February 26, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #46

Happy Anniversary to my parents and Happy Birthday to my sister! Both of these wishes are belated; however, my family has come to understand that my well wishes are most often better late then never.

Congratulations to Meghan and Paul on the birth of their second daughter, Jenna!

To the rest of you my apologies for the unreturned calls, emails, letters, thank you notes, etc… As you will read on you will see that I have once again been down sick.

Thursday and Friday of last week; February 19th and 20th, I wasn’t feeling good, in fact I ended up skipping those two days of physical therapy.

By late Friday afternoon I had called the doctor telling him that I was coughing a great deal and by that night I had once again been started on another round of antibiotics. I had just finished the steroids three days prior to this only to start back up on 40 mg per day.

When I finally made it into PT on Tuesday of this week and started speaking with my therapist he shared with me that he felt that I was simply having anxiety attacks. He said that I was doing so good at that moment that he didn’t see how I could have possibly been so sick just days before.

At that moment I chalked his theory up to him being a therapist and not a doctor. I explained to him that I disagreed with him and we (very nicely) ended the discussion at that.

Wednesday I had an appointment with my Pulmonologist. I shared with him the thoughts of my therapist and asked if it was just anxiety. If you remember back, there was one trip to the ER when I was told the same thing; it’s just an anxiety attack.

My doctor told me that he had some words for my therapist but that using those specific words probably wouldn’t be a good thing. He went on to tell me that he firmly believes that this was not anxiety. Continuing, he said that if my therapist or anyone else suffered from an illness that limited their ability to breathe that they too would probably be finding themselves in the midst of an occasional anxiety attack in one form or another.

Bottom line, my doctor feels that I am still not doing well; in fact he added another three medications to the every growing list. (Remember, you all are supposed to be praying with me that this med list will begin to decrease, not increase - hehehe).

By the end of my visit I decided to ask him the big question… I know this has crossed the minds of some of you; it certainly has crossed my mind but I just hadn’t asked… until Wednesday.

Just how long do I have to live…? Well, I didn’t ask quite like that, but I did ask if I was going to die within the next year. The answer… NO. However, this is going to be a very long road back to recovery. The problem is that we aren’t sure what recovery for me means; there is really no way of knowing how much better I am going to get.

One of my concerns is that I am almost constantly on an antibiotic, that’s not a good thing; however, for right now this is the only option.

My second concern is the amount of Prednisone that I need to take. Jeralynn was in the office with me and I informed the doctor that I am extremely short tempered and irritated… he turned to Jeralynn and apologized… that’s just one of the unfortunate side effects.

Unless you have been on this stuff there is no way to explain to you how I am feeling. Why anyone would choose to be on this stuff willingly is beyond me… one minute I’m angry and irritated beyond explanation, and the next minute I want to burst into tears. I try not to do the later as it’s near impossible to breathe while bawling my eyes out.

I can’t sleep; when I do it’s for an hour or so then I’m up… it’s this way all night long (this doesn’t help with the moodiness).

Not to mention the extreme night sweats… the endless hunger (hence weight gain). Most recently it’s the hair growth on my face… I’m finding myself needing to shave every time I go out in public.

On another note – there are many side effects that I haven’t experienced – for this I am very grateful.

The way my doctor described my illness is that my flare-ups are like icebergs. I’m going to try to have you imagine this as I explain it.

When you see an iceberg all you see is what is on top of the water; what you don’t see is the worse of it which is underneath the water. Right now, during this flare-up as well as the others, there is a huge chunk of ice on top of the water (the flare-up). This huge chunk of ice that is visible is just a sliver of what the real, underlying problem is.

The goal for me is to get the biggest chunk, which is under the water (the real problem) to melt down to the size of an ‘ice cube’.

The best that my lungs have been since coming home from the hospital would probably be similar to seeing a hint of an iceberg above water; while at the same time the enormous underlying problem remains. This huge underwater iceberg comes no where near the goal of the underwater ‘ice cube’ it should be.

Even then, for those who are healthy, the only time you will get an underwater ‘ice cube’ is if you come down with a cold.

So, I guess you could say that my goal is to get to the point of feeling like I constantly have a cold… not really, but I hope this gives you some idea as to where my health is.

