Merry Christmas!
Once again God is blessing me in ways that I'm not deserving of...
I'm relatively well this holiday season.... I'm not using that term with the intent of substituting it for Christmas. For me the holiday season begins on Thanksgiving and ends on January 2nd. I'm excited as I was able to spend time with my children and grandsons celebrating Thanksgiving and looking forward to celebrating Christ's birth in just a few days. The Christmas tree is not up yet, but there is still hope... my plan is that Nicholas will come over tomorrow and help me put it up.
I'm also praying that God will allow me to attend Christmas Sunday morning at church and then to attend our annual 'Soup and Sing' Sunday evening. This is a time when my church family comes together with homemade soups & cookies, we are able to celebrate the birth of Christ, and finally some will entertain with skits, songs, and such.... If I can make it thru Sunday that will be my Lord's gift to me this year, it's been several weeks since I have been able to make it to church.
This year I was blessed by some (I'm not sure who you are) who dropped Christmas cards and stamps off at my front door. All I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you... I love sending cards! It all happened on the same day; every time I opened the front door there was another bag of cards sitting on my porch. I tried to send cards out to everyone, that is everyone of whom I have an address for, or should I say could find an address for. My New Years resolution is to get organized this year!
I received another wonderful delivery from Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. If you haven't ever looked at their site then please take a look. If you are not involved in feeding the hungry then please consider donating to this wonderful ministry. If not for them there would have been many times that I would have gone without.
And then today I received a gift card from some dear friends that I haven't spoke to in years but they found me on Facebook.... thank you so very much... you really have no idea how much that is going to help.
By the way, if you aren't on Facebook then what are you waiting for???? Sign-up! It's a fun way to stay in touch...
As most of you know I caught the flu on November 1st this year. I had some tests that had been scheduled during November but due to the combination of catching the flu and having COPD these tests had to be rescheduled until my lungs were healthier.
I'm finally healthy enough that I was able to have these tests done... drum-roll please...
I went in to see my neurosurgeon regarding the relation between the plates in my neck and my headaches. Before I forget, the doctor cannot see anything from when my neck 'popped out', for this I am thanking God. The doctor believes that there is a direct connection between the plates and headaches but doesn't feel surgery would be safe at this point. He wants me to better learn my limitations with lifting and moving items. Meanwhile, just as a precaution, he has ordered a CT Scan of the neck and brain... (go ahead, send me the jokes about the missing brain... I think I've heard all of them already, but go ahead).
Next, the ovarian ultrasound... the technician said that she believes the doctor will strongly suggest removing them. I haven't seen the doctor yet because there is one more test that needed to be done so that there can be an order of priority when treating these ailments.
Finally, the endoscomy... this test was done this morning. I awoke to my doctor telling me that he had to take several biopsys... he continued telling me that he found a few mases and areas of inflamtion... each one of these areas were biopsied. He told me that he won't have any answers until after January 7th and so we wait.
Meanwhile, I'm off to have one of the best Christmas's ever!
I'm thanking God that He sent His only Son to this wretched earth for me. My family will celebrate His birth just as we celebrated the birth of Nathaniel this past May.
I plan on fully taking advantage of every day that God gives me as an opportunity of getting to know Him more and more.
I'm really looking forward to every minute I get to spend with my children and their families during the next couple weeks.
And finally, I'm going to enjoy as much time as possible with friends, whether on the phone, in person, or on Facebook!
Merry Christmas to you all!
Friday, December 18, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
November 25, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #55
Expressions Of Gratitude
There is so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day!
A quick update on life and then onto the many things that I have to be thankful for!
First, Happy Birthday Dad! Another year older or wiser... I'll let those of you who know him make that decision.
It's been several weeks since I've been up and around... it started with a good case of the flu that turned into a COPD exacerbation which I'm still experiencing. Because of the on-going lung inflammation I've not been able to have the needed endoscopic done. I've just finished my second round of antibiotics and am still on heavy steroids. I'm currently doing one nebulizer treatment every 1 - 4 hours and using other inhalers between neb treatments.
I'm also awaiting an ovarian ultrasound; that too has been delayed as every time I cough, I leak. Since you all know that I have no secrets, I'm going thru about 1 diaper (Depends) an hour... here's an investment tip... purchase stock in Kimberly Clark...hehehe. Anyway, because one has to drink 32 ounces of water for this ultrasound, I am unable to have this done due to the 'leakage' problem. The delay will continue until this exacerbation is under control and the coughing has stopped.
What many of you don't know... a couple of weeks ago while coughing something happened in my neck. As a reminder I've had two neck surgeries and have plates in both the front and the back of my neck. It was in the middle of the night... I coughed and I felt something happen... there was so much pain that it brought me to tears. It's not often that pain will bring me to tears, as a matter of fact I can't recall the last time I cried because of pain. All I knew was that every time I coughed after that, the back of my neck felt as though it was going to explode. I was able to get into the doctor later that day and was given a shot for the pain and put on pain meds. My doctor sent me for an x-ray and it showed that the hardware appears to have remained intact, this is very good news. I have an appointment to see my neurosurgeon on December 10th and am anxiously awaiting the outcome to this appointment.
Enough about me... my son has a job! Rick started at HealtNet two weeks ago... he's been in training for the last two weeks and has passed all three tests with flying colors. He's working in a great job and I couldn't be prouder!
Jennie... well I've bragged on my daughter and her job to many of you for a very long time, if you don't know, she works for the Fed's. I can't go into details, but if you know Jennie you would agree with me that she is the last person who would lose her job. This last week they informed her that were not going to renew her contract when it comes due. I must say that I appreciate the fact that they are allowing her to work thru the end of December especially when she was originally set to be let go on November 30th. The thing that shocks me even more is that they are sending her on a business trip on Monday... go figure (that's our government for you)!
My grandsons remai
n the two cutest grandchildren in the world and here is the proof!
12. His continued provisions for me for the things I need... notice I didn't say the things I want. But also for the wisdom to learn the difference between things we need in life and the things we want in life. For daily reminding me that in reality there are very few things that one needs in life.
13. I was able to make it to our Thanksgiving and communion service in which we spent time thanking our Lord for His goodness throughout this past year. If you notice the time, then those of you who were there can say you told me so... I over did it and am not able to sleep due to this cough.
There is so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day!
A quick update on life and then onto the many things that I have to be thankful for!
First, Happy Birthday Dad! Another year older or wiser... I'll let those of you who know him make that decision.
It's been several weeks since I've been up and around... it started with a good case of the flu that turned into a COPD exacerbation which I'm still experiencing. Because of the on-going lung inflammation I've not been able to have the needed endoscopic done. I've just finished my second round of antibiotics and am still on heavy steroids. I'm currently doing one nebulizer treatment every 1 - 4 hours and using other inhalers between neb treatments.
I'm also awaiting an ovarian ultrasound; that too has been delayed as every time I cough, I leak. Since you all know that I have no secrets, I'm going thru about 1 diaper (Depends) an hour... here's an investment tip... purchase stock in Kimberly Clark...hehehe. Anyway, because one has to drink 32 ounces of water for this ultrasound, I am unable to have this done due to the 'leakage' problem. The delay will continue until this exacerbation is under control and the coughing has stopped.
What many of you don't know... a couple of weeks ago while coughing something happened in my neck. As a reminder I've had two neck surgeries and have plates in both the front and the back of my neck. It was in the middle of the night... I coughed and I felt something happen... there was so much pain that it brought me to tears. It's not often that pain will bring me to tears, as a matter of fact I can't recall the last time I cried because of pain. All I knew was that every time I coughed after that, the back of my neck felt as though it was going to explode. I was able to get into the doctor later that day and was given a shot for the pain and put on pain meds. My doctor sent me for an x-ray and it showed that the hardware appears to have remained intact, this is very good news. I have an appointment to see my neurosurgeon on December 10th and am anxiously awaiting the outcome to this appointment.
Enough about me... my son has a job! Rick started at HealtNet two weeks ago... he's been in training for the last two weeks and has passed all three tests with flying colors. He's working in a great job and I couldn't be prouder!
Jennie... well I've bragged on my daughter and her job to many of you for a very long time, if you don't know, she works for the Fed's. I can't go into details, but if you know Jennie you would agree with me that she is the last person who would lose her job. This last week they informed her that were not going to renew her contract when it comes due. I must say that I appreciate the fact that they are allowing her to work thru the end of December especially when she was originally set to be let go on November 30th. The thing that shocks me even more is that they are sending her on a business trip on Monday... go figure (that's our government for you)!
My grandsons remai
n the two cutest grandchildren in the world and here is the proof!
Now... for the many things I have to be thankful for!
1. A loving God who cares for me more then I ever deserved!
2. Two of the greatest children a mother could have, a son-in-law that is more wonderful than I could have imagined, and two of the most loving grandsons a grandmother could ask for.
3. My wonderful parents and sister who have taught me so much about having faith in the Lord, life, love, and right from wrong.
4. My church family... by the way this is a church family that is unlike any church I have attended, there are no words to describe the love for Christ as well as each other that is found in this church. If you are looking for a church then please come and visit.... http://granadahillscc.org/
5. The friendship, kindness, and generosity from the Langton family (and it's in that order). I can not begin to elaborate on the many things and amount of time they have dedicated to my life, that of my children, and grandchildren.
6. My friends... I would name you all by name but I'm afraid I would leave someone out.... So thank you to those of you who have driven me around, those who continue to send me money either occasionally or on a regular basis. Those who have contributed their treasures for my yard sales and / or eBay store, the continued food brought over by both individuals and Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. The gift certificates that have been given this year, including a recent one so that I could buy something for each of the boys for Christmas. I'm also thankful to LA's finest, the Los Angeles Police Department who sent us a gift card to provide our Thanksgiving meal.
7. The prayers of so many who hold me up even when I am too sick to open my eyes (which lately has been more often then not).
8. The grace and forgiveness of my loving Lord even when I fail Him time and time again.
9. The fact that my Lord has never walked away from me...
1. A loving God who cares for me more then I ever deserved!
2. Two of the greatest children a mother could have, a son-in-law that is more wonderful than I could have imagined, and two of the most loving grandsons a grandmother could ask for.
3. My wonderful parents and sister who have taught me so much about having faith in the Lord, life, love, and right from wrong.
4. My church family... by the way this is a church family that is unlike any church I have attended, there are no words to describe the love for Christ as well as each other that is found in this church. If you are looking for a church then please come and visit.... http://granadahillscc.org/
5. The friendship, kindness, and generosity from the Langton family (and it's in that order). I can not begin to elaborate on the many things and amount of time they have dedicated to my life, that of my children, and grandchildren.
6. My friends... I would name you all by name but I'm afraid I would leave someone out.... So thank you to those of you who have driven me around, those who continue to send me money either occasionally or on a regular basis. Those who have contributed their treasures for my yard sales and / or eBay store, the continued food brought over by both individuals and Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. The gift certificates that have been given this year, including a recent one so that I could buy something for each of the boys for Christmas. I'm also thankful to LA's finest, the Los Angeles Police Department who sent us a gift card to provide our Thanksgiving meal.
7. The prayers of so many who hold me up even when I am too sick to open my eyes (which lately has been more often then not).
8. The grace and forgiveness of my loving Lord even when I fail Him time and time again.
9. The fact that my Lord has never walked away from me...
10. For the freedoms we have living in this United States of America...
11. Quoting a gentlemen from church... I'm thankful that I am living a life that is a win/win. If God allows my life to continue for years to come I am blessed because Jesus Christ continues to be the sole focus of my life. If my Lord were to take me home tonight... then I've won the greatest race of all... spending eternity worshiping Him.
12. His continued provisions for me for the things I need... notice I didn't say the things I want. But also for the wisdom to learn the difference between things we need in life and the things we want in life. For daily reminding me that in reality there are very few things that one needs in life.
13. I was able to make it to our Thanksgiving and communion service in which we spent time thanking our Lord for His goodness throughout this past year. If you notice the time, then those of you who were there can say you told me so... I over did it and am not able to sleep due to this cough.
14. And finally, for something that I should have mentioned earlier but wanted to save the best for last. Early Monday morning I was awake as I was coughing soooo much! It was around 4:00am and here it came... a cough that was so strong it felt as though something had hit me. My neck snapped forward and then flung back... I heard it and felt it all at the same time. And then, just then, I could move my neck with no pain!
You may believe in the God I serve, you may silently mock me as you read what I write. But I sit here writing about this to tell you that as I sat there early Monday morning, my Lord heard and answered my cry. He reach down and set my neck and the hardware that lies within it into place.
Whether this is a temporary relief to the incredible amount of pain that I have been in or whether he healed my neck I am so thankful to my Lord for His visit with me at 4:00am on Monday, November 23, 2009. I won't know which of these is the case until I get to my surgeon, all I know is that I haven't had to take a pain pill since.
Psalm 26:7
7 That I may publish with the voice of thanksgiving, and tell of all thy wondrous works.
Psalm 100:4
4 Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.
Psalm 107:1
1 O give thanks unto the LORD, for he is good: for his mercy endures for ever. (By the way this text appears three times in the Bible... so, Give thanks unto the Lord.... He is good... and His mercies do endure forever!)
So there you have it.... from my family to yours Happy Thanksgiving!
Diana
P.S. Stephen and Jeralynn (the Langtons) son, Ryan, is scheduled to appear on Larry King tonight (CNN), Wednesday, November 25th. If you have the time then make sure you watch, this way you might get a little peak inside the lives of the Langton's.
You may believe in the God I serve, you may silently mock me as you read what I write. But I sit here writing about this to tell you that as I sat there early Monday morning, my Lord heard and answered my cry. He reach down and set my neck and the hardware that lies within it into place.
Whether this is a temporary relief to the incredible amount of pain that I have been in or whether he healed my neck I am so thankful to my Lord for His visit with me at 4:00am on Monday, November 23, 2009. I won't know which of these is the case until I get to my surgeon, all I know is that I haven't had to take a pain pill since.
Psalm 26:7
7 That I may publish with the voice of thanksgiving, and tell of all thy wondrous works.
Psalm 100:4
4 Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.
Psalm 107:1
1 O give thanks unto the LORD, for he is good: for his mercy endures for ever. (By the way this text appears three times in the Bible... so, Give thanks unto the Lord.... He is good... and His mercies do endure forever!)
So there you have it.... from my family to yours Happy Thanksgiving!
Diana
P.S. Stephen and Jeralynn (the Langtons) son, Ryan, is scheduled to appear on Larry King tonight (CNN), Wednesday, November 25th. If you have the time then make sure you watch, this way you might get a little peak inside the lives of the Langton's.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
October 21, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #54
Where do I begin?
In the last entry I made mention of my stomach and digestive problems. These problems have continued to cause me a great deal of pain. Some days are much worse then others... some days there is very little pain at all.
The benefit in all this is that I have a continued weight loss thru this (albeit slow)... if the weight loss keeps up at this rate I'm hoping to see a difference by Christmas... hehehe.
For reasons that I will go into later, I put off calling the doctor for a few days. I finally called on Wednesday (Sept 30th) and was told to be in her office by 8:30 the next morning. By Friday afternoon I was having an abdominal CT Scan and was told that if I didn't receive a call by that evening then I was to call in on Monday for the results.
