February 13, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #45

Get well wishes to Barbara, a friend at church who unexpectedly had emergency appendectomy surgery Monday night.

By the way, Barbara was given ‘Suite 431’ at Holy Cross Hospital… if you remember, that was the room that I spent a good part of December in. So if you happen to be in the position of needing hospitalization at Holy Cross just remember to request the best room in the house, Suite 431!

Life continues to change at an unbelievable pace! Thru it all I continue to fall back on the fact that my Lord remains the same yesterday, today, and forever. He’s always by my side; all I need to do is to speak His name to know that He is there.

Although I knew that I shouldn’t have, I had decided to go to church on Sunday.

I wasn’t feeling well but a friend was announcing his engagement while at the same time introducing his fiancée to our church family… it was a surprise to everyone as he had kept their courtship a secret. His fiancée and I were to meet up before church so that she wouldn’t be sitting alone before the big surprise. How could I help but be there to help celebrate, I had no other choice, I had to be there!

Congratulations Jerry and Angela!

Immediately following church we had a delicious lunch which was an informational kick-off for our building fund. Our church family never ceases to amaze me with the talent that lies therein… Tom you did an incredible job of preparing lunch for the approximate 100 who had said they would be in attendance.

It was immediately after the church service that I knew I wasn’t doing too well. I had made those around me promise not to tell Jeralynn how I was feeling at this point. I really wanted to enjoy visiting with others over lunch while at the same time learning about the renovation plans for some of the buildings on the church grounds.

I knew that if Jeralynn had learned of how I was feeling; she would have taken me home and put me to bed. Those who assisted me in being able to stay at church for lunch kept their word and didn’t say a thing to Jeralynn. Thank you to the female members of the Miano family (I think Tony would have assisted had I asked), the Silva’s, and I even think Pastor Enoch passed by… they all kept my secret and I was able to stay until the end.

After being at church for about 4 ½ hours I realized things weren’t going so good. It became apparent to me when I couldn’t take 10 steps without being out of breath and feeling as though I would collapse. I would sit, rest, and catch my breath for awhile and then move on… this continued every several steps until I lost it.

I couldn’t do it any more… I was done, finished… it was over! I think this was the very first time that I have given up. It was so overwhelming to me that I couldn’t even walk out to the car. I knew it was back to the hospital and that was the last place I wanted to be. At that point and time I was certain that it was going to be another two weeks of being in the hospital. (It’s a good thing I wasn’t admitted, where would Barbara have gone ~ hehehe)

Both Stephen and Jeralynn took me to the ER; I was there for several hours, after another round of tests, breathing treatments, intravenous meds, etc… the ER doctor came in and said I want you to start on Xanax and you should see your doctor in the morning.

Huh???? I am certainly not against psych drugs… this may be a shock to some of you (or maybe not) I’m already on anti-anxiety meds. I will get into this in a separate blog as I feel that it’s time this is openly discussed and not something to be ashamed of both in and out of church.

But really, I knew that there was much more to the way I was feeling then just needing to be put on Xanax. I went home and went to bed, Monday morning Jeralynn called and made an appointment for me and then woke me up when it was time to go. I literally crawled out of bed, into my clothes and into her car… off we went.

I still was not doing well… Thank God this doctor (Pulmonologist) and his staff knew me… they immediately recognized that I had greatly deteriorated from the last time I had been in the office just a week before.

The very first thing my doctor told me was NOT to fill the Xanax prescription… the ER doctors aren’t aware of my history and I’m not in need of that particular prescription (not now anyway – hehehe).

The doctor informed me that what happened on Sunday was that the 40mg of Prednisone that I continue to remain on had caused severe muscle weakness… this was the reason I was unable to walk more then a few steps at a time. The more I tried to move, walk, or do anything the more exhausted I became.

I could not breathe as I all my focus and energy was spent trying to get to the car. At this point I felt absolutely helpless and realized I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life like this.

It was then that all I could do was sit there and sob uncontrollably. I asked for those who were still at church to pray with me and they did… as patiently and lovingly as any group of people could have they stayed with me until I was able to get the car. Thank you all so much!

Back to the doctor visit… there were more results for a different test that had been done while at the ER; it showed that I have an electrolyte disorder… this has shown up occasionally on blood work in the past but now I have officially been diagnosed with this new problem.

An electrolyte disorder is an imbalance of certain ionized salts (i.e., bicarbonate, calcium, chloride, magnesium, phosphate, potassium, and sodium) in the blood.

The ones that I have a problem with are potassium and magnesium.

Symptoms associated with Potassium imbalances include:
• weakness
• nausea and/or abdominal pain
• irregular heartbeat (arrhythmia)
• diarrhea
• muscle pain

Symptoms associated with Magnesium imbalances include:
• lethargy
• hypotension (I'm having the opposite problem)
• decreased heart and respiratory rate
• muscle weakness
• diminished tendon reflexes

The doctor also came to the conclusion that the breathing medication I have been using with my nebulizer was no longer working so he has switched me to something different. This new medication seems to be doing a wonderful job; I’ve already seen a drastic improvement in getting a good night sleep.

Bottom line… my health is just a bit worse then it was last week!

