September 8, 2011

I was running my fingers through my hair a few weeks ago and a couple of hairs fell out. I was reminded at that moment how much God cares for me, not because of the few hairs that fell out, but because He knows the exact number of hairs that remain.

Matthew 10:30

But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

It's been a very interesting few weeks, but God has been with me every step of the way. This is just a little peak into the way things have unfolded and the miracles that have taken place this past month.

As you read on there is something that you should know... I do receive Social Security Disability payments each month in the amount of $1,400. However, most of that money is eaten up in the monthly costs of medication and medical costs. This leaves little or no money for rent, food, or utilities.

***

As I wrote last, I was $800 short in my rent for July and $900 short with the amount due for rent in August.

eBay seemed to explode with sales shortly after I wrote that and with my Lord's help I was able to come up with an additional $260. This made the amount that I am in dept to my landlord a total of $1,440.

During this time I had been praying that God would begin to soften my landlords heart so that he would be willing to work with me.

The miracle...

The landlord gladly excepted what I had and didn't give me an eviction notice.

***

I had also made mention that my electricity was due to be shut off on August 2nd (it was actually scheduled to be shut off the next day, August 3rd). What I didn't tell you was that the amount owed for those 6 months that I was past due was over $1,000.

Jennie drove me over to the Department of Water and Power... But before walking in I paused and asked the Lord to go in before me (to do what, I didn't know). At this point, on August 2nd, I didn't have any money to take in with me, the total amount in my purse was $0.00. My checking account was overdrawn and there wasn't a penny to be found anywhere in the house (even in the couch cushions).

The miracle...

I walked through the door and got up to the window... she pulled up my account and asked how I would like to pay. I told her that I didn't have any money, "Then your water and power will be shut off tomorrow" she said. I asked her to please give me one more week, "I can't" she said. Then she paused and asked me if I could come up with just $20. I asked her to let me go out to the car and see if my daughter had any money. After going through her purse Jennie was able to pull together $20 and I went back in to give her the money. To my amazement, she told me that she could give me two additional weeks.

***

It was just a few days after this that my clothes dryer stopped working. (Something to note - this dryer was just 5 years old and the extended warranty ran out in July - I didn't have the money to renew it). I was able to take it apart, fiddle with it and then put it back together... that effort gave the dryer a few more days of life, but in the long run it needed to be replaced.

God and I had a conversation over this... Hello God, don't you realize that I need every penny I can get my hands on to pay the electric bill? How am I suppose to come up with money to get a new (used, but new to me) dryer. The answer that I received back is that He wants to stretch my faith. Okay God, but do you really think I need to continue these faith stretching exercises?

After spending much time looking, God lead me to a dryer that was just a couple of blocks away from where I spent my teenage years in West Hills and it was only going to cost $50.

A great big thank you to Jeralynn for taking me and Ricky over to pick it up (they have a trailer that was able to transport it back to my house).

The miracle(s)...

That I had made almost exactly $50 on eBay just days before finding this dryer.

And then, the complete peace God gave me with this dryer. Once I found out where they lived, I knew this was the dryer God had set aside for me.

***

As you read on, keep in the back of your mind that I'm needing to put 100% of my effort into doing yard sales and eBay so that I can come up with enough money to pay the electric bill.

***

I became quit tired and not feeling good... I still don't understand why God allowed this to happen. But then it's not up to me to know God's master plan, His will for my life.

The bottom line, the new 'Blood Glucose Monitor' that I had received wasn't reading my numbers correctly. What it was telling me was that my sugars were okay, when in fact they were hoovering in the 200 - 300's (they should be between 90 - 150).

Once we found this out my doctor decided to temporarily increase the amount of insulin that I needed to take. My insurance (for whatever reason) wouldn't cover the insulin that I so badly needed.

My doctor didn't have any samples and there was no way that I could afford to purchase it. So with the combination of no insulin and high blood sugar numbers, I really didn't feel very good.

This went on for about two weeks... then finally my doctor was able to get some samples and things started looking better.

(P.S. I'm still in the process of getting a glucose monitor that works accurately.)

The miracle... I'm still here and didn't end up in the hospital during that time.

***

With me feeling better, I only had a few days left before I had to pay the electric bill. God gave me the energy and we did a yard sale (in addition to eBay).

The miracle... because I hadn't had enough energy to go through my treasures, there wasn't very much put out to sell at the yard sale... still, over $500 was made that day.

Between that money, a financial gift and overdraft protection... the bill was paid in full.