Again, I put off the phoning the doctor, I wasn't sure that I wanted to know what the results were and if they weren't calling me then I didn't need to deal with whatever the news was. The doctor called me on Tuesday with the test results, the scan did show somethings that need to be addressed but nothing that would cause the problems that I am having.
The test results showed that I have a 'Fatty Liver', I'm not exactly sure what a fatty liver is but have been told it's something that needs to be watched.
The second result surprised me... you see I had a complete hysterectomy in 2002. I'm not going into details about the hysterectomy (send me an email if you have questions). Anyway, this scan showed that my ovaries are covered in cysts... this discovery requires just a a bit of urgency as some of the cysts have been labeled suspicious.
Regardless, neither of these is the reason for my abdominal / digestive problems. My doctor told me that she wanted me to see a gastranologsit immediately... since my gastranologist is booked about 2 months in advanced she wanted me to make an appointment with someone who can see me right away. Bottom line it appears that I will be having another colonoscopy / endoscopy.
If you have been reading my blog over the years the you will remember back to the last colonoscopy I had about a 20 months ago and all the unexpected surprises that came with it (read more).
Tuesday (Oct 20th), was an appointment with my general practitioner... it was just a follow up appointment but I was thankful for it as I had a number issues to discuss.
My bones have been hurting for the last several weeks... at one time I could take 600mg of Motrin and the pain would dissipate... that doesn't work anymore.
I've been experiencing mild vertigo over the past several weeks; additionally, I've had a headache for the last couple weeks. This headache has been getting worse and worse as the days go by and is exactly as the ones I've had in the past.
On that same visit my blood pressure had shot up to 190/94, my sugars have been between 250 and 360 over the last 10 days or so... and finally, I've been sleeping an average of 12 - 18 hours a day for the last 7 - 10 days.
While at the doctor office I was given a shot for the headache... it is now down to low roar of 3 - 4 on the pain scale. Blood was taken, a referral to my neurosurgeon was written (this to consider removing the plate in the back of my neck).
Next week I am seeing several doctors... as I see them I will be updating you as to what the next step is and will also be informing you as I begin to receive the test results.
As a side note... I have been making a point of being faithful with my medication. As ridiculous as this may sound, my biggest reason for being faithful with the med's is because I really, really want the plate in my neck taken out. I believe this will relieve some if not all of my headaches.
The surgery will not be approved unless my blood numbers come way down. So, I am being ridiculously faithful with all 28 medications.
Now... back to the beginning of this entry and why I put off calling the doctor and then the delay in following up with the doctor. It's a little thing called DEPRESSION.... For those who don't know, I am on medication for depression / anxiety...
There will be at least two sides to my announcing that I suffer from depression...
Some of you will say.... of course you're depressed... look at all that you have been thru.
And then some of you will take a 'holier then thou' attitude and say.....
~ There must be something wrong with your spiritual life
~ Repent and ask forgiveness for your sin
~ Real Christians don't get depressed
~ You need to have more faith / have faith in God
~ Taking antidepressants is playing God, He can heal you
~ Scripture says everything that happens is for your own good
~ Depression is a self discipline problem
~ You should be praying about this
~ You just need to rebuke that spirit of depression and tell it to leave you
What I want you all to know is that depression and or anxiety can happen to anyone. It is medical problem just as diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, or any other physical disability is a medical problem.
There are reasons for depression and / or anxiety and sometimes it's as simple as a single event in one's life that will trigger a downward spiral into depression. If you are suffering from depression then seek help, you may only need help for a month or two... you may require medical treatment for several years, or even the rest of your life. If you have this problem and don't know where to start or who to contact then please send me a note and I will help you find the help you need.
The last time I went to Urgent Care (read more) the doctor who saw me told me that my abdominal problems were a direct result of depression... that if I would just deal with my problems I wouldn't feel sick.
Fast forward to yesterday when I saw my General Practitioner; I flat out asked her if any of my new medical problems were a direct result of depression / anxiety. If they are caused by something that is a direct result of depression then I wanted to know so that I can learn how to deal with this both thru counseling and medication.
My doctor informed that she is positive, beyond a shadow of a doubt that my health issues are not from depression / anxiety. I reminded her that over the last 5 years I've had 3 doctors tell me that everything from COPD to vertigo to abdominal problems are from depression / anxiety.
My doctor informed me that part of the reason they may have said this was because on my good days, the first impression I leave is that I look too healthy to be so sick.
By the way... each of the three above mentioned illness (COPD, vertigo, abdominal) were later proven to be true medical problems.
Recently, I have not wanted to get out of bed... all I have wanted to do is sleep. Is it because I'm depressed??? Is it because my sugars are so high??? Because I'm in so much pain that I don't want to move??? Because my head hurts so bad I don't want to stand up???
To be honest I'm very discouraged, very upset... I don't understand why things seem to be getting worse. I don't care what the diagnosis is, I'm upset because I'm unable to function.
If it weren't for Jeralynn coming in every morning and making me get up for appointments, making me accomplish things that must be accomplished, then I wouldn't be doing anything at all. She has literally been pushing me thru each second, minute, and hour at a time and for that I am so grateful.
There were some mornings that I just got angry with her... she had to discipline me as a mother would do with her toddler. I wanted to just curl up and die some days... life doesn't always seem likes it's worth getting out of bed for. And yet Jeralynn has been there each and every day forcing me to move forward.
Just as Jeralynn is there each and every day... my Lord is there even that much more for me. There are days that I have found myself so low that I couldn't even bring myself to read the Word of God (Bible) or to carry on a conversation with my Lord (going to prayer).
I know there have been days when God has put one of you on my heart. I will sometimes be in prayer for hours, sometimes days for a specific person or situation. I will continue in prayer until God lets me know what ever the situation is has been resolved.
The last few weeks, when I have been down so low, I have rested on the fact that I know God has put me on the hearts of many of you. I know this because I have received cards and emails letting me know that you have been praying for me.
I believe that our prayers rise to heaven like incense...
Psalm 141:2 Let my prayer be set forth before thee as incense; and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.
In my deepest, darkest hours I feel as though my Lord has many of you praying for me. In my heart and in my mind I can see myself being carried by your prayers on the smoke from the incense being lifted up to our Lord. The complete peace and comfort that I'm able to feel is something that I wish you all could experience at some time in your life.
A very dear friend sent something to me recently... it touched my heart and gave me a new perspective on life...
We were created for God's pleasure. In these closing moments of this age, the Lord will have a people whose purpose for living is to please God with their lives. In them, God finds His own reward for creating man. They are His worshipers. They are on earth only to please God, and when He is pleased, they also are pleased. The Lord takes them farther and through more pain and conflicts than other men. Outwardly, they often seem "smitten of God, and afflicted". Yet to God, they are His beloved. When they are crushed, like the petals of a flower, they exude a worship, the fragrance of which is so beautiful and rare that angels weep in quiet awe at their surrender. They are the Lord's purpose for creation."
Isaiah 53:4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
And in closing...
Happy Birthday to a very dear friend who I forgot to call... Happy Belated Birthday Mary!
In Memorium....
Judy Olivetti Jacobs... You lost your father unexpectedly and way too soon... my prayers are with you and your family!
The Miano family... Praying for you guys as you say goodbye to Grandma Ruby.
In the last entry I made mention of my stomach and digestive problems. These problems have continued to cause me a great deal of pain. Some days are much worse then others... some days there is very little pain at all.
The benefit in all this is that I have a continued weight loss thru this (albeit slow)... if the weight loss keeps up at this rate I'm hoping to see a difference by Christmas... hehehe.
For reasons that I will go into later, I put off calling the doctor for a few days. I finally called on Wednesday (Sept 30th) and was told to be in her office by 8:30 the next morning. By Friday afternoon I was having an abdominal CT Scan and was told that if I didn't receive a call by that evening then I was to call in on Monday for the results.
Again, I put off the phoning the doctor, I wasn't sure that I wanted to know what the results were and if they weren't calling me then I didn't need to deal with whatever the news was. The doctor called me on Tuesday with the test results, the scan did show somethings that need to be addressed but nothing that would cause the problems that I am having.
The test results showed that I have a 'Fatty Liver', I'm not exactly sure what a fatty liver is but have been told it's something that needs to be watched.
The second result surprised me... you see I had a complete hysterectomy in 2002. I'm not going into details about the hysterectomy (send me an email if you have questions). Anyway, this scan showed that my ovaries are covered in cysts... this discovery requires just a a bit of urgency as some of the cysts have been labeled suspicious.
Regardless, neither of these is the reason for my abdominal / digestive problems. My doctor told me that she wanted me to see a gastranologsit immediately... since my gastranologist is booked about 2 months in advanced she wanted me to make an appointment with someone who can see me right away. Bottom line it appears that I will be having another colonoscopy / endoscopy.
If you have been reading my blog over the years the you will remember back to the last colonoscopy I had about a 20 months ago and all the unexpected surprises that came with it (read more).
Tuesday (Oct 20th), was an appointment with my general practitioner... it was just a follow up appointment but I was thankful for it as I had a number issues to discuss.
My bones have been hurting for the last several weeks... at one time I could take 600mg of Motrin and the pain would dissipate... that doesn't work anymore.
I've been experiencing mild vertigo over the past several weeks; additionally, I've had a headache for the last couple weeks. This headache has been getting worse and worse as the days go by and is exactly as the ones I've had in the past.
On that same visit my blood pressure had shot up to 190/94, my sugars have been between 250 and 360 over the last 10 days or so... and finally, I've been sleeping an average of 12 - 18 hours a day for the last 7 - 10 days.
While at the doctor office I was given a shot for the headache... it is now down to low roar of 3 - 4 on the pain scale. Blood was taken, a referral to my neurosurgeon was written (this to consider removing the plate in the back of my neck).
Next week I am seeing several doctors... as I see them I will be updating you as to what the next step is and will also be informing you as I begin to receive the test results.
As a side note... I have been making a point of being faithful with my medication. As ridiculous as this may sound, my biggest reason for being faithful with the med's is because I really, really want the plate in my neck taken out. I believe this will relieve some if not all of my headaches.
The surgery will not be approved unless my blood numbers come way down. So, I am being ridiculously faithful with all 28 medications.
Now... back to the beginning of this entry and why I put off calling the doctor and then the delay in following up with the doctor. It's a little thing called DEPRESSION.... For those who don't know, I am on medication for depression / anxiety...
There will be at least two sides to my announcing that I suffer from depression...
Some of you will say.... of course you're depressed... look at all that you have been thru.
And then some of you will take a 'holier then thou' attitude and say.....
~ There must be something wrong with your spiritual life
~ Repent and ask forgiveness for your sin
~ Real Christians don't get depressed
~ You need to have more faith / have faith in God
~ Taking antidepressants is playing God, He can heal you
~ Scripture says everything that happens is for your own good
~ Depression is a self discipline problem
~ You should be praying about this
~ You just need to rebuke that spirit of depression and tell it to leave you
What I want you all to know is that depression and or anxiety can happen to anyone. It is medical problem just as diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, or any other physical disability is a medical problem.
There are reasons for depression and / or anxiety and sometimes it's as simple as a single event in one's life that will trigger a downward spiral into depression. If you are suffering from depression then seek help, you may only need help for a month or two... you may require medical treatment for several years, or even the rest of your life. If you have this problem and don't know where to start or who to contact then please send me a note and I will help you find the help you need.
The last time I went to Urgent Care (read more) the doctor who saw me told me that my abdominal problems were a direct result of depression... that if I would just deal with my problems I wouldn't feel sick.
Fast forward to yesterday when I saw my General Practitioner; I flat out asked her if any of my new medical problems were a direct result of depression / anxiety. If they are caused by something that is a direct result of depression then I wanted to know so that I can learn how to deal with this both thru counseling and medication.
My doctor informed that she is positive, beyond a shadow of a doubt that my health issues are not from depression / anxiety. I reminded her that over the last 5 years I've had 3 doctors tell me that everything from COPD to vertigo to abdominal problems are from depression / anxiety.
My doctor informed me that part of the reason they may have said this was because on my good days, the first impression I leave is that I look too healthy to be so sick.
By the way... each of the three above mentioned illness (COPD, vertigo, abdominal) were later proven to be true medical problems.
Recently, I have not wanted to get out of bed... all I have wanted to do is sleep. Is it because I'm depressed??? Is it because my sugars are so high??? Because I'm in so much pain that I don't want to move??? Because my head hurts so bad I don't want to stand up???
To be honest I'm very discouraged, very upset... I don't understand why things seem to be getting worse. I don't care what the diagnosis is, I'm upset because I'm unable to function.
If it weren't for Jeralynn coming in every morning and making me get up for appointments, making me accomplish things that must be accomplished, then I wouldn't be doing anything at all. She has literally been pushing me thru each second, minute, and hour at a time and for that I am so grateful.
There were some mornings that I just got angry with her... she had to discipline me as a mother would do with her toddler. I wanted to just curl up and die some days... life doesn't always seem likes it's worth getting out of bed for. And yet Jeralynn has been there each and every day forcing me to move forward.
Just as Jeralynn is there each and every day... my Lord is there even that much more for me. There are days that I have found myself so low that I couldn't even bring myself to read the Word of God (Bible) or to carry on a conversation with my Lord (going to prayer).
I know there have been days when God has put one of you on my heart. I will sometimes be in prayer for hours, sometimes days for a specific person or situation. I will continue in prayer until God lets me know what ever the situation is has been resolved.
The last few weeks, when I have been down so low, I have rested on the fact that I know God has put me on the hearts of many of you. I know this because I have received cards and emails letting me know that you have been praying for me.
I believe that our prayers rise to heaven like incense...
Psalm 141:2 Let my prayer be set forth before thee as incense; and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.
In my deepest, darkest hours I feel as though my Lord has many of you praying for me. In my heart and in my mind I can see myself being carried by your prayers on the smoke from the incense being lifted up to our Lord. The complete peace and comfort that I'm able to feel is something that I wish you all could experience at some time in your life.
A very dear friend sent something to me recently... it touched my heart and gave me a new perspective on life...
We were created for God's pleasure. In these closing moments of this age, the Lord will have a people whose purpose for living is to please God with their lives. In them, God finds His own reward for creating man. They are His worshipers. They are on earth only to please God, and when He is pleased, they also are pleased. The Lord takes them farther and through more pain and conflicts than other men. Outwardly, they often seem "smitten of God, and afflicted". Yet to God, they are His beloved. When they are crushed, like the petals of a flower, they exude a worship, the fragrance of which is so beautiful and rare that angels weep in quiet awe at their surrender. They are the Lord's purpose for creation."
Isaiah 53:4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
And in closing...
Happy Birthday to a very dear friend who I forgot to call... Happy Belated Birthday Mary!
In Memorium....
Judy Olivetti Jacobs... You lost your father unexpectedly and way too soon... my prayers are with you and your family!
The Miano family... Praying for you guys as you say goodbye to Grandma Ruby.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
September 26, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #53
I am blessed!
Regardless, the fact that I am still broke is probably not news to anyone. I was doing better financially for awhile, then Rick (23) lost his job and Jennie (26) went on maternity leave. In case you have forgotten why this is applicable to me, it's because both of my children have been aiding me financially for the past couple years. I have the best kids in the world!