The doctor informed me that under no conditions am I allowed to skip Physical Therapy; even if it means rolling out of bed into my wheelchair, into a car, and being wheeled into the office. That’s just about what happened on Tuesday, Jeralynn showed up, rolled me out of bed and into the wheelchair, and then straight into the office we went, I made it!

I learned a great deal at PT on Tuesday!

As of Tuesday I am only to speak when I exhale… try this for yourself... breathe in thru your nose for a count of two seconds and then speak for four seconds as you are breathing out thru your mouth. Even if you don’t finish your sentence, stop talking while you breathe in for another two seconds… continue your sentence only once you are ready to breathe out thru your mouth for another four seconds.

Do I always do this??? Absolutely not! However, I’ve been told that if I want to stay out of the ER then I had better get use to this new normal way of speaking. So… if you are speaking with me and I’m not using this technique then stop me and make me speak slowly with the 2 – 4 second breathing.

Onto how I am able to move around… it’s the same theory. As I take two steps I breathe in thru my nose… the next four steps are spent using the ‘pursed lip’ breathing technique, breathing out thru my mouth. Again, the next two steps are in thru my nose, with the following four steps out thru my mouth.

Do I always do this??? No, but again if I want to stay out of the ER then… blah, blah, blah…

If you are with me while I am walking or doing anything else and I’m not using this technique then stop me and make me do the 2 – 4 breathing technique.

You’ll immediately recognize if I am doing the above mentioned correctly... as Jeralynn has put it, recovery for me resembles that of a stroke victim who is learning to walk and talk again. (Okay, just laugh with me about this… it’s better than crying)

Apparently this will be the new normal for me from now on… I’ll be honest; this is a very tough adjustment.

The other bit of information that I was given at PT is that effective this coming week I am to begin 3 appointments a week with them. This third appointment which is on Fridays will focus on balance therapy… this is supposed to aid with the vertigo I suffer from and with that I won’t be so dependent on my cane / walker.

This now means at least four days of the week are filled with appointments… hurray!

Lisa volunteered to run me around on Thursday; we had to pick Nick up from school, drop him off with Alex, and then head over to PT. I wasn’t feeling great as a migraine had reared its ugly head on Wednesday, while at the same time I was experiencing inflammation and pain in my neck where the metal plates are. If I had my choice I would have stayed home; but the doctor had made it very clear to me that I am not to miss these PT appointments.

By the time I made my way into the office (about 30 minutes from the time we left my house) my blood pressure… it was 170/110. Needless to say most of my time spent at PT was trying to alleviate pressure from my neck, minimize the migraine, and bring my blood pressure down to anything besides what it was.

Jeralynn was picking me up from PT and you will be happy to know that they wouldn’t allow me to walk down to the car and meet her. The ‘good doctor’ (in reality I’m grateful for the ‘good doctor’s my Lord has surrounded me with) made her come up and get me. By the time I was ready to leave my blood pressure had come down to its normal 140/90… yes, I know that’s a bit high and after yesterdays experience I’m sure this means that my BP med’s will soon be changing.

I thought I would add a picture this week to give you some idea of the number of med’s I’m taking… It’s without a doubt that some of the med’s that are necessary to my health, have made me even sicker.

If you would like you can start praying that instead of adding new med's every week that we can start discontinuing them eventually.

In addition you can pray that God will continue to provide financially for my medical costs. Imagine for a moment the cost of refilling these prescriptions month after month.

Regardless, I’m doing much better today… still have a residual headache and some neck pain… However, I am thoroughly enjoying this wonderful cold / wet weather that God has given us for the next several days. Okay, its cold for So Cal… 50’s during the days and 40’s at night.

Well, I think I covered everything… come this Sunday I am going to do everything in my power to make it to church again. With all that I’ve learned this week I have no intention of making another trip to the ER.

PR (Pastor Ron ~ my Pastor) sent out another wonderful letter this week… if you are getting these letters and not reading them then you are missing out on some wonderful insights that God is sharing with him. Anyway, I’m pulling this week’s scripture verses out of his letter.

Romans 8:28
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Isaiah 41:10
10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

John 16:33
33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

PR ~ thanks for your continued faithfulness to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

To the rest of you, if you would like to meet my church family (all those who I dearly love), and if you would like learn more about the Lord I absolutely worship and adore then please come and visit my church.

Let me know what Sunday you will be there; I would love to see you and have a chance to introduce you to all who love me. I promise there is no obligation by you showing up… you don’t have to stand, you don’t have to sing, you don’t need to speak a word, and you don't have to drop a single penny in the offering bag as it passes by!

Just come and sit with me… it would mean the world to me for you to take two hours (actually 10:30am to 12:00 noon) out of your schedule on any Sunday and see where I worship my Lord!

http://www.granadahillscc.org/

With love to you all,

Diana

February 3, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #44

Word travels fast… Since I’m too tired to return the calls and answer all the emails I’m sending out this update.

There are many things I am thankful for… one in particular is that my Lord already knows what every day will bring into my life. More importantly He already knows the direction my life will take.

Many days I wish that I had the answers as to what tomorrow will bring… but as each day plays itsef out I understand why God doesn’t allow me to see what the future holds… I just wouldn’t be able to handle all the excitement.

All of you have problems and I don’t mean to make light of anything you all are going thru. It’s just that lately I’ve been wondering why God’s been choosing me to mold, choosing me to change, and choosing me to use.

