October 26, 2012

What happened on Sunday, October 14th?
(Part 1)

I am convinced now more then ever that the enemy didn't want my testimony to be seen or heard.  The enemy is out to steal, kill, and destroy, but greater is He that is in me then He that is in the world.

The last few weeks have been extremely difficult for me physically. There have been issues with my diabetes, migraines, balance, sleep, neuropathy, and everything in between.

In the weeks prior to the baptism my blood sugars started crashing and I had begun having 'episodes'.

I am a Type II diabetic, the trigger for my having diabetes was the use of steroids.  Several years ago (before being diagnosed with COPD), I was having problems recovering from a bout of either bronchitis or pneumonia (I don't remember which).  As a last resort the doctors had to put me on large dose of steroids (100mg daily).  I was finally able to breathe but a few months later I was diagnosed with diabetes.

When my sugars recently began crashing it would happen 2 - 3 times a week, they would range anywhere from the 40's - 60's.  To make a long story short, I'm still working on getting the diabetes under control; I've gone from taking 100 units of Lantus (long lasting insulin) daily to about 20 units daily.  Sometimes that's still too much and some times it's not enough.  It's still a work in progress, my doctors are working on this with me but currently feel this is the least of my worries.

I initially went to the doctor a few weeks ago for the diabetes but while I was there I had an episode.  An episode for me means getting very tired, dizzy, migraines, leaning (falling but not to the ground), numbness in the upper extremities and face, difficulty in speaking, etc...  The doctor immediately asked me to start doing some simple tests, finger to nose, fingers to thumb, standing with eyes closed, and vision; I failed each one.  She told me that she thought I was having a series of TIA's and that she was sending me in for a CT scan.

The next day I went in for the scan and praise God it didn't show anything.  The episodes continued as they had been for the last several weeks.  I chalked it up to my cervical spinal injuries and the migraines that I was experiencing on a daily basis.  The doctor explained to me that she was certain I was experiencing TIA's; she continued on that if the episodes occurred more frequently or the symptoms didn't diminish within a couple hours that I was to go to the emergency room.

Meanwhile we began some serious work focusing on the blood sugars, just in case the wide range in my numbers was the cause of these episodes.

By this time the day had come for my baptism, I was determined that the enemy wasn't going to win this fight; the baptism took place as planned on October 7th, what a glorious time it was.  (Click here to see the baptism)

The following week was tough, everyday was a fight and most days I just stayed in bed.  Finally it was Sunday again, I was really excited and wanted to join my church family in worshiping our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

I was even more excited because I knew that once church was over I was going to post an entry in this blog with both my written baptism and the video.

The thing was, I just didn't feel good... I so badly wanted to climb back into bed, but then I heard the Lord speak to my heart.  So softly and gently He said, "You need to go to church, nobody is at home with you, if you go to church you will be surrounded by people if something happens".

A friend of mine picked me up and I got in her car... about half way to church my left foot started shaking and I thought 'I sure hope this stops before we get to church'.  It did and once we got to church I was able to go inside and see my church family, at the same time I was able to greet those who were baptized with me just one week before.

All of a sudden I became tired, not just tired but exhausted, I felt an episode coming on.  I didn't say anything to anyone but I thought, 'I just want to go home and go to bed', I knew I couldn't, church hadn't even started yet.   I decided to stay seated during the service, I was too tired to stand during praise and worship, again I thought, 'I just want to go home, if I stay seated I'll be okay'.

And then at one point things changed... one of the men in our church was teaching that morning and he said to turn to the book of Ezekiel in the Bible.  I couldn't find it, I was becoming irritated with myself, I thought, 'I know where Ezekiel is, why I can't I find it'.  Then I realized that I couldn't keep up with taking notes (the last thing I wrote down was John 10:1), I closed my Bible and put it next to me.  I remember thinking that I just need to get through church and then I can go home.

And just that quick things changed again... I thought "I need to tell someone that I don't feel good'.  But by then I knew that I couldn't simply get up and walk out of church, I knew that I would require assistance.  My mind was going back and forth, I should tell my friend sitting next to me, no, I didn't want to upset her, she had recently lost her husband.  I should tell the couple in front of me, no, I don't want to cause a disturbance, I'll just wait.