There is some light at the end of this tunnel... Jennie started back to work and Rick has the promise of another temp job. Rick has jury duty starting Monday and then his job starts in two weeks. Unfortunately there is a minor downside to this temp job, it's only for three weeks. Once that assignment is completed Rick will go back to being just like all the other 'Unemployed Americans' and will continue his job search until someone say's “You've got the job”.
Meanwhile, back at home the cupboards and refrigerator had dwindled down to bare bones... one of my 'angels' (Jeralynn) had contacted some friends at church who work for an organization called Children's Hunger Fund. They have blessed me multiple times with incredible deliveries; it seems as though every time I am down to almost no food CHF shows up with an abundance of food.
I was so excited when this delivery arrived... as always, it's more then I could have ever wished for. So, thank you to my Lord, thank you Pat & Barbara, thank you Jeralynn, and finally a great big thanks to all the great folks at CHF.
If you are looking for a place to make a year end donation or if you are looking for a place that helps the less fortunate year round as well as at Thanksgiving and / or Christmas, please consider donating to CHF. If nothing else please take a moment to visit their site to see what they are all about. http://www.chfus.org/
These pictures are only about half of what this delivery contained, look at all the fruits and veggies... what a treat!
My home is full of eBay stuff... (do any of you remember the 1970's television show Sanford & Son?)
I have been and continue to be blessed with all kinds of donations over the last couple years. This is the time of the year when I try to remain focused with getting things listed on eBay. Most of my time and energy over the next three months will be spent listing and selling as much as possible... I'm hoping to make enough to once again start repaying my debtors.
That said, please keep me in your prayers now thru the first of the year... that God will allow me the health and strength to get this done. It was last year at this time that my health began to reach a new low... my personal preference is that this year has a different ending then last year did.
Before you read on I need you to keep in mind that my house if full of eBay stuff...
Jennie recently informed me that her and Alex want to have a birthday party for Nicholas on October 3rd. Although Nicholas won't be turning 7 until December 10th, Jen has determined that it's easier to have a party now instead of then.
My contribution for this party... to provide a clean house... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Okay, I had to get up off the floor and stop laughing... but there is hope, as Nicholas put it “Grandma, I know you can get the house cleaned up, you've done it before, you've even made it sparkle before. You can do it grandma, just try really hard and do the best job you can”.
The cleaning (or shall I say, the attempt at cleaning) has begun... pictures will follow next week! (As a side note... about two hours ago my air conditioner went down in a big way... ouch!!! It will be a day or two before anyone can even come to look at it. The party is still on but I'm not sure how clean the house will be. Right now it's over 100 degrees outside and hoovering around 85 inside)
Now, for a health update...
As of just a couple hours ago I began to feel the effects of this heat on my health, coughing more and it's getting harder to breath. I'm putting the oxygen on even as I write this... boo, hoo, hoo... Oh well, this too shall pass, but meanwhile can you hear me lathering on the self pity?... hehehehe
The last three months or so have been getting more and more uncomfortable for me. I thought it might have something to do with being on and off my medications (according to when I could afford them).
My thoughts were that before running into the doctor I would be faithful with taking my medications, this meant making them a priority with my finances. This was accomplished and I've been faithful with all 27 (give or take) medications for about three months now, but the problem has only gotten worse.
I am in constant abdominal discomfort... about an hour after eating anything I start getting really sick, the stomach pain is almost more then I can tolerate at times. Sometimes it will go thru me within a couple hours, sometimes not at all... then the pain travels to around my back and up into my chest, sometimes I will turn white as a sheet and usually break out in cold sweats. After another couple hours pass I'm back to the regular abdominal discomfort.
Some of you might remember seeing me at church several weeks ago when I had to get up and walk out... this was one of those episodes.
A little over a year ago I had been diagnosed with IBS issues... I thought maybe I was getting worse because of the irregularity in taking the meds... but that turned out not to be the case.
I called the doctor on Monday and she told me to go to Urgent Care... and who do I get when I'm there but the doctor who I don't particularly care for (you will see why as you read on).
After sitting there with him for quite a while he states that he knows what the problem is... “You have IBS”, “Yes, I'm aware of that” I told him. I continued on telling him that I was diagnosed with that some time ago.
Keep in mind that my medical group has electronic records, no matter where I go within that group they can see my records (it's very nice).
This doctor went on to tell me that the IBS diagnoses that was I given before was incorrect and that he is correctly diagnosing me now, he is officially telling me that I have IBS. I asked him why it is that I've been prescribed IBS medications for the past year if it was a wrong diagnosis. Why had those IBS medications helped me until now when things appear to be getting worse?
He wasn't sure, but he did know that if I was to pick up the prescription he was writing me and take it every 4 – 6 hours, I would feel much better. He did say that there was one side-effect, this prescription for IBS would knock me out and I would have to go to bed.
Hmm... let me get this straight... I repeated his instructions to him and informed him that if I did what he suggested that I would be in bed 24 / 7. He agreed, but reminded me of how much better I would feel.
Okay, at this point all I wanted was to be out of pain... Jeralynn took me back home and I waited for the pharmacy to call for pick up. They called, but it wasn't to tell me the prescription was ready for pick up... it was to tell me that pharmaceutical companies stopped making this medication years ago. UGH......
The next day I was given a new prescription and have been taking it faithfully ever since. There really hasn't been much of a difference, I'm eating less but only because the consequences of eating are too painful. I really wanted to give this medication a chance before calling the doctor again, if there isn't a noticeable improvement by Monday I will give her a call to see if there is another medication I can try.
God and I have already discussed this new problem... I've informed Him that this is not a good time for me to develop a new physical ailment. I've also told Him that if He would be so kind as to let me get thru the holidays feeling better than I do right now that I would greatly appreciate it.
I then reminded Him that I wasn't exactly thrilled with how I spent Christmas last year. I was very sick and eventually spent eleven days in the hospital.
God gently reminded me that He will remain in control whether that means permanently adding a prescription or two, being diagnosed with something new, or facing whatever else it is that's waiting for me around the corner.
I can honestly say that the life I have lead over the last 4 ½ years have been the best years of my life and I can't wait to see what He has planned for this next chapter in my life.
And finally...
In loving memory ~ Larry Garnand... a wonderful man who left this earth too early in life. Candy, I can't begin to try and understand what you are going thru, please know that my thoughts and prayers remain with you as well as Danielle, Jarrod, Nathan, and the rest of the family.
Diana
Regardless, the fact that I am still broke is probably not news to anyone. I was doing better financially for awhile, then Rick (23) lost his job and Jennie (26) went on maternity leave. In case you have forgotten why this is applicable to me, it's because both of my children have been aiding me financially for the past couple years. I have the best kids in the world!
There is some light at the end of this tunnel... Jennie started back to work and Rick has the promise of another temp job. Rick has jury duty starting Monday and then his job starts in two weeks. Unfortunately there is a minor downside to this temp job, it's only for three weeks. Once that assignment is completed Rick will go back to being just like all the other 'Unemployed Americans' and will continue his job search until someone say's “You've got the job”.
Meanwhile, back at home the cupboards and refrigerator had dwindled down to bare bones... one of my 'angels' (Jeralynn) had contacted some friends at church who work for an organization called Children's Hunger Fund. They have blessed me multiple times with incredible deliveries; it seems as though every time I am down to almost no food CHF shows up with an abundance of food.
I was so excited when this delivery arrived... as always, it's more then I could have ever wished for. So, thank you to my Lord, thank you Pat & Barbara, thank you Jeralynn, and finally a great big thanks to all the great folks at CHF.
If you are looking for a place to make a year end donation or if you are looking for a place that helps the less fortunate year round as well as at Thanksgiving and / or Christmas, please consider donating to CHF. If nothing else please take a moment to visit their site to see what they are all about. http://www.chfus.org/
These pictures are only about half of what this delivery contained, look at all the fruits and veggies... what a treat!
My home is full of eBay stuff... (do any of you remember the 1970's television show Sanford & Son?)
I have been and continue to be blessed with all kinds of donations over the last couple years. This is the time of the year when I try to remain focused with getting things listed on eBay. Most of my time and energy over the next three months will be spent listing and selling as much as possible... I'm hoping to make enough to once again start repaying my debtors.
That said, please keep me in your prayers now thru the first of the year... that God will allow me the health and strength to get this done. It was last year at this time that my health began to reach a new low... my personal preference is that this year has a different ending then last year did.
Before you read on I need you to keep in mind that my house if full of eBay stuff...
Jennie recently informed me that her and Alex want to have a birthday party for Nicholas on October 3rd. Although Nicholas won't be turning 7 until December 10th, Jen has determined that it's easier to have a party now instead of then.
My contribution for this party... to provide a clean house... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Okay, I had to get up off the floor and stop laughing... but there is hope, as Nicholas put it “Grandma, I know you can get the house cleaned up, you've done it before, you've even made it sparkle before. You can do it grandma, just try really hard and do the best job you can”.
The cleaning (or shall I say, the attempt at cleaning) has begun... pictures will follow next week! (As a side note... about two hours ago my air conditioner went down in a big way... ouch!!! It will be a day or two before anyone can even come to look at it. The party is still on but I'm not sure how clean the house will be. Right now it's over 100 degrees outside and hoovering around 85 inside)
Now, for a health update...
As of just a couple hours ago I began to feel the effects of this heat on my health, coughing more and it's getting harder to breath. I'm putting the oxygen on even as I write this... boo, hoo, hoo... Oh well, this too shall pass, but meanwhile can you hear me lathering on the self pity?... hehehehe
The last three months or so have been getting more and more uncomfortable for me. I thought it might have something to do with being on and off my medications (according to when I could afford them).
My thoughts were that before running into the doctor I would be faithful with taking my medications, this meant making them a priority with my finances. This was accomplished and I've been faithful with all 27 (give or take) medications for about three months now, but the problem has only gotten worse.
I am in constant abdominal discomfort... about an hour after eating anything I start getting really sick, the stomach pain is almost more then I can tolerate at times. Sometimes it will go thru me within a couple hours, sometimes not at all... then the pain travels to around my back and up into my chest, sometimes I will turn white as a sheet and usually break out in cold sweats. After another couple hours pass I'm back to the regular abdominal discomfort.
Some of you might remember seeing me at church several weeks ago when I had to get up and walk out... this was one of those episodes.
A little over a year ago I had been diagnosed with IBS issues... I thought maybe I was getting worse because of the irregularity in taking the meds... but that turned out not to be the case.
I called the doctor on Monday and she told me to go to Urgent Care... and who do I get when I'm there but the doctor who I don't particularly care for (you will see why as you read on).
After sitting there with him for quite a while he states that he knows what the problem is... “You have IBS”, “Yes, I'm aware of that” I told him. I continued on telling him that I was diagnosed with that some time ago.
Keep in mind that my medical group has electronic records, no matter where I go within that group they can see my records (it's very nice).
This doctor went on to tell me that the IBS diagnoses that was I given before was incorrect and that he is correctly diagnosing me now, he is officially telling me that I have IBS. I asked him why it is that I've been prescribed IBS medications for the past year if it was a wrong diagnosis. Why had those IBS medications helped me until now when things appear to be getting worse?
He wasn't sure, but he did know that if I was to pick up the prescription he was writing me and take it every 4 – 6 hours, I would feel much better. He did say that there was one side-effect, this prescription for IBS would knock me out and I would have to go to bed.
Hmm... let me get this straight... I repeated his instructions to him and informed him that if I did what he suggested that I would be in bed 24 / 7. He agreed, but reminded me of how much better I would feel.
Okay, at this point all I wanted was to be out of pain... Jeralynn took me back home and I waited for the pharmacy to call for pick up. They called, but it wasn't to tell me the prescription was ready for pick up... it was to tell me that pharmaceutical companies stopped making this medication years ago. UGH......
The next day I was given a new prescription and have been taking it faithfully ever since. There really hasn't been much of a difference, I'm eating less but only because the consequences of eating are too painful. I really wanted to give this medication a chance before calling the doctor again, if there isn't a noticeable improvement by Monday I will give her a call to see if there is another medication I can try.
God and I have already discussed this new problem... I've informed Him that this is not a good time for me to develop a new physical ailment. I've also told Him that if He would be so kind as to let me get thru the holidays feeling better than I do right now that I would greatly appreciate it.
I then reminded Him that I wasn't exactly thrilled with how I spent Christmas last year. I was very sick and eventually spent eleven days in the hospital.
God gently reminded me that He will remain in control whether that means permanently adding a prescription or two, being diagnosed with something new, or facing whatever else it is that's waiting for me around the corner.
I can honestly say that the life I have lead over the last 4 ½ years have been the best years of my life and I can't wait to see what He has planned for this next chapter in my life.
And finally...
In loving memory ~ Larry Garnand... a wonderful man who left this earth too early in life. Candy, I can't begin to try and understand what you are going thru, please know that my thoughts and prayers remain with you as well as Danielle, Jarrod, Nathan, and the rest of the family.
Diana
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
August 25, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #52
God is good and His mercies are new every day...
First pictures of the beautiful bride and her handsome groom... wedding date August 16, 2009... I think that after realizing how expensive weddings can be they have decided to do away with a formal ceremony and are focusing on a reception only...
As you can see in the pictures they were listening intensely while the Justice of the Peace was doing the ceremony! I will have pictures with them smiling in a few more weeks.
Meanwhile, may I introduce to you my daughter & son-in-law, Mr & Mrs. Alejandro Morales.
The last several days have been filled with energy and relatively speaking, I've been experiencing good health. I'm extremely grateful to my Lord for the 'good' days and find it hard not over-doing it when feeling this good.
I've got some big plans for this week... let's see how much actually comes to be...
Last night I was able to spend some time with my two favorite boys, Nicholas and Nathaniel... I've learned that whenever my grandsons are over, or if Jennifer or Rick is willing to talk then I need to stop what I am doing... regardless of what it is. Life is too short to for 'things' to take priority over them!
The proud grandma & Nathaniel
<- Nathaniel looking up at Nicholas
Tonight (Tuesday) I am looking forward to having dinner, spending some time in prayer and having a chance to catch up with a very good friend (she also happens to be our church secretary).
Starting tomorrow (Wednesday) I will begin going thru the garage which is packed to the ceiling; the yard sale 'stuff' needs to be weeded out from the eBay 'stuff'. It's time to begin preparation for the big sale over Labor Day weekend! I need to start now because 30 – 45 minutes a day is pushing it for me... but that is my goal.
Several have asked if I am still accepting donations for 'stuff' to sell in yard sales, on Craigslist, and thru eBay... the answer is a big YES!
The next question is how can I do it alone... I can't, I depend on family and friends helping me out... so if anyone wants to volunteer to help on the Saturday of Labor Day Weekend let me know.
I'm still living penny to penny and appreciate all the treasures that have been sent my way over the past few years as well as the treasures that are currently being donated. In case you are wondering, the money that comes in from the yard sales, eBay, Craiglist, etc... has gone and continues to goes solely toward paying for rent, utilities, medication and medical bills.
The next big event for this week comes Saturday when I will be having a surprise guest... well it's not a surprise to me... but it will be to those of you who know this person. Sadly, I need to be told about surprises in advance; that way I can rest enough to have the needed energy to participate in said surprises.
