Happy Anniversary to my parents and Happy Birthday to my sister! Both of these wishes are belated; however, my family has come to understand that my well wishes are most often better late then never.
Congratulations to Meghan and Paul on the birth of their second daughter, Jenna!
To the rest of you my apologies for the unreturned calls, emails, letters, thank you notes, etc… As you will read on you will see that I have once again been down sick.
Thursday and Friday of last week; February 19th and 20th, I wasn’t feeling good, in fact I ended up skipping those two days of physical therapy.
By late Friday afternoon I had called the doctor telling him that I was coughing a great deal and by that night I had once again been started on another round of antibiotics. I had just finished the steroids three days prior to this only to start back up on 40 mg per day.
When I finally made it into PT on Tuesday of this week and started speaking with my therapist he shared with me that he felt that I was simply having anxiety attacks. He said that I was doing so good at that moment that he didn’t see how I could have possibly been so sick just days before.
At that moment I chalked his theory up to him being a therapist and not a doctor. I explained to him that I disagreed with him and we (very nicely) ended the discussion at that.
Wednesday I had an appointment with my Pulmonologist. I shared with him the thoughts of my therapist and asked if it was just anxiety. If you remember back, there was one trip to the ER when I was told the same thing; it’s just an anxiety attack.
My doctor told me that he had some words for my therapist but that using those specific words probably wouldn’t be a good thing. He went on to tell me that he firmly believes that this was not anxiety. Continuing, he said that if my therapist or anyone else suffered from an illness that limited their ability to breathe that they too would probably be finding themselves in the midst of an occasional anxiety attack in one form or another.
Bottom line, my doctor feels that I am still not doing well; in fact he added another three medications to the every growing list. (Remember, you all are supposed to be praying with me that this med list will begin to decrease, not increase - hehehe).
By the end of my visit I decided to ask him the big question… I know this has crossed the minds of some of you; it certainly has crossed my mind but I just hadn’t asked… until Wednesday.
Just how long do I have to live…? Well, I didn’t ask quite like that, but I did ask if I was going to die within the next year. The answer… NO. However, this is going to be a very long road back to recovery. The problem is that we aren’t sure what recovery for me means; there is really no way of knowing how much better I am going to get.
One of my concerns is that I am almost constantly on an antibiotic, that’s not a good thing; however, for right now this is the only option.
My second concern is the amount of Prednisone that I need to take. Jeralynn was in the office with me and I informed the doctor that I am extremely short tempered and irritated… he turned to Jeralynn and apologized… that’s just one of the unfortunate side effects.
Unless you have been on this stuff there is no way to explain to you how I am feeling. Why anyone would choose to be on this stuff willingly is beyond me… one minute I’m angry and irritated beyond explanation, and the next minute I want to burst into tears. I try not to do the later as it’s near impossible to breathe while bawling my eyes out.
I can’t sleep; when I do it’s for an hour or so then I’m up… it’s this way all night long (this doesn’t help with the moodiness).
Not to mention the extreme night sweats… the endless hunger (hence weight gain). Most recently it’s the hair growth on my face… I’m finding myself needing to shave every time I go out in public.
On another note – there are many side effects that I haven’t experienced – for this I am very grateful.
The way my doctor described my illness is that my flare-ups are like icebergs. I’m going to try to have you imagine this as I explain it.
When you see an iceberg all you see is what is on top of the water; what you don’t see is the worse of it which is underneath the water. Right now, during this flare-up as well as the others, there is a huge chunk of ice on top of the water (the flare-up). This huge chunk of ice that is visible is just a sliver of what the real, underlying problem is.
The goal for me is to get the biggest chunk, which is under the water (the real problem) to melt down to the size of an ‘ice cube’.
The best that my lungs have been since coming home from the hospital would probably be similar to seeing a hint of an iceberg above water; while at the same time the enormous underlying problem remains. This huge underwater iceberg comes no where near the goal of the underwater ‘ice cube’ it should be.
Even then, for those who are healthy, the only time you will get an underwater ‘ice cube’ is if you come down with a cold.
So, I guess you could say that my goal is to get to the point of feeling like I constantly have a cold… not really, but I hope this gives you some idea as to where my health is.