Remember back when you were in school, the teacher asked for a volunteer… many were raising their hands, pick me, and choose me is shouted out as hands keep shooting upward. The teacher never picked those… he picked the one who sat there thinking that’s okay; I don’t need to be picked today. That’s okay teacher, someone else can have a chance, remember you picked me last week.

Lately it seems as though God has stepped up the intensity and the frequency when it comes to molding, changing, and using me. As my life continues to change at what seems to be a rapid pace my prayer is that you have seen and will continue to see what a mighty and awesome God I serve. I pray that I have provided an example to you as to what living for Christ is and that you have witnessed what having a relationship with Jesus Christ is all about.

Sunday morning Nicholas and I were able to go to church which is something we haven’t done in several months. Praise the Lord for the time we had to worship together with our church family.

After that it was home to eat lunch and rest up for the big game!

About 3:00pm, just as the game started I began to not feel so good. I was having constant, semi-intensive chest pains and by about 4:30pm I realized that the pain just wasn’t going away. This pain was familiar as I remembered it from being in the hospital about six weeks ago. When in the hospital and the pain became this bad they gave me a Tylenol #3 (Tylenol w/ codeine) and the pain would subside to the point of being able to think about something, anything, beside ‘being in pain’.

I had gotten a (just in case) prescription for Tylenol #3 when I had the dental work done and still had some in the house. I took one thinking that in an hour or so I would be back to feeling normal and would call the doctor in the morning. By about 5:00pm I realized wasn’t feeling any better and that I might even be feeling a little worse then I had an hour before.

The real bummer is that the pain bothered me so much that I couldn’t even enjoy the big game.

By about 5:30pm I realized that I needed to call my doctor and he sent me straight to the hospital. I called Jeralynn, but with her being so sick with a head cold she sent Stephen in her place. Let me tell you; I think this man deserves a special reward! It’s not just enough to care for his own wife; but to have to take care of her friend as well… that’s just too much and I don’t think many men would do that… so thank you Stephen.

I got to the hospital, blood was drawn, x-rays taken, and an EKG was done.

There were no televisions where I was in the treatment area; but I could sure hear all the excitement and commotion, screaming and hollering; it sounded more like a Super Bowl Party then a hospital. "The Cardinals won"… "no Steelers won"… "no I think it was the Cardinals"… "no, wait, it’s the Steelers", this was being shouted from every room in the hospital!

Let me tell you hearing all this and not being able to see it in action would have given anyone chest pains; I missed it, I missed the best part! Wouldn’t you know that once I finally got to my own room (private room with a television) and had med’s for the pain, the game was over!

Okay, back to me… they kept me there for a couple more hours just monitoring me and waiting for the blood work. It appears that although the infection is going away; the swelling in my lungs is worsening.

The best way to describe this is to imagine that you have badly damaged your hand. It’s broken and there are open wounds; to keep infection out you will be put on antibiotics. But your hand is swollen to the point of not being able to close it in a fist or open it to a flat position; much of the pain you would feel has come from the swelling and inflammation.

That is how my lungs are right now… the antibiotics (Z-Pack) are taking care of the infection. The steroids are what will hopefully start reducing the swelling as well as the inflammation which are causing the pain in my chest. The more my lungs swell the more they look like over inflated balloons. While swollen my lungs are not able to open and close like healthy lungs do, they stay open while they are swollen; hence the pain.

Monday morning my doctor once again increased the dosage of Prednisone (watch out mood swings) and I will be checking in with him on Friday. If I begin to get worse then I will call him right away to see what the next step should be.

The eye doctor appointment I had for Monday was cancelled as was my PT appointment for Tuesday. I am going to try with everything in me to keep my dental appointment on Wednesday as that is also extremely important to the healing of my lungs (that’s an entirely different story).

If you pray for me then please pray that this ‘episode’ can be taken care of without hospitalization. Also, please pray for Nicholas, he was pretty upset Sunday night trying to understand why grandma is sick.

Before you send emails asking why I am up so late… I’m up taking meds and breathing treatments… right now I’m wide awake and hoping to get back to sleep soon.

Love to you all,

Diana

Psalm 104:33-34
33 I will sing to the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
34 May my meditation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the Lord.

January 30, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #43

I neglected to recognize another family who has suffered a recent loss. My friend and neighbor Dawn and her family are saying goodbye to her father tomorrow (Saturday). This comes almost 2 years to the day of saying goodbye to her mother.

Although I’m not able to attend the service my thoughts and prayers are with you and the rest of the family.

Dawn and Lisa ~ many thanks to the both of you for sharing in my transportation needs this past week!

PT (physical therapy) has been wonderful… I’m now up to exercising 1 hour every Tuesday and Thursday. Now I just need to get the same equipment they have at rehab so that I can continue my workout throughout the week. I believe that I’ve come across a table top version that will allow for the same type of exercise at home… the best part is that it is under $30.00.

Once my lung capacity and strength have increased a bit more then they will order some resistance bands and weights for me to have at home. Hopefully, in a couple of weeks I will be ready to start walking the neighborhood… let me know if you want to take me for a walk.

I had an appointment with my pulmonologist today and he gave me some very good news!