But then everything changed again, this time it went from me thinking about telling someone 'I don't feel good' to hoping that someone will realize that something is wrong with me.

I tried to move my arms but they just fell to my sides, I tried to focus my eyes on another friend in church (trying to catch her attention) but she was very attentively listening to every word being shared from the pulpit.

My head dropped, I tried to lift it up, I couldn't, I tried to lift my head again and again, still nothing, and then... well, I don't remember anything after that.

Another friend of mine (Nancy), sitting across the sanctuary noticed that I wasn't moving, she said that I looked like I was slumped over and was asleep.

The service was still going on at this point when she got up out of her seat and came over to me.  She told me that she took my hand and asked me if I was okay, she started slapping my hand, calling my name louder and stronger.

When I didn't respond she immediately got one of the nurses who attends our church, and then, almost as if it had been planned,  my church family went into motion.  I was told that it was like watching a finely turned orchestra perform, one that was led by the great conductor, our Heavenly Father.

What happened next... you'll have to wait until my next entry.  I will tell you that I don't remember anything that happened over the next few hours so I will be counting on others to piece it together for me.  That said... if you were at church on Sunday write me a note and tell me what you remember.  I'll put the puzzle pieces together and write it up for the next entry.

I learned something that day...
There were four times that morning (that I'm aware of) when God spoke to someones heart and their obedience may have saved my life.

1)  When God told me to go to church and not to stay at home because I would be surrounded by others.
2)  Before church something made Nancy take note of where the nurses in our church were seated (I believe that something was God speaking to her).
3)  When God nudged Nancy and had her glance over to me during the service.
4)  And then again, when He spoke to her telling her to get up, go over to me and check on me.

Something I want you to learn...
If God speaks to your heart, no matter how insignificant or ridiculous it might seem to you, be obedient.  You never know when you will save someones life, either literally, figuratively, or for eternity.

October 17, 2012

Below is a video of my testimony and recent water baptism.  Even further down the page you will find a written copy of my testimony (there are some parts of the video that are hard to hear because of the wind; I wanted to provide a written reference in case you missed something).

I started becoming ill about a week prior to the baptism.  I'm certain that the physical changes in my body are because the enemy (Satan) did not want my baptism to take place nor did he want this video to be seen or heard.

I was going to enter this post on Sunday, but the attack on my psychical body went to an entirely different level while I was at church and I ended up in the hospital.  Again, I firmly believe that the changes in my body are because the enemy does not want my testimony to be seen or heard.

Next week I will enter a new post with more detailed information as to what happened to me at church this past Sunday.  I will also share with you as to what an incredible church family I have.

As for now, my prayer is that through this testimony you will be moved to come to know my Lord as your personal Savior.  Or, for those that currently call yourselves believers (followers of Christ), I pray that you take a moment to reflect on your relationship with Christ Jesus.  Ask Him to show you if there are any areas in your life that need to be changed, ask Him to allow you to experience conviction if there is ongoing sin in your life that you haven't dealt with.

If you fall into either of those categories then ask Him to give you the power and strength you need to deal with turning your back on the enemy and your old sinful life.  Then look forward with anticipation to the life God has planned for you.  But know this, it won't be easy, the enemy doesn't want you serving the Lord, he wants to keep you for his own.  However, by making this decision and with God's help, you will have the assurance of knowing where you will spend eternity.  

If you have more questions after watching this video then please message me, I would be happy to talk with you.

**************

This is not only my testimony but a short story of my life, a part of my life that many of you have never heard.  I've been baptized before, it was when I was just 13 years old.  So the question is why I am getting baptized again.

Some people say that once you are saved you are always saved, some would say that I was guilty of backsliding; some say that I walked away from the Lord, and some say that I was a false convert.  I’m not sure what the proper title is for what happened, the only thing that I’m certain of is that I did not have a relationship with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ when I was 13 years old.

I was raised in a family who attended church every Sunday morning and Sunday night, in addition we attended faithfully every Wednesday night.  My mother was a Sunday school teacher as far back as I can remember and my father always worked with young boys in a program called Royal Rangers (similar to Awana’s).