I went back to PT today and came to understand that my doctor had a conversation with my therapist. His discussions with me were completely different then they had been just two days before.
The two hours of therapy and discussion today were focused on yet another ‘new normal’. The bottom line is that unless God chooses to do a miraculous healing in my body; my health is not going to get better… from here out my health will continually deteriorate. As for now, my goal is for this to happen as slowly as possible.
And so life goes… there is so much to look forward to over the next several months. I have every reason to get stronger and stronger!
My daughter will be adding to her family while at the same time giving me a new grandson… this is something that I am very much looking forward to.
Then there is a very dear, precious young lady whom I have grown to love as one of my own over the last seven years. She already has two precious little girls (my adopted granddaughters) and she will be adding another little angel to her family.
She and Jennie are due within two weeks of each other. They are due the end of May / beginning of June.
I’ve been blessed and feel so honored in that some (who have requested to remain anonymous) have provided me with funds in which I will be able to throw each of the girls a baby shower. This will fill up the end of April / beginning of May.
And then there’s something to be said for being sick… My parents (and maybe my sister) will be down to visit this summer, probably sometime in July.
This visit will be an opportunity to not only see me and the kids but to meet their new great-grandson and spend more time spoiling Nicholas.
Several have asked for an update about the adorable little puppy that came into our home for a few days.
We took him to the West Valley Animal Shelter and he has been put up for adoption! The reassured me that they feel confident he will be placed in a loving home.
I wanted to share quickly the reason that I believe that little dog followed Nicholas home that day.
My feelings for Jennie’s fiancé hadn’t exactly been all warm and fuzzy… not for any particular reason… I just hadn’t taken the time to get to know Alex.
I truly believe the only reason that little puppy came into my life was so that God would allow me to see Alex in love. That’s exactly what happened… I had no idea of who this man was that my daughter had brought home.
In the short three days in which that dog was around God allowed me to see what an incredible influence Alex is in Nicholas’ life. What an incredibly strong father figure he is for Nick and what wisdom and tenderness he has for Nicholas.
For those three days in which God allowed this little dog to come into our lives I fell in love with the man my daughter is going to marry, and I fell in love with the father of my new grandson.
That’s it for now…
Love to you all,
Diana
Congratulations to Meghan and Paul on the birth of their second daughter, Jenna!
To the rest of you my apologies for the unreturned calls, emails, letters, thank you notes, etc… As you will read on you will see that I have once again been down sick.
Thursday and Friday of last week; February 19th and 20th, I wasn’t feeling good, in fact I ended up skipping those two days of physical therapy.
By late Friday afternoon I had called the doctor telling him that I was coughing a great deal and by that night I had once again been started on another round of antibiotics. I had just finished the steroids three days prior to this only to start back up on 40 mg per day.
When I finally made it into PT on Tuesday of this week and started speaking with my therapist he shared with me that he felt that I was simply having anxiety attacks. He said that I was doing so good at that moment that he didn’t see how I could have possibly been so sick just days before.
At that moment I chalked his theory up to him being a therapist and not a doctor. I explained to him that I disagreed with him and we (very nicely) ended the discussion at that.
Wednesday I had an appointment with my Pulmonologist. I shared with him the thoughts of my therapist and asked if it was just anxiety. If you remember back, there was one trip to the ER when I was told the same thing; it’s just an anxiety attack.
My doctor told me that he had some words for my therapist but that using those specific words probably wouldn’t be a good thing. He went on to tell me that he firmly believes that this was not anxiety. Continuing, he said that if my therapist or anyone else suffered from an illness that limited their ability to breathe that they too would probably be finding themselves in the midst of an occasional anxiety attack in one form or another.
Bottom line, my doctor feels that I am still not doing well; in fact he added another three medications to the every growing list. (Remember, you all are supposed to be praying with me that this med list will begin to decrease, not increase - hehehe).
By the end of my visit I decided to ask him the big question… I know this has crossed the minds of some of you; it certainly has crossed my mind but I just hadn’t asked… until Wednesday.
Just how long do I have to live…? Well, I didn’t ask quite like that, but I did ask if I was going to die within the next year. The answer… NO. However, this is going to be a very long road back to recovery. The problem is that we aren’t sure what recovery for me means; there is really no way of knowing how much better I am going to get.