I’m not depressed…

Apparently I’m just sick again with another lung infection! Wow, talk about being ignorant! There is so much for me to learn about this COPD thing. I guess this stuff is a little more serious then I thought. It’s hard for me to get a grip on the fact that one little cough most likely means that I have a new infection.

As I mentioned in the last update, I had been getting up a couple times each night for breathing treatments because I was coughing. I was also finding myself extremely tired and I thought depressed.

If nothing else this rotten disease is certainly playing mind games on me. Being sick again was the last thing on my mind. Even today as I was sitting with Lisa I told her that I am going to make an appointment so that I could start dealing with this depression that I was in. What a shock to find out the only problem is being sick.

While in the office today the doctor informed me that the next time I start coughing I need to call his office right away. He reminded me that there is always a doctor on call 24/7 and if I don’t receive a return call within 10 minutes to call again.

Before 2002 I only went to the doctor if I didn’t feel good… I figured that if I became too sick or if I noticed a change in my body then I would seek the advice of a physician. Going from that to seeing doctors several times a month, and now… needing to call every time I cough… that’s a bit much. Anyway, if you are around me and I cough I guess you should ask me if I’ve called the doctor.

I was given a shot of steroids while in the office, a couple new medications and another week of steroids 40mg / daily and then another week to taper off. After I had returned home the doctor’s office phoned saying that they were calling in yet one more prescription, antibiotics.

Let’s talk about steroids for a moment shall we!

If you have ever had to take those nasty tasting little Prednisone pills then please let me know how you get them down your throat. As for now I take little tiny pieces of bread and wrap each one individually until it’s completely covered… it’s only then that I can swallow them one at a time.

How can these little pills make one feel? As Lisa and I were sitting in the office we starting talking about how steroids can cause one to become agitated. I had never heard of such a thing… then I started to think.

Do you remember back to one of my recent updates where I stated that Stephen and Jeralynn had seen the good, the bad, and the ugly? It was the steroids! You all need to keep this in the back of your mind… if I say something you don’t like then blame it on the steroids!

Okay, in all serious this has been very interesting to learn. It explains to me why so many of you have irritated me without your even knowing it. I mean that with all the love I have… but please, go ahead and continue to irritate me… deep down inside you all mean the world to me! At least now I can know how to react… and if I happen to blurt out “it’s the steroids” you will know why!

Love to you all,

Diana

January 28, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #42

Before I begin… I want to send my deepest sympathies to my Aunt Shirley (my father’s sister), cousins Ray, Sue & their family, and Norm, Terry & their family for the loss of their son / brother Rick (Ricky ~ Erich).

Rick enjoyed the last few years traveling & living abroad, most recently in Thailand. A little over a week ago the family received word that he had passed away.

Please keep them in your prayers while they are mourning his loss. Additionally, please pray as they are in the process of having his body sent home (New Jersey) and at the same time preparing a memorial service to say their final goodbyes.

As a side note; my son Ricky received his given name (Erich) from our cousin Ricky.

It’s sad. but because we live on separate coasts it's that rare that we have an opportunity to visit or even speak with each other. The last time we were able to visit with Rick was about 6 ½ years ago while on vacation in Florida. This picture was taken during that visit, yes, that is myself along with Rick…

Back to me…the last few days have been a bit difficult…

I’ve needed to get up a few times during each night to do breathing treatments and with that I’ve been extremely tired throughout the day. So much so that I’ve canceled my most recent PT (physical therapy) and doctor visit with my Pulmonologist.

The PT appointments are wonderful, I’ve learned how to breathe so that I’m not always out of breath, (this breathing technique is called pursed lip breathing). http://www.copd-international.com/Library/plb.htm. Additionally, I’ve begun exercising, how wonderful to be able to do this without being out of breath.

As of now I have a PT appointment for Thursday, Pulmonologist appointment for Friday, Monday is an Eye appointment, PT on Tuesday, Dental on Wednesday, PT on Thursday and so on.

By the way, if any of you are willing and able to assist me in getting to/from appointments I would truly be grateful… I’m trying to free Jeralynn up just a bit (and keep Stephen happy). Not only does she check in on me throughout the day and night, drag me around to my appointments, do errands for me, but she also picks Nicholas up from school everyday and takes him to Alex’s house. (Who is Alex? I will tell you in a minute.)

As of right now I am thanking God that my housing problem has been resolved; at least temporarily. I’ve spent much time crying out to God and sharing my desire with Him as wanting to stay in my house. I love where I live; God has blessed me with the most incredible neighbors, I feel at home and really don’t want to move.

My only other choice besides staying where I am right now was to rent a room from someone. I’m not saying that renting a room won’t happen eventually, in fact that just might be exactly what happens over time. If that were to happen then I would need to give up everything I own, the only “things” that I could keep would be whatever I could fit into a bedroom. As I have been mulling over these options the last few weeks I have found myself becoming very depressed at times.

Regardless of what happens in the future, I need to remember that God has and always will have His very best planned for my life. As you have all witnessed, His plans have certainly not been my plans. I may not see it at the time but I need to hold onto the faith I have in Him and not forget that He is the one taking care of me.

So onto the housing resolution… Jennifer (my daughter) is going to move in with me. She won’t be giving me the exact dollar amount that is needed to stay here but Rick has agreed to help out with what we are short on.