And we are back at Sunday... going to church and worshiping with my church family is so very important to me... and then it's home to hopefully spend lunch and the rest of the afternoon with my children and grandchildren.
Like I said, I have big plans for this week... we will see how much actually gets accomplished. There is always an open invitation for me at Holy Cross Hospital if things get out of control... the problem is every time I think I'm going for a short visit to reunite with the ER staff I end up staying for a few days.
Now for a health update... I'm trying a new approach in regards to my health.... I finally made the switch to a new doctor who is just a short distance from home... it makes it easier for those who transport me to/from appointments. She is across the street from Holy Cross Hospital which is an added benefit to allow for easy access if I need immediate testing done.
I'm trying to get control of little areas of my health and then slowly expand until every area of my health is under control... right now I'm working hard at exercising every day. Now you need to understand that exercise for me consists of using an upper / lower body cycle... I'm trying to dedicate 15 - 30 minutes a day using this machine... this means using it whether I'm having a 'good' health day or not.
It appears as though I may be gaining some control in the area of diabetes ... for the first time in a long time my sugars are decent. I was doing so good for so long and then last year there was a period of time that I could no longer afford the medication and I had to stop taking it... that really messed me up.
I'm so thankful that I now have a supply of test strips, syringes, insulin, and pills to treat the diabetes part of my health.
It's still a struggle to always eat right... sometimes because I just don't want to... sometimes for lack of the right kind of food... but I've definitely made this a priority and it's constantly a work in progress.
When I was hospitalized a couple months ago it was for a couple reasons; because of a COPD flare-up, but more importantly it was due to a rapid heart rate. I had been experiencing a rapid heart rate for quit a while but it never showed up while I was at the doctor. I was grateful that my heart decided to act up while I was in the ER...
The doctors believe the problem appears to be the result of an electrolyte imbalance; well, that along with a magnesium and vitamin D deficiency. The vitamin D deficiency is also believed to be the cause for my aches and pains (muscle and bone).
In addition to diabetic medication I'm also making sure I have a supply of medication to treat COPD along with the mineral and vitamin deficiencies.
The other areas of health that I am working on but haven't yet conquered are high blood pressure, high and low cholesterol (the bad is too high and the good is too low), high triglycerides, migraines, vertigo, diabetic neuropathy, kidney disease, needing to be on oxygen... and the list goes on.
Yes, I realize the importance of dealing with each of these diseases, but it's walking a fine line of having the money, making the time and putting forth the energy into this fight for life.
There was a time that I wasn't sure it was worth the fight... for those of you who might care, I've decided to move forward with this fight for life!
If you read my previous postings then you may recall my writing that God is getting ready to do great and mighty things in my life. With each new day He continues to reveal Himself to me in ways that I can't explain.
Sunday at church was a milestone in my walk with my Lord... He removed yet another layer from my eyes.. I was able to see Him clearer then I had ever seen Him before... I didn't think that I could get any closer to my Savior then I had been... but WOW! I'm so excited about whatever it is that He has planned for my life.
Those of you who have known me for a long time may have known me when I "thought" I was a Christian... I thought I was going to heaven... I did all the right things and I even knew what to say.
I now believe that if I truly had a relationship with my Lord and Savior I would have never lived the life that I led... a life that I now look back on that was full of sin and regret.
God gives us warnings in the scriptures as to what our punishment will be for sinning... if you die without turning from your sin and receiving God's gift of salvation then you will be punished for your sin. Without question... you will spend eternity in hell.
It's not all bad news, He has given us a way out... by confessing and renouncing our sin we can turn to Him for deliverance.
God is always faithful to His people; He is a merciful God. To those of you who say that you are saved... take a look at your life. Is there a consistent work of refining and polishing going on in your life? As my Lord continues to make apparent those areas in my life that are not reflective of His work in my life it is up to me to pray and seek forgiveness, to ask for deliverance for whatever it is that He has revealed to me.
If you are claiming to be a follower of Jesus Christ and yet you continue down a path of destruction such as using the name of my Lord or listening to the name of my Lord being said in any way except for glorification and edification of His name then you will face the consequences of rebelling against God.
The Lord I serve is a merciful God... I am so grateful for the mercies He has shown on me. There are consequences for every action we take on this earth... be it good or bad... from a greater degree to a lessor degree... there are consequences when one chooses to live in sin.
The life I have now with my Lord and Savior is better then I could have ever imagined... Only God can deliver us (me) from sin. Without Him I would have no comfort or hope... because Christ died on the cross for us (me), I have a bright hope for tomorrow.
Love to all,
Diana
Lamentations 3:19-66
19Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness.
20Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me.
21 This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.
22 The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.
24 "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him."
25 The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.
26 It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the LORD.
27 It is good for a man that he should bear the yoke in his youth.
28 Let him sit alone and be silent since He has laid it on him.
29 Let him put his mouth in the dust, perhaps there is hope.
30 Let him give his cheek to the smiter, let him be filled with reproach.
31 For the Lord will not reject forever,
32 For if He causes grief, then He will have compassion according to His abundant lovingkindness.
33 For He does not afflict willingly or grieve the sons of men.
34 To crush under His feet all the prisoners of the land,
35 To deprive a man of justice in the presence of the Most High,
36 To defraud a man in his lawsuit -- Of these things the Lord does not approve.
37 Who is there who speaks and it comes to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it?
38 Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both good and ill go forth?
39 Why should any living mortal, or any man, offer complaint in view of his sins?
40 Let us examine and probe our ways, and let us return to the LORD.
41 We lift up our heart and hands toward God in heaven;
42 We have transgressed and rebelled, you have not pardoned.
43 You have covered Yourself with anger and pursued us; You have slain and have not spared.
44 You have covered Yourself with a cloud so that no prayer can pass through.
45 You have made us mere offscouring and refuse in the midst of the peoples.
46 All our enemies have opened their mouths against us.
47 Panic and pitfall have befallen us, devastation and destruction;
48 My eyes run down with streams of water because of the destruction of the daughter of my people.
49 My eyes pour down unceasingly, without stopping,
50Until the Lord looks down and sees from heaven.
51 My eyes bring pain to my soul because of all the daughters of my city.
52 My enemies without cause hunted me down like a bird;
53 They have silenced me in the pit and have placed a stone on me.
54 Waters flowed over my head; I said, "I am cut off!"
55 I called on Your name, O Lord, out of the lowest pit.
56 You have heard my voice, "Do not hide Your ear from my prayer for relief, from my cry for help."
57 You drew near when I called on You; You said, "Do not fear!"
58 O Lord, You have pleaded my soul's cause; You have redeemed my life.
59 O Lord, You have seen my oppression; Judge my case.
60 You have seen all their vengeance, all their schemes against me.
61 You have heard their reproach, O Lord, all their schemes against me.
62 The lips of my assailants and their whispering are against me all day long.
63 Look on their sitting and their rising; I am their mocking song.
64 You will recompense them, O Lord, according to the work of their hands.
65 You will give them hardness of heart, Your curse will be on them.
66 You will pursue them in anger and destroy them from under the heavens of the Lord!
First pictures of the beautiful bride and her handsome groom... wedding date August 16, 2009... I think that after realizing how expensive weddings can be they have decided to do away with a formal ceremony and are focusing on a reception only...
As you can see in the pictures they were listening intensely while the Justice of the Peace was doing the ceremony! I will have pictures with them smiling in a few more weeks.
Meanwhile, may I introduce to you my daughter & son-in-law, Mr & Mrs. Alejandro Morales.
The last several days have been filled with energy and relatively speaking, I've been experiencing good health. I'm extremely grateful to my Lord for the 'good' days and find it hard not over-doing it when feeling this good.
I've got some big plans for this week... let's see how much actually comes to be...
Last night I was able to spend some time with my two favorite boys, Nicholas and Nathaniel... I've learned that whenever my grandsons are over, or if Jennifer or Rick is willing to talk then I need to stop what I am doing... regardless of what it is. Life is too short to for 'things' to take priority over them!
The proud grandma & Nathaniel
<- Nathaniel looking up at Nicholas
Tonight (Tuesday) I am looking forward to having dinner, spending some time in prayer and having a chance to catch up with a very good friend (she also happens to be our church secretary).
Starting tomorrow (Wednesday) I will begin going thru the garage which is packed to the ceiling; the yard sale 'stuff' needs to be weeded out from the eBay 'stuff'. It's time to begin preparation for the big sale over Labor Day weekend! I need to start now because 30 – 45 minutes a day is pushing it for me... but that is my goal.
Several have asked if I am still accepting donations for 'stuff' to sell in yard sales, on Craigslist, and thru eBay... the answer is a big YES!
The next question is how can I do it alone... I can't, I depend on family and friends helping me out... so if anyone wants to volunteer to help on the Saturday of Labor Day Weekend let me know.
I'm still living penny to penny and appreciate all the treasures that have been sent my way over the past few years as well as the treasures that are currently being donated. In case you are wondering, the money that comes in from the yard sales, eBay, Craiglist, etc... has gone and continues to goes solely toward paying for rent, utilities, medication and medical bills.
The next big event for this week comes Saturday when I will be having a surprise guest... well it's not a surprise to me... but it will be to those of you who know this person. Sadly, I need to be told about surprises in advance; that way I can rest enough to have the needed energy to participate in said surprises.
And we are back at Sunday... going to church and worshiping with my church family is so very important to me... and then it's home to hopefully spend lunch and the rest of the afternoon with my children and grandchildren.
Like I said, I have big plans for this week... we will see how much actually gets accomplished. There is always an open invitation for me at Holy Cross Hospital if things get out of control... the problem is every time I think I'm going for a short visit to reunite with the ER staff I end up staying for a few days.
Now for a health update... I'm trying a new approach in regards to my health.... I finally made the switch to a new doctor who is just a short distance from home... it makes it easier for those who transport me to/from appointments. She is across the street from Holy Cross Hospital which is an added benefit to allow for easy access if I need immediate testing done.
I'm trying to get control of little areas of my health and then slowly expand until every area of my health is under control... right now I'm working hard at exercising every day. Now you need to understand that exercise for me consists of using an upper / lower body cycle... I'm trying to dedicate 15 - 30 minutes a day using this machine... this means using it whether I'm having a 'good' health day or not.
It appears as though I may be gaining some control in the area of diabetes ... for the first time in a long time my sugars are decent. I was doing so good for so long and then last year there was a period of time that I could no longer afford the medication and I had to stop taking it... that really messed me up.
I'm so thankful that I now have a supply of test strips, syringes, insulin, and pills to treat the diabetes part of my health.
It's still a struggle to always eat right... sometimes because I just don't want to... sometimes for lack of the right kind of food... but I've definitely made this a priority and it's constantly a work in progress.
When I was hospitalized a couple months ago it was for a couple reasons; because of a COPD flare-up, but more importantly it was due to a rapid heart rate. I had been experiencing a rapid heart rate for quit a while but it never showed up while I was at the doctor. I was grateful that my heart decided to act up while I was in the ER...
The doctors believe the problem appears to be the result of an electrolyte imbalance; well, that along with a magnesium and vitamin D deficiency. The vitamin D deficiency is also believed to be the cause for my aches and pains (muscle and bone).
In addition to diabetic medication I'm also making sure I have a supply of medication to treat COPD along with the mineral and vitamin deficiencies.
The other areas of health that I am working on but haven't yet conquered are high blood pressure, high and low cholesterol (the bad is too high and the good is too low), high triglycerides, migraines, vertigo, diabetic neuropathy, kidney disease, needing to be on oxygen... and the list goes on.
Yes, I realize the importance of dealing with each of these diseases, but it's walking a fine line of having the money, making the time and putting forth the energy into this fight for life.
There was a time that I wasn't sure it was worth the fight... for those of you who might care, I've decided to move forward with this fight for life!
If you read my previous postings then you may recall my writing that God is getting ready to do great and mighty things in my life. With each new day He continues to reveal Himself to me in ways that I can't explain.
Sunday at church was a milestone in my walk with my Lord... He removed yet another layer from my eyes.. I was able to see Him clearer then I had ever seen Him before... I didn't think that I could get any closer to my Savior then I had been... but WOW! I'm so excited about whatever it is that He has planned for my life.
Those of you who have known me for a long time may have known me when I "thought" I was a Christian... I thought I was going to heaven... I did all the right things and I even knew what to say.
I now believe that if I truly had a relationship with my Lord and Savior I would have never lived the life that I led... a life that I now look back on that was full of sin and regret.
God gives us warnings in the scriptures as to what our punishment will be for sinning... if you die without turning from your sin and receiving God's gift of salvation then you will be punished for your sin. Without question... you will spend eternity in hell.
It's not all bad news, He has given us a way out... by confessing and renouncing our sin we can turn to Him for deliverance.
God is always faithful to His people; He is a merciful God. To those of you who say that you are saved... take a look at your life. Is there a consistent work of refining and polishing going on in your life? As my Lord continues to make apparent those areas in my life that are not reflective of His work in my life it is up to me to pray and seek forgiveness, to ask for deliverance for whatever it is that He has revealed to me.
If you are claiming to be a follower of Jesus Christ and yet you continue down a path of destruction such as using the name of my Lord or listening to the name of my Lord being said in any way except for glorification and edification of His name then you will face the consequences of rebelling against God.
The Lord I serve is a merciful God... I am so grateful for the mercies He has shown on me. There are consequences for every action we take on this earth... be it good or bad... from a greater degree to a lessor degree... there are consequences when one chooses to live in sin.
The life I have now with my Lord and Savior is better then I could have ever imagined... Only God can deliver us (me) from sin. Without Him I would have no comfort or hope... because Christ died on the cross for us (me), I have a bright hope for tomorrow.
Love to all,
Diana
Lamentations 3:19-66
19Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness.
20Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me.
21 This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.
22 The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.
24 "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him."
25 The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him.
26 It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the LORD.
27 It is good for a man that he should bear the yoke in his youth.
28 Let him sit alone and be silent since He has laid it on him.
29 Let him put his mouth in the dust, perhaps there is hope.
30 Let him give his cheek to the smiter, let him be filled with reproach.
31 For the Lord will not reject forever,
32 For if He causes grief, then He will have compassion according to His abundant lovingkindness.
33 For He does not afflict willingly or grieve the sons of men.
34 To crush under His feet all the prisoners of the land,
35 To deprive a man of justice in the presence of the Most High,
36 To defraud a man in his lawsuit -- Of these things the Lord does not approve.
37 Who is there who speaks and it comes to pass, unless the Lord has commanded it?
38 Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both good and ill go forth?
39 Why should any living mortal, or any man, offer complaint in view of his sins?
40 Let us examine and probe our ways, and let us return to the LORD.
41 We lift up our heart and hands toward God in heaven;
42 We have transgressed and rebelled, you have not pardoned.
43 You have covered Yourself with anger and pursued us; You have slain and have not spared.
44 You have covered Yourself with a cloud so that no prayer can pass through.
45 You have made us mere offscouring and refuse in the midst of the peoples.
46 All our enemies have opened their mouths against us.
47 Panic and pitfall have befallen us, devastation and destruction;
48 My eyes run down with streams of water because of the destruction of the daughter of my people.
49 My eyes pour down unceasingly, without stopping,
50Until the Lord looks down and sees from heaven.