***

At this point I'm going full force to try and make rent for September. I need to come up with money to cover the overdraft protection in addition to the $1,800 rent money that's coming due. This is not to mention the the $1,440 I am still in arrears to my landlord for.

Sunday night (August 28th) I was working on eBay, at the same time worrying about how the rent was going to be paid. Just then I noticed that something had sold on eBay (it sold for $9.99)

It was at the moment that God spoke to my heart... He promised that He would take care of me. He promised me that if I did my part that He would take care of me.

(I already knew that I had given everything I could financially that morning in church, it was only $20, but it was all that I had, I didn't have another penny to my name.)

At that same moment He told me to put everything that I had into this yard sale, every ounce of energy and everything that I could find (and that's just what I did).

He never promised me that my rent would be paid, but what He did promise is that He would take care of me.

Since that very moment when God spoke to my heart and mind, I was instantly flooded with complete and perfect peace. I was almost giddy with excitement to see just how it is that God was going to take care of me.

I want you to remember this part that I have italicized.

***

The yard sale was wonderful... another $500 plus was made. But that wasn't near enough to begin covering what I needed.

In addition to one of my friends being there to help with the yard sale, my Pastor's son also spent the day helping out. At the end of the day he suggested that we do it again on Monday... what a great idea, and that's exactly what we decided to do.

***

My goal in all of this was to give my landlord the rent in full, $1,800. I thought if I can do that then he might at least have faith in me that I am trying my best and he would let us stay on living here. I thought I would explain to him that I would continue on do my best to pay him back as quickly as possible.

God had other plans.

***

It's now Sunday, late afternoon.... I had looked at the weather forecast to see how hot it was going to be... in the 100's. But, they also said there was a chance of rain... WHAT? In California, the end of August?

If I set everything up and it rained then I would lose everything.

Lord, do you want me to move forward or cancel the yard sale?

As I sat there trying to decide what to do, my mother sent me a note on Facebook...

Daddy and I will help you pray the rain will be held back. "Where two or three are gathered together in my name there I am in the midst of them." Thank God for His word and that He is in control of the weather and Our Lives. Love you, Mom and Dad

Okay God, I will trust that this is confirmation to move forward. And that's just what I did.

As I was continuing to get ready for the yard sale Jeralynn called me... She wanted to know if I had seen the huge rainbow. I went outside and sure enough, there it was, bigger then life. (Later I found out the this was seen by many, all over the San Fernando Valley).

I paused to look up and thank God for this second confirmation that He sent me, I needed to move forward.

We went out to hang signs up that night... the sky was lit up with lightening strikes, they were everywhere. Again I prayed, God this is all so confusing to me. And in that still small voice He said, Trust Me.

The first thing I did when I woke up Monday morning was to look outside to see if it had rained. The sky was dark and full of clouds, but not a drop had fallen. At least not at that point.

***

There was no rain on Saturday... at one point we had a few 'big' drops, but then the skies parted and the sun came out.

Only about 25 people came to the yard sale and yet the total sale brought $130.

At the close of the yard sale Rick and I went to take the signs down, but only 5 of them were still up... someone had gone through and taken down 10 of the signs... which makes this profit of $130 even more of a miracle!

Not only were the signs taken down, but some were ripped in half, while others had been stomped on. I didn't understand, someone was really angry about us having a yard sale.

***

Although $130 is a good deal of money, I was extremely discouraged. By this point I had a total of $1,500 to give my landlord, but that was all I had, it wasn't even close to the $1,800 I had hoped for.

It's now Tuesday and my landlord is on his way over... I'm not sure what he's going to say when I tell him that I only have a portion of the rent money to give him. Furthermore, I now owe him $1740.

The miracle...

Remember what I wrote above in italics; God told me know that if I did my part that He would take care of me... this is what happened.

Once he arrived I told him how much I had and reviewed with him what I owed him in back-rent.

I asked him what he wanted to do...being that I owe him so much money and that I have no idea how I am ever going to pay that back. I continued on letting him know that I have no idea how much I will be able to give him each month going forward.

I asked him if he wanted us to move out... He himmed and hawed, and then this is what he said...

He is leaving in two weeks to go to Italy to care for his parents. He will be there for at least one month, maybe two, maybe longer.

He told me to continue on doing the best that I can.... no matter what that is, just do my best to come up with as much rent money as I can each month.

Maybe around the first of the year we will re-visit this whole thing and see where it lands.

Meanwhile, "don't worry" he said, just do your best.