I met the man who was to be my husband in church when I was 15 years old.  I became engaged at the age of 16 and married just two months after turning 18.  Four days before turning 20 I gave birth to my firstborn, a beautiful baby girl we named Jennifer.   And three years, 17 days later I gave birth to my second born, a handsome baby boy we named Erich.

We continued to attend church… I begin working with the children’s ministry until it eventually grew into a position with a significant amount of responsibility.  I loved being a wife and a mommy, and really enjoyed the responsibility that came with what I did at the church.

But then, without much thought it happened, I became involved in what would become a lengthy extra marital affair.  I can list a hundred reasons as to why, how come, and only if… but none of that matters.  I single-handedly destroyed not only my marriage but my family.  During this time I had come to despise (even hate) my husband, everything he did was wrong in my eyes, from the way he breathed to the way he ate and everything in between.

I eventually became a person who was angry at everything… I had road rage, older people frustrated me because they moved and thought slowly, I didn't have time for those who didn't have a good grasp on the English language, and I looked down on those who were less fortunate than I was either with handicaps or financially.

Throughout this time I still considered myself to be a Christian; all the while living in darkness and believing the lies of Satan who was telling me that I was okay.  I blindly believed that God allowed me to meet the man I was involved with; I believed that I was learning so much from him and of course it was all real because God is the creator of love.

As time went on I stopped working at the church and eventually left.  Nobody questioned my behavior, no one asked me to leave; it was my own overwhelming guilt that I couldn't live with.  I cut myself off from all relationships that had anything to do with Christ.

Shortly thereafter I started to work and had the world at my fingertips.  International and domestic business trips, being able to give my kids more than they had before, it was wonderful.  At least that’s what I believed as I continued blindly into this world of sin and destruction.

At the time I thought I was giving my kids so much, everything they needed and so much of what they wanted.  What I didn't realize was that I had taken away everything they knew to be true; I removed the security that they had of having a mommy and daddy who loved each other and removed the only structure they had, a safe place for them to land, a home.

Just before our 19^th wedding anniversary we separated and I left the home (my husband and my children), I destroyed my family.  I might as well have taken a sledge hammer to my family and shattered them into a million tiny pieces.

I continued on with my life, climbing the ladder in the business world, the more money I made the better the lives I was able to give my children (or so I thought).  What I didn't realize was that I was doing just the opposite and continuing to destroy their lives.

My anger at the world continued to rage, I was still blaming my ex-husband, saying that every wrong in my life was his fault.  My life was depleted of any joy, peace, or happiness… I was miserable.  I kept looking for something, anything that would bring me joy, maybe if I worked harder, made more money, bought more things.  Nothing worked; I hated myself and the world that I lived in.

So many times I would pull up next to a railroad crossing; I often thought that this would be the least painful way, so quick so easy, and it would all be over in a second.  I didn't know why then, but I always pulled away and went home… looking back I praise God for His goodness in my life even before I received His free gift of salvation.

As time continued on I witnessed both of my children’s lives free fall; they crumbled right in front of me, and before I knew it I was a grandmother at the age of 39.  Still, my thought process was that if I worked hard enough and made enough money I could fix their troubles; I could ease their minds, and heal their hearts.

It was around this time that I started praying, asking God to bring someone into their lives who could be a light unto their paths.  Someone that could show them what life could be like for them as a Christian. 

Repeatedly God would speak to my heart telling me that I was the one who would transform before their very eyes; that I was to be the Christian role model they needed.  I would argue with God telling Him that it would take too long and that I couldn't just become a Christian overnight.  I continued arguing that if I became a follower of Christ that I would need to end some friendships; my life would need to turn completely around, there were so many things that I would need to give up.  I just wasn't ready to receive the free gift of salvation that our Lord has for each of us.

It was a couple of months later that I purchased a condominium, by myself and with no one’s help, I was so proud.  It was about a year later that I purchased my first new car, again, something I accomplished by myself, I was so very proud, I didn't need anyone’s help.