51 My eyes bring pain to my soul because of all the daughters of my city.
52 My enemies without cause hunted me down like a bird;
53 They have silenced me in the pit and have placed a stone on me.
54 Waters flowed over my head; I said, "I am cut off!"
55 I called on Your name, O Lord, out of the lowest pit.
56 You have heard my voice, "Do not hide Your ear from my prayer for relief, from my cry for help."
57 You drew near when I called on You; You said, "Do not fear!"
58 O Lord, You have pleaded my soul's cause; You have redeemed my life.
59 O Lord, You have seen my oppression; Judge my case.
60 You have seen all their vengeance, all their schemes against me.
61 You have heard their reproach, O Lord, all their schemes against me.
62 The lips of my assailants and their whispering are against me all day long.
63 Look on their sitting and their rising; I am their mocking song.
64 You will recompense them, O Lord, according to the work of their hands.
65 You will give them hardness of heart, Your curse will be on them.
66 You will pursue them in anger and destroy them from under the heavens of the Lord!
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
August 11, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #53
When will you learn???
That was the header of an email that I received from a friend after hearing of my exploits a couple of weeks ago.
I know this will come as a surprise to many of you but I can be extremely stubborn... sometimes just down right strong willed.
As my Savior walks hand in hand with me thru life I believe there are times when He just steps aside and waits to see what mess I'm going to get myself into next; then I picture Him just shaking His head...
The plan was to have a yard sale the weekend before last... with that Saturday having been the first of the month, the yard sale was planned to help pay the rent. I was extremely excited as Jen and Rick had been helping me pull this together, friends had been dropping things off for me to sell and I was anxiously waiting to see what would come of this event and how much money we could get together for rent.
Friday afternoon I was full of energy and very much looking forward to what Saturday was going to bring... I decided that I wanted to rearrange the furniture which was for sale as well as the tables that were to be used for set up.
Amongst everything else there was a sofa-bed (couch) that I wanted moved to the other side of the yard... I told Rick that I would grab one end and that he could grab the other. Before he could say or do anything I had lifted up my end of the couch and let out a yell! I did something... not sure what, but I knew instantly that the yard sale was off.
A few hours later we had returned from urgent care with three different prescriptions... one for the swelling, one for the pain, and a muscle relaxer... it's now a couple weeks later and I'm still slow in moving. I'm trying not to take the med's because I can't function when I do; I end up in bed and stay there until I've slept them off.
The yard sale was rescheduled for this past Saturday... with not having set up very much to sell my expectations weren't very high, in the end I didn't do too bad though... $200 was made and that's going directly toward my electric bill.
The next yard sale is set for the Saturday of Labor Day Weekend. If anyone is willing to help with either sorting thru the garage, setting up, or hanging out with me that day let me know... I'm planning for this yard sale to be huge!
As I mentioned above, I believe my Lord must sometimes just stand there shaking His head as He watches me make some of the choices that I do. Just like we as parents do when we watch our children make poor choices, He must want to run to us and say “If you would only listen to me you wouldn't make the wrong choice and then have to face the consequences of your decisions”.
In my last blog I mentioned that some decisions needed to be make.
God has shown me so much over the past few weeks. The decisions still need to be made and there are still no answers. But I did want to tell you what God has shared with me... to start with, God has given me peace... a peace so great that I can actually be at rest.
Psalm 4:8
I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.
He's given me a peace that doesn't make sense in the natural mind.
Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
I've spent much of the last few weeks crying out before God, praying and asking Him what, when, how, and where is He going to send me. The only answer that I have received thus far is that He (my Lord) is preparing me for something mighty, something great, something that I can't understand at this moment.
If you don't have a relationship with my Jesus then the above statement might sound odd to you. You have witnessed how God has brought me thru so much over the last few years... He's brought me thru situations that don't make sense and you have watched Him make a way when there's been no way.
All I can say for now is watch out because I know that my Lord is preparing me in every way possible for something fantastic.
As for now I don't know where I will end up... My Lord has shown me that He may move me out of California, I may need to rent a room, the possibility remains that I may need to move into a room & board facility, and He has also shown me that He may just allow me to stay right where I am.
One thing I know for certain and that is my worries are no more... my Lord has begun a work in me and it started with His promise to me that I will be filled with excitement, joy, and peace wherever I end up. I can't put into words the excitement I'm feeling towards the next phase of my life. It's like I've won 1st place but I don't know what the reward is yet... I just know it will be better than I could have ever expected.
I've said it before and I will say it again, being a Christian doesn't solve all of your problems, in fact it often makes life a bit more complicated. However, if you are truly walking with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords then He will provide all that you need physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, and in any other way that you are in need. He continues to fill the needs in my life, the one thing that I continue to focus on is that what He see's as a need in my life isn't necessarily what I see as a need in my life.
And now for some even more exciting news... This Saturday, Jennie and Alex are getting married! This was a very last minute decision... in fact the decision was made Saturday morning while Jennifer and I were working the yard sale.
She informed me that she and Alex were going to Vegas to celebrate a friends birthday this coming weekend! I told her that it would make me very happy if they would get married while they were there. It took a few minutes of prompting but the two of them agreed. I think the agreeing was in part to respect my wishes.
They wanted to wait until they had enough money to have a wonderful ceremony and reception... while this will still happen, probably later this year or some time next year... it was still my desire that they say 'I Do' now.
Anyway, the excitement is in the air... rings, a dress, she's getting her hair and nails done... the works! As for the mother of the bride, I couldn't be happier!
I won't be in attendance, but you can be certain that just as soon as I get my hands on a few pictures I will forward them on.
Just think how exciting this is for all of you... not only do you get to look forward to seeing more pictures of the cutest grandchildren in the world but you will also see some pictures of a beautiful bride and her new husband in the near future!
That was the header of an email that I received from a friend after hearing of my exploits a couple of weeks ago.
I know this will come as a surprise to many of you but I can be extremely stubborn... sometimes just down right strong willed.
As my Savior walks hand in hand with me thru life I believe there are times when He just steps aside and waits to see what mess I'm going to get myself into next; then I picture Him just shaking His head...
The plan was to have a yard sale the weekend before last... with that Saturday having been the first of the month, the yard sale was planned to help pay the rent. I was extremely excited as Jen and Rick had been helping me pull this together, friends had been dropping things off for me to sell and I was anxiously waiting to see what would come of this event and how much money we could get together for rent.
Friday afternoon I was full of energy and very much looking forward to what Saturday was going to bring... I decided that I wanted to rearrange the furniture which was for sale as well as the tables that were to be used for set up.
Amongst everything else there was a sofa-bed (couch) that I wanted moved to the other side of the yard... I told Rick that I would grab one end and that he could grab the other. Before he could say or do anything I had lifted up my end of the couch and let out a yell! I did something... not sure what, but I knew instantly that the yard sale was off.
A few hours later we had returned from urgent care with three different prescriptions... one for the swelling, one for the pain, and a muscle relaxer... it's now a couple weeks later and I'm still slow in moving. I'm trying not to take the med's because I can't function when I do; I end up in bed and stay there until I've slept them off.
The yard sale was rescheduled for this past Saturday... with not having set up very much to sell my expectations weren't very high, in the end I didn't do too bad though... $200 was made and that's going directly toward my electric bill.
The next yard sale is set for the Saturday of Labor Day Weekend. If anyone is willing to help with either sorting thru the garage, setting up, or hanging out with me that day let me know... I'm planning for this yard sale to be huge!
As I mentioned above, I believe my Lord must sometimes just stand there shaking His head as He watches me make some of the choices that I do. Just like we as parents do when we watch our children make poor choices, He must want to run to us and say “If you would only listen to me you wouldn't make the wrong choice and then have to face the consequences of your decisions”.
In my last blog I mentioned that some decisions needed to be make.
God has shown me so much over the past few weeks. The decisions still need to be made and there are still no answers. But I did want to tell you what God has shared with me... to start with, God has given me peace... a peace so great that I can actually be at rest.
Psalm 4:8
I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.
He's given me a peace that doesn't make sense in the natural mind.
Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
I've spent much of the last few weeks crying out before God, praying and asking Him what, when, how, and where is He going to send me. The only answer that I have received thus far is that He (my Lord) is preparing me for something mighty, something great, something that I can't understand at this moment.
If you don't have a relationship with my Jesus then the above statement might sound odd to you. You have witnessed how God has brought me thru so much over the last few years... He's brought me thru situations that don't make sense and you have watched Him make a way when there's been no way.
All I can say for now is watch out because I know that my Lord is preparing me in every way possible for something fantastic.
As for now I don't know where I will end up... My Lord has shown me that He may move me out of California, I may need to rent a room, the possibility remains that I may need to move into a room & board facility, and He has also shown me that He may just allow me to stay right where I am.
One thing I know for certain and that is my worries are no more... my Lord has begun a work in me and it started with His promise to me that I will be filled with excitement, joy, and peace wherever I end up. I can't put into words the excitement I'm feeling towards the next phase of my life. It's like I've won 1st place but I don't know what the reward is yet... I just know it will be better than I could have ever expected.
I've said it before and I will say it again, being a Christian doesn't solve all of your problems, in fact it often makes life a bit more complicated. However, if you are truly walking with the King of Kings and Lord of Lords then He will provide all that you need physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, and in any other way that you are in need. He continues to fill the needs in my life, the one thing that I continue to focus on is that what He see's as a need in my life isn't necessarily what I see as a need in my life.
And now for some even more exciting news... This Saturday, Jennie and Alex are getting married! This was a very last minute decision... in fact the decision was made Saturday morning while Jennifer and I were working the yard sale.
She informed me that she and Alex were going to Vegas to celebrate a friends birthday this coming weekend! I told her that it would make me very happy if they would get married while they were there. It took a few minutes of prompting but the two of them agreed. I think the agreeing was in part to respect my wishes.
They wanted to wait until they had enough money to have a wonderful ceremony and reception... while this will still happen, probably later this year or some time next year... it was still my desire that they say 'I Do' now.
Anyway, the excitement is in the air... rings, a dress, she's getting her hair and nails done... the works! As for the mother of the bride, I couldn't be happier!
I won't be in attendance, but you can be certain that just as soon as I get my hands on a few pictures I will forward them on.
Just think how exciting this is for all of you... not only do you get to look forward to seeing more pictures of the cutest grandchildren in the world but you will also see some pictures of a beautiful bride and her new husband in the near future!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
July 24, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #52
Whether you care or not I'm going to be periodically posting pictures of the most beautiful grandchildren in the world (by the way they are mine). To those of you who have your own 
grandchildren, don't argue with me about this... you don't have to admit mine are the most beautiful, just as long as you and I both know this will remain an unstated fact.
grandchildren, don't argue with me about this... you don't have to admit mine are the most beautiful, just as long as you and I both know this will remain an unstated fact.I apologize for the phone calls, emails, and acknowledgments that have not been returned. I'm not positive as to what the next couple months are going to hold so I wanted to give everyone a quick update and a short explanation as to why I haven't been responding.
A couple months ago I had gone to the doctor and had a very interesting visit. He stated in no uncertain terms that I needed to either start fighting to live or that I needed to begin planning my funeral.
I went home and spent a great deal of time in reflection as to what I really wanted. As I expressed in my last update leaving this earth isn't a horrible thought for me... in fact it's one that I am very much looking forward too. I know where I am going and can't wait to spend eternity worshiping my Lord and Savior.
The choice that I had been given wasn't that it was time to fight so that I can get better and one day return to work, start driving again, have the ability to clean my home, or doing anything else more then what my life already consists of. It was do I want to start fighting for my life, to stay alive and continue living life the way it is right now or was I ready to give up the fight.
I went on to have a conversation with God, it went kinda like this... God, I really do want a life... just not the kind that it looks like I'm going to end up with. I don't like my life, I'm not entirely able to take care of myself and I really don't like that. My life is going down a path that looks as though I may not be making my own decisions for much longer and I don't like it.
The choice I made was for life and the change has begun... the primary care doctor that I've had for over 15 years released me from his care. He stated that I need to begin seeing a doctor who is closer to where I live... I need a primary doctor who can see me at least once a month. The change to a new doctor has been made, God has sent me an angel for a doctor... she is wonderful and it is good to have new insight. There are so many other changes that I need to make... the list is far too long to write out at this time.
I'm now on some sort of critical care list... the health care group that I belong to allows for additional assistance (critical care) for those who have a serious illness. My doctor has assigned me a social worker and a patient liaison... the social worker checks in on me once or twice weekly and my liaison checks in on me almost everyday.
This is in addition to Jeralynn coming in every morning to see if God has chosen to give me life for another day or if He has decided to take me home during the night.
Being on the critical care list has its benefits... I was sick a couple weeks ago so I called my liaison at around 2:30... she put me on hold and called my new doctor. She came back on the line and told me to get there as soon as I could, that they were waiting for me. When we arrived there were already a handful of other patients in the waiting room but they walked me straight to the back to see the doctor. I don't think more than five minutes had gone by when I walked out with a prescription in hand. Nothing is worth being this sick but it sure felt nice being treated like royalty (hehehe).
Now for the biggest change... my doctors, social worker, and patient liaison feel that it may be time for me to move into a residential health care facility (aka... modern day convalescent home) where I can receive 24 hour – round the clock care.
So many things continue to run thru my mind, like "I DON'T WANT TO GO"! There are many positives to this arrangement, they would make sure that I take my meds, test my blood regularly, I would be eating a proper diet, have someone around if I fall, etc...
On the other hand, there are so many, many more negatives... again, too many to mention individually. For example, and in case you missed it in the aforementioned paragraph, "I DON'T WANT TO GO", finances need to be considered, being able to see my children and grandchildren, (yes, they will still visit but not like they do now) etc...
I've been told that there are many fun activities in these facilities like afternoon bingo, weekly bus trips to the mall, and then there is the social hour when we all gather for meals...
Really, are you kidding me???? I'm 46 not 86, not to mention I have my own activities thank you very much. I'd much rather focus on making it to church every Sunday and throughout the week, and then there are my children and grandchildren; if I'm going to sit and play with anyone it will be my grandsons.
Regardless, the only thing that truly matters is that I remain in the will of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. God already knows the desire of my heart... He hears me shouting I DON'T WANT TO GO...
With all kidding aside... here's the best part... He (my God, my Lord, my Savior) already knows where I will be living come September, October, and the rest of my life for that matter.
Some have said that God can and will give me a new purpose & joy for living if He is to move me. I don't want a new purpose or joy for living... I like my current purpose (which by the way is that of my children and grandchildren).
If you would do me a favor, when you think of me then please pause for a moment and pray that God would give me direction as to what path He has for my life. I didn't say that I want to know what my future holds... that's not a good idea for any of us. However, at this point I'm not even sure as to which direction God is pointing me in.
If you have read my blog from the beginning then you know that I am willing to be obedient to my Lord. I began losing my health, that followed with losing my job, my home, and my furnishings, my car, and the ability to decide when, where and how to do any and every thing...
In fact it wasn't until I lost my job that I truly gave my life to my Lord and Savior; that is when my life really began.