I asked again about the $1,740 I owe him in past rent... 'that's the last thing on my mind right now', you are taking care of my home and I'm just not too concerned about the money right now'.

When he left I broke down into tears thanking God! What landlord does this?

God did exactly as He promised He would do... He didn't provide the rent in full, but He took care of me.

I can rest assured that I will be here through at least until the end of the year and probably far beyond that.

I love my Lord, my Abba Father, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I'm finding it hard to put into words how grateful I am to serve such an awesome, powerful, wonderful God!

I have been jumping up and down ever since, breaking down in tears, falling to the ground and giving thanks to my Lord as I am so unworthy of His goodness!

***

I had used every penny in the house to give him as much money as I could. This left no money for medications or food.

Just now, today (Thursday) the mail came... what was in the mail? A check for $100... can I get an AMEN!

I'm making my list so that one of the kids can go shopping for me to get some things I've done without the last couple of weeks. I might even splurge and get a salad and some chicken... yummy!

By the way, thank you to those who sent the check!

***

Please join me in giving thanks to my Lord and Savoir Jesus Christ for His everlasting goodness!

It's a new month now, I'm sure there will be new twists and turns, but I can't wait to see what God has planned for my life.

Love,

Diana

August 2, 2011

Wow, It's been a long time!

The last seven months have been spent talking to my Lord, seeking His will for my life, and trying to make sense of the why's and why not's as to the course my life has taken.

Before I continue, I want to make sure that everyone reading this understands something... my purpose for writing this blog is not to look for pity or handouts.

The primary purpose of this blog is to give praise and glory to my Lord and Savior for His continued love and provision toward me and the road He's leading me down.

Once again, I will begin to share the ups and downs of my life, the swerves both left and right. It's been a most difficult first seven months of 2011 but my Lord has been through it with me, every step of the way.

I'll start with a short update on my parents...

My mother ~ Shortly after the beginning of the year her doctor began to take her off of the pain medication that she had been on after her fall in October. It didn't take long to discover that she had experienced additional damage to her physical body (besides the multiple breaks to her pelvic and sacrum areas). After some testing it had been determined that one of her rotator cuffs had been torn completely in half.

She successfully underwent surgery to repair this tear and a short time later (in April), she returned back to work full time as a receptionist for an insurance company in Florida.

My father is doing much better then any man with 1/2 of a heart should be doing. He is even working about 10 hours a week (outside of the home).

As for me... this first half of 2011 has been a daily roller coaster ride. If I had it my way I would have jumped off about 5 months ago.

Where to begin... So far this year has brought with it a case of pneumonia, a couple cases of bronchitis, being on oxygen (more often then not), falling a little more frequently then before, and becoming very forgetful. The pain and numbness in my extremities has become more intense, thus making it more difficult to do anything.

In addition, since the beginning of 2011 it's become a serious (month to month) question as to whether I was going to stay living where I am or whether I was going to NEED to move.

Backing up a bit...

It was just about 5 1/2 years ago when I made a decision to fully commit my life to Christ. Asking Him to be the Lord of my life... Begging Him to let me fulfill the purpose He has for my life... And, daily living out the plans that He has for my life.

After all, if I couldn't live for Him here on earth (no matter what the circumstances are), then what right do I have asking to live with Him in heaven for eternity.

Looking back at the last seven months, the only reason that I am able to continue on is because of the joy and peace my Lord has given me and knowing that He has been there with me every step of the way.

As you read on, please know that my Lord never walked away from me, in fact, He continued to provide for many of my needs. If the truth be told, I was the one who lost out, I missed out on having joy, peace, and a comfort that only He can give.

To be honest with you, I don't like this road that I've been traveling on. I've spent many days and nights arguing with God... telling Him that He doesn't understand my life. That if He did understand it, He would allow me to do things the way I wanted them done and not the way He wanted them done.

God so gently reminded me of a man in the Bible... the mans name is Jonah... Jonah too had plans for his own life. Just then God brought back to my mind the commitment that I had made to Him. And that although I may not 'like' what is happening in my life right now, I needed to follow the path (the design and purpose) that He has laid out before me.

It's taken the last several months but I've finally been able to understand that I had promised to freely follow His will for my life. Because of this I could either live out His purpose in my life cheerfully or He could uproot me and put me wherever it is that He wants me to go (whether I like it or not)... just as He did with Jonah.

Just recently, very recently (maybe the last few weeks), I finally quit fighting God.

What do I mean by quitting the fight with God? Let me explain...