I went back to PT today and came to understand that my doctor had a conversation with my therapist. His discussions with me were completely different then they had been just two days before.

The two hours of therapy and discussion today were focused on yet another ‘new normal’. The bottom line is that unless God chooses to do a miraculous healing in my body; my health is not going to get better… from here out my health will continually deteriorate. As for now, my goal is for this to happen as slowly as possible.

And so life goes… there is so much to look forward to over the next several months. I have every reason to get stronger and stronger!

My daughter will be adding to her family while at the same time giving me a new grandson… this is something that I am very much looking forward to.

Then there is a very dear, precious young lady whom I have grown to love as one of my own over the last seven years. She already has two precious little girls (my adopted granddaughters) and she will be adding another little angel to her family.

She and Jennie are due within two weeks of each other. They are due the end of May / beginning of June.

I’ve been blessed and feel so honored in that some (who have requested to remain anonymous) have provided me with funds in which I will be able to throw each of the girls a baby shower. This will fill up the end of April / beginning of May.

And then there’s something to be said for being sick… My parents (and maybe my sister) will be down to visit this summer, probably sometime in July.

This visit will be an opportunity to not only see me and the kids but to meet their new great-grandson and spend more time spoiling Nicholas.

Several have asked for an update about the adorable little puppy that came into our home for a few days.

We took him to the West Valley Animal Shelter and he has been put up for adoption! The reassured me that they feel confident he will be placed in a loving home.

I wanted to share quickly the reason that I believe that little dog followed Nicholas home that day.

My feelings for Jennie’s fiancé hadn’t exactly been all warm and fuzzy… not for any particular reason… I just hadn’t taken the time to get to know Alex.

I truly believe the only reason that little puppy came into my life was so that God would allow me to see Alex in love. That’s exactly what happened… I had no idea of who this man was that my daughter had brought home.

In the short three days in which that dog was around God allowed me to see what an incredible influence Alex is in Nicholas’ life. What an incredibly strong father figure he is for Nick and what wisdom and tenderness he has for Nicholas.

For those three days in which God allowed this little dog to come into our lives I fell in love with the man my daughter is going to marry, and I fell in love with the father of my new grandson.

That’s it for now…

Love to you all,

Diana

February 13, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #45

Get well wishes to Barbara, a friend at church who unexpectedly had emergency appendectomy surgery Monday night.

By the way, Barbara was given ‘Suite 431’ at Holy Cross Hospital… if you remember, that was the room that I spent a good part of December in. So if you happen to be in the position of needing hospitalization at Holy Cross just remember to request the best room in the house, Suite 431!

Life continues to change at an unbelievable pace! Thru it all I continue to fall back on the fact that my Lord remains the same yesterday, today, and forever. He’s always by my side; all I need to do is to speak His name to know that He is there.

Although I knew that I shouldn’t have, I had decided to go to church on Sunday.

I wasn’t feeling well but a friend was announcing his engagement while at the same time introducing his fiancée to our church family… it was a surprise to everyone as he had kept their courtship a secret. His fiancée and I were to meet up before church so that she wouldn’t be sitting alone before the big surprise. How could I help but be there to help celebrate, I had no other choice, I had to be there!

Congratulations Jerry and Angela!

Immediately following church we had a delicious lunch which was an informational kick-off for our building fund. Our church family never ceases to amaze me with the talent that lies therein… Tom you did an incredible job of preparing lunch for the approximate 100 who had said they would be in attendance.

It was immediately after the church service that I knew I wasn’t doing too well. I had made those around me promise not to tell Jeralynn how I was feeling at this point. I really wanted to enjoy visiting with others over lunch while at the same time learning about the renovation plans for some of the buildings on the church grounds.

I knew that if Jeralynn had learned of how I was feeling; she would have taken me home and put me to bed. Those who assisted me in being able to stay at church for lunch kept their word and didn’t say a thing to Jeralynn. Thank you to the female members of the Miano family (I think Tony would have assisted had I asked), the Silva’s, and I even think Pastor Enoch passed by… they all kept my secret and I was able to stay until the end.

After being at church for about 4 ½ hours I realized things weren’t going so good. It became apparent to me when I couldn’t take 10 steps without being out of breath and feeling as though I would collapse. I would sit, rest, and catch my breath for awhile and then move on… this continued every several steps until I lost it.