One of my concerns is that I am almost constantly on an antibiotic, that’s not a good thing; however, for right now this is the only option.
My second concern is the amount of Prednisone that I need to take. Jeralynn was in the office with me and I informed the doctor that I am extremely short tempered and irritated… he turned to Jeralynn and apologized… that’s just one of the unfortunate side effects.
Unless you have been on this stuff there is no way to explain to you how I am feeling. Why anyone would choose to be on this stuff willingly is beyond me… one minute I’m angry and irritated beyond explanation, and the next minute I want to burst into tears. I try not to do the later as it’s near impossible to breathe while bawling my eyes out.
I can’t sleep; when I do it’s for an hour or so then I’m up… it’s this way all night long (this doesn’t help with the moodiness).
Not to mention the extreme night sweats… the endless hunger (hence weight gain). Most recently it’s the hair growth on my face… I’m finding myself needing to shave every time I go out in public.
On another note – there are many side effects that I haven’t experienced – for this I am very grateful.
The way my doctor described my illness is that my flare-ups are like icebergs. I’m going to try to have you imagine this as I explain it.
When you see an iceberg all you see is what is on top of the water; what you don’t see is the worse of it which is underneath the water. Right now, during this flare-up as well as the others, there is a huge chunk of ice on top of the water (the flare-up). This huge chunk of ice that is visible is just a sliver of what the real, underlying problem is.
The goal for me is to get the biggest chunk, which is under the water (the real problem) to melt down to the size of an ‘ice cube’.
The best that my lungs have been since coming home from the hospital would probably be similar to seeing a hint of an iceberg above water; while at the same time the enormous underlying problem remains. This huge underwater iceberg comes no where near the goal of the underwater ‘ice cube’ it should be.
Even then, for those who are healthy, the only time you will get an underwater ‘ice cube’ is if you come down with a cold.
So, I guess you could say that my goal is to get to the point of feeling like I constantly have a cold… not really, but I hope this gives you some idea as to where my health is.
I went back to PT today and came to understand that my doctor had a conversation with my therapist. His discussions with me were completely different then they had been just two days before.
The two hours of therapy and discussion today were focused on yet another ‘new normal’. The bottom line is that unless God chooses to do a miraculous healing in my body; my health is not going to get better… from here out my health will continually deteriorate. As for now, my goal is for this to happen as slowly as possible.
And so life goes… there is so much to look forward to over the next several months. I have every reason to get stronger and stronger!
My daughter will be adding to her family while at the same time giving me a new grandson… this is something that I am very much looking forward to.
Then there is a very dear, precious young lady whom I have grown to love as one of my own over the last seven years. She already has two precious little girls (my adopted granddaughters) and she will be adding another little angel to her family.
She and Jennie are due within two weeks of each other. They are due the end of May / beginning of June.
I’ve been blessed and feel so honored in that some (who have requested to remain anonymous) have provided me with funds in which I will be able to throw each of the girls a baby shower. This will fill up the end of April / beginning of May.
And then there’s something to be said for being sick… My parents (and maybe my sister) will be down to visit this summer, probably sometime in July.
This visit will be an opportunity to not only see me and the kids but to meet their new great-grandson and spend more time spoiling Nicholas.
Several have asked for an update about the adorable little puppy that came into our home for a few days.
We took him to the West Valley Animal Shelter and he has been put up for adoption! The reassured me that they feel confident he will be placed in a loving home.
I wanted to share quickly the reason that I believe that little dog followed Nicholas home that day.
My feelings for Jennie’s fiancé hadn’t exactly been all warm and fuzzy… not for any particular reason… I just hadn’t taken the time to get to know Alex.
I truly believe the only reason that little puppy came into my life was so that God would allow me to see Alex in love. That’s exactly what happened… I had no idea of who this man was that my daughter had brought home.
In the short three days in which that dog was around God allowed me to see what an incredible influence Alex is in Nicholas’ life. What an incredibly strong father figure he is for Nick and what wisdom and tenderness he has for Nicholas.
For those three days in which God allowed this little dog to come into our lives I fell in love with the man my daughter is going to marry, and I fell in love with the father of my new grandson.
That’s it for now…
Love to you all,
Diana
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