It really was more of an emotional battle... I was determined to storm through life, doing everything in my power to stay where I am (not moving). I was angry, mad, and hurt... I was set on making life work on my own terms. I did everything in my power to cut communication with most everyone that was close to me... or at least keep it to a minimum.

There was nothing and nobody that was going to stop me... I kept my nose to the grind stone and nothing was going to get in my way. I didn't care if it killed me, in fact there were times that I would have preferred that it ended that way.

I had made a decision to keep my focus on eBay... spending as much time as possible working on eBay, every ounce of energy I had was devoted to making money). During this time I ignored everything and everyone, including my God, my children, and grandchildren.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't do anything horrible (as it would be seen in the eyes of many). But what I did do was put God on the shelf. I put aside reading the Bible and spending time in prayer with my Lord. I figured that I needed to put all the energy I had into eBay, after all, if I was going to stay living where I'm at, I needed to make as much money as possible.

But then it happened, the walls came down and I cried out to God. I can't tell you when (as I don't remember what day it was), it just happened. The fight I was putting up, well, it just laid down.

My conversation with God went something like this...

God, forgive me! How humbly I come before you, begging your forgiveness for thinking that I knew what was best for my life.

I had given my life to you (5 1/2 years ago)... since then you have never failed me... you took care of me... never letting me down.

But then I became scared, I took my eyes off of you and it took all I had to keep my head above water.

Lord, I don't want to struggle to stay afloat! Please give me another chance to complete the purpose that you have for me in this life and that I might live it as you would have me live it.

Lord I'm willing to go down the path that you would have for me to follow, I'm willing to take the curves, the hills, and the valleys that I'm about to enter. I know that you will have hold of my hand every step of the way and for that I am forever grateful.

Amen

Immediately after I prayed the anger, resentment, and frustration, it all went away... I was once again filled with a calmness, peace, joy, and love that I hadn't felt in a very long time.

With that said, I grabbed my Bible and got started back on the road that He has had for me all along.

The road in front of me is still filled with rocks, boulders, dips, and sharp turns... but God is with me.

The most important thing that I have learned is how grateful I am that I serve a loving, kind, gracious, and merciful God. Knowing that He didn't quit on me, even when I quit on Him is something that I will treasure forever.

I'm still continuing with eBay and yard sales... it's important that I do as much as I can. However, my priorities have been realigned, and my Lord is back to being first on my list.

The next update that I will send out will include some details of these ups and downs... but I will give you a couple hints...

~ Today is August 2nd, I still owe $800 towards rent for July and am $900 short for August rent.

~ The electric bill hasn't been paid in 6 months and is scheduled to be shut off today.

~ I went to the Pulmonologist and it was determined that I need additional testing done on my lungs to see if their functionality has lessened and whether my need for oxygen has increased again.

I'm excited and can't want for you to journey with me and see were Gods plan for my life will lead me.

With love,

Diana

January 10, 2011

What a year 2010 has been and what a year I think 2011 will end up being!

I think the greatest thing I learned this year was being reminded that we are only here on earth for a fleeting moment.

In April 2010 I underwent my third cervical spinal surgery... this one was to remove the plate in the back of my neck. So far, it appears that this has worked... for the most part anyway; I say that because the headaches are gone and for that I am praising my Lord. I still have some numbness and weakness in my extremities, but the headaches (constant migraines with no relief) are gone!

My parents came out for April and May to assist with my recovery... that was a wonderful time! My father (who has congestive heart failure) played the handyman and repaired everything that needed fixing in my home (yes, I'm renting, but if I don't complain about and/or fix it myself the landlord won't raise the rent). Dad even remodeled the spare room in my house to make it into a baseball room for the boys. Nicholas and Nathanial were so very happy with having their own room at grandma's house.

My mother spent her time getting me better... waiting on me hand and foot. I know that had to be difficult for her... not necessarily waiting on me but realizing how much more I had deteriorated compared to the last time she was with me. I think the biggest surprise to them this year was realizing that I no longer have control over my bodily fluids. But my mother remained a saint, constantly changing the linens and cleaning up whenever I didn't hit my intended target (be it the trash can or toilet).

They were both able to spend time attending Nick's baseball games and getting to know the newest member of the family, Nathaniel.

My parents went home mid-May; mom started back to working her full time job and dad continued working around the house in addition to his part time job, and life as he knows it.

