Before reading this I ask that you understand the following... my purpose for writing this blog is not to look for pity or handouts.
The primary purpose of this blog is to give praise and glory to my Lord and Savior for His continued love and provisions as I travel the road He's leading me on.
This entry will be short and to the point... I don't know if I am doing this for me or for those of you that I will eventually be seeing face to face.
There have been some changes to my face in the recent days (specifically my smile). And now, to get a glimpse of my new smile...
It's not often that something will bring me to tears, but to be honest with you this has been extremely difficult for me.
I'm trying to figure out why this has caused so many emotions to rush to the surface.
I've been through so much worse in the past... when I lost my job, had to sell my home, my car, and the majority of my belongings. Again when I had to start wearing diapers, when I could no longer color my hair and had to let it go gray, when the doctor said that because of my spinal cord injuries I could no longer drive, and the list goes on.
None of those others things caused me to feel the great sense of loss and sadness that I have felt with loosing these teeth.
I've worked through the emotions of sadness, loss, anger, and frustration. Now I'm working on the embarrasment of facing others. It's not so bad when I come face to face with those of you that I know, those of you who I see on a weekly, if not daily basis. You have been around to see my physical body (and my mind) slowly 'fall apart', it's not such a shock to you.
The embarrassment is when I come face to face with someone that I don't know or someone that I haven't seen in a long time. I can hear some of you now, "Don't worry about what others think." I wish that my thought process worked that way, but it doesn't.
I've not quite figured out all that God wants me to learn through this, but this is what I've learned so far...
Am I prideful when it comes to my looks?
I didn't think I was, but if that is the case, I'm certainly aware of it now.
Did I judge others who were missing teeth?
Most definitely, but I thought that I had a reason for doing so. My thinking was that most often when people have teeth that are missing it is a consequences of their lifestyle. (If you don't know what I am talking about, many addicts will loose their teeth because of the drugs and alcohol they consume). I figured that's what happens when you live the life you are choosing to live.
In case you are wondering, I will no longer be judging anyone by their appearance. From now on when I see someone that doesn't seem to have it all together I will stop to consider that I have no idea what they have been through or where they have been.
Instead, I will look at them through the eyes of my Heavenly Father, I will take the time to see their heart and their hurts.
A few days ago I had a conversation with someone who is very near and dear to me. He reminded me that my teeth are breaking off due to a consequence of something, and that they didn't break off 'just because'. That something is that I have a paralyzed stomach... a symptom of this is vomiting on a regular basis.
This vomiting is destroying my teeth and that is exactly why they are breaking off... does it make it any easier for me? NO! My emotions still twirl around in my mind as I try to come to terms with this and why it is that God would allow this to happen.
In all reality it has nothing to do with what God is allowing or not allowing. The truth is that this world we live in is not perfect. Having Jesus Christ as the Lord of my life doesn't mean that my life (or the life of anyone else) will be without heartache or pain...
What I do know is that God has already and will continue to use this to teach me and maybe others... I know that I've already begun to learn from this (as I mentioned earlier). If God uses this to show you something then please let me know, it truly would be an encouragement to me.
In all of this there is something to give God praise and glory for... even though my teeth are breaking off, I'm not in any pain. For that alone, I thank my Lord and Savior!