I may put a call out to some of you to assist me with a yard sale or two as the summer draws near. I owe a few individuals along with several credit card companies’ money which was accrued during the couple years that I was without income. The majority (about 99%) of this “borrowed” money was used for medical expenses.

The easy way out of this debt would be to claim bankruptcy or to just write them off in any way that I can. However, it is my responsibility to pay back every penny of debt (and interest) that I have incurred both thru credit cards and personally.

I was well aware of what I was doing at the time of using the credit cards and borrowing money. At the time I felt it was my only choice as I needed to continue to see doctors and take the required medications for which I had no insurance.

I had began repaying those I owed money to from the 1st day I received my first disability check at the beginning of 2008 and have continued thru today. My goal for 2009 is to have everyone paid in full, with interest by the end of this year. I will keep you posted!

Now, onto some news that I haven’t had the chance to share with the majority of you…

Jennie and Robert (Nick’s daddy) ended their relationship some time ago…

With that, Jennie had begun dating and found / fell in love with a young man named Alex.

I had not met him until Thanksgiving when I was able to pull off a dinner for six (this was one of those things I wanted to accomplish before going into the hospital). My son Rick and his girlfriend Honey, Jen, Alex, and Nick had all come over for what turned out to be a wonderful time of celebrating Thanksgiving over dinner.

What I didn’t know about Alex before Thanksgiving was that he is legally blind. He can do most everything except drive. He is currently going to school full time and I’ve recently learned that he is pursuing a career in criminal justice.

Between Thanksgiving and Christmas Day I really hadn’t had an opportunity to get to know Alex much more than that. With me being very tired, ending up in the hospital, and this just being a very busy time of the year, there was not “getting to know you time” available.

The kids came in and out on Christmas Day; I only spent a brief amount of time with each of them. When Jennie and Nick came over I asked Jennie what Alex had given her for Christmas… she reached out her hand and showed me a ring… I asked if she was engaged, yes indeed, that’s what it was, an engagement ring. Wow! I was happy for her as I knew that she longed to get married and now it was happening.

Even in the month since Christmas there just hasn’t been an opportunity for me to get to know Alex. The one thing I have learned is that Alex loves Nick very much and for that I am grateful; additionally, Nick loves to be with Alex. By the way, this is where Jeralynn takes Nick everyday after school, to Alex’s house.

I asked Jennie when they are getting married; she said that they are going to wait until she is finished with school; probably in about a year. Okay, I can handle that… this gives me time to get to know Alex before the wedding. This also allows time for me to lose weight and get my health in order before the big day.

The next day, December 26th, I needed Jen to run an errand for me. She said that she couldn’t; she had an appointment that she couldn’t reschedule. I didn’t think anything of it, just went about my day as usual.

At 2:47pm on December 26th (I will never forget the exact day and time) Jennie called. She says “I have something to tell you” (how many of you have already guessed?). “Mom, I’m sixteen weeks pregnant with a little boy”!

Well, between December 25th and December 26th I felt as though my knees were knocked out from underneath me… I was in shock! After being home from the hospital just a few days these two surprises were the furthest things from my mind; I would have never guessed that 2009 would include having my daughter giving me another grandson.

Yes, it’s true; by mid June I will have two grandsons, only 4 ½ months from now.

Nicholas is very excited as he can’t wait to be a big brother… Alex and Jennie are counting the days… and I’m learning how one grandmother can have enough love for two grandsons instead of one grandson! Anyway, until next time,

Diana

P.S. I received a card from PR today… in it was a beautiful scripture.

Psalm 73:26 God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Amen to that!

January 20, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #41

I was able to get both root canals done on Wednesday… yeah! I have another appointment with the dentist for February 4th at which time we will begin working on the other teeth. By the way… I hate dental work!

God continues to bless me with the most wonderful doctors. My pulmonologist is a doctor who was assigned to me while in the hospital; so far he seems to be another outstanding doctor.

At the time of being discharged from the hospital he had told me that he wanted to see me every three weeks. While at the appointment on Wednesday he changed his mind and stated that he wants me in his office every two weeks. My next appointment with him will be on January 28th; it will be at this point that some tests will be run and the amount of damage to my lungs should be determined.

The pulmonologist added several new medications which I’m hoping will help. He’s also informed me that I need to keep the room humidity at 50%; this by the way is helping tremendously. It seems as though my daily routine is revolving around breathing treatments, having a good attitude, eating properly, sleeping, medications, pain management, medications, having a good attitude, eating properly, sleeping, breathing treatments, etc.

My attitude has not been the greatest (although today is much better)… I’ve been grumpy and just can’t get comfortable. I want the old me back, the one that was around six months ago; I am having a difficult time adjusting to this “new” normal.

I’m not just physically feeling miserable… there’s one other thing that I’m trying to deal with. I may need to give a thirty day notice to my landlord on February 1st. Just the thought of having to move on top of everything else is sometimes more than I can bear.