By the end of August my father was in ICU hanging on to life; there were no expectations that he would live. He was alert enough that he was able to assist my mother, sister, and aunt in planning every detail of how he envisioned his memorial was going to be. But then, just as quick as he went down, he turned around and started getting stronger... I'm not saying better because he is still very ill... he daily wears a nitroglycerin patch to keep his pain at bay. It reminds him that he has 5 inoperable arteries that are nearly 100% blocked... we are all aware that one day his heart will stop... only God knows when this day will be. Meanwhile we continue to be thankful for each day that is given to not only him but to each of us.

Before we knew it time had flown by and it was the beginning of October; mom was celebrating her birthday. I think she was most thankful this birthday simply because dad was still around to celebrate this day with her.

Then it happened, one week after her birthday... mom fell and and landed hard. She broke two bones in six places in her pelvic area; 32 days later (way ahead of schedule) mom came back home.

Mom was able to be home for Thanksgiving... this was a much earlier release date then what was first expected. During the time that mom was down I spent a great deal of time searching the Word of God trying to discover His purpose in all of this. As for me, I never did find out what God's reasoning for allowing mom to suffer such pain, but I do know that He was with her every moment of her suffering and that He never left her side.

God is continuing to restore her health... it will be a long road back to recovery but at least she is at home and headed in the right direction.

As for me; just before Thanksgiving I ended up having two teeth pulled. Having these teeth pulled very much went against the dentists recommendations; however, I don't know anyone who has $3,000 to drop on some dental work.

Going a little further back for me... I began to get sick mid September... so the routine started. Go on antibiotics, steroids, breathing treatments, rest, and start over. The symptoms did dissipate long enough for me to have the teeth pulled; but then they came flying back with a vengeance.

I stumbled through Thanksgiving with even more antibiotics, steroids, and breathing treatments... but nothing, no getting better this time.

Right around Thanksgiving I plummeted; mostly into depression, I attribute this to my health continuing to nose dive with no relief.

At this point I was finding it very difficult to be thankful for the many blessings that had been and that were continuing to be bestowed upon me.

I was grateful... oh, let me tell you how very grateful I was to the many of you who poured out your love, prayers, gifts, and finances upon me.

How grateful I was to a young man in my church (Zach) who organized a group of about 40 from my church family to surprise me by standing outside my front door singing Christmas carols on a very warm Sunday afternoon. And then how grateful I was to each and everyone of them who came up and greeted me with hugs, food, and even some gifts.

I was just finding it extremely difficult to continue on with a thankful heart... I was done.

I have found that for me there is a difference between being thankful and being grateful. If I was to be thankful for the blessings bestowed upon me then I had to be thankful for my circumstances. My circumstances of always being the one in need, always being the one who is sick, always being the one who... (if you haven't read my entire blog then you will probably have a hard time understanding what I'm referring too).

I think it was the end of 2010... maybe a couple days before January 1st rolled around that I began to realize that my attitude certainly wasn't helping anything. By allowing this depression to take over my life I had stopped communicating with my Lord on a daily basis and had stopped depending on His Word, the Holy Bible, for my daily guidance.

Don't get me wrong, there are still many days that I find myself depressed, both in regards to my health and my circumstances; but the last several nights have been spent with me asking (even begging) my Lord to not let go of my hand.

In looking back over the last several months, He never did let go of my hand; it was me turning away from Him; being so frustrated with 'everything' that I just wanted to bury my head in anything but my Lord.

So as this new year started... so did a much stronger walk with my Lord; this time with a faith that is much more intense.

Here's a short review of last year in regards to my health...
There were two new medical diagnosis in 2010... stomach paralysis and burning tongue (mouth) syndrome.

Stomach paralysis means that my food takes much longer to digest then most; this explains much of the vomiting that I have experienced over the past year.

Burning tongue (mouth) syndrome (for me it's just the tongue)... one's tongue (most often the entire mouth) feels as though it is on fire; additionally, I've lost the ability to taste food.

Backing up a bit... it's interesting how God allows our paths to cross with each other even though sometimes years have past. That was the case with some friends of mine that I hadn't had contact with in probably 20 years. Fred and Kathy... to say that they have been through a great deal in their lives is putting it mildly. So I thought that I would send them a note... just in case, for some far off reason, they might know what I was talking about. And guess what, they did, they knew exactly what burning mouth syndrome was and what the best cure was. Thank you by the way for sending me a two month supply of this wonderful supplement. It hasn't completely disappeared, but the symptoms are much better.