I’m going to back up a just a little bit… shortly after I purchased the condo (I was about 40 years), I developed a cough, it would come and go, the doctors weren't really sure of what it was, so life just went on.  But by the age of 41 the cough had become so severe that it caused injury to my spinal cord and required surgery.  Still the cough wouldn't go away, I was always sick with either bronchitis or pneumonia.  Eventually I became so weak that it was difficult just trying to climb a flight of stairs; every ounce of energy within my body was drained and I was no longer able to make it into work every day. 

Time had continued going by, then the day came, it was in March of 2005.  I had arrived at work, it took all I had to climb that flight of stairs and sit down at my desk.  I was doing the best I could with what little energy I had, and then, on the overhead speaker I heard my name as I was called into one of the partner’s office, once I arrived they informed me that they were letting me go.  They were no longer able to employ me since I rarely showed up to work and when I did, I didn't have the strength to do my job.

I was devastated, on my drive home that day I thought “What am I going to tell my children?"  “What are they going to think of me, I’m a failure?"  “How am I going to support myself and them, what are others going to think of me?”

It was right then that I remembered a little church that I would pass by on my way to and from work every day, the name of that church was Granada Hills Community Church. 

God then flashed before me everything that I had heard growing up and into adulthood.  He spoke to me as only He could, showing me what He did when He came to earth as a baby, as He grew into a man and then what He did to shed His blood for me on the cross.  Immediately I knew that if I gave my life to Him and received His free gift of salvation that I could rest in His arms for the rest of my time here on earth, but more importantly I could rest in His arms for all of eternity. 

It was that day that I gave my life to the Lord and received the most precious gift there is, the gift of salvation.  I've been serving my Lord ever since that day in March of 2005.

My life is no longer about what I have done, what I have accomplished, or how proud I am of myself.

Up until now I never gave being baptized a second thought; like I said a few minutes ago, I was baptized when I was thirteen years old, that’s all there was to it.

At least that’s what I thought until a few months ago when my daughter was baptized at her church.  She asked me why I hadn't been baptized since coming to know the Lord as my Savior. 

I didn't really have an answer; part of it was embarrassment, why did I go so long without being baptized.  Another part was that I didn't want anyone else to find out about the ugliness of my sinful life, I didn't want to say out loud what a horrible human being I was.  And on that same note, if there is someone who is hearing this or reading this, and I hurt you during that time in my life, and I haven’t apologized to you in person, then I want to do so now, I am so very, very sorry for all the hurt I caused you.

What I know now is that being baptized is something I must do if I want to continue to grow in Christ Jesus.  It’s not something that will make me perfect in Christ, I’m still going to make many mistakes, but it’s something that I’m doing out of obedience to Him in order to move forward in the life that He has for me.

It’s an outer display to all who know me that I have surrendered my all to Him, my Lord and Savior.  And it’s from this day forward that I am looking with anticipation as to what God is going to do in my life next.

What I know now to be true is that if God was the Lord of my life when I was 13 years old, the first time I was baptized, I never would have drug Him through the muck and mire of the sinful life that I led.

Did I know about Jesus back then?  Yes.  Did I think I was saved?  Again, yes.  Did I think I was going to heaven?  Absolutely yes.

How do I know I was wrong, because the Bible tells me so…

Matthew 7:

¹⁶ You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thorn bushes or figs from thistles? ¹⁷ Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸ A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. ¹⁹ Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰ Therefore by their fruits you will know them.

Matthew 7:

 ²² Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’

Luke 13:              

²³ Then one said to Him, “Lord, are there few who are saved?”  And He said to them, ²⁴ “Strive to enter through the narrow gate, for many, I say to you, will seek to enter and will not be able. ²⁵ When once the Master of the house has risen up and shut the door, and you begin to stand outside and knock at the door, saying, ‘Lord, Lord, open for us,’ and He will answer and say to you, ‘I do not know you, where you are from,’ ²⁶ then you will begin to say, ‘We ate and drank in Your presence, and You taught in our streets.’ ²⁷ But He will say, ‘I tell you I do not know you, where you are from. Depart from Me, all you workers of iniquity.’ ²⁸ There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God, and yourselves thrust out.

How grateful I am to Jesus Christ for sacrificing His life on the cross so that I might live.  He received the punishment that I deserved.  I am so unworthy of the blood He shed, but am ever so grateful for the gift He has freely given.