I’ve been spending a great amount of time in prayer over this and God has not yet given me an answer. The fact that my Lord has not yet answered me should not come as a surprise to any of you who have kept up with my story. In fact, I know that God is waiting until just the right time to show me what His plan is for my life. Regardless, I feel as though I am in limbo… I’m finding myself extremely irritable and cranky… When I’m able to put those feelings to the side I can clearly see my frustration lies in trying to solve this problem on my own. Once I step back and stop looking at my circumstances I then realize there really is no need to worry; God already knows where I will be living on March 1st and thereafter for that matter. There are a few things that I am considering; a few options that need to play themselves out. Either way, just as soon as God let’s me know what is going on I will share it with you.

Why am I needing to decide whether to move or not? Both Jennie and Ricky have moved out. Rick is no longer sharing the cost of rent / utilities; he is now living with his girlfriend and has responsibilities there. Jennie goes back and forth from living with me and living with her boyfriend, she is no longer contributing financially as much as she once was.

I’m not informing you of my children and their living arrangements flippantly; they know that I don’t approve of their living situations. In fact, according to the Bible, which you all know is how I strive to live my life, they are living in sin. This doesn’t mean I don’t love them; in fact I love them and their boyfriend / girlfriend very much. I see them all on a regular basis, if not everyday. The fact that we no longer live together has nothing to do with what I believe. It’s just that as they have grown up into young adults with their own lives they have moved on.

The one thing that I continue to do is to pray for them every day; just as I do for many of you. More then anything I want them to come to know my Lord Jesus in the same way that I do.

Just because I have asked Jesus Christ to be the Lord of my life doesn’t mean that my children have done the same. Additionally, my children are not entitled to a free ticket into heaven just because I am saved.

When my children were growing up I was a very poor example of what a Christian was, let alone a Christian parent. I do blame myself for not providing them with an example to follow and for not raising them in a Christian home.

However, my example, or lack thereof… isn’t an excuse that God will honor on the day that they stand before Him. If that is the excuse you are using then let me tell you that it won’t work for you either. I have been very straight forward with you in providing a way to get to heaven… I’ve explained to you what it takes for one to be certain of going to heaven. If you have been reading my story then you won’t have an excuse on the day you stand before God.

There will come a day when myself, my children, and each of you will stand before God. While before Him, God will either find your name in the Book of Life or He won’t; there won’t be a “maybe” or “but…”. The fact is that you will either be cast into eternal torment in hell or you will be welcomed into heaven.

Where would you go if you were to take your last breath right now?

If, even for one second you hesitated in answering, then please, please let me share God’s love with you. If you have to pause in order to answer that question then I venture to say that you most likely aren’t going to heaven.

There were many years that I considered myself a “Christian”… in the back of my mind I was always guessing that when I died I would go to heaven. I had no inner peace, no assurance of heaven being the place I would go when I died… deep down inside I knew that all I was doing was hoping that I would make it to heaven.

Hell is a very real place, and my guess is that ones memory stays with them in hell… part of the torment for some will be the memory of you reading this. For eternity you will remember being given chance after chance to come to Christ Jesus… you will be begging to go back and receive God’s free gift of salvation.

Salvation has nothing to do with ceremony, rituals, and repetitive prayers, going to confession, or being good. All my Heavenly Father asks of you is that you receive the gift of everlasting life and repent of your sins. Jesus Christ came down to earth and died on the cross for our sins and then rose three days later so that we might be saved, that we might have everlasting life.

Ask Christ to forgive you of your sinful life, beg Him to forgive you. And then turn away from any and all sin in your life. That might mean that you need to move from where you are living, you might need to change jobs, you may need to go thru your home and get rid of everything in it, you might even need to end old friendships and make new ones.

Asking Christ into your life means turning and running just as fast as you can from the sin you are living in… and never going back to it again.

Does that mean Christian’s are perfect… absolutely not! But as Christians’ we daily strive to be Christ-like... Christians strive every morning, before even getting out of bed to ask Christ to guard their hearts and minds. Throughout the day they continue to seek the Lord in every decision; if they have failed they immediately ask for Christ’s’ forgiveness. If your desire is to be like God then you won’t want to be a willing participant in sin; you will want to turn away no matter what the cost. It won’t be easy, but you will yearn for a life that reflects the life of Christ.

If this is not how you are living your life then please take time to ponder what I am saying.

I know that I am going to heaven; I know that the second I take my last breath on earth, my very next breath will be in the presence of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. At that moment and from then on I will spend eternity singing praises to and worshiping my Heavenly Father.

While I was in the hospital there was one day that I specifically recall; it was one of the days that I wasn’t doing very well. I’m not sure how much time went by but I do remember that I was overwhelmed with perfect peace. I was absolutely conscious; this wasn’t a ‘near death experience’, just a beautiful moment between my Lord and me. I felt such warmth, it was as though I was lying in a pool of golden olive oil, and it was so pure. I felt as though I was covered with a blanket of white lilies; they had the aroma of Stargazer Lilies (my favorite flower). As I lay there I no longer had concern for things of this world. I was filled with anticipation as I was waiting for my Heavenly Father to call me home; there was no question in my mind that as I stood before Him I knew He would acknowledge me before His Father in heaven.

The beautiful thing was that I had no regret… that sticks out to me more than anything else. I didn’t regret one thing in my life; I had already asked God to forgive me of my past and He did. Throughout the past four years God and I have worked thru all the wrongs I had done to others, all the hurts I had caused, all the wrongs done to me and all the pain others had brought into my life. I had shared His love, I was obedient with the things He asked of me, I had apologized to those I hurt, and forgiven those who had hurt me. The only one I was to answer to was God and I was ready… I had completed everything that He had asked of me.