Today was the first of many doctors appointments in 2011. This one was with a new doctor, an ENT... because I've had this horrible cough and laryngitis (for four months now) my pulmonologist wanted me to see him just to make sure everything was 'okay'.

After speaking with him for about 15 minutes he informs me that he is doing a 'Nasal Endoscopy' right there and then.... yipee! Just a few minutes later and it's all over... the results (and please, if any of you have ever heard of this before let me know).

Reflux Laryngitis... apparently the back side of my voice box (layrnx) has been severely damaged by acid reflux. I have had a hiatal hernia for a few years now (blamed on the severity of the bronchial coughing). He believes that the cause of this 'reflux laryngitis' damage is a combination of the hiatal hernia and almost daily vomiting (from stomach paralysis) over the last several months.

First new rule... minimal talking!

Second, he has started me on two new medications (if you are counting, that brings the total to 42 prescriptions per day). I am to see him again in 30 days... meanwhile, nothing to eat at least four hours before laying down (either to nap or sleep). And, nothing to drink one hour before laying down (even water), nor am I to have any cough drops one hour prior to laying down or while laying down.

If you know me, you know I live on water, probably 15 glasses a day... I think I drink at least 1 - 2 glasses during the night, this in an attempt at preventing a dry mouth and calming my cough.

I'm not really sure what this will mean in regards to how much sleep I will be getting from this night forward. I cough so violently through the night that I often find myself vomiting at least once every night. I have cough syrup yes, but often count on water and/or cough drops to get me through the rest of the night.

I will be back to see this doctor on February 7th to find out if anything has changed either for the better or the worse; it will be at this time that I also find out what the next step(s) will be.

I read the following on someones blog and am going to paraphrase it... but thought it perfect as this new year seems to be starting off with so little knowledge as to where it will take me.

Starting this new year has been like standing at the edge of the cold, deep, dark ocean. Looking at those big waves it's hard not to get scared, at times I've had to hold myself back from turning in the other direction and running as fast as I can.

What I've come to realize is that it's not about diving in to those cold scary waves... it's about keeping my eyes on Jesus and getting ready to walk on the water.

Matthew 14: 27-31
²⁷ But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.”
²⁸ And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.”
²⁹ So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus.
³⁰ But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!”
³¹ And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

At times I still find myself filled with doubt as I sit and wonder what the future holds... questioning how much longer I can go on with my health continuing to decline on what seems to be a regular basis.

But it's not about what I see as being possible... it's about what's possible with Him...

Matthew 19:26
²⁶ But Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Once again, thank you to all who have spent time on their knees for me... and so much more!

With love,

Diana

November 18, 2010

This post is in direct response to the many who have asked for an update...

Friday, November 12th:
Mom came home from the hospital; she needed a few days to get comfortable but seems to be getting stronger with each passing day.

Last Friday also meant a dental appointment for me... I had been suffering from some semi-intense pain over the last few months. The x-rays showed that I needed two root canals... the two teeth were back to back.

One of the teeth bothered me significantly more than the other so that was the tooth that was pulled. Why did I have it pulled instead of having the root canal done? Hmm... I don't have dental insurance... Root Canal $790 vs Tooth Extraction $250... the decision wasn't difficult.

The dentist gave me seven stitches in an attempt at avoiding a dry socket. I've had many pulled teeth and with nearly each one came a dry socket; so I was really hoping this was going to work.

Going back on the 22nd to have the stitches removed.

I was started on a round of antibiotics to fight off any infection... I was personally hoping it would aid in my breathing.

Saturday, November 13th:
Saturday was a good day for the most part... Saturday evening the area of the extraction began to hurt.

Sunday, November 14th:
The pain was increasing and nothing seemed to bring relief.

Monday, November 15th:
Went to the dentist... an infection had set in (it appears that my body has built up a resistance to Zithromax aka Z Pack). I was started on Clindamycin and began to feel a bit better.

Tuesday, November 16th:
The new antibiotic continued to bring relief for me.

Mom is continuing to improve... but it appears that she tore her rotator cuff when she fell. She cannot lift her arm and it is causing her a significant amount of pain. She will most certainly need surgery to repair her shoulder; it's not a matter of if it's a matter of when.

She's been through this once before and if you've ever had it done you know it can be a very painful recovery. Regardless, it's something that will need to be done eventually.

Wednesday, November 17th:
Tuesday night was the first night that I slept through without cough syrup... these new antibiotics have started working on my breathing!

My oral pain continued to decrease in the area of the extracted tooth but began to increase in the tooth next to it that is in need of a root canal.