I couldn’t do it any more… I was done, finished… it was over! I think this was the very first time that I have given up. It was so overwhelming to me that I couldn’t even walk out to the car. I knew it was back to the hospital and that was the last place I wanted to be. At that point and time I was certain that it was going to be another two weeks of being in the hospital. (It’s a good thing I wasn’t admitted, where would Barbara have gone ~ hehehe)

Both Stephen and Jeralynn took me to the ER; I was there for several hours, after another round of tests, breathing treatments, intravenous meds, etc… the ER doctor came in and said I want you to start on Xanax and you should see your doctor in the morning.

Huh???? I am certainly not against psych drugs… this may be a shock to some of you (or maybe not) I’m already on anti-anxiety meds. I will get into this in a separate blog as I feel that it’s time this is openly discussed and not something to be ashamed of both in and out of church.

But really, I knew that there was much more to the way I was feeling then just needing to be put on Xanax. I went home and went to bed, Monday morning Jeralynn called and made an appointment for me and then woke me up when it was time to go. I literally crawled out of bed, into my clothes and into her car… off we went.

I still was not doing well… Thank God this doctor (Pulmonologist) and his staff knew me… they immediately recognized that I had greatly deteriorated from the last time I had been in the office just a week before.

The very first thing my doctor told me was NOT to fill the Xanax prescription… the ER doctors aren’t aware of my history and I’m not in need of that particular prescription (not now anyway – hehehe).

The doctor informed me that what happened on Sunday was that the 40mg of Prednisone that I continue to remain on had caused severe muscle weakness… this was the reason I was unable to walk more then a few steps at a time. The more I tried to move, walk, or do anything the more exhausted I became.

I could not breathe as I all my focus and energy was spent trying to get to the car. At this point I felt absolutely helpless and realized I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life like this.

It was then that all I could do was sit there and sob uncontrollably. I asked for those who were still at church to pray with me and they did… as patiently and lovingly as any group of people could have they stayed with me until I was able to get the car. Thank you all so much!

Back to the doctor visit… there were more results for a different test that had been done while at the ER; it showed that I have an electrolyte disorder… this has shown up occasionally on blood work in the past but now I have officially been diagnosed with this new problem.

An electrolyte disorder is an imbalance of certain ionized salts (i.e., bicarbonate, calcium, chloride, magnesium, phosphate, potassium, and sodium) in the blood.

The ones that I have a problem with are potassium and magnesium.

Symptoms associated with Potassium imbalances include:
• weakness
• nausea and/or abdominal pain
• irregular heartbeat (arrhythmia)
• diarrhea
• muscle pain

Symptoms associated with Magnesium imbalances include:
• lethargy
• hypotension (I'm having the opposite problem)
• decreased heart and respiratory rate
• muscle weakness
• diminished tendon reflexes

The doctor also came to the conclusion that the breathing medication I have been using with my nebulizer was no longer working so he has switched me to something different. This new medication seems to be doing a wonderful job; I’ve already seen a drastic improvement in getting a good night sleep.

Bottom line… my health is just a bit worse then it was last week!

The doctor informed me that under no conditions am I allowed to skip Physical Therapy; even if it means rolling out of bed into my wheelchair, into a car, and being wheeled into the office. That’s just about what happened on Tuesday, Jeralynn showed up, rolled me out of bed and into the wheelchair, and then straight into the office we went, I made it!

I learned a great deal at PT on Tuesday!

As of Tuesday I am only to speak when I exhale… try this for yourself... breathe in thru your nose for a count of two seconds and then speak for four seconds as you are breathing out thru your mouth. Even if you don’t finish your sentence, stop talking while you breathe in for another two seconds… continue your sentence only once you are ready to breathe out thru your mouth for another four seconds.

Do I always do this??? Absolutely not! However, I’ve been told that if I want to stay out of the ER then I had better get use to this new normal way of speaking. So… if you are speaking with me and I’m not using this technique then stop me and make me speak slowly with the 2 – 4 second breathing.

Onto how I am able to move around… it’s the same theory. As I take two steps I breathe in thru my nose… the next four steps are spent using the ‘pursed lip’ breathing technique, breathing out thru my mouth. Again, the next two steps are in thru my nose, with the following four steps out thru my mouth.

