Whether you care or not I'm going to be periodically posting pictures of the most beautiful grandchildren in the world (by the way they are mine). To those of you who have your own 
grandchildren, don't argue with me about this... you don't have to admit mine are the most beautiful, just as long as you and I both know this will remain an unstated fact.
grandchildren, don't argue with me about this... you don't have to admit mine are the most beautiful, just as long as you and I both know this will remain an unstated fact.I apologize for the phone calls, emails, and acknowledgments that have not been returned. I'm not positive as to what the next couple months are going to hold so I wanted to give everyone a quick update and a short explanation as to why I haven't been responding.
A couple months ago I had gone to the doctor and had a very interesting visit. He stated in no uncertain terms that I needed to either start fighting to live or that I needed to begin planning my funeral.
I went home and spent a great deal of time in reflection as to what I really wanted. As I expressed in my last update leaving this earth isn't a horrible thought for me... in fact it's one that I am very much looking forward too. I know where I am going and can't wait to spend eternity worshiping my Lord and Savior.
The choice that I had been given wasn't that it was time to fight so that I can get better and one day return to work, start driving again, have the ability to clean my home, or doing anything else more then what my life already consists of. It was do I want to start fighting for my life, to stay alive and continue living life the way it is right now or was I ready to give up the fight.
I went on to have a conversation with God, it went kinda like this... God, I really do want a life... just not the kind that it looks like I'm going to end up with. I don't like my life, I'm not entirely able to take care of myself and I really don't like that. My life is going down a path that looks as though I may not be making my own decisions for much longer and I don't like it.
The choice I made was for life and the change has begun... the primary care doctor that I've had for over 15 years released me from his care. He stated that I need to begin seeing a doctor who is closer to where I live... I need a primary doctor who can see me at least once a month. The change to a new doctor has been made, God has sent me an angel for a doctor... she is wonderful and it is good to have new insight. There are so many other changes that I need to make... the list is far too long to write out at this time.
I'm now on some sort of critical care list... the health care group that I belong to allows for additional assistance (critical care) for those who have a serious illness. My doctor has assigned me a social worker and a patient liaison... the social worker checks in on me once or twice weekly and my liaison checks in on me almost everyday.
This is in addition to Jeralynn coming in every morning to see if God has chosen to give me life for another day or if He has decided to take me home during the night.
Being on the critical care list has its benefits... I was sick a couple weeks ago so I called my liaison at around 2:30... she put me on hold and called my new doctor. She came back on the line and told me to get there as soon as I could, that they were waiting for me. When we arrived there were already a handful of other patients in the waiting room but they walked me straight to the back to see the doctor. I don't think more than five minutes had gone by when I walked out with a prescription in hand. Nothing is worth being this sick but it sure felt nice being treated like royalty (hehehe).
Now for the biggest change... my doctors, social worker, and patient liaison feel that it may be time for me to move into a residential health care facility (aka... modern day convalescent home) where I can receive 24 hour – round the clock care.
So many things continue to run thru my mind, like "I DON'T WANT TO GO"! There are many positives to this arrangement, they would make sure that I take my meds, test my blood regularly, I would be eating a proper diet, have someone around if I fall, etc...
On the other hand, there are so many, many more negatives... again, too many to mention individually. For example, and in case you missed it in the aforementioned paragraph, "I DON'T WANT TO GO", finances need to be considered, being able to see my children and grandchildren, (yes, they will still visit but not like they do now) etc...
I've been told that there are many fun activities in these facilities like afternoon bingo, weekly bus trips to the mall, and then there is the social hour when we all gather for meals...
Really, are you kidding me???? I'm 46 not 86, not to mention I have my own activities thank you very much. I'd much rather focus on making it to church every Sunday and throughout the week, and then there are my children and grandchildren; if I'm going to sit and play with anyone it will be my grandsons.
Regardless, the only thing that truly matters is that I remain in the will of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. God already knows the desire of my heart... He hears me shouting I DON'T WANT TO GO...
With all kidding aside... here's the best part... He (my God, my Lord, my Savior) already knows where I will be living come September, October, and the rest of my life for that matter.
Some have said that God can and will give me a new purpose & joy for living if He is to move me. I don't want a new purpose or joy for living... I like my current purpose (which by the way is that of my children and grandchildren).
If you would do me a favor, when you think of me then please pause for a moment and pray that God would give me direction as to what path He has for my life. I didn't say that I want to know what my future holds... that's not a good idea for any of us. However, at this point I'm not even sure as to which direction God is pointing me in.
If you have read my blog from the beginning then you know that I am willing to be obedient to my Lord. I began losing my health, that followed with losing my job, my home, and my furnishings, my car, and the ability to decide when, where and how to do any and every thing...
In fact it wasn't until I lost my job that I truly gave my life to my Lord and Savior; that is when my life really began.
There is just so much to do and so many decisions to be made... in speaking with Jeralynn I told her that I feel as though my house has imploded on me. I'm now seeking and searching for a way out so that I can find a paper and pen to make a list of what needs to be done.
I hope this helps you understand why I haven't been so quick to return calls, emails, or any other inquiries lately.
Love to you all,
Diana