Mom has continued to improve and dad went to his daily compression therapy.

While at compression therapy dad began to experience chest pains and was sent to the hospital. Many tests were run and it was determined that he did NOT experience a heart attack. Instead, it was a reminder that he is not a healthy man; that he has congestive heart failure, and that there are many more times like this ahead of him. He was released and sent home Wednesday night.

Thursday, November 18th:
I was up most of last night (Wednesday night) in pain from my tooth... I called the dentist this morning and it's been decided that I will have my 2nd tooth pulled tomorrow.

By the way... the stitches seem to have done the trick... no dry socket! Let's see if the same holds true after this next tooth is pulled.

Friday, November 19th:
I think that I'm looking forward to getting this 2nd tooth pulled... I'll let you know later in the week.

Mom will be going to get her hair done tomorrow (this is the first time since the fall - 6 1/2 weeks ago). After that she is hoping to be attend the funeral for the very young daughter of a co-worker who passed away unexpectedly.

*****

I received some new lab results and even a new diagnosis... but those details will wait for later as I need to get some ice on my face in hopes of eliminating some of this pain.

But before I close, thank you to a wonderful friend who sent me a gift card a couple weeks ago. And more thanks for all the food that has come my way this week; another incredible delivery from Children's Hunger Fund, individuals who have dropped off bags of groceries, and then some amazing cooks who have made some wonderful meals...

*****

O, How I Love Jesus

That is a name I love to hear, I love to sing its worth!
It sounds like music in my ear, the sweetest name on earth.

O, How I Love Jesus; O, How I Love Jesus!
O, How I Love Jesus, because He first loved me.

*****

I John 4:19
19 We love Him because He first loved us.

With love,

Diana

November 11, 2010

It has been almost two weeks since mom has experienced the worst day since her fall. Ever since that day she began to slowly improve.

Aunt Shirley arrived one week ago; she has been a huge help to my father and a blessing to my mother. Although, as you will read on, the necessity of her being with them has only just begun... her assistance is needed now more then ever.

This next bit of news came as expectantly to us as I'm sure it will to you...

God has certainly heard and answered our prayers... in fact, I will tell you that He has allowed for a miracle. To the many of you who have prayed, thank you... God is good and His timing is perfect.

Mom is going home tomorrow (Friday, November 12th)... yes, you read correctly. She is being released from the hospital tomorrow and will be heading home.

If you remember reading a couple weeks ago she wasn't going to be released until the end of this month at the earliest and quite possibly the end of the year.

She still has a long road of recovery ahead of her; but we are rejoicing in the fact that a new chapter in her life is beginning tomorrow as she is released from the hospital.

Please join us in giving all the praise and glory to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ for this miraculous healing in mom's body.

*****

As for me, I went to the doctor yesterday... chest x-rays were taken and the good news is that I don't have pneumonia.

More good news for my family and Jeralynn; the doctor won't allow me to start on the 'heavy' dose of steroids (100mg prednisone). I say good news for them because I have not been the most pleasant person to be around lately; my attitude problem is a result of the most recent doses of steroids that I have been on.

That isn't good news for me... that means I continue to live with this COPD flare-up (exacerbation). The type of COPD that I have is chronic obstructive bronchitis... meaning constant bronchitis and the cough that goes along with it. This is the same cough that caused the cervical spinal injuries and required the many surgeries that have gone along with it.

I'm sure you have heard that too many antibiotics aren't good for a person... eventually they won't work. That is the case for this bout of bronchitis... they want to hold off any giving me additional antibiotics in case this turns into pneumonia and antibiotics become necessary.

My doctor is holding off on the 'heavy' steroids until she gets my blood work back... steroids play havoc on diabetics and do a number on one's bone density. She feels that right now the risk of going on prednisone is greater then the possible benefits.

So now I will wait... wait until the blood results come back and will continue to rest, sleep, and rest some more until this exacerbation slowly works it's way out of my body.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7
³ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,
⁴ who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
⁵ For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ.
⁶ Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation.
⁷ And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation.

With love,

Diana

November 4, 2010

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow

At this time in my life it is only because He lives that I can face tomorrow. For me it's one minute at a time... sometimes it's making it through one second at a time.

If you have a family member in a rehabilitation hospital or convalescent home please, please make your presence known to the hospital staff. Stand in defense of your loved one, make surprise visits two - three times a day; if you suspect anything, investigate it... don't let anything go unnoticed.