It was later that day when I began to feel better and that’s when I realized that God had much more for me to do (continuing to share His love with all of you is part of that). I must admit though, there are many times when I would give anything to have that unforgettable feeling back; even if just for a moment.

Please remember that I love and care for each of you more then you will ever know!

Diana

January 13, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #40

It’s been a few months since I have sent out a new update. I’ve received a great number of emails asking about the disease (COPD) and how far it has progressed… My apologies for not returning the phone calls and emails… because I haven’t been able to respond, I thought I would send something out to everyone.

Since so many of you enjoy looking things up on the internet I will supply you with as many details as I can.

Many of you have sent cards, called, emailed, stopped by, and inquired as to how I am doing… thank you for your wonderful thoughts and prayers.

Before I go on I must tell you that Jeralynn and Stephen have been a life line for me… she comes in and checks on me several times throughout the day and night. As for Stephen, if I need anything all I have to do is call. Unfortunately for them they have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly… and yet they still hang around… that’s what you call true friends. Thank you Stephen and Jeralynn!

How am I doing right now? I’m doing my very best to stay out of the hospital… although a couple times this past week I have been very close to returning.

In an attempt at keeping me out of the hospital my pulmonologist started me on an additional round of steroids (predisone, 40mg per day) and a new antibiotic (this is the 2nd round of antibiotics that I’ve been on since coming home from the hospital). Between the breathing treatments (nebulizer) using a bronchodilator (albutural), an inhaler (advair 500/50), oxygen, cool mist & hot steam treatments I seem to be okay most of the time. It’s only when I get up and start doing anything that requires effort that it begins to be difficult to breath.

I’m certainly learning a new normal for my life, the biggest and most difficult change for me was cutting back on the time that I normally spend with Nicholas. Now I only get to see Nicholas a couple times a week, and then it’s only for an hour or two. Nicholas was the one thing that I told God that I would never give up. Yet, He allowed me to be put in such a position that I had no other choice.

My life is continuing to twist and turn in ways I never thought it would at this point. As for right now I feel like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz… I’m waiting to see where this tornado that I seem to be caught up in is going to land and how different everything will be once the dust clears. For several reasons, I can’t go into details at this time, but if you pray for me then please start praying that God will pour out His wisdom on me. Please don’t ask for details; I will send out another email once I’m able to share.

Back to what COPD is all about…to be blunt, this most probably will be what will end my life. What I didn’t realize when I was in the hospital was that there were a few days that they weren’t sure if I was going to make it or not. Since God decided that He wasn’t finished with me yet, I did make it and now the battle is on. This disease and I are going to battle it out to the finish and depending on what God’s plan is for my life I’m hoping that will be at least a few more years.

COPD is primarily caused by smoking! If you smoke then please stop!

I quit smoking years ago… I only smoked for a couple years and only about 1 pack a week… regardless, look at the toll it took on my health. With as little as I smoked the doctors are mystified at the fact that I have such a progressed case of COPD.

What I have found out is that the negative effects of smoking don’t begin to occur until 20 – 40 years after one smokes their first cigarette. The doctors also informed me that in my case the Los Angeles smog and the Southern California wild fires have both aided in the progression of this disease.

Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) obstructs airflow from the lungs which is better known as chronic bronchitis or emphysema. Here are the differences:

Chronic Bronchitis – chronic coughing, production of sputum, wheezing, shortness of breath, frequent lung infections.

Emphysema – difficulty breathing, cough, weight loss, rapid breathing.

The type of COPD that I have is chronic bronchitis; in addition I also have chronic asthma which combined causes its own set of complications.

It’s a slowly progressive disease in which one will continue to loose lung function. There is no cure for COPD and it ranks fourth place as a leading cause of death both in the United States and worldwide. The medication and treatments are solely used to provide relief of the symptoms and improve the quality of life.

When I was admitted to the hospital I had what is called an exacerbation; this simply meant that I was having a flare-up of the disease. Because I unknowingly allowed the disease to turn into an exacerbation irreversible damage was done to my lungs.

I’m not sure to what extent the damage is, I’m hoping to find out more on Wednesday when I see my doctor. Regardless, the recovery time is going to be very long.

Why did I wait so long to go to the doctor…? I thought I was just lazy! I know that sounds ridiculous but it’s the truth. I kept thinking that I need to be doing more, I need to stop sleeping so much, and I need to push myself. The truth was that if I had not gone to the hospital that night I was told that I most likely wouldn’t have awoken the next morning.

I was told that had I gone to the doctor in late October I would have probably still been admitted to the hospital but it would have only been for a couple days.

There are so many side effects to these med’s… the biggest problem is the fact that I am diabetic. Steroids increase ones blood level in an unbelievable way. When in the hospital they struggled to keep my sugars in the 600’s (it should be closer to 100). I’m currently taking a large amount of steroids and I should be monitoring my sugars at least 4 times a day. With insurance the blood monitoring test strips are $1 per strip (you do the math) that’s over $100 per month; it’s just something that I can’t afford right now. I’m in the process of trying to get them directly from the manufacturer (free or close to it) but that takes time. I’m trying with the best of my guess ability to figure out how much insulin to take everyday. Please don’t send me emails telling me how foolish I’m being… I’m very well aware of the chance I’m taking but for now I have no other choice.