There is just so much to do and so many decisions to be made... in speaking with Jeralynn I told her that I feel as though my house has imploded on me. I'm now seeking and searching for a way out so that I can find a paper and pen to make a list of what needs to be done.
I hope this helps you understand why I haven't been so quick to return calls, emails, or any other inquiries lately.
Love to you all,
Diana
Friday, May 29, 2009
May 29, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #51
I hit it big... I'm rich!
Don't get too excited... this is just what the government tells me. It seems as though every time I turn around I'm given new information... this time the government is telling me how well off I am.
If you remember back about a year ago you will recall that I started receiving SSDI benefits which totaled a little over $1,400 each month.
Around that same time I had been denied MediCal benefits and then without cause began to receive those same benefits just a short time later. I was very happy because MediCal not only covered medical costs (with some exceptions) but also provided me with much needed dental coverage.
So far 2009 has been a good year in regards to finances for me; I'm finally at a place where I'm not needing to ask anyone for money to pay my rent or bills. I've even begun (a little bit at a time) repaying those to whom I owe money, whether they be individuals or corporations, at least I've been able to start repaying my debt. Regardless this is the first year that I haven't gone further into debt just to survive.
At the beginning of the year those of us who receive SSI (Social Security) or SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance) received an increase in our monthly checks. I was so excited as I was going to start receiving $1,525 each month instead of the $1,440 that I was currently receiving. My first thought was Praise The Lord, I can actually start paying back what I owe everyone and everything at a quicker rate.
And then it came, a letter from my case worker... after reading it the first time I had to sit down and read it again, and then re-read just one more time. The letter was to inform me that I was no longer qualified to receive MediCal. It continued stating that after reviewing my case it was determined that I receive too much money to continue receiving benefits. The letter did provide some reassurance though... because I'm disabled I still qualify for the opportunity to receive the much needed Medicare benefits; that is as long as I was willing to pay the premiums of $100 monthly.
Bottom line, I'm beginning to be okay losing MediCal and paying for Medicare. I'm learning that it won't be long before MediCal is eliminated all together as a part of reconstructing California's State Budget. All this means is that I would have lost it eventually; I just lost it sooner then others will.
I discovered that I should have never been granted MediCal benefits in the first place. In all reality even the $1,440 each month that I had been making was above the maximum amount that one can make in order to qualify for benefits. My case worker continued telling me that the only reason that I had been able to keep those benefits over the past year was because my case hadn't been reviewed since my first applying for it; if it had been reviewed the benefits would have ended immediately. My only thought after reading this letter was to thank my Lord for allowing me to have the benefits as long as I did.
After reviewing several insurance options I have selected a new secondary insurance. I choose SCAN as it best meets my needs and the best part - there are no monthly premiums.
Okay, now for something to laugh at... In 2008 I was making $1,440 / month and was paying prescription co-pays; but that was about it.
As of January 1st 2009 I began making $1,525 / month (yippee). Because I no longer qualify for MediCal I now have co-pays for everything and after paying the $100 monthly premium for Medicare; I'm left with a grand total of $1,425 each month.
In case you've lost track I'm now making less then I was before receiving my big raise in January 2009!
Regardless of all that you have just read, I really am rich! You see I'm a Child of the King and I know that one day I will go to my 'Heavenly Home' where the streets are paved with gold.
Following is what the Bible says heaven will be like – it's kinda long – but certainly worth the read.
Revelation 21
1 Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea.
2 Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
3 And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God.
4 And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
5 Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.”
6 And He said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts.
7 He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son.
8 But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.”
9 Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls filled with the seven last plagues came to me and talked with me, saying, “Come, I will show you the bride, the Lamb’s wife.”
10 And he carried me away in the Spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God,
11 having the glory of God. Her light was like a most precious stone, like a jasper stone, clear as crystal.
12 Also she had a great and high wall with twelve gates, and twelve angels at the gates, and names written on them, which are the names of the twelve tribes of the children of Israel:
13 three gates on the east, three gates on the north, three gates on the south, and three gates on the west.
14 Now the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb.
15 And he who talked with me had a gold reed to measure the city, its gates, and its wall.
16 The city is laid out as a square; its length is as great as its breadth. And he measured the city with the reed: twelve thousand furlongs. Its length, breadth, and height are equal.
17 Then he measured its wall: one hundred and forty-four cubits, according to the measure of a man, that is, of an angel.
18 The construction of its wall was of jasper; and the city was pure gold, like clear glass.
19 The foundations of the wall of the city were adorned with all kinds of precious stones: the first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald,
20 the fifth sardonyx, the sixth sardius, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst.
21 The twelve gates were twelve pearls: each individual gate was of one pearl. And the street of the city was pure gold, like transparent glass.
22 But I saw no temple in it, for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple.
23 The city had no need of the sun or of the moon to shine in it, for the glory of God illuminated it. The Lamb is its light.
24 And the nations of those who are saved shall walk in its light, and the kings of the earth bring their glory and honor into it.
25 Its gates shall not be shut at all by day (there shall be no night there).
26 And they shall bring the glory and the honor of the nations into it.
27 But there shall by no means enter it anything that defiles, or causes an abomination or a lie, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.
If you know my God, my Lord Jesus Christ then how can you be anything but excited about getting to heaven. Just knowing that we will forever dwell in the glory of the Lord is enough, let alone no more sorrow, no more pain, and then add in the beauty of it all. If you know the Lord as I do then there is no fear of death; instead an anticipation of spending eternity worshiping the Lord God Almighty.
Meanwhile, I am still here on earth and my Heavenly Father continues to watch over me... He continues to provide all of my needs and even some of my desires.
If I were to put my monthly expenses on paper for you then you would see that it doesn't make sense as to how anything gets paid. My rent alone far exceeds the $1,500 I was making just a month ago; that doesn't include utilities, food, or medical. Not to mention anything else that one might need or even wish for.
My children continue to contribute to my monthly income; this is something that no parent wants especially when the children are young adults (Jen 26, Rick 23). Even with the money they contribute it doesn't add up; all that I know is that my Lord continues to provide.
He knows my every thought, He knows every tear I cry, and He even knows when to drop little blessing into my lap that will keep me going thru the deserts and valleys of life.
During these past couple weeks God spoke to some of you asking that you start praying for me and you did just that. For reasons that having nothing to do with finances the past couple of weeks have been difficult ones for me. There are decisions that I need to make and some realities that I need to face... to be honest, I don't want to make any decisions and I don't want to face any new realities.
As I look back over the past couple weeks I see how amazing God is and how much He cares about how I feel. My Lord and Savior knows me intimately, He knows how to guide me thru until the next day, and the next, and so on... There are decisions still needed to be made and reality still needs to be faced but God dropped two little reasons into my lap that has given me a desire to face the reality of life.
Those two little reasons came when Jennie and Alex's little boy, Nathaniel Alexander and Melissa's little girl, Gianna Faith (pronounced G Anna) were born. Each of these babies arrived two weeks early; just five days apart from each other and both in perfect health.
Only God knows how much I needed those two little angels to come into my life at the exact moment they did. I sit in awe at how my Lord organizes every detail of the lives of His children. He knows at what exact moment to provide for our every need - emotionally, physically, lovingly, and tenderly.
With Love,
Diana
Don't get too excited... this is just what the government tells me. It seems as though every time I turn around I'm given new information... this time the government is telling me how well off I am.
If you remember back about a year ago you will recall that I started receiving SSDI benefits which totaled a little over $1,400 each month.
Around that same time I had been denied MediCal benefits and then without cause began to receive those same benefits just a short time later. I was very happy because MediCal not only covered medical costs (with some exceptions) but also provided me with much needed dental coverage.
So far 2009 has been a good year in regards to finances for me; I'm finally at a place where I'm not needing to ask anyone for money to pay my rent or bills. I've even begun (a little bit at a time) repaying those to whom I owe money, whether they be individuals or corporations, at least I've been able to start repaying my debt. Regardless this is the first year that I haven't gone further into debt just to survive.
At the beginning of the year those of us who receive SSI (Social Security) or SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance) received an increase in our monthly checks. I was so excited as I was going to start receiving $1,525 each month instead of the $1,440 that I was currently receiving. My first thought was Praise The Lord, I can actually start paying back what I owe everyone and everything at a quicker rate.
And then it came, a letter from my case worker... after reading it the first time I had to sit down and read it again, and then re-read just one more time. The letter was to inform me that I was no longer qualified to receive MediCal. It continued stating that after reviewing my case it was determined that I receive too much money to continue receiving benefits. The letter did provide some reassurance though... because I'm disabled I still qualify for the opportunity to receive the much needed Medicare benefits; that is as long as I was willing to pay the premiums of $100 monthly.
Bottom line, I'm beginning to be okay losing MediCal and paying for Medicare. I'm learning that it won't be long before MediCal is eliminated all together as a part of reconstructing California's State Budget. All this means is that I would have lost it eventually; I just lost it sooner then others will.
I discovered that I should have never been granted MediCal benefits in the first place. In all reality even the $1,440 each month that I had been making was above the maximum amount that one can make in order to qualify for benefits. My case worker continued telling me that the only reason that I had been able to keep those benefits over the past year was because my case hadn't been reviewed since my first applying for it; if it had been reviewed the benefits would have ended immediately. My only thought after reading this letter was to thank my Lord for allowing me to have the benefits as long as I did.
After reviewing several insurance options I have selected a new secondary insurance. I choose SCAN as it best meets my needs and the best part - there are no monthly premiums.
Okay, now for something to laugh at... In 2008 I was making $1,440 / month and was paying prescription co-pays; but that was about it.
As of January 1st 2009 I began making $1,525 / month (yippee). Because I no longer qualify for MediCal I now have co-pays for everything and after paying the $100 monthly premium for Medicare; I'm left with a grand total of $1,425 each month.
In case you've lost track I'm now making less then I was before receiving my big raise in January 2009!
Regardless of all that you have just read, I really am rich! You see I'm a Child of the King and I know that one day I will go to my 'Heavenly Home' where the streets are paved with gold.
Following is what the Bible says heaven will be like – it's kinda long – but certainly worth the read.
Revelation 21
1 Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea.
2 Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.
3 And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God.
4 And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
5 Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.”
6 And He said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts.
7 He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son.
8 But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.”
9 Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls filled with the seven last plagues came to me and talked with me, saying, “Come, I will show you the bride, the Lamb’s wife.”
10 And he carried me away in the Spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me the great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from God,
11 having the glory of God. Her light was like a most precious stone, like a jasper stone, clear as crystal.
12 Also she had a great and high wall with twelve gates, and twelve angels at the gates, and names written on them, which are the names of the twelve tribes of the children of Israel:
13 three gates on the east, three gates on the north, three gates on the south, and three gates on the west.
14 Now the wall of the city had twelve foundations, and on them were the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb.
15 And he who talked with me had a gold reed to measure the city, its gates, and its wall.
16 The city is laid out as a square; its length is as great as its breadth. And he measured the city with the reed: twelve thousand furlongs. Its length, breadth, and height are equal.
17 Then he measured its wall: one hundred and forty-four cubits, according to the measure of a man, that is, of an angel.
18 The construction of its wall was of jasper; and the city was pure gold, like clear glass.
19 The foundations of the wall of the city were adorned with all kinds of precious stones: the first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald,
20 the fifth sardonyx, the sixth sardius, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst.
21 The twelve gates were twelve pearls: each individual gate was of one pearl. And the street of the city was pure gold, like transparent glass.
22 But I saw no temple in it, for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple.
23 The city had no need of the sun or of the moon to shine in it, for the glory of God illuminated it. The Lamb is its light.
24 And the nations of those who are saved shall walk in its light, and the kings of the earth bring their glory and honor into it.
25 Its gates shall not be shut at all by day (there shall be no night there).
26 And they shall bring the glory and the honor of the nations into it.
27 But there shall by no means enter it anything that defiles, or causes an abomination or a lie, but only those who are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life.
If you know my God, my Lord Jesus Christ then how can you be anything but excited about getting to heaven. Just knowing that we will forever dwell in the glory of the Lord is enough, let alone no more sorrow, no more pain, and then add in the beauty of it all. If you know the Lord as I do then there is no fear of death; instead an anticipation of spending eternity worshiping the Lord God Almighty.
Meanwhile, I am still here on earth and my Heavenly Father continues to watch over me... He continues to provide all of my needs and even some of my desires.
If I were to put my monthly expenses on paper for you then you would see that it doesn't make sense as to how anything gets paid. My rent alone far exceeds the $1,500 I was making just a month ago; that doesn't include utilities, food, or medical. Not to mention anything else that one might need or even wish for.
My children continue to contribute to my monthly income; this is something that no parent wants especially when the children are young adults (Jen 26, Rick 23). Even with the money they contribute it doesn't add up; all that I know is that my Lord continues to provide.
He knows my every thought, He knows every tear I cry, and He even knows when to drop little blessing into my lap that will keep me going thru the deserts and valleys of life.
During these past couple weeks God spoke to some of you asking that you start praying for me and you did just that. For reasons that having nothing to do with finances the past couple of weeks have been difficult ones for me. There are decisions that I need to make and some realities that I need to face... to be honest, I don't want to make any decisions and I don't want to face any new realities.
As I look back over the past couple weeks I see how amazing God is and how much He cares about how I feel. My Lord and Savior knows me intimately, He knows how to guide me thru until the next day, and the next, and so on... There are decisions still needed to be made and reality still needs to be faced but God dropped two little reasons into my lap that has given me a desire to face the reality of life.
Those two little reasons came when Jennie and Alex's little boy, Nathaniel Alexander and Melissa's little girl, Gianna Faith (pronounced G Anna) were born. Each of these babies arrived two weeks early; just five days apart from each other and both in perfect health.
Only God knows how much I needed those two little angels to come into my life at the exact moment they did. I sit in awe at how my Lord organizes every detail of the lives of His children. He knows at what exact moment to provide for our every need - emotionally, physically, lovingly, and tenderly.
With Love,
Diana
Monday, May 25, 2009
May 25, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #50
She's here... baby number two!This little girl arrived on May 24, 2009. She weighed in at 6lbs 2oz and was 19" long (the same length of Nathaniel).
She is 19 hours old in this picture!
We are all anxious to know the name this precious little girl will be given... sources have it that the name won't come until tomorrow.
This little darling decided that she wasn't going to let Nathaniel (her cousin) show her up and decided that she would arrive two weeks early too.
Love to all!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
May 19, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #49
He's here... Nathaniel Alexander... born on May 19, 2009 at 6:09pm.
Are you ready for this... his birth weight was 6lbs 15oz... pretty far off from what the doctors had predicted.
When I left the hospital they still hadn't measured him yet so I don't have a length for you.
The picture shown is little Nate only 50 minutes old!
Nicholas and I are off to bed right now... my next goal is to get him up and off to school in the morning.
I'm exhausted and feel like I've been hit by a truck... but it's been worth every minute!
Love,
Grandma Diana
Are you ready for this... his birth weight was 6lbs 15oz... pretty far off from what the doctors had predicted.
When I left the hospital they still hadn't measured him yet so I don't have a length for you.
The picture shown is little Nate only 50 minutes old!