I don't have the emotional energy to go into details; but just know, even the finest of establishments can reach their limits. Frustrations are then taken out on the most frail, the weakest patients. Patients who either don't have a voice or who can't properly communicate are the most vulnerable.

I have spent the last few days being angry, furious, not understanding and not wanting to understand. I'm not angry because my parents are ill... I'm angry because I am not physically well enough to fly down to Florida and be by my mother's side during the day and sleep by her side at night.

God and I have spent a lot of time talking these last few days... or should I say, I've been doing the talking (the yelling, the screaming) and haven't paused to listen to God's response.

Psalm 55: 1-2

¹ Give ear to my prayer, O God, And do not hide Yourself from my supplication.

² Attend to me, and hear me; I am restless in my complaint, and moan noisily.

Saturday was the single worse day mom has had since first falling three weeks ago. The last few posts have pretty much explained her day to day living so I won't spend time repeating myself.

My father has become extremely tired and is not doing well himself. He wears a Nitroglycerin Patch so that he doesn't feel any pain... however, the chest pains have increased over the last several days to the point of him experiencing significant pain even with the patch. In fact he has had to miss his compression therapy because of lacking the strength he needs to get there.

My parents health has deteriorated to the point that we have asked my aunt to fly out to Florida on Friday. I'm thanking God for my Aunt Shirley, this is my fathers sister... she is an angel sent from heaven. Auntie is in her 70's herself but if she can sit with my mom and constantly remind my mom that she isn't alone this will be a tremendous help.

Hopefully, this will allow dad to take the time he needs to rest and slowly get back up on his feet. He will continue to see mom several times a day but this way he can rest when he needs to. If dad ends up back in the hospital (which won't surprise any of us) my sister will catch the first flight out of Washington so that she can be there with auntie.

*****

As for me, I'm struggling to keep my head above water. I'm still experiencing side effects from the few steroids that I was on... extreme mood swings, swollen face and ankles, and I've almost got a full beard going...lol.

The problem is that I need to go on a much stronger dose of steroids... (Prednisone 100 mg/daily) that's not something that I want to do at this point. Eventually I will need to give in and get on them... it's becoming more and more difficult to breathe, the coughing is causing my neck to swell and well.... the other problems would fall into the 'TMI' category.

Jeralynn came over last night so that we could talk (so that I could talk). After she sat quietly listening to me ramble and ramble (that's all I seem to be able to do) she told me that I needed to stop and take time out for myself.

Listen to christian music she told me, listen to your cd's over and over again. Listen to PR's (Pastor Ron's) sermons over and over again ~ http://granadahillscc.org/category/sermons/. Spend time doing things just for me; things that will calm my spirit, clear my head, and allow my body to start healing from this endless bout of bronchitis.

Okay, I think I can do that... in fact, I've spent the last hour or so listening to the greatest Pastor in the world deliver a wonderful message entitled 'Abba Will Wipe Away All Your Tears'.

And finally, a praise report, yes in the midst of all of this I have something incredible to thank my Lord for. I'm not sure that I am at liberty to give any names so I will hold off on that for now... but please join me in giving thanks to my Lord for an answer to prayer. Tuesday when getting the mail an envelope fell to ground... I opened it to find a check, in fact a check that was written out for a large amount of money. 'Medications for November & December' was written in the memo line... I broke down into tears praising my Lord for His goodness. (This of course caused me to start coughing until I was vomiting and unable to breath... after a nebulizer treatment I was finally able to calm down).

As I fell asleep that night I was able to rest in the arms of God knowing He will continue to provide for my every need.

It's been almost 6 years since I decided to put my trust in God and I don't regret that decision for one second. If you have been reading my blogs you have seen that when God became the Lord of my life He didn't promise an easy road for me. In fact, for me, my life turned upside down the minute I decided to follow Christ. But you know what, I wouldn't have it any other way... the circumstances of my life may be out of my control. But I wouldn't trade the peace and joy that I have within for all the money in the world.

I will praise the name of the Lord and I will not be afraid. He will stop my feet from stumbling and He will allow me to walk in the path of His light.

<sup>Psalm 56:8 - 13

8</sup> You number my wanderings; You put my tears into Your bottle; are they not in Your book?

⁹ When I cry out to You, then my enemies will turn back; this I know, because God is for me.

¹⁰ In God (I will praise His word), in the LORD (I will praise His word),

¹¹ In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?

¹² Vows made to You are binding upon me, O God; I will render praises to You,

¹³ For You have delivered my soul from death. Have You not kept my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?

With Love,

Diana