next appointment with him will be on January 28th; it will be at this point that some tests will be run and the amount of damage to my lungs should be determined.
The pulmonologist added several new medications which I’m hoping will help. He’s also informed me that I need to keep the room humidity at 50%; this by the way is helping tremendously. It seems as though my daily routine is revolving around breathing treatments, having a good attitude, eating properly, sleeping, medications, pain management, medications, having a good attitude, eating properly, sleeping, breathing treatments, etc.
My attitude has not been the greatest (although today is much better)… I’ve been grumpy and just can’t get comfortable. I want the old me back, the one that was around six months ago; I am having a difficult time adjusting to this “new” normal.
I’m not just physically feeling miserable… there’s one other thing that I’m trying to deal with. I may need to give a thirty day notice to my landlord on February 1st. Just the thought of having to move on top of everything else is sometimes more than I can bear.
I’ve been spending a great amount of time in prayer over this and God has not yet given me an answer. The fact that my Lord has not yet answered me should not come as a surprise to any of you who have kept up with my story. In fact, I know that God is waiting until just the right time to show me what His plan is for my life. Regardless, I feel as though I am in limbo… I’m finding myself extremely irritable and cranky… When I’m able to put those feelings to the side I can clearly see my frustration lies in trying to solve this problem on my own. Once I step back and stop looking at my circumstances I then realize there really is no need to worry; God already knows where I will be living on March 1st and thereafter for that matter. There are a few things that I am considering; a few options that need to play themselves out. Either way, just as soon as God let’s me know what is going on I will share it with you.
Why am I needing to decide whether to move or not? Both Jennie and Ricky have moved out. Rick is no longer sharing the cost of rent / utilities; he is now living with his girlfriend and has responsibilities there. Jennie goes back and forth from living with me and living with her boyfriend, she is no longer contributing financially as much as she once was.
I’m not informing you of my children and their living arrangements flippantly; they know that I don’t approve of their living situations. In fact, according to the Bible, which you all know is how I strive to live my life, they are living in sin. This doesn’t mean I don’t love them; in fact I love them and their boyfriend / girlfriend very much. I see them all on a regular basis, if not everyday. The fact that we no longer live together has nothing to do with what I believe. It’s just that as they have grown up into young adults with their own lives they have moved on.
The one thing that I continue to do is to pray for them every day; just as I do for many of you. More then anything I want them to come to know my Lord Jesus in the same way that I do.
Just because I have asked Jesus Christ to be the Lord of my life doesn’t mean that my children have done the same. Additionally, my children are not entitled to a free ticket into heaven just because I am saved.
When my children were growing up I was a very poor example of what a Christian was, let alone a Christian parent. I do blame myself for not providing them with an example to follow and for not raising them in a Christian home.
However, my example, or lack thereof… isn’t an excuse that God will honor on the day that they stand before Him. If that is the excuse you are using then let me tell you that it won’t work for you either. I have been very straight forward with you in providing a way to get to heaven… I’ve explained to you what it takes for one to be certain of going to heaven. If you have been reading my story then you won’t have an excuse on the day you stand before God.
There will come a day when myself, my children, and each of you will stand before God. While before Him, God will either find your name in the Book of Life or He won’t; there won’t be a “maybe” or “but…”. The fact is that you will either be cast into eternal torment in hell or you will be welcomed into heaven.
Where would you go if you were to take your last breath right now?
If, even for one second you hesitated in answering, then please, please let me share God’s love with you. If you have to pause in order to answer that question then I venture to say that you most likely aren’t going to heaven.
There were many years that I considered myself a “Christian”… in the back of my mind I was always guessing that when I died I would go to heaven. I had no inner peace, no assurance of heaven being the place I would go when I died… deep down inside I knew that all I was doing was hoping that I would make it to heaven.
Hell is a very real place, and my guess is that ones memory stays with them in hell… part of the torment for some will be the memory of you reading this. For eternity you will remember being given chance after chance to come to Christ Jesus… you will be begging to go back and receive God’s free gift of salvation.
Salvation has nothing to do with ceremony, rituals, and repetitive prayers, going to confession, or being good. All my Heavenly Father asks of you is that you receive the gift of everlasting life and repent of your sins. Jesus Christ came down to earth and died on the cross for our sins and then rose three days later so that we might be saved, that we might have everlasting life.
Ask Christ to forgive you of your sinful life, beg Him to forgive you. And then turn away from any and all sin in your life. That might mean that you need to move from where you are living, you might need to change jobs, you may need to go thru your home and get rid of everything in it, you might even need to end old friendships and make new ones.
Asking Christ into your life means turning and running just as fast as you can from the sin you are living in… and never going back to it again.
Does that mean Christian’s are perfect… absolutely not! But as Christians’ we daily strive to be Christ-like... Christians strive every morning, before even getting out of bed to ask Christ to guard their hearts and minds. Throughout the day they continue to seek the Lord in every decision; if they have failed they immediately ask for Christ’s’ forgiveness. If your desire is to be like God then you won’t want to be a willing participant in sin; you will want to turn away no matter what the cost. It won’t be easy, but you will yearn for a life that reflects the life of Christ.
If this is not how you are living your life then please take time to ponder what I am saying.
I know that I am going to heaven; I know that the second I take my last breath on earth, my very next breath will be in the presence of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. At that moment and from then on I will spend eternity singing praises to and worshiping my Heavenly Father.
While I was in the hospital there was one day that I specifically recall; it was one of the days that I wasn’t doing very well. I’m not sure how much time went by but I do remember that I was overwhelmed with perfect peace. I was absolutely conscious; this wasn’t a ‘near death experience’, just a beautiful moment between my Lord and me. I felt such warmth, it was as though I was lying in a pool of golden olive oil, and it was so pure. I felt as though I was covered with a blanket of white lilies; they had the aroma of Stargazer Lilies (my favorite flower). As I lay there I no longer had concern for things of this world. I was filled with anticipation as I was waiting for my Heavenly Father to call me home; there was no question in my mind that as I stood before Him I knew He would acknowledge me before His Father in heaven.
The beautiful thing was that I had no regret… that sticks out to me more than anything else. I didn’t regret one thing in my life; I had already asked God to forgive me of my past and He did. Throughout the past four years God and I have worked thru all the wrongs I had done to others, all the hurts I had caused, all the wrongs done to me and all the pain others had brought into my life. I had shared His love, I was obedient with the things He asked of me, I had apologized to those I hurt, and forgiven those who had hurt me. The only one I was to answer to was God and I was ready… I had completed everything that He had asked of me.
It was later that day when I began to feel better and that’s when I realized that God had much more for me to do (continuing to share His love with all of you is part of that). I must admit though, there are many times when I would give anything to have that unforgettable feeling back; even if just for a moment.
Please remember that I love and care for each of you more then you will ever know!
Diana
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