Nicholas and I are off to bed right now... my next goal is to get him up and off to school in the morning.
I'm exhausted and feel like I've been hit by a truck... but it's been worth every minute!
Love,
Grandma Diana
Monday, May 18, 2009
May 18, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #48
I'm working on a new entry and will be getting it out sometime this week, but meanwhile some news...
I just couldn't keep it to myself and had to tell somebody... so why not tell everybody...
We're having a baby tonight! Well, I should say that Jennifer will be induced tonight at 8:00pm.
The reason for being induced is that mommy's blood pressure is continuing to rise... as of right now mommy and baby are doing just fine. The doctor decided to induce now rather than to wait for this pregnancy to turn into an emergency delivery.
Since Jen will be delivering two weeks early Dr. Diana (that's me) thinks little Nathaniel will come into this world weighing around 8 pounds instead of the estimated 9 - 10 pounds the doctors expected him to weigh in at with a full term birth.
I expect this should be a very normal birth with no complications.
However, if you would, please take a moment to pray that all goes well for mommy and baby Nathaniel... you can also pray that daddy won't pass out and for grandma (that's me) to have the strength I need to enjoy each moment of the next couple days.
Love to you all,
The most excited grandma on the face of this earth!
I just couldn't keep it to myself and had to tell somebody... so why not tell everybody...
We're having a baby tonight! Well, I should say that Jennifer will be induced tonight at 8:00pm.
The reason for being induced is that mommy's blood pressure is continuing to rise... as of right now mommy and baby are doing just fine. The doctor decided to induce now rather than to wait for this pregnancy to turn into an emergency delivery.
Since Jen will be delivering two weeks early Dr. Diana (that's me) thinks little Nathaniel will come into this world weighing around 8 pounds instead of the estimated 9 - 10 pounds the doctors expected him to weigh in at with a full term birth.
I expect this should be a very normal birth with no complications.
However, if you would, please take a moment to pray that all goes well for mommy and baby Nathaniel... you can also pray that daddy won't pass out and for grandma (that's me) to have the strength I need to enjoy each moment of the next couple days.
Love to you all,
The most excited grandma on the face of this earth!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
May 13, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #47
My life has finally taken a bit of a breather; at least for the moment.
At the amazement of many I was able to throw two baby showers, one for Melissa on May 2nd and one for Jennie on May 9th. I didn't do it alone... but, I will take credit for coming up with this 'bright' idea. The credit for making these baby showers happen goes to Lisa and Jeralynn (along with several others). Lisa and Jeralynn went along with my idea and I didn't hear one word of discouragement from either of them. Instead they showed up and did all of the work, both before the showers and during the showers.
I now have three weeks before the babies arrive; Jennie is due on June 2nd; her baby boy weighs 7 pounds as of last week; the doctor expects her baby to arrive weighing in at about 9 – 10 pounds. I am anxious to see what he will look like (as his grandmother I'm sure he will be the most adorable, most handsome little boy born in 2009).
Then comes Melissa's baby; she is due on June 10th, her baby girl currently weighs 5lbs 9oz; the doctor expects her baby to weigh in at around 6 ½ – 7 ½ pounds (and of course she will be the most adorable little baby girl born in 2009).
I'm sure I will receive much grief about my stating that these two babies are the most beautiful that will be born in 2009 as many of my friends are also receiving the gift of new grandchildren this year. Just remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and as for me I've already determined the beauties for 2009.
It's amazing to me to see how specific doctors can be before babies are born. How much they will weigh, any developmental and health issues they might have; they can anticipate almost everything that will happen at birth.
This makes me think of how specific God was when He created each of us individually.
Psalm 139: 13-16
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous - how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
I love this scripture ... When He was creating each of us He already knew what our life would be, He already knew the path each of us would take, and He already knew the day each of us would pass into eternity (either heaven or hell).
You can count on the fact that I will let you know the minute these babies are born and will include pictures proving to you of their beauty!
So many things to give thanks for right now... this is the first time since being released from the hospital that I have been off antibiotics for more than two weeks at a time. Yes, you read that correctly, I've been on at least 15 different rounds of antibiotics since being discharged from the hospital in December; that means I'm on antibiotics almost three weeks out of every month.
We all have heard that one is not to take antibiotics unless it is absolutely necessary. I did question my doctor about this, unfortunately with this disease there is no other choice. If someone around me has the sniffles or is sneezing I will catch it and whatever it is goes straight to my lungs and an infection sets in.
For the most part I've been going back and forth between a Z-Pack ( Zithromax or Azithromycin) and Levaquin... I've not needed to be on steroids as much as I was at the beginning of the year, this has been an answer to prayer.
The real answer to prayer is that I've been off all antibiotics (& steroids) for three weeks now... that's the longest duration without any since being admitted to the hospital mid-December 2008. Praise The Lord!
I did see my lung doctor on Monday; he asked how I was doing, I responded “Great”. He said, “No you're not”, “You're doing minimally good”. He told me not to take for granted the fact that I'm feeling as good as I am right now. He reminded me that while I think I'm doing good I need to be consistent with my medication, not missing even one dose.
What he meant by doing minimally good is that I am one sneeze or cough away from going back to the hospital. I need to go thru life fully prepared for battle; wearing a face mask when I go out, doing daily breathing exercises, daily breathing treatments, sleeping with oxygen and a vaporizer, staying away from wind and smoke, and taking my medications.
When I'm feeling good I tend to not be faithful in doing treatments, taking meds, or exercising my lungs (or physical body for that matter).
Skipping and missing the things that I must do allows for gaps in my armor; thus giving germs a way to sneak in and before I know it I'm down for the count.
This is the same way it is for Christians, we need to daily put on the armor of God.
Ephesians 6:10-18
10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.
11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.
17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God;
18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints.
What does this mean... I will admit, there are days I wake up feeling pretty good. Since I'm feeling so good I want to get as much done that day as possible. So I get out of bed thinking I will talk to God (spend time in prayer) later, I need to get things done. I will read His word (the Bible) later, I need to get things done. Well later usually doesn't come on those days and I skip over spending time with my Lord all together.
When I choose to miss spending time in prayer and in reading my Bible I've missed putting on the armor of God and I've opened the door to the enemy. This effects the way I respond to others, my attitude and actions, and most importantly I miss out on being prepared to handle whatever the enemy (Satan) is going to throw my way that day.
When I prepare for battle in regards to my my health it's an ongoing event throughout the day. Taking medications morning, noon, and night; I prepare myself when I get up, throughout the day and then again at night. The evening takes as much preparation as the morning takes; I need to make sure the vaporizer has water so that there is enough moisture in there air for the entire night. I check to see if it's cool enough outside to sleep with the bedroom window open or if it's okay to sleep with just the fan on, and on occasion whether I need to sleep with the air conditioner on. Before laying down I need to turn the fan on, turn on the oxygen machine, turn on the vaporizer, take more meds, and do a breathing treatment. It's a great deal of preparation in order to protect myself during the night.
Again, it's the same way with the armor of God... if I haven't taken time to speak with my Lord before going to sleep and spend time in His word (Bible) then I haven't prepared myself for sleep. On the nights that I haven't taken these precautions the enemy works on me in my sleep. I have vivid dreams and when I wake up I'm most often very discouraged or spend the day feeling guilty about my past. The objects of these dreams are things that I've already worked thru with my Lord and have been forgiven for but when I haven't prepared myself with the armor of God before bedtime the enemy is able to get in and work overtime.
It's not always easy and often I need to make time to accomplish being prepared both physically and spiritual. One doesn't always see the benefits of being prepared... it's not like I am scoring extra points with God for spending time with Him or reading His word. And I certainly don't always feel better when taking all my meds (in fact, sometimes I feel worse). However, I am made well aware of when I have missed preparing spiritually and physically.
And lastly, 'Goodbye for now' to my friend Ken Scott... I have the assurance that I will see you again my friend. You are no longer in pain, no more oxygen tank to haul around everywhere you go, no more medication to take. There is only one thing left for you to do... that's spending eternity worshiping our Heavenly Father!
Ken was a diamond in the rough... when he was physically able, he would come to church every time the doors were open. He wasn't loud and didn't demand attention; he just showed up and quietly sat; he provided support and prayer, that you can be sure of. He had so much to offer, so much to contribute but so few had been given the opportunity of uncovering the caring, loving, kind man that Ken was, he truly was a diamond in the rough.
Ken was my COPD buddy... he was the only other person that I knew who had this horrible disease. He was there to answer every question I had whether it was thru email, on the phone, or in person. He was always asking how I was feeling and wanted to know how I was adjusting to this new normal.
When I saw him at the Good Friday service I was able to give him a great big hug and then I received a tender kiss on the check from him. He was at church again on Easter Sunday morning, he looked great and said he was feeling wonderful.
I believe it was just a day or two later that I heard that he had been taken to the hospital and it didn't look good. My friend Annette agreed to take me to see him; we marched right into ICU and were able to spend time praying with him and telling him how much he meant to us.
I had promised Ken that I would go back again and see him; but my marching into ICU turned out to not be such a good idea for me as I became ill myself.
I didn't get to keep my promise but I have the confidence of knowing that I will see my brother in Christ again.
Ken ~ Until we meet again you will forever be in my thoughts!
Diana
P.S. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Ken was feeling great one day and the very next day he was being rushed to the hospital for the last time.
Please don't put off thinking about where you will spend eternity. If you need to think about where you will spend eternity then you probably are not going to heaven. You probably don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Remember, you won't make it to heaven on works, you don't earn your way to heaven. If this is how you think you are getting to heaven then you are wrong my friends.
All you need to do is to receive God's free gift of salvation and turn from your sinful life. It really is that simple. If you decide to reject God's gift and refuse to live your life for Him and only Him then the only place you will go when your life is over is hell and hell is real.
I don't need to stop for one second and wonder where I will go when I die. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will instantly enter into the kingdom of heaven and into the presence of my Heavenly Father when my life on earth is over.
For those of you who are still questioning whether I am correct in my beliefs... think for a moment... what if I am right and you are wrong. You will know the answer to this question the very instant your life is over.
My family and friends ~ Do you know where you will spend eternity?
At the amazement of many I was able to throw two baby showers, one for Melissa on May 2nd and one for Jennie on May 9th. I didn't do it alone... but, I will take credit for coming up with this 'bright' idea. The credit for making these baby showers happen goes to Lisa and Jeralynn (along with several others). Lisa and Jeralynn went along with my idea and I didn't hear one word of discouragement from either of them. Instead they showed up and did all of the work, both before the showers and during the showers.
I now have three weeks before the babies arrive; Jennie is due on June 2nd; her baby boy weighs 7 pounds as of last week; the doctor expects her baby to arrive weighing in at about 9 – 10 pounds. I am anxious to see what he will look like (as his grandmother I'm sure he will be the most adorable, most handsome little boy born in 2009).
Then comes Melissa's baby; she is due on June 10th, her baby girl currently weighs 5lbs 9oz; the doctor expects her baby to weigh in at around 6 ½ – 7 ½ pounds (and of course she will be the most adorable little baby girl born in 2009).
I'm sure I will receive much grief about my stating that these two babies are the most beautiful that will be born in 2009 as many of my friends are also receiving the gift of new grandchildren this year. Just remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and as for me I've already determined the beauties for 2009.
It's amazing to me to see how specific doctors can be before babies are born. How much they will weigh, any developmental and health issues they might have; they can anticipate almost everything that will happen at birth.
This makes me think of how specific God was when He created each of us individually.
Psalm 139: 13-16
13 You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous - how well I know it.
15 You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16 You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.
I love this scripture ... When He was creating each of us He already knew what our life would be, He already knew the path each of us would take, and He already knew the day each of us would pass into eternity (either heaven or hell).
You can count on the fact that I will let you know the minute these babies are born and will include pictures proving to you of their beauty!
So many things to give thanks for right now... this is the first time since being released from the hospital that I have been off antibiotics for more than two weeks at a time. Yes, you read that correctly, I've been on at least 15 different rounds of antibiotics since being discharged from the hospital in December; that means I'm on antibiotics almost three weeks out of every month.
We all have heard that one is not to take antibiotics unless it is absolutely necessary. I did question my doctor about this, unfortunately with this disease there is no other choice. If someone around me has the sniffles or is sneezing I will catch it and whatever it is goes straight to my lungs and an infection sets in.
For the most part I've been going back and forth between a Z-Pack ( Zithromax or Azithromycin) and Levaquin... I've not needed to be on steroids as much as I was at the beginning of the year, this has been an answer to prayer.
The real answer to prayer is that I've been off all antibiotics (& steroids) for three weeks now... that's the longest duration without any since being admitted to the hospital mid-December 2008. Praise The Lord!
I did see my lung doctor on Monday; he asked how I was doing, I responded “Great”. He said, “No you're not”, “You're doing minimally good”. He told me not to take for granted the fact that I'm feeling as good as I am right now. He reminded me that while I think I'm doing good I need to be consistent with my medication, not missing even one dose.
What he meant by doing minimally good is that I am one sneeze or cough away from going back to the hospital. I need to go thru life fully prepared for battle; wearing a face mask when I go out, doing daily breathing exercises, daily breathing treatments, sleeping with oxygen and a vaporizer, staying away from wind and smoke, and taking my medications.
When I'm feeling good I tend to not be faithful in doing treatments, taking meds, or exercising my lungs (or physical body for that matter).
Skipping and missing the things that I must do allows for gaps in my armor; thus giving germs a way to sneak in and before I know it I'm down for the count.
This is the same way it is for Christians, we need to daily put on the armor of God.
Ephesians 6:10-18
10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.
11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.
17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God;
18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints.
What does this mean... I will admit, there are days I wake up feeling pretty good. Since I'm feeling so good I want to get as much done that day as possible. So I get out of bed thinking I will talk to God (spend time in prayer) later, I need to get things done. I will read His word (the Bible) later, I need to get things done. Well later usually doesn't come on those days and I skip over spending time with my Lord all together.
When I choose to miss spending time in prayer and in reading my Bible I've missed putting on the armor of God and I've opened the door to the enemy. This effects the way I respond to others, my attitude and actions, and most importantly I miss out on being prepared to handle whatever the enemy (Satan) is going to throw my way that day.
When I prepare for battle in regards to my my health it's an ongoing event throughout the day. Taking medications morning, noon, and night; I prepare myself when I get up, throughout the day and then again at night. The evening takes as much preparation as the morning takes; I need to make sure the vaporizer has water so that there is enough moisture in there air for the entire night. I check to see if it's cool enough outside to sleep with the bedroom window open or if it's okay to sleep with just the fan on, and on occasion whether I need to sleep with the air conditioner on. Before laying down I need to turn the fan on, turn on the oxygen machine, turn on the vaporizer, take more meds, and do a breathing treatment. It's a great deal of preparation in order to protect myself during the night.
Again, it's the same way with the armor of God... if I haven't taken time to speak with my Lord before going to sleep and spend time in His word (Bible) then I haven't prepared myself for sleep. On the nights that I haven't taken these precautions the enemy works on me in my sleep. I have vivid dreams and when I wake up I'm most often very discouraged or spend the day feeling guilty about my past. The objects of these dreams are things that I've already worked thru with my Lord and have been forgiven for but when I haven't prepared myself with the armor of God before bedtime the enemy is able to get in and work overtime.
