First let me say that with everything happening in Haiti what I am about to share in no way compares to the pain and suffering they are going thru. If for any reason you have been living under a rock for the last week then you need to know that these people desperately need your assistance.
The great organization that continues to help provide me with food and other necessities is helping those in Haiti as well... Children's Hunger Fund http://www.chfus.org/. Something important that I want you to know is that .99 cents of every dollar donated is used to feed and care for the needy. If you donate specifically to the Haiti Earthquake Response that is exactly where the .99 cents out of every dollar you donate will go; even if all you can give is $5.00, that will be $4.95 that will go to help the Haitians in need.
As for me, the last several weeks have been ones filled with anxiety, depression, and great angst.
As I have said before, the God I serve has filled my life with the greatest joy and peace that is beyond what a simple human like myself can imagine.
That said, the reason my life turned upside down was that I stopped looking to my Lord for help. I am human and I simply wanted to crawl under a blanket and not talk to anyone... I wanted to stay there and hide.
After spending a few days like this I decided to reach out to a few that I knew would go to their knees in prayer for me. Those who would send me scripture and those who would begin to remind me to boldly go to the throne of my Lord and seek after Him.
Hebrews 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
I immediately began to receive responses and felt the prayers of those who were praying for me non-stop. My face was once again turned toward the face of God seeking the hope, joy, and peace that I had put aside. And then, during the moments that I was in too much pain, sleeping, or just plain distraught, I could feel myself being lifted on the prayers of those who were crying out to our Lord on my behalf.
Psalms 141:2 Let my prayer be set before You as incense, the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.
What was all this about... if you will remember back to the last entry made; I referenced the endoscopy and stomach biopsies that were done just before Christmas. The doctor told me that I needed to make an appointment for January 7th to get the results. He informed me that it was very important that I see him on the 7th as he suspected the biopsy would show stomach cancer.
I ignored his instructions as I wanted to forget about everything including what the biopsies might or might not show. Celebrating Christmas and the New Year with my children and grandchildren was a wonderful time; it allowed for the time to pass very quickly. After the first of the year I made a conscious decision not to call the doctor as I didn't think that I wanted to know the results.
January 4th was a particularly bad day for my in regards to stomach pain including more then usual vomiting. It was then that I decided to make the appointment... because the doctor is only in the office on Thursdays I wasn't able to see him until January 14th. When on the phone with the doctors assistant she told me to hold on while she got the results for me... when she came back to the phone she informed me that it would be better if the doctor gave me the results so that he could discuss what the next step moving forward would be. Well, that didn't do me a bit of good, I was certain the news was going to be malignant... but knew the delay was my own fault.
At the same time my neck seemed to be getting worse... I've once again lost the strength and feeling in my left arm. It feels as if the bones in my arm and hand are on fire... at the same time the flesh feels as it is trying to wake up from a deep sleep. The nails of my ring and middle fingers hurt so bad the I am continually trying to put things under my nails to distract from the pain. The nerves in my hand itch so bad that I am nearly scratching my hand raw at times... but the itch doesn't go away.
This problem can be resolved by having yet another cervical spinal surgery but as I mentioned before the doctor doesn't believe that I am stable enough to have this surgery.
Moving ahead to the doctor appointment on January 14th... my friend Lisa took me (once again, I am very thankful for the wonderful friends God has surrounded me with).
The results show that both the masses and areas of inflammation are precancerous. The cause for this is a direct result of both the type and amount of medications I require (in case you are unaware, I am on about 30 different prescribed medications daily).
Neither the masses or areas of inflammation will be removed.... if these areas were removed the problem would come right back. The only way to begin reversal of this is to stop the medications; unfortunately, this is not an option.
The postoperative diagnoses also showed a hiatal hernia (I already knew about this), esophagitis, gastritis, and duodenitis. These are simply inflammation of the esophagus, stomach, and intestines. This is not IBS, this is separate and in addition to the IBS problems I have.
The symptoms for the new diagnosis include:
Heartburn
Trouble swallowing food or liquids
Chest pain
Nausea or recurrent upset stomach
Abdominal bloating
Abdominal pain
Gas
Vomiting
Indigestion
Burning or gnawing feeling in the stomach between meals or at night
Hiccups
Loss of appetite
Vomiting blood or coffee ground-like material
Black, tarry stools
I'm already experiencing most of the above symptoms and that is the reason that I had the endoscopy to begin with. The doctor explained to me that the areas of irritation and masses will continue to grow and increase; additionally, the symptoms will continue to increase in severity as time goes on... unfortunately, unless I completely stop taking the meds there is nothing else to be done.
I'm grateful for the diagnosis as I can now move forward... I'm aware of what to look for and am able to prepare myself for what to expect.
As always, I'm grateful that the Lord I serve never leaves me.... I may choose to momentarily turn my back and not want to talk. But my Lord and Savior never leaves me nor forsakes me... He will forever be with me to walk thru this passage.
Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”
Psalm 138:8 The LORD will perfect that which concerns me; your mercy, O LORD, endures forever; do not forsake the works of Your hands.
With love,
Diana