Do I always do this??? No, but again if I want to stay out of the ER then… blah, blah, blah…

If you are with me while I am walking or doing anything else and I’m not using this technique then stop me and make me do the 2 – 4 breathing technique.

You’ll immediately recognize if I am doing the above mentioned correctly... as Jeralynn has put it, recovery for me resembles that of a stroke victim who is learning to walk and talk again. (Okay, just laugh with me about this… it’s better than crying)

Apparently this will be the new normal for me from now on… I’ll be honest; this is a very tough adjustment.

The other bit of information that I was given at PT is that effective this coming week I am to begin 3 appointments a week with them. This third appointment which is on Fridays will focus on balance therapy… this is supposed to aid with the vertigo I suffer from and with that I won’t be so dependent on my cane / walker.

This now means at least four days of the week are filled with appointments… hurray!

Lisa volunteered to run me around on Thursday; we had to pick Nick up from school, drop him off with Alex, and then head over to PT. I wasn’t feeling great as a migraine had reared its ugly head on Wednesday, while at the same time I was experiencing inflammation and pain in my neck where the metal plates are. If I had my choice I would have stayed home; but the doctor had made it very clear to me that I am not to miss these PT appointments.

By the time I made my way into the office (about 30 minutes from the time we left my house) my blood pressure… it was 170/110. Needless to say most of my time spent at PT was trying to alleviate pressure from my neck, minimize the migraine, and bring my blood pressure down to anything besides what it was.

Jeralynn was picking me up from PT and you will be happy to know that they wouldn’t allow me to walk down to the car and meet her. The ‘good doctor’ (in reality I’m grateful for the ‘good doctor’s my Lord has surrounded me with) made her come up and get me. By the time I was ready to leave my blood pressure had come down to its normal 140/90… yes, I know that’s a bit high and after yesterdays experience I’m sure this means that my BP med’s will soon be changing.

I thought I would add a picture this week to give you some idea of the number of med’s I’m taking… It’s without a doubt that some of the med’s that are necessary to my health, have made me even sicker.

If you would like you can start praying that instead of adding new med's every week that we can start discontinuing them eventually.

In addition you can pray that God will continue to provide financially for my medical costs. Imagine for a moment the cost of refilling these prescriptions month after month.

Regardless, I’m doing much better today… still have a residual headache and some neck pain… However, I am thoroughly enjoying this wonderful cold / wet weather that God has given us for the next several days. Okay, its cold for So Cal… 50’s during the days and 40’s at night.

Well, I think I covered everything… come this Sunday I am going to do everything in my power to make it to church again. With all that I’ve learned this week I have no intention of making another trip to the ER.

PR (Pastor Ron ~ my Pastor) sent out another wonderful letter this week… if you are getting these letters and not reading them then you are missing out on some wonderful insights that God is sharing with him. Anyway, I’m pulling this week’s scripture verses out of his letter.

Romans 8:28
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Isaiah 41:10
10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

John 16:33
33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

PR ~ thanks for your continued faithfulness to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

To the rest of you, if you would like to meet my church family (all those who I dearly love), and if you would like learn more about the Lord I absolutely worship and adore then please come and visit my church.

Let me know what Sunday you will be there; I would love to see you and have a chance to introduce you to all who love me. I promise there is no obligation by you showing up… you don’t have to stand, you don’t have to sing, you don’t need to speak a word, and you don't have to drop a single penny in the offering bag as it passes by!

Just come and sit with me… it would mean the world to me for you to take two hours (actually 10:30am to 12:00 noon) out of your schedule on any Sunday and see where I worship my Lord!

http://www.granadahillscc.org/

With love to you all,

Diana

February 3, 2009 ~ Weekly Update #44

Word travels fast… Since I’m too tired to return the calls and answer all the emails I’m sending out this update.

There are many things I am thankful for… one in particular is that my Lord already knows what every day will bring into my life. More importantly He already knows the direction my life will take.

Many days I wish that I had the answers as to what tomorrow will bring… but as each day plays itsef out I understand why God doesn’t allow me to see what the future holds… I just wouldn’t be able to handle all the excitement.

All of you have problems and I don’t mean to make light of anything you all are going thru. It’s just that lately I’ve been wondering why God’s been choosing me to mold, choosing me to change, and choosing me to use.