It's not always easy and often I need to make time to accomplish being prepared both physically and spiritual. One doesn't always see the benefits of being prepared... it's not like I am scoring extra points with God for spending time with Him or reading His word. And I certainly don't always feel better when taking all my meds (in fact, sometimes I feel worse). However, I am made well aware of when I have missed preparing spiritually and physically.
And lastly, 'Goodbye for now' to my friend Ken Scott... I have the assurance that I will see you again my friend. You are no longer in pain, no more oxygen tank to haul around everywhere you go, no more medication to take. There is only one thing left for you to do... that's spending eternity worshiping our Heavenly Father!
Ken was a diamond in the rough... when he was physically able, he would come to church every time the doors were open. He wasn't loud and didn't demand attention; he just showed up and quietly sat; he provided support and prayer, that you can be sure of. He had so much to offer, so much to contribute but so few had been given the opportunity of uncovering the caring, loving, kind man that Ken was, he truly was a diamond in the rough.
Ken was my COPD buddy... he was the only other person that I knew who had this horrible disease. He was there to answer every question I had whether it was thru email, on the phone, or in person. He was always asking how I was feeling and wanted to know how I was adjusting to this new normal.
When I saw him at the Good Friday service I was able to give him a great big hug and then I received a tender kiss on the check from him. He was at church again on Easter Sunday morning, he looked great and said he was feeling wonderful.
I believe it was just a day or two later that I heard that he had been taken to the hospital and it didn't look good. My friend Annette agreed to take me to see him; we marched right into ICU and were able to spend time praying with him and telling him how much he meant to us.
I had promised Ken that I would go back again and see him; but my marching into ICU turned out to not be such a good idea for me as I became ill myself.
I didn't get to keep my promise but I have the confidence of knowing that I will see my brother in Christ again.
Ken ~ Until we meet again you will forever be in my thoughts!
Diana
P.S. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Ken was feeling great one day and the very next day he was being rushed to the hospital for the last time.
Please don't put off thinking about where you will spend eternity. If you need to think about where you will spend eternity then you probably are not going to heaven. You probably don't have a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Remember, you won't make it to heaven on works, you don't earn your way to heaven. If this is how you think you are getting to heaven then you are wrong my friends.
All you need to do is to receive God's free gift of salvation and turn from your sinful life. It really is that simple. If you decide to reject God's gift and refuse to live your life for Him and only Him then the only place you will go when your life is over is hell and hell is real.
I don't need to stop for one second and wonder where I will go when I die. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will instantly enter into the kingdom of heaven and into the presence of my Heavenly Father when my life on earth is over.
For those of you who are still questioning whether I am correct in my beliefs... think for a moment... what if I am right and you are wrong. You will know the answer to this question the very instant your life is over.
My family and friends ~ Do you know where you will spend eternity?
Thursday, February 26, 2009
February 26, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #46
Happy Anniversary to my parents and Happy Birthday to my sister! Both of these wishes are belated; however, my family has come to understand that my well wishes are most often better late then never.
Congratulations to Meghan and Paul on the birth of their second daughter, Jenna!
To the rest of you my apologies for the unreturned calls, emails, letters, thank you notes, etc… As you will read on you will see that I have once again been down sick.
Thursday and Friday of last week; February 19th and 20th, I wasn’t feeling good, in fact I ended up skipping those two days of physical therapy.
By late Friday afternoon I had called the doctor telling him that I was coughing a great deal and by that night I had once again been started on another round of antibiotics. I had just finished the steroids three days prior to this only to start back up on 40 mg per day.
When I finally made it into PT on Tuesday of this week and started speaking with my therapist he shared with me that he felt that I was simply having anxiety attacks. He said that I was doing so good at that moment that he didn’t see how I could have possibly been so sick just days before.
At that moment I chalked his theory up to him being a therapist and not a doctor. I explained to him that I disagreed with him and we (very nicely) ended the discussion at that.
Wednesday I had an appointment with my Pulmonologist. I shared with him the thoughts of my therapist and asked if it was just anxiety. If you remember back, there was one trip to the ER when I was told the same thing; it’s just an anxiety attack.
My doctor told me that he had some words for my therapist but that using those specific words probably wouldn’t be a good thing. He went on to tell me that he firmly believes that this was not anxiety. Continuing, he said that if my therapist or anyone else suffered from an illness that limited their ability to breathe that they too would probably be finding themselves in the midst of an occasional anxiety attack in one form or another.
Bottom line, my doctor feels that I am still not doing well; in fact he added another three medications to the every growing list. (Remember, you all are supposed to be praying with me that this med list will begin to decrease, not increase - hehehe).
By the end of my visit I decided to ask him the big question… I know this has crossed the minds of some of you; it certainly has crossed my mind but I just hadn’t asked… until Wednesday.
Just how long do I have to live…? Well, I didn’t ask quite like that, but I did ask if I was going to die within the next year. The answer… NO. However, this is going to be a very long road back to recovery. The problem is that we aren’t sure what recovery for me means; there is really no way of knowing how much better I am going to get.
One of my concerns is that I am almost constantly on an antibiotic, that’s not a good thing; however, for right now this is the only option.
My second concern is the amount of Prednisone that I need to take. Jeralynn was in the office with me and I informed the doctor that I am extremely short tempered and irritated… he turned to Jeralynn and apologized… that’s just one of the unfortunate side effects.
Unless you have been on this stuff there is no way to explain to you how I am feeling. Why anyone would choose to be on this stuff willingly is beyond me… one minute I’m angry and irritated beyond explanation, and the next minute I want to burst into tears. I try not to do the later as it’s near impossible to breathe while bawling my eyes out.
I can’t sleep; when I do it’s for an hour or so then I’m up… it’s this way all night long (this doesn’t help with the moodiness).
Not to mention the extreme night sweats… the endless hunger (hence weight gain). Most recently it’s the hair growth on my face… I’m finding myself needing to shave every time I go out in public.
On another note – there are many side effects that I haven’t experienced – for this I am very grateful.
The way my doctor described my illness is that my flare-ups are like icebergs. I’m going to try to have you imagine this as I explain it.
When you see an iceberg all you see is what is on top of the water; what you don’t see is the worse of it which is underneath the water. Right now, during this flare-up as well as the others, there is a huge chunk of ice on top of the water (the flare-up). This huge chunk of ice that is visible is just a sliver of what the real, underlying problem is.
The goal for me is to get the biggest chunk, which is under the water (the real problem) to melt down to the size of an ‘ice cube’.
The best that my lungs have been since coming home from the hospital would probably be similar to seeing a hint of an iceberg above water; while at the same time the enormous underlying problem remains. This huge underwater iceberg comes no where near the goal of the underwater ‘ice cube’ it should be.
Even then, for those who are healthy, the only time you will get an underwater ‘ice cube’ is if you come down with a cold.
So, I guess you could say that my goal is to get to the point of feeling like I constantly have a cold… not really, but I hope this gives you some idea as to where my health is.
I went back to PT today and came to understand that my doctor had a conversation with my therapist. His discussions with me were completely different then they had been just two days before.
The two hours of therapy and discussion today were focused on yet another ‘new normal’. The bottom line is that unless God chooses to do a miraculous healing in my body; my health is not going to get better… from here out my health will continually deteriorate. As for now, my goal is for this to happen as slowly as possible.
And so life goes… there is so much to look forward to over the next several months. I have every reason to get stronger and stronger!
My daughter will be adding to her family while at the same time giving me a new grandson… this is something that I am very much looking forward to.
Then there is a very dear, precious young lady whom I have grown to love as one of my own over the last seven years. She already has two precious little girls (my adopted granddaughters) and she will be adding another little angel to her family.
She and Jennie are due within two weeks of each other. They are due the end of May / beginning of June.
I’ve been blessed and feel so honored in that some (who have requested to remain anonymous) have provided me with funds in which I will be able to throw each of the girls a baby shower. This will fill up the end of April / beginning of May.
And then there’s something to be said for being sick… My parents (and maybe my sister) will be down to visit this summer, probably sometime in July.
This visit will be an opportunity to not only see me and the kids but to meet their new great-grandson and spend more time spoiling Nicholas.
Several have asked for an update about the adorable little puppy that came into our home for a few days.
We took him to the West Valley Animal Shelter and he has been put up for adoption! The reassured me that they feel confident he will be placed in a loving home.
I wanted to share quickly the reason that I believe that little dog followed Nicholas home that day.
My feelings for Jennie’s fiancé hadn’t exactly been all warm and fuzzy… not for any particular reason… I just hadn’t taken the time to get to know Alex.
I truly believe the only reason that little puppy came into my life was so that God would allow me to see Alex in love. That’s exactly what happened… I had no idea of who this man was that my daughter had brought home.
In the short three days in which that dog was around God allowed me to see what an incredible influence Alex is in Nicholas’ life. What an incredibly strong father figure he is for Nick and what wisdom and tenderness he has for Nicholas.
For those three days in which God allowed this little dog to come into our lives I fell in love with the man my daughter is going to marry, and I fell in love with the father of my new grandson.
That’s it for now…
Love to you all,
Diana
Congratulations to Meghan and Paul on the birth of their second daughter, Jenna!
To the rest of you my apologies for the unreturned calls, emails, letters, thank you notes, etc… As you will read on you will see that I have once again been down sick.
Thursday and Friday of last week; February 19th and 20th, I wasn’t feeling good, in fact I ended up skipping those two days of physical therapy.
By late Friday afternoon I had called the doctor telling him that I was coughing a great deal and by that night I had once again been started on another round of antibiotics. I had just finished the steroids three days prior to this only to start back up on 40 mg per day.
When I finally made it into PT on Tuesday of this week and started speaking with my therapist he shared with me that he felt that I was simply having anxiety attacks. He said that I was doing so good at that moment that he didn’t see how I could have possibly been so sick just days before.
At that moment I chalked his theory up to him being a therapist and not a doctor. I explained to him that I disagreed with him and we (very nicely) ended the discussion at that.
Wednesday I had an appointment with my Pulmonologist. I shared with him the thoughts of my therapist and asked if it was just anxiety. If you remember back, there was one trip to the ER when I was told the same thing; it’s just an anxiety attack.
My doctor told me that he had some words for my therapist but that using those specific words probably wouldn’t be a good thing. He went on to tell me that he firmly believes that this was not anxiety. Continuing, he said that if my therapist or anyone else suffered from an illness that limited their ability to breathe that they too would probably be finding themselves in the midst of an occasional anxiety attack in one form or another.
Bottom line, my doctor feels that I am still not doing well; in fact he added another three medications to the every growing list. (Remember, you all are supposed to be praying with me that this med list will begin to decrease, not increase - hehehe).
By the end of my visit I decided to ask him the big question… I know this has crossed the minds of some of you; it certainly has crossed my mind but I just hadn’t asked… until Wednesday.
Just how long do I have to live…? Well, I didn’t ask quite like that, but I did ask if I was going to die within the next year. The answer… NO. However, this is going to be a very long road back to recovery. The problem is that we aren’t sure what recovery for me means; there is really no way of knowing how much better I am going to get.
One of my concerns is that I am almost constantly on an antibiotic, that’s not a good thing; however, for right now this is the only option.
My second concern is the amount of Prednisone that I need to take. Jeralynn was in the office with me and I informed the doctor that I am extremely short tempered and irritated… he turned to Jeralynn and apologized… that’s just one of the unfortunate side effects.
Unless you have been on this stuff there is no way to explain to you how I am feeling. Why anyone would choose to be on this stuff willingly is beyond me… one minute I’m angry and irritated beyond explanation, and the next minute I want to burst into tears. I try not to do the later as it’s near impossible to breathe while bawling my eyes out.
I can’t sleep; when I do it’s for an hour or so then I’m up… it’s this way all night long (this doesn’t help with the moodiness).
Not to mention the extreme night sweats… the endless hunger (hence weight gain). Most recently it’s the hair growth on my face… I’m finding myself needing to shave every time I go out in public.
On another note – there are many side effects that I haven’t experienced – for this I am very grateful.
The way my doctor described my illness is that my flare-ups are like icebergs. I’m going to try to have you imagine this as I explain it.
When you see an iceberg all you see is what is on top of the water; what you don’t see is the worse of it which is underneath the water. Right now, during this flare-up as well as the others, there is a huge chunk of ice on top of the water (the flare-up). This huge chunk of ice that is visible is just a sliver of what the real, underlying problem is.
The goal for me is to get the biggest chunk, which is under the water (the real problem) to melt down to the size of an ‘ice cube’.
The best that my lungs have been since coming home from the hospital would probably be similar to seeing a hint of an iceberg above water; while at the same time the enormous underlying problem remains. This huge underwater iceberg comes no where near the goal of the underwater ‘ice cube’ it should be.
Even then, for those who are healthy, the only time you will get an underwater ‘ice cube’ is if you come down with a cold.
So, I guess you could say that my goal is to get to the point of feeling like I constantly have a cold… not really, but I hope this gives you some idea as to where my health is.
I went back to PT today and came to understand that my doctor had a conversation with my therapist. His discussions with me were completely different then they had been just two days before.
The two hours of therapy and discussion today were focused on yet another ‘new normal’. The bottom line is that unless God chooses to do a miraculous healing in my body; my health is not going to get better… from here out my health will continually deteriorate. As for now, my goal is for this to happen as slowly as possible.
And so life goes… there is so much to look forward to over the next several months. I have every reason to get stronger and stronger!
My daughter will be adding to her family while at the same time giving me a new grandson… this is something that I am very much looking forward to.
Then there is a very dear, precious young lady whom I have grown to love as one of my own over the last seven years. She already has two precious little girls (my adopted granddaughters) and she will be adding another little angel to her family.
She and Jennie are due within two weeks of each other. They are due the end of May / beginning of June.
I’ve been blessed and feel so honored in that some (who have requested to remain anonymous) have provided me with funds in which I will be able to throw each of the girls a baby shower. This will fill up the end of April / beginning of May.
And then there’s something to be said for being sick… My parents (and maybe my sister) will be down to visit this summer, probably sometime in July.
This visit will be an opportunity to not only see me and the kids but to meet their new great-grandson and spend more time spoiling Nicholas.
Several have asked for an update about the adorable little puppy that came into our home for a few days.
We took him to the West Valley Animal Shelter and he has been put up for adoption! The reassured me that they feel confident he will be placed in a loving home.
I wanted to share quickly the reason that I believe that little dog followed Nicholas home that day.
My feelings for Jennie’s fiancé hadn’t exactly been all warm and fuzzy… not for any particular reason… I just hadn’t taken the time to get to know Alex.
I truly believe the only reason that little puppy came into my life was so that God would allow me to see Alex in love. That’s exactly what happened… I had no idea of who this man was that my daughter had brought home.
In the short three days in which that dog was around God allowed me to see what an incredible influence Alex is in Nicholas’ life. What an incredibly strong father figure he is for Nick and what wisdom and tenderness he has for Nicholas.
For those three days in which God allowed this little dog to come into our lives I fell in love with the man my daughter is going to marry, and I fell in love with the father of my new grandson.
That’s it for now…
Love to you all,
Diana
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