There’s more… I’m in need of having eight, yes eight root canals and crowns done in the very near future. Two of which are scheduled for Wednesday, January 14th. These two initial root canals have been changed and postponed for two months, either because I have been too sick or have been in the hospital. As you can imagine I am in desperate need of getting these taken care of… they are really starting to bother me. If you have seen me in the last couple months then you have noticed part of my upper front tooth is gone, this will be taken care of (hopefully) on Wednesday.

I say hopefully because my pulmonologist said that I’m not well enough to go thru this procedure. I’ve been begging him to let me do it… I’m supposed to speak with him today (Tuesday) and he will let me know if I can have the root canal’s done. Apparently, a great number of complications can arise when having dental work done. I’ll let you know in the next update whether I was able to go thru with the procedure or not.

The one thing I want you to know is that my God is still in control and He is still on the throne. He already knows what will happen tomorrow and where I will be a year from now.

For those of you who don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, well, I don’t know how you make it thru the day.

The other things that I am dealing with besides health issues are weighing so much more heavily on my heart. But I can honestly say that I am in perfect peace.

Isaiah 26: 3, 4
3You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.
4 Trust in the LORD forever, For in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength.

My Lord will keep me in perfect peace because my mind is focused on Him. I will trust in my Lord (Jesus Christ) forever and He will be what I draw my strength from.

Thessalonians 5:17, 18
17 Never stop praying.
18 Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

God will only allow the very best for my life. At this moment I can’t say that I know what that is, regardless I will continue praying and I will be thankful for where I am at this moment. I can say that with all confidence because I know who I belong to… Jesus Christ.

I’m so thankful for what my Lord has brought me thru over the past few years… having seen how God has always taken care of me, always provided for me, and always had the very best planned for me gives me cause that I don’t need to worry.

Remember, He can do the same for you if you would only let Him.

Much love to you all,

Diana

August 30, 2008 ~ Weekly Update #39

Today was a wonderful day… a few of you dropped by and it was fun to spend time visiting!

God is awesome! I was blessed with a profit of over $500; I’m not sure how that happened as my backyard is still full of items; these items will slowly be repacked throughout the week for next time. As a neighborhood there were about 13 families participating… it was so successful that we will be doing this again toward the end of October.

My little Nicholas left Thursday for Mammoth… he has gone with grandpa, grandma, aunts and uncles… He was so excited when getting ready to leave; he is getting to spend more time with his seven week old uncle and five year old aunt. He is going fishing for the first time and if I do say so myself, he was quite adorable as he left with his fishing pole in one hand and tackle box in the other.

The house has been so quiet since Thursday… I have had much time to sit and think about the many things that are going on... As I sat around Thursday night enjoying my first quiet evening in many months my mind began to wonder… then worry and anxiety sat in…

On Tuesday of this past week, my son (Ricky – 22 years old) had a stress test on his heart. When he went in for this I fully expected the test to come back normal, instead we were told that he has a mitral valve prolapse.

Now for many people this is something that will never bother them. There are several reasons why this may be more serious for Rick. My father had this same valve rupture about 10 years ago and at this point it is believed that Rick’s heart problem is hereditary. Additionally Rick is continuing to suffer rather severe chest pains, a continued rapid heart rate, and is extremely tired (all the time).

Rick was supposed to immediately be put on a heart monitor; however, with what I believe was a bit of denial on his part combined with the lack of follow up from the cardiologist staff this didn’t happen. Next week he will have his heart monitored for a period of at least 24 hours and we will hopefully have the results soon thereafter.

At this point we aren’t sure what the treatment will be, the choices are actually quite simple; medication or open heart surgery.

Now, as the mother of what was a relatively healthy young man a few months ago this news has been a bit difficult to deal with.

Some of you may find this hard to believe, but I still trust that my Lord is in control of what is happening. When I wake in the morning the first thing I do is speak with my Lord and spend time in His Word, but at this time I find myself needing more than that. In discussing this with PR (Pastor Ron) he suggested that I set aside several times throughout the day to pray and meditate on the Word of God. In this I can purpose to keep my mind set on Him and not on the worries that seem to be surrounding me at this point. That is exactly what I have started to do… once again I have been filled with the peace and joy that only Christ can give.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have my times of extreme worry and anxiety; especially when he is at my house and I see how tired he is. I now sleep with the phone next to my bed and wake with alarm every time the phone rings.

This is certainly a learning curve for me; I’ve learned to release situations that deal with my health and finances to God. However, releasing situations that concern my children have been a bit more difficult. This is when faith comes in… my God already knows the outcome of this and my worrying about it isn’t going to change a thing.

Philippians 4:6, 7
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus

With this and just being busy with everything else (like making sure I have insurance) I still haven’t made an appointment with my doctor. I will do that Tuesday; I realized this evening that I’m not doing anyone a favor if I suffer a stroke or pass on myself.

And in closing, please keep the folks in the Gulf of Mexico in your prayers (this includes my parents). It doesn’t appear that Gustav is headed toward my parents but this horrific storm is headed somewhere and wherever that is they certainly need our prayers.

Much love to you all,

Diana