Remember back when you were in school, the teacher asked for a volunteer… many were raising their hands, pick me, and choose me is shouted out as hands keep shooting upward. The teacher never picked those… he picked the one who sat there thinking that’s okay; I don’t need to be picked today. That’s okay teacher, someone else can have a chance, remember you picked me last week.

Lately it seems as though God has stepped up the intensity and the frequency when it comes to molding, changing, and using me. As my life continues to change at what seems to be a rapid pace my prayer is that you have seen and will continue to see what a mighty and awesome God I serve. I pray that I have provided an example to you as to what living for Christ is and that you have witnessed what having a relationship with Jesus Christ is all about.

Sunday morning Nicholas and I were able to go to church which is something we haven’t done in several months. Praise the Lord for the time we had to worship together with our church family.

After that it was home to eat lunch and rest up for the big game!

About 3:00pm, just as the game started I began to not feel so good. I was having constant, semi-intensive chest pains and by about 4:30pm I realized that the pain just wasn’t going away. This pain was familiar as I remembered it from being in the hospital about six weeks ago. When in the hospital and the pain became this bad they gave me a Tylenol #3 (Tylenol w/ codeine) and the pain would subside to the point of being able to think about something, anything, beside ‘being in pain’.

I had gotten a (just in case) prescription for Tylenol #3 when I had the dental work done and still had some in the house. I took one thinking that in an hour or so I would be back to feeling normal and would call the doctor in the morning. By about 5:00pm I realized wasn’t feeling any better and that I might even be feeling a little worse then I had an hour before.

The real bummer is that the pain bothered me so much that I couldn’t even enjoy the big game.

By about 5:30pm I realized that I needed to call my doctor and he sent me straight to the hospital. I called Jeralynn, but with her being so sick with a head cold she sent Stephen in her place. Let me tell you; I think this man deserves a special reward! It’s not just enough to care for his own wife; but to have to take care of her friend as well… that’s just too much and I don’t think many men would do that… so thank you Stephen.

I got to the hospital, blood was drawn, x-rays taken, and an EKG was done.

There were no televisions where I was in the treatment area; but I could sure hear all the excitement and commotion, screaming and hollering; it sounded more like a Super Bowl Party then a hospital. "The Cardinals won"… "no Steelers won"… "no I think it was the Cardinals"… "no, wait, it’s the Steelers", this was being shouted from every room in the hospital!

Let me tell you hearing all this and not being able to see it in action would have given anyone chest pains; I missed it, I missed the best part! Wouldn’t you know that once I finally got to my own room (private room with a television) and had med’s for the pain, the game was over!

Okay, back to me… they kept me there for a couple more hours just monitoring me and waiting for the blood work. It appears that although the infection is going away; the swelling in my lungs is worsening.

The best way to describe this is to imagine that you have badly damaged your hand. It’s broken and there are open wounds; to keep infection out you will be put on antibiotics. But your hand is swollen to the point of not being able to close it in a fist or open it to a flat position; much of the pain you would feel has come from the swelling and inflammation.

That is how my lungs are right now… the antibiotics (Z-Pack) are taking care of the infection. The steroids are what will hopefully start reducing the swelling as well as the inflammation which are causing the pain in my chest. The more my lungs swell the more they look like over inflated balloons. While swollen my lungs are not able to open and close like healthy lungs do, they stay open while they are swollen; hence the pain.

Monday morning my doctor once again increased the dosage of Prednisone (watch out mood swings) and I will be checking in with him on Friday. If I begin to get worse then I will call him right away to see what the next step should be.

The eye doctor appointment I had for Monday was cancelled as was my PT appointment for Tuesday. I am going to try with everything in me to keep my dental appointment on Wednesday as that is also extremely important to the healing of my lungs (that’s an entirely different story).

If you pray for me then please pray that this ‘episode’ can be taken care of without hospitalization. Also, please pray for Nicholas, he was pretty upset Sunday night trying to understand why grandma is sick.

Before you send emails asking why I am up so late… I’m up taking meds and breathing treatments… right now I’m wide awake and hoping to get back to sleep soon.

Love to you all,

Diana

Psalm 104:33-34
33 I will sing to the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.
34 May my meditation be pleasing to him, as I rejoice in